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Post by julesh38 on Jun 8, 2011 20:16:08 GMT
Nice one Kat. Pleased the letter writing worked for you. Just couldn't do it but counsellor reckons its just not the time. Not going to give up though, will keep on trying.
Not bad today. Slept all morning but then was pretty active this afternoon which I am pleased about. Tomorrow will have to get up in the morning as taking kids to school then helping cook a two course meal for up to 50 OAPs. I know my nerves will play up a bit but once I'm in the kitchen I should be fine.
Meeting with MHT tomorrow for a follow-up. Not sure how I feel about that as the woman I'm meeting I have only met once before and I wasn't oo sure about her.
Seeing someone different at the counsellors to try and help me try and think differently about things. Actually feeling slightly different already as I've realised I've got to start having fun and not just arranging it for the kids and hubby. Not sure how I'm going to do it but something will happen.
Going to take meds then watch Kings Cross A & E then bed.
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Post by Victoria on Jun 9, 2011 10:28:05 GMT
Jo, sorry I havnt commented on here before but am a bit self absorbed in my own head at the moment. Just wanted to say, even if I dont comment, I am always available if you need someone to lean on I know everyone on here has helped me at my worst times when I felt like I couldnt survive another second, the support on here has got me through and still does. Hope the MHT meeting goes well today. Just try to be as honest as you can be with them. That is the only way they can be sure to get you the right help and support. Take care. xxxxxx
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Post by julesh38 on Jun 11, 2011 20:16:51 GMT
Today hasn't been to bad. Didn't surface until just after 11.30am which I don't think hubby was amused with.
Yasmin out swimming with friend this morning and Connor has party this afternoon. WAs good did all the rushing about cooked hubby dinner before he starts night shift then took kids up town as yasmin was going to have a fish pedicure. I couldn't do it as I don't like anyoone or thing touching my feet. Got to say Yasmin was squirming at first but then she loved it and wants to go again. Did a bit of shopping then home.
Meeting with MHT the other day went okay. Was honest in saying that I am still sleeping too much but on the plus side my moods are calming down, my mind is not racing and I'm not thinking things that I shouldn't be. Meeting again in two weeks with the view of a possible discharge. KNow my mate will not be happy with that as my past has shown that when I'm discharged I, slowly, start to go downhill again. This time I'm hoping the drugs are right for me and I can show that this will not be the case.
Also now starting to think about maybe trying to go back to college on an adult education course. Not sure what I would do until I look into it.
Think I'm going to have a glass of wine and chill in front of telly.
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Post by juppster on Jun 12, 2011 8:21:47 GMT
Sounds as though you are doing brilliantly Jules xx
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Post by julesh38 on Jun 15, 2011 20:35:39 GMT
Gonna forget about the last couple of days completely, which wouldn't be hard considering I slept for most of them!
Met new counsellor guy who seems okay. Now going to have CBT. Showed me today how triggers lead to thoughts that lead to emtions and so on. Was quite interesting and was emotional when writing down the thoughts that I have when I'm down. Gave me a few sheets to read and a chart to try and note any patterns in my mood swings. That will be a challenge, need to be awake to know my moods. lol Seeing him again next week.
Kinda feeling lonely as my best mate has been really busy over the last few weeks and I haven't really seen her, also on one hand don't want to bother her because of this but on the other really miss talking with her. Still feel very distant from hubby which is bothering me but I just can't or won't get close to him. We're just going through the motions each day. Its even harder at the mo as he has twelve days off work.
Going to sign off and go to bed and hoping to be able to stay awake tomorrow morning and not go back to bed once kids are at school. That's my challenge so here's hoping I'm strong enough to follow it through.
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Post by juppster on Jun 16, 2011 12:34:12 GMT
Hey Jules...how did you manage this morning after the kids had gone to school? I hope the sleepiness wears off a little for you soon mate. The cbt / counselling will hopefully make a huge difference to your thoughts...it certainly helped me and alot of other girls on here xx
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Post by monica on Jun 16, 2011 16:55:36 GMT
Hi Jules
How are you doing? The cbt and triggers etc sounds really interested. This was briefly touched on when i did a pnd course and it made so much sense to me! Suddenly for th efirst time I felt I understood this illness adn that was a huge step. Did you feel this way? it's hard deciphering yourmoods adn recording them to but sure you can do it.
I'm sorry you feel distant from your oh. this illness can put alot of pressure on relationships. maybe try doing something together - going to cinema, walk where you don't have to talk abotu the illness but still find common ground.
