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Post by juppster on Feb 1, 2012 9:54:10 GMT
It completely makes sense and i know sometimes even now, i find it so much easier to be around other people rather than on my own with my son but i think that is probably just the relentlessness of having a child and needing a bit of a break. Well done for registering for the on line cbt - let us know how you get on with that x
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Post by kerryt1987 on Feb 1, 2012 11:31:40 GMT
I've had to come to my mother in laws today just to be with someone I feel so stupid in 6 years being a part of there family and I've never had to rely on them I feel so bad about it!!!
I will let you know how I get on with the CBT online hopefully it helps xx
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Post by juppster on Feb 1, 2012 17:37:06 GMT
Please don't feel bad about it..you need to take all the help you can get at the moment until you start to feel well enough to do it by yourself...dont heap so much guilt on yourself (i know thats easy for me to say!)...i'm sure they loved having you and your baby around for the day anyway x
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Post by kerryt1987 on Feb 1, 2012 17:52:11 GMT
I did actually have a really nice day with my mum in law back home now and the mood seems to have dipped again..!!
Glass of wine for me I think see if it makes me feel any better xxx
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Post by juppster on Feb 1, 2012 21:05:31 GMT
Ah, glad you had a lovely day...hope the wine went down nicely
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Post by kerryt1987 on Feb 2, 2012 7:28:56 GMT
So it's Thursday morning, woke up with the same anxious feeling as normal. The wine helped last night lol, maybe that's my answer keep on drinking to block it out?! I know that's not the answer but it seem to help...
I've been having really vivid dreams too which are making me wake up hot and sweaty, I'm so sick of this feeling I don't feel I can carry on much longer feeling this way i feel like a freak that doesn't deserves baby xx
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Post by juppster on Feb 2, 2012 9:40:21 GMT
I can tell you for sure that you are not a freak. You are a normal, loving, new mummy who is struggling like thousands of other ladies do with this god awful illness. Did you sign up for the online cbt? x
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Post by kerryt1987 on Feb 2, 2012 11:01:47 GMT
I have signed up for the CBT and I am waiting for an Counseller to call me on Monday to ask some questions.... I have also been referred for face to face CBT too but thought what's the harm in doing both..
I'm back at the doctors today to let him know I've been on the 40mg so I may tell him that whilst I feel the depression is a little better the anxiety is too much to bare.
Thank you for replying xx
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Post by monica on Feb 2, 2012 16:56:20 GMT
Glad you had good day with mil. Try not to worry about not liking being on your own. I was like that too. My mum spent loads of time with me and bf mum came over from Ireland. In time things improved though just like they will for youx
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Post by juppster on Feb 2, 2012 20:52:23 GMT
How did it go with the doctors today hun? x
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Post by kerryt1987 on Feb 2, 2012 21:30:44 GMT
Had a lovely day with my best friend today she always makes me feel happy... Without actually doing anything, I keep on telling myself I need to be kinder on myself instead of hard and being negative. I do feel that over the last couple of days I love my daughter a lot more she is now really smiling and making noises which is nice. The doctor said I have a viral infection, and that he can see a vast unprovement in my mood from 4 weeks ago he said if he didn't already know I had PNI he wouldn't think I had which made me feel a bit better. I told him about the anxiety getting on top of me and he said once the depression completely goes so will the anxiety. I'm very tired today I think this infection has drained it out of me so my Hubbie is doing the last feed before Emily goes to bed, I'm going to do the bottles and then get into bed myself. Once again thank you for all of your comments I feel like I know you all and your different situations and being able to write in here as and when is a great relief just to tell someone who won't judge me how I feel and people going through the same thing. I'm going to buy one of the PNI wristbands too to show my support ) once I am over this dreaded illness I would really like to help people like you girls too an hopefully make a difference to another mum suffering the same thing. I can't tell you what I would of been like without the support I've had xxxxxxxx
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Post by kerryt1987 on Feb 3, 2012 10:33:31 GMT
And now to top it all off my nan was rushed into hospital this morning so I've been up there since 6 I've come home for a bit now to get the baby out of there ( xxx
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Post by juppster on Feb 3, 2012 12:44:05 GMT
Oh dear, sorry to hear about your nan...is she going to be ok? You are sounding much more positive x
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Post by kerryt1987 on Feb 3, 2012 15:32:28 GMT
I think so they are doing tests at the moment so she is being kept in at least over the weekend, she seems to be ok just in a bit of pain.
I've left my daughter with the Inlaws whilst we are up here, so she doesn't catch anything, and I've been Okish with the thoughts for the last couple of days but now I am without her I have this silly thought going through my head thy I need to hurry up and get home cos I feel I need to hurt her, again I know I won't or wouldn't then why are these thoughts coming in my head it is truly awful! Then on the same token I feel really anxious without her being around and I miss looking at her.
Xxx
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Post by monica on Feb 3, 2012 18:16:55 GMT
Possibly the stress of your nan being ill has set off these thoughts - your routine is out of kilter and the worry can trigger this sort of response. Try to bat these thoughts out of your head as soon as they pop in - you love you daughter so much and wouldn't harm herxxx
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