Syn`s diary, no return

[Syn]

Friday I celebrated my 21st birthday whilst my 3 month old daughter went to stay at our parents for the weekend. I really needed the break at the same time I dreaded it as I knew at the end of it I would have to pick her up and return to the routine of constant crying 90% of the time she is awake, not taking her bottles properly, not being able to put her down for 2 seconds to go to the toilet (getting myself dressed or something to eat is a novelty). My partner is at work 10 hours a day so its me that has to do almost everything for her. I try walks and taking her out in the car and she is becoming immune to movement and will still cry. She has really bad colic and I know there isn`t alot you can do about it but Ive never known anything like it. Shes on infant gaviscon and we've started to pay £28 every 2 weeks for her to see an alternative specialist, aswell as gripe water.
I'm at breaking point. Ive been offered medication by the doctor many times but refused, I'm thinking maybe I should of taken it as my partner is constantly telling me i need help. Ive started shouting and screaming at my daughter and I feel so guilty because i love her but i get to the point where i can`t do it anymore. Ive threatened to put her into care and also walk out. I'm obsessed with the thought of killing myself aswell as crying all the time. My partner speaks to me like dirt,this morning he told me to go feed her downstairs at half 4, granted he has to be up at half 5 but I had already sat down on the bed and started feeding her so he marched downstairs and punched hell out of the door and wall.
Maybe things will get better.
Syn xxx

[winegirl]

Hi Syn

Firstly, welcome to the site x

My daughter did nothing but scream for the first 6 months of her life and I was at home for 12 hours every day on my own with her, so I know how hard that is. The good news is it does get better. Her colic started to ease off and she settled into taking her bottles and life got easier.

I think it is important you go back to the gp for help. There is nothing wrond with taking the meds if they are gonna help you feel better and gain some control over things. You won't have to take them for ever.

Also have you spoken to your HV? If you are in a surestart area they can help you by finding someone to come and help you with little one at times and give you a bit of a break.

As for your partner, I dont really know what to say about that. But perhaps you could try explaining to him that you need help at this difficult time and support from him as opposed to punching doors.

This is a complicated journey hun, but we have all been there/ still there on this site and I hope you will find some comfort in the support we offer here.

Please keep talking here if it helps x

Winegirl x

[gizmoracer]

Syn I had to reply to this because it really hit home when I read your post. That was me 5 yrs ago, excatly as you described. My son had the most violent colic I have ever seen (and I have worked with babies), he was given infant gaviscon to, its hard to say if it helped or not, didn't feel like it to me but boy did I know if I missed a dose. My husband was also very nasty to begin with, he has to get up at 3.30am and would get extremly irrate at me when Jason woke in the night. It was common occurance for him to be heard yelling 'shut that f***ing kid up' in the middle of the night. I was also well known for taking Jason out in the car and driving round for hours on end. One night I got so tired with him screaming all the time that I feel asleep standing up, luckly I wasn't holding him.

To be honest I wish I could tell you how to sort it all out but I'm afraid I never worked it out myself, you just learn to live through it. And Yes it does stop, but forget what they say about babies over 3 months not getting colic.

Regards OH, what can I say? Its pointless lecturing you on how you need his support to get through it coz I'm sure you know that already, but its easier said than done. Does he know you are ill? Thats the first big step. Alot of men think that PNI is just like a bug, you take some tablets and a week later its history. Reconcider the tablets, they really do help.

Ideally you need to force yourself and little one into a routine particually at night and I know how hard that is especially without help from OH. You could try telling him how important it is to keep the nights calm, quiet and dark and how by doing this she will learn the difference between day and night and will in time settle quicker. You could also try shocking him into more support by telling him how you know of women whos illness has lasted years because they didn't get the right support from home and the longer you suffer for the longer it takes.

I could go on but I've just seen how much space I have already taken up in your diary sorry. Just remember we are all here for you and use your diary to get it all off your chest.

[southerngirl]

Just want to say hi and welcome. I am really new here too but everyone has been fantastic. Thanks to the girls on here I plucked up courage to go to dr and get some help. I have only been on them for 3 days and do still feel as though I have given in but it has been pointed out that in fact I am stepping forward by doing this and not giving in
I was totally against taking anything but I am going to give it a go for everyones sanity, mine and families. You can come here and shout anytime and I am sure you will find a great source of support.
Sorry I cant give any great advice but maybe one day when I am strong again I will
Liz
x

[Syn]

Thankyou so much for all you advice and support, its a great comfort to know Im not alone and not the only one to be going through this. Ive taken your advice onboard and Im going to see my doctor. I will keep you updated as its a great relief to me to let it all out on here, somewhere special I can go where people understand
syn xxxxx

[sunflower2007]

Hi there. Just wanted to offer you my support. My baby had colic for 7 months, and he kept being sick. He was on Ranitidine and Infant gaviscon which didn't really help. He was only quiet when I turned on the bathroom taps, or turned the hairdryer on. We gave him Colosynth granules which would keep him quiet for a wee while. But mainly I think it was the solid food at four months and as he got older his internal muscles got stronger and the acid reflux got less so he seemed more comfortable. If you can live through the colic you can manage anything.