Monicax
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Post by julesh38 on Jun 16, 2011 19:57:33 GMT
Been a not bad day for me. Didn't go back to bed, yippee! Oh the simple things that make me happy! lol
Arranged to have cuppa with my best friend this morn which was okay but never really got to say much about me as she has so much going on. It was okay, just nice to have a change of scenery. When I came home, hubby had gone fishing for a few hours and I cracked on with some housework which made me feel even better seeing the place semi-tidy for once.
Took the kids tonight to the funfair which was bleedin expensive but good to see the kids enjoying themselves. Kids now alseep and I feel as if I've done really well today. Only felt down a few times and they only lasted half hour or so. PLeased with myself, going to try again tomorrow to not go back to sleep.
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Post by Weeble on Jun 16, 2011 20:16:09 GMT
Well done completely flattened myself tonight but will write more tomorrow
Kat
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Post by juppster on Jun 17, 2011 6:51:49 GMT
Thats great Jules, sounds like you had a really productive day yesterday. Hoping today is the same for you mate xx
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Post by julesh38 on Jun 20, 2011 15:38:20 GMT
Weekend was 50:50 for me. Tried to do a car boot ale on Sat morning but it was a wash out and all had packed up by 10.30am. Got my pitch money back plus a little more so wasn't too bad. Then, surprise surprise, slept the afternoon, then rushed about in the evening cooking for the kids even though hubby was about. He never thinks of cooking for them even though he can cook.
Sunday, kids gave Dad breakfast in bed then I went to church. Visited the in-laws then back home and surprise surprise I went back to bed and slept until 5.30pm. Really doing well regarding my sleeping. Again, rushed about cooking kids dinner before it got really late.
Sorted kids out this morning, hubby took them to school and I went back to bed and slept until noon. Feel so lazy and really unhappy with all the sleeping. Gonna try and make a real effort to stay awake tomorrow. Although got to say, last night in bed was thinking that today I could just dissappear for the day if the weather was nice. Just felt like I wanted to be on my own with no responsibilities but weather was lousy hence why I stayed in bed. Need to find a direction, a hobby but not sure what.
Crazy really. Feel okay in the head, ie. no crazy thoughts or images but just feel empty inside. Nothing appeals to me anymore. Don't know what to do. Got appointment with MHT tomorrow but as far as they will be concerned the meds are doing the job of keeping my thoughts in order so they will probably discharge me. Don't actually know what they could do to help. Got meeting on Wed with counsellor.
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Post by juppster on Jun 20, 2011 17:03:16 GMT
Hey Jules, lovely to hear from you Sorry to hear about the sleep..is it something you can mention to the team tomorrow to see if they have any suggestions? If you're really not happy with being discharged then please tell them, as far as i'm aware it has to be a mutual decision to be discharged so put your foot down if you're not sure. I can so understand needing to find a hobby or some kind of direction in life. I am at my worst when I have nothing to do and find being busy really helps. Good luck with finding something that suits you x
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Post by julesh38 on Jun 21, 2011 16:33:18 GMT
Discharged from cmht today which I think I'm ok with. Close friend not so ok with it, thinks they fob me off to easily with meds. They did talk about the possibility of reducing meds with a view to coming right off them in about 6 months time. Said the sleeping could be due to them but I said I think I've got into a habit which I've got to break. Committing myself to taking the kids to school in the morn so I will have to get up and dressed, hopefully this will be enough to stop me from going back to sleep.
Although I feel ok I also feel empty inside. Don't know what to do about it, hopefully time will tell. Horrible thought, but can't wait till hubby goes back to work so I can have some time to myself.
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Post by juppster on Jun 21, 2011 16:41:13 GMT
Not a horrible thought mate about hubby going back to work, perfectly normal and rational to me! As long as you feel comfortable with being discharged then thats great...is there an understanding that should you go downhill again they will refer you straight back? this is whats happening with me at the moment and its nice just to have that something to fall back on if needed. Well done on setting yourself a goal with getting the kids to school..i found i had to give myself a certain time to be out of bed by otherwise i would stay there all day! x
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Post by Weeble on Jun 21, 2011 19:08:39 GMT
My initial thoughts are that's great news being released but actually I understand what your friend says. On the drugs I have been taking them for over six months now and what you describe is how I was, it does get better but I still sleep on average 9 to 10 hours a day, more than pre drugs. It has got better as I have healed.
Forgotten what else you wrote so have to go and reread lol
Kat
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