justmes diary

[winegirl]

Hi Claire

Thats one of the things that really helped me on here, looking back on old posts and seeing how much I had improved! I found it so easy to get trapped in `i am not well, and really struggling' that it was hard to see the huge steps I had taken!

Glad you are feeling more positive hun, and hope the dreaded period gives you an easy time of it this month!

WG xx

[justme31]

The positiveness seems to have gone out the window.... the thoughts r all back and feel like am back to square one. Am obssessin about being psychotic again.. keep thinkin yep thats what i am and that no one has noticed. Have thoughts about harmin myself at the mo also and many other thoughts.. i just want my brain to switch off.I cant think straight and that feelin of walkin round like am in a dream is back. Spent last night having panic attacks and got a bit hysterical cos am thinkin thats it am mad now and its all come back. My partner says i was like this last month(time of the month) and that have been so well and its just a blip but i dunno. y is it that when i feel shitty again i cant remember ever feelin any better although rationally i know a few days ago i wasnt feelin like this. Feel like i dunno what to do with myself am all alone till later on today and am scared by the thoughts. I keep tryna tell myself to do something and try and take my mind off the thoughts but i cant. I just feel like cryin and givin up

[Scarlet]

Justme hun,

Sorry the thoughts have come back. I'd say it's most definitely PMT time. i was the same, my intrusive thoughts would occur more frequently and there was no relief it seemed. You have to keep going, there's no other way girl....but I promise you wholeheartedly that you are NOT psychotic, schiziophrenic, or have any incurable mental disorder. These are purely thoughts. Did you read that site I recommended for George in the introduction thread. Print it off if you can and read it again, adn try and do some of the techniques.

Get yourself distracted today as much as you can, turn your music up loud and sing, put on the telly, do a crossword, go out to the shops, anything that will take your mind off these thoughts, remember every 10 mins of relief is re-training your brain back, even the odd min here and there is valuable.... so don't underestimate these odd mins of relief here and there.

Back later

Hugs

xxxxx

[winegirl]

Hi Claire

You and OH have identified exactly why you are feeling like this - time of the month. You know you have been doing so well and this IS a horrible blip that will pass once you have your period.

Look back at your last posts from last month, once you accept that this is the reason it will really make it much more bearable!

I am sorry the horrible thoughts are biting at you hun, will be around on and off all day if you need to chat. Scarlet has made some good suggestions to try and distract you. As soon as a thought pops in your head, straight away concentrate really hard on thinking something else, perhaps something really silly, you know, gordon brown in a thong or something. Ok, maybe not that as it is a bit nausea induscing, but you know what I mean.

Here for you babes xx

WG x

[cokey]

LOL WG u r sick!!!

Hi Claire

I am just the same - was doing so well and if you read my diary I was triggered by a row with my hubby and now I am in the dream state too. Defo PMT + PNI. Hang on in there and PM me or text me if you feel rough anytime

Cokey xxx

[justme31]

LOL at Gordon Brown in a thong that is a scary obssessive thought wg! I know am feelin like shit at the mo cos the pmt it just so hard to cope at the moment. The thoughts r all about going mad and it scarin the shit outa me. I keep tryna think well so what if i do go mad i probably wont know and besides the shrink will just give me pills and ill b fine... but then this thought creeps in yeah but what if i go mad and they r unable to treat me and i just stay mad forever lol seee am a bit irrational. Also am obssessed that the Oh is gunna leave me... sometimes i wish he would !! but this sacres me too cos i think gawd how am i gunna cope. Like i said yesterday its so hard i feel like i just want my brain to switch off.

[winegirl]

HI Jm

Sorry its a quickie - at work and my login is about to run out! Just wanted to say hang in there - this is a blip, it will pass with your period, and we are here to help you get through it.

I reallyhope today is better for you hun x

[Scarlet]

JM,

Worrying you are mad, is a sure sign you are not.

Try and distract yourself as much as you can hun. It really works.

Back to you soon , it's May Day Bank Hol today andschools are closed and hubbys off work today and tomorrow.

