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Post by cheshire on Jul 26, 2008 19:22:55 GMT
Hi E,
How you feeling today? x
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elspeth
Full member
Mum of 4, aged 15,10,3 and 6mths
Posts: 90
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Post by elspeth on Jul 28, 2008 11:47:35 GMT
Hi
Feeling a bit better this eve, yesterday was pretty bad, major anxiety attack cos G went into town to get himself a new PC game, I put myself to bed to try and sleep - didnt work but at least I wasnt clock watching - mind you I jumped outta bed when I heard the car. we then went round to his mums and I had another attack when someone knocked at the door - it was my elder two who had walked from our house to their house - the sense of relief was tremendous.
Today was a work day, as usual I basically was in terror mode the moment I left home till I got into my office and shut the door, every time someone came to see me though I paniced - but I think I did really well. And I even managed to slow my talking down so I wasnt so manic!
Coming home was a bit scary cos it was raining and I always hate driving in the rain - Im convinced Im gonna skid off the road.
Now I am home and feel safe. Tired though - work always tires me I have eaten but I feel really nauseaus. Not sure if its the meds or not. I bought myself a bar of choc today but feel to icky to eat it! Did my online shopping that should be delived tomorrow so I can stay inside all day, which is good cos its COLD here, only 7degrees today, I do miss central heating, they even had snow in Sydney yesterday! Apparently it will be like this tomorrow too, so I will put a fire on in the morning. Good excuse to stay in if its so cold. Mind you J needs his 6mths needles, so I need to figure out when I can take him. I only have tomorrow and Wed free, Im suppose to be going to a mother and baby group on Fri but im really not sure about going, I might go to the first one and see what its like. The thought of taking ABi is a bit terrifying though. gonna get some sleep g'nihgt xx
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larsbars
Senior Member
Mummy to Daisy 3 1/2 & Jamie 2.
Posts: 415
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Post by larsbars on Jul 28, 2008 12:24:55 GMT
Hi Elspeth,
I'm glad to hear you are managing on the meds. If you are getting out and managing work you are doing really well. It's good though that you realise that the attacks are made worse by the meds so try not to worry about them too much. They should lift soon.
Take care. x
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Post by winegirl on Jul 28, 2008 20:07:08 GMT
Hi Elsepth
Sorry, here we all are moaning how hot it is here and you are facing snow!!
The anxiety stinks babes, but it will get better really soon, and believe me you, are doing really well with it!!
Hope you managed to get some rest??
WG xx
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Post by monica on Jul 29, 2008 8:30:09 GMT
Hi
Hang on in there girl, you are doing well. You are going out your confort zone - you will get there. It was probably the anxiety making you feel nauseous.
Wow that is cold but I guess it's your winter - keep forgetting that not everyone follows our seasonal pattern. All the best with your lo's jabs.
love
Monica
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Post by justme31 on Jul 29, 2008 10:45:20 GMT
Hi Elspeth As Monica said it is probably the anxiety making u feel sick...although if u r on meds this can happen at the start of taking them but that goes away. Hope today is ok for u Claire xx
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elspeth
Full member
Mum of 4, aged 15,10,3 and 6mths
Posts: 90
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Post by elspeth on Jul 29, 2008 12:35:36 GMT
Thanks for the comments And I am sure its the meds making me feel so sick! Today I just couldnt get it together, it was my first day at home all day since I started on the meds last week. I woke up with the shakes although G thought it was me shivering cos its so cold - he might have been right but I didnt feel cold. I phoned my FIL to take D3 to school, I just couldnt get my head around getting the younger 2 dressed and in the car. James just didnt want to nap - this eve hes got bonjela on his gums! By lunchtime it took all my self control not to phone G, the anxiety was spriraling out of control, , i was glad the older 2 where at school. When D1 got home she told me there was a mtg at school that eve re her electives for next year so I needed to go. Chaos then trying to get bottles done so I could leave J with G and go to the shool. To cut a long story short (cos im sooooooo tired) J didnt settle for 2 hours with G so I had to deal with him once I got back also I panicked all threw the mtg and came home starving so ate the left over mash from tea with a bit of cheese on top and now I am so tired im falling asleep here so i will say g'night and I wish it was warmer xx
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Post by nicola1712 on Jul 29, 2008 19:32:37 GMT
Bless ya - you have soooo much to co ordinate and kids don't help when they drop things on you at the last minute too!
Keep persevering with the meds though, yes you will feel knackered but it will wear off eventually, maybe only a week's worth. I have just had my dosage upped and am feeling all tired again and a bit sick too, but know it is the meds. It only lasts a few days though for me.
Hope you keep warm too, sounds lovely and cosy with the fire on etc. We are all dying of heat over here and yes forget that you have it the other way round. We don't get very much summer here though so we have to make the most of it!
xxx
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elspeth
Full member
Mum of 4, aged 15,10,3 and 6mths
Posts: 90
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Post by elspeth on Jul 30, 2008 10:39:46 GMT
Hi
Well you where right about being knackered - I fell asleep this pm feeding J in bed, then D3 fell asleep in the lounge apparently cos when D1 got home from school she found us all asleep. She gets home early on Weds which is lucky otherwise I might not have woken up to collect D2 from her school!
