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Post by julesh38 on Jul 19, 2011 9:32:05 GMT
Thanks girls.
Meant to post sooner but just kept forgetting about it.
The past few weeks/month have been absolutely fab. Honestly think the tablets are working well now and combining that with CBT has just done wonders for me. CBT has totally changed my life. Its helped me to see things from another perspective and gave me the confidence to fight through any negatives and see the positives. Cannot rave enough about it. The last 10 days I have been out and about and in company whereas normally I would have made excuses to be able to stay at home and I have felt great and very pleased with myself. At the moment I only have a few little niggles which I'm hoping will get sorted soon. First one being I still sleep quite a lot but rather than through the day I'm in bed no later than 9pm and straight to sleep then up about 7.30-8.00am. Still get times when the tiredness hits me and I have to lie down for an hour but I can cope with that. Second one being I am constantly hot, I know I am overweight but even at that I sweat constantly all day. YUck! Got the docs tomorrow so will have a good chat as I'm suppose to go to Lanzarote in 2 weeks time and I'm actually dreading the heat already. Third one, and I haven't told anyone else this, is occassionally I think I still hear voices but its not severe and it doesn't bother me too much, so will try and keep it in check.
On Friday it was my father-in-laws 60th birthday party and I was told by my husband the next day that at least four people commented, saying that the "old" Julie is back. To hear this just gives my confidence another boost to try and keep on this track. I really, really do not want to go backwards again as it has been a long haul to get to today.
Will post every couple of days to keep all up to date. Thanks for all the encouraging words as they to helped me to get to where I am today.
x
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Post by juppster on Jul 20, 2011 8:22:23 GMT
Hey Jules, so great to read you've been doing so well, its so lovely and positive to hear. Hope you manage to enjoy your holiday to Lanzarote in a couple of weeks time xx
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Post by julesh38 on Aug 2, 2011 12:09:09 GMT
Well, what can I say?? Things have still been really good for me. Flying off in two days time and done the last of my shopping today. Still feel really tired from time to time but I can cope with that. Went to the docs who said the excessive heat was due to my weight and medication. Not coming off the medication so will just have to deal with it. Still growing in confidence in myself. I was at a BBQ the other day and I did hide away in the lounge area for a while as I started to feel a bit panicky. Stayed there for about half and hour then felt strong enough to go back out and mingle and then I was fine for the rest of the evening. Have also discovered that I have a bit of a phobia about eating in public as my friend pointed out to me. Will have to try and conquer that one in due course. Will post after I come back. x
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Post by juppster on Aug 2, 2011 14:59:05 GMT
Hey Jules, so great to hear from you and so great to hear you are doing so well!! Have a lovely holiday...are you going somewhere nice? Try and relax and enjoy xx
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Post by Weeble on Aug 3, 2011 18:52:39 GMT
Read your post so very very happy for you have a lovely holiday
Kat
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Post by monica on Aug 5, 2011 8:40:29 GMT
Hi
Hope you're having a fab holiday and getting lotsof R&R.
Monicax
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Post by julesh38 on Oct 10, 2011 20:42:09 GMT
Hi all, its been quite a while since I last posted so I thought it was about time I updated my diary.
Had a lovely holiday. Ate too much and drank too much but knew that was going to happen. lol Now seriously trying to lose the weight with the help of Slimming World.
Recently things have been a little bit rough for me. The kids are back at school and I'm having trouble adjusting. I did learn with the CBT that if I don't make a commintment to do things then I will more than likely make an excuse not to. This has been the case for the last couple of weeks. Had hoped to sort out the kids bedrooms today but just lay in bed till noon then got up and lay on the couch before picking them up from school. I just kinda feel lonely. I'm still on loads of meds to control my depression and psychotic sysptoms but I have no one to share the frustration and anger that I often feel with being on the meds. The other side effect from them is that I get really bad dreams, almost nightmares, that haunt me for days afterwards. I just want to be happy and content without the meds! I hate the fact that they control my life. For the first time in a while even had a thought about self-harming, which is scary.
Don't know what I'm going to do tomorrow but really don't feel like planning anything. Will try and come online tomorrow and start doing my diary again.
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Post by Weeble on Oct 10, 2011 20:44:59 GMT
Lovely to hear from you. It's a battle this illness. What are your psychotic symptoms?
Kat
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Post by monica on Oct 10, 2011 20:50:11 GMT
Hi
Great to hear from you and that your hols went well. You have to indulge!
Sorry you're feeling bit flat and low. Have you thought about going to drs? Change of routine can often throw things out of synch. Maybe a bit of reassurance would help.