Hugs

xxx

[justme31]

hey all hope u all had a good bank holiday. Have had the dreaded time of the month so have been really cranky over the last few days...OH has been off work so been out and about the last few days so think that that has helped bit. The thoughts r still terrible am tryin to ignore them but its hard cos am still convinced that i am psychotic and that this is just the start of some terrible mental illness. Also am feelin so spaced out like am walkin round not quite with it and in a dream..... this terrifies me and just makes me think even more that this is the start of me going completely mental. On a more positive note think this month is not as bad as the time of the month last month. Am feelin pissed off with my OH.... our relationship had always been a bit tempermental and we argue loads but at the moment every time we argue he keeps tellin me i am mental and this is makin my obssessive thinkin worse. I keep thinkin he knows i am worried about going mad and that if he loved me he wouldnt use it against me. Guess thats men for u but am gettin to the stage where i dont wana tell him anything about the way i feel as it just gets thrown back in my face everytime we had a row. Anyways hope u all r ok
Claire xx

[cokey]

Hi Claire

Your post could have been written by me. I am so glad you have gotten through this month and yes, you are so much better. I am much better this month too, cranky, sensitive and having loads of thoughts but handling them.

Also my major struggle at the moment is my relationship with my OH. I know a lot of people say one of the last emotions you can let go is anger and maybe we have stored it up.

Keep up the good work though. We'll soon be recovered.

Cokey xxx

[winegirl]

Hi Babes

I suffered badly with walking round in that dazed out of it sort of feeling - had it for months - but it did get better and i very very rarely suffer with it these days. I know it is frightening though hun, but it is not you going mad, you are far too aware for that!!

How have things been today for you babes? You managed to get out in the nice weather much?

WG x

[Scarlet]

Hi Justme,

Am feelin pissed off with my OH.... our relationship had always been a bit tempermental and we argue loads but at the moment every time we argue he keeps tellin me i am mental and this is makin my obssessive thinkin worse. I keep thinkin he knows i am worried about going mad and that if he loved me he wouldnt use it against me. Guess thats men for u but am gettin to the stage where i dont wana tell him anything about the way i feel as it just gets thrown back in my face everytime we had a row.

Ooooo this sounds just like my hubby. I stopped telling him things in the end becasue he would use them against me when we argued. He doesn't do it anymore, but for ages when I was recovering he would attach the 'mental' label to everything.

How are you feeling today hun?

xx

[justme31]

thats what my OH is like Scarlet...I cant b annoyed or say anything about things that i would get annoyed about without the pni cos he says am mental. His answer to everything is oh u mental u r go take some pills. Its really gettin to the stage where am pissed off and am startin to feel like i hate him. The funniest thing though is that when he is in a good mood he tells me i dont tell him how i feel and that i talk to net people more then him!! I cant win. Anyways enough of that lol am so so today... figured i must b gettin better cos am obssessin over the fact that i have put on 3 stone in the past year.... when i was really bad a few months ago i didnt give a shit!! so am takin the fact that am worryin about it as a good sign! Felt a bit crap when i got up this morn... a bit panicky and that but am feelin a bit better now. The weather is lovely here and i think that helps to liftin my mood somewhat.
Hope everyone is ok
Claire xx

[Scarlet]

Hi JM,

How you feeling hun? I think many of us have this problem with out hubby's. It's like something they have over us. Whenever I would get angry, mine would quip "Is it coming back' 'you are not stable' 'be careful, else you'll become mental again' and various other unhelpful statements...in fact he did it with everything, and I ended up really resenting him to be honest. In the end I sat him down and told him that I was really unhappy that he attached this label to everything, that it deeply hurt me...and if he didn't want me to mention his achillies heel (and he has many), then he'd better stop.... and this worked, he hasn't mentioned it since.

I think it's a good idea to tell him how you feel when he's in a good mood with you, it doesn't work when you are in the throes of a row, to try and get him to change... behaviour is always changed when the subject in a good frame of mind, it works a treat with kids.... and well, men are like kids aren't they .

Hope you are having a good day

Hugs
xxxxxx

[cokey]

Hi Claire

<yes men are like kids Scarlet - you are so right>

Its not an easy ride this PNI thing is it and I guess men acnt cope with the dishwasher so expecting them to cope with this is crazy lol

I know what you mean about resentment and getting to the point of hating them. Scarlet is right though, I macde things ten times worse with Paul trying to row when he was feeling bad himself. Once he felt better I talked calmly about how he had made me feel and we seem to be sorting it out.

One thing I do know is when we recover, we forgive.

Hope you are okay today.

Cokey xxx