Quite a good day today, J was in a good mood and ate loads at meal times, I find it frustrating feeding him, I guess Im not used to spoonfeeding anymore and trying to get the darn stuff in him. Abs (D3) was well behaved - im doing 'the naughty chair' if she misbehaves and it seems to be working.
Not to bad of an attack either today, I so wanted to phone G at work but resisted the urge but he phoned me in the morning about our internet (apparently it went down last night) so I did get to talk to him.
I cooked a proper meal for tea!
G phoned and said he was going for a drink after work with the guys from work and I didnt panic!
Tomorrow I have my second session with my councellor then its the PNI group, Fri I have to up the meds from 25g to 50g so Im not looking forward to that.
I actually laughed at something on TV today.
Still had the bad thoughts this am and hallucinated at various points throughout the day - its always bugs i see! But on the whole it was a good day.
E x
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Post by sianyc on Jul 30, 2008 11:28:48 GMT
Hi
I imagine that any slight movment in the corner of my eye is some hairy arse spider just waiting to pounce at me! That's normal for me though!
Has OH said any more about wanting to move out for a while. You're being very calm about it - I think I'd be fit for killing him x
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elspeth
Full member
Mum of 4, aged 15,10,3 and 6mths
Posts: 90
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Post by elspeth on Jul 30, 2008 12:04:49 GMT
Hiya No he hasnt and I have just got back in from chatting to him on the veranda while he had a smoke, we had a good chat.
I am trying to be calm about it, I figured if im calm hes less likely to do it, he cant really afford to, plus the rental market her is terrible! 50ppl after one property and stuff like that.
I always think its ants lol, and the floor moves by itself sometimes!
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Post by winegirl on Jul 30, 2008 12:15:06 GMT
Sounds like your economy is in the same state as ours at the moment!!
Glad you are able to remain calm at the moment, really will do you alot of good that, I still havent mastered it!!
WG x
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Post by nicola1712 on Jul 30, 2008 19:58:45 GMT
Ooh I get that - the ants thing - I see one and then envisage the whole floor moving cos there'd be so many in my mind! Glad you are less panicky anyway, that's a good sign and shows you are doing well xx
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Bobyn
Senior Member
Posts: 454
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Post by Bobyn on Jul 30, 2008 21:24:26 GMT
Hi Elspeth, I've just read through your diary and wanted to day hi. Whereabouts in Oz do you live? I have family over in Perth and I remember being shocked at the awful 'summer' weather when I visited in the school holidays so I feel for you at the moment. If it's any consulation it's rained all day for the past 2 days over here Can I ask something that you may find personal but it was a question that struck me reading your posts - how old were you when your previous partner died and how did it happen? You mentioned it early on in your diary and I didn't know whether that was something that you'd talked about to anyone? Also (and you can ignore me for being nosy) do you have any contact with the father of your older children, or was that the partner that you lost? I'm so sorry if I'm dragging up hurtful memories but I just wanted to get a sense of your life before this awful PNI struck you. I really feel for you at the moment but you must have faith that it WILL get better. That's sometimes so hard to remember in the bleaker moments. I'm sending you lots of cyber hugs and happy thoughts. You're doing amazingly coping with this illness, a job, and the 4 children as well as supporting your OH through it too. With lots of love (and apologies if I've asked too much of you), Bobyn xxxx
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elspeth
Full member
Mum of 4, aged 15,10,3 and 6mths
Posts: 90
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Post by elspeth on Jul 31, 2008 5:10:33 GMT
Wow lots of questions....
I will answer them now and do my normal post later
Im on the other side of the continent in NSW about an hour north of Sydney, this morning it was only 9 degrees in our kitchen!
With regards to the older two...
I have no contact with the father, it was an abusive relationship and for the first 18mths of her life he was in prison, he moved back in with us for about 18mths after he was released it took me that long to build up the courage to kick him out! He didnt want to go on the birth certificate when she was born his words where "if im not on it them someone else can adopt her if you meet someone else'
so sweet of him ay!
once i got rid of him he started taking heroin, since I kicked him out hes been back inside 2ce - once for beating up his mother, she died not long afterwards from emphacema (sp)
He is a heroin addict and is apparently proud of the fact When I moved here, noone told him I was leaving the country as he would have probably held D1 to ransom ie give me money and you can take her. He had no contact and never tried to contact her.
When I got Preg with D2 I had just finished one relationship and started another, so the question of paternity was always there. P1 is the person who I had an on/off relationship with for 4 years P2 was a short fling, although we discussed getting a test done I think we where both scared of finding out. I wanted him to be and he wanted to be - if that makes sense. We where never properly together, ie living together cos I was terrified of commitment after D1's dad (and who can blame me).
He died 7 years ago (I was 35), I still miss him, he was such a good friend to me, I still feel him around, especially recently I feel like hes here for me during such a horrible time.
One of my sons middle names is named after him.
I had PNI with my second but it was during the time he was travelling around the country and I never told him, afterwards he told me off and said if I ever needed him I was to call him - so now I do - only now its a mental call not a phone one.
I had both meds and councelling with the first lot of PNI, and after he died I went back on meds, although I dont really think I needed them, and I had councelling but I kinda just got myself through it that time. It was about 6mths later I met G online and came out here another 4 mths later for a holiday and ended up staying and getting married.
I did feel guilty about getting married so soon afterwards (a year) but I do love my husband and I am glad I met him.
E xx
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