This might sound a bit simple, but what things normally perk you up? Maybe organizing a massage or night out might help you get back on track. Do come back to offload.
Monica
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Post by juppster on Oct 11, 2011 8:10:47 GMT
Lovely to hear from you Jules but sorry you're having a bit of a rough time. Often when we have nothing planned it can seem as though there's nothing to get up for. Is there any kind of hobby you could take up or maybe arrange to meet up with a friend one morning per week? How about some counselling? x
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Post by julesh38 on Oct 11, 2011 19:34:25 GMT
Thanks all.
Today has been a bit better. Tried to kinda keep busy a bit. Find that if I don't make an effort to keep busy that is when I hit a low. Don't feel able enough to hold down a job, even part-time although I have committed myself to 3 hours a week to help a mate out, paid as well. I have a really good friend who is aware of all but she is really busy at the mo and will be for the near future. I do miss her company and advice.
My psychotic syptoms were voices and constantly getting a picture of where I could end it all. Since being on the meds I have been much, much better although I still think I hear voices now and again. I can't make out what is being said which is quite frustrating - actually just thought that through and it sounds quite barmy!
Can't believe all this is from having a child. My illness then, after the birth, was quite different from what it is now. I sometimes wonder if maybe my ailments aren't all linked to PND as it all started 5 years ago now. My mind is constantly in a whirlwind, trying to figure it all out.
1. I was diagnosed with PND and put on meds. 2. I thought it was okay not to eat for at least 3 months from the day my little day was born. 3. Was put on anti-psychotic meds although no one really told me why. Found out later that I had a psychotic illness. 4. Constantly in and out of the walk-in centre where over the last 4 years my meds have been increased, reduced, stopped, started again, differnet meds, increased, reduced and so on. 5. Been under tyhe care of the crisis team about 3 or 4 times. 6. Never been told that it was PP but it stated on letters to my Gp, which I have copies, that I had a psychotic event. Is this the same as PP? 7. Had another pscyhotic event, put on new, stronger meds that knocked me out to start wth but solved the psychotic issues. 8. NOw trying to get on with life but find it so hard at times when the meds still make me tired and at times I feel a fraud. Am I really ill or its it all in the head??? lol
Read other people's account of PP and most seem to have at some point been in hospital for intensive care but I never have although I was never away from the walk-in centre of the local hospital. But this still makes me feel a fraud.
Sorry, blethering on here but feels good to write about how I feel. Should have stayed in touch really, making up for lost time now. lol
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Post by Weeble on Oct 12, 2011 16:30:47 GMT
Lovely to hear from you. I think that psychosis associated with postnatal illness varies. Some people have the florid full scale psychotic episode with a total disconnection with reality: classical pp. However for others like you and me we have psychotic symptoms but retain control and insight. I have heard things, seen and smelt things that don't exist. I call them my concrete thoughts rather than anything else because I know they are not real. Never had the courage to ask my psychiatrist though lol.
It's so lovely to have you back I really missed you mate, I have to admit I was a tad jealous as I thought you had recovered and speed your wings away. Lovely to have you back but sad to see the pain you are in
Kat
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Post by julesh38 on Oct 12, 2011 19:54:26 GMT
Thanks Kat. Its lovely to hear from you.
You know the symptons we have are very similar and I know we are on some of the same meds. You were right about the quetiapine, the tiredness does ease off as I've become more used to them. I still get overcome with tiredness and find I can do nothing but this is happening less and less.
I hate this illness! Mind you, who likes it??? At the moment I just feel that I will never be free from the grip of the illness or the meds. I have come to terms better about taking the meds but I still loathe them.
Today was fairly good. Did go back to sleep after the kids were sorted but only for about 45 minutes. After that hubby and I did a good clear out in our room and completely gutted and tidied the wee man's room. Felt good to have accomplished something today, I only wish I could have the strength and will to do this every day!
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Post by Weeble on Oct 12, 2011 21:00:31 GMT
And it gets easier on the drugs. It would be lovely to met one day. Hugs kat
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Post by julesh38 on Oct 18, 2011 10:21:27 GMT
Feeling absolute f***ing crap!
My head is all over the place. I didn't take my meds last night, partly because I didn't want to, stubborn cow that I am, and also because I knew I was in for a long night as my wee fella is poorly with a cold.
At the minute feel like I could just walk away from it all, again. KNow its probably from not taking my meds last night but I just hate myself right now. Absolutely loathing what I've become - a fat, depressive, useless, pathetic excuse for a human being who is hooked on bloody anti-psychotics to get through a day. What a sad existence I've become. Very good at putting on a show for everyone else as usual.
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