Thinking of you

Sunflower x

[Syn]

So far having a crap day, can`t wait to go riding. Shes had me up in the night 3 times and decided to get up at half 6 this morning so probably had 6 hours sleep considering I went to bed at half 9 its not alot. Now she is doing the usual crying because shes hungry, I make her a bottle she screams when a put it in her mouth so I have to keep trying every 5 mins until she has it which is usally 45mins later by then Im sick of it and screaming 'well f**king starve to death then'. Next I put her into her car seat and rock its so drastically I would probably have her taken off me, to stop her from crying because holding her, putting her in her bouncy chair or playmat is useless. She loves being rocked vigorously its the only thing that shuts her up. In the mean time i plan to cut my maternity leave short and get a better paid job so he can stay at home and I can go to work because Im sick of the sight of her and the crying, I have no patience. Im suprised the neighbours haven`t called social services the way Im screaming at her but the crying is too much its constant all the time. Hopefully not long till he finishes work and I can go riding because I want to kill her right now!
Syn xxx

[winegirl]

Hi Syn

How are you doing now? Has little one calmed down a bit? Perhaps you could put her in the pushchair and go and get a bit of fresh air for some distraction? I am around all say if you need to chat x

Winegirl x

[winegirl]

Hi Syn

Please pm me if you want to chat if its all getting too much x Worried about you.

Winegirl x

[cheshire]

Hi Syn,

Are you ok? You are welcome to PM any of us or to talk herexxxxx

If you are feeling really bad - and I know you won't feel like doing this - can you call anyone at all to talk to? It really does help. Baby will be ok while you do this if she is just crying and safe in her cot.

And we are here too - feel free to use this space to vent how you feelxx
As you know it can really take the edge off it and can be therapeutic to offload.

Hope the riding goes well - and catch up later

Love and thoughts
Hopefulx

[winegirl]

Hi Syn

How are you doing now hun? Thinking of you x

Winegirl x

[Scarlet]

Syn,

How are you today hun? I couldn't stop thinking about you last night and was wondering how you are coping. Did you manage to go riding? I do hope so. Sorry that your OH is being unsupportive at the moment, it's difficult for him to understand what you are going through. Is it possible your mum and dad, or your OHs parents can help you out more?, perhaps look after your daughter some evenings of the week so you can get some sleep. Are they aware that you have PNI hun?

My children never had colic, but I can empathise so much because my little boy isn't a good sleeper at all, and wakes up continually through the night, so I'm always sleep deprived, although I've gotten used to little sleep now. Also my friend had PNI (9 years ago) which was compounded by her son having colic....but she got well and made a 100% recovery and so will you hun. Colic is temporary and will eventually subside. Please have a word with your GP/HV and tell him/her how it's getting on top of you, they should be able to help you and your baby, as they are well aware of how colic impacts on the lives of parents whose babies cry constantly.

You are not alone, we are here for you sweetheart, so please keep on talking and come on here whenever you need a listening ear.

Love and hugs

Scarlet
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[winegirl]

Hi Syn

How are you doing this morning? I am around on and off all day f you need to talk x

Thinking of you x

Winegirl

[Syn]

Hi, everyone. Thankyou so much for your support it really helps. I feel much better today. She slept from half 7 til 4.45 this morning which was great and she hasn`t started screaming crying this morning (yet) which it also great. Im thinking maybe I can get through this day calmly, we will see.
xxxSyn
P.s OMG she`s just this second started trying to roll over

[Scarlet]

Hiya Syn,

Blimey! that's great, even my little one doesn't sleep that much. Keeping my fingers crossed that it's a turning point in your babys development and things are starting to look up for you hun. It makes all the difference when you can get some sleep.

It's nice when you notice their development isn't it? I remember when my baby started rolling over as well and he's walking now (albeit wobbly).

I promise you will get better hun, many women have walked in your shoes and survived... and you will too! even though there are times when it doesn't feel like it.
Thinking of you

Hugs

Scarlet
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