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Post by kerryt1987 on Feb 3, 2012 19:07:07 GMT
I do love her sooo much and the fact that she relys on me and I'm her mummy is amazing I hate these thoughts and I could feel myself getting better and now the stress of today it's all I can think about. I don't want to get down again like I was before.
I'm going back up to the hospital tomorrow to see my nan.
Thank you for replying too xxx
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Post by juppster on Feb 3, 2012 19:45:40 GMT
Any kind of stress can trigger these thoughts mate, I am the same although it affects me in a slightly different way....if you do start to feel down because of it don't stress about it too much, just know you have a reason for feeling a little low again and it will pass again, just like it had started to. Hoping things are improving with your nan x
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Post by kerryt1987 on Feb 4, 2012 8:04:43 GMT
Thank you hun, my nan wasnt fantastic last night so hopefully she's on the mend this morning. We are so close it's horrible to see her in pain. I'm hoping that this feeling will pass again I really do, I woke up really early again this morning sweating because I keep in having these really vivid dreams. I've had enough now I really have ( xxx
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Post by juppster on Feb 4, 2012 13:53:23 GMT
Just keep holding on to the fact that it will get better and it will get easier in time. Great news about your nan xx
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Post by kerryt1987 on Feb 5, 2012 7:07:19 GMT
Morning again didn't sleep well at all was up keep on checking the weather in the night. It's snowed quite bad here, and I really hate the snow it's always made me anxious because I feel trapped in my own house! I went to bed quite early last night and left my Hubbie with Emily and again all this new thoughts come into my head, ones that ice never had before they seem to keep on changing I feel like crying and not stopping crying. I'm shaking as I type this.
Xxxx
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Post by kerryt1987 on Feb 5, 2012 8:21:31 GMT
I just hate my life sooooo much!! Xx
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Post by Weeble on Feb 5, 2012 11:39:28 GMT
Hun
Many of us have felt this way, I have after all three of my children and it's so difficult. But remember thoughts are just that thoughts they are not actions. It was explained to me that these thoughts are punishment thoughts we are feeling bad about something else and our minds create these thoughts as they are the worse possible thing.
Also we all have silly thoughts all the time, we just don't notice them like we do after pni.
So a bit of help. I have had three children in the past five years and in the past three years, I have had severe pni and two children. Two years ago, I was fighting admission hard, had just found out I was pregnant, could hardly get down the stairs, was petrified of most things including names on houses.
Today, I am sitting here writing to you with three little boys, back at work and off to morocco on holiday after half term. All I can say is you will get back too, it's just so unbelievably tough now.
What do you enjoy? A hot bath? Some time to read a book? A walk? A coffee with a mate?
Kat
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Post by monica on Feb 5, 2012 15:40:11 GMT
As Kat said do something that will perk you up. It's a bad moment and as horrible ad it s it will pass. When n the depths of pni it is ard to imagine life being pleasurable again but it will bex
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Post by juppster on Feb 5, 2012 19:53:45 GMT
Hey Kerry, I can only reiterate what the girls have said before. I hope you can take a little comfort in the fact that we have all felt like you are now and it has gotten better. How has your afternoon been hun? x
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Post by kerryt1987 on Feb 6, 2012 6:37:50 GMT
Hey guys, Thanks so much for all of your replys, yesterday was a tough morning. I had a nice afternoon until I had an argument with one of my best friends and right now I really don't need that. My husband has gone to work today and after having him around for 3 days I am really anxious. I love to read but just find that I never have time anymore.
Its good to know that you all have been here too but it's so horrible and makes you feel soooo lonely, I often feel like I'm loosing my marbles and that everyone would just be better without me around.
I can't carry on lving my life like this what's the point.
Xx
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Post by juppster on Feb 6, 2012 9:20:37 GMT
The point is you've got so much to live for, both for you and for your little girl. It won't always feel this way, i know it is hard for you to see that at the moment but it really won't. This is a horrible, cruel illness but it is also an illness that is recoverable and does get better. I think once you start your cbt you will see a big change. Keep going Kerry, you are doing so well and we are all here for you xxx
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Post by kerryt1987 on Feb 6, 2012 10:21:24 GMT
Thank you. It is really tough I hate being on my own and cos of this stupid snow I'm stuck in.
I see people looking so happy being a mum and sometimes it makes me feel sad that I'm not as happy as I should be.my sister in law has just announced she's pregnant after trying for a year like us, and although I'm happy I feel a pang of jealousy that I'm not pregnant anymore as this is when I was at my happiest sounds daft doesn't it.
I watch programmes on tele and think I wish that was my life instead I'm stuck at home on my own looking after a baby and I don't feel like a mum at all, maybe I'm just having a bad day.
Xxx
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Post by kerryt1987 on Feb 7, 2012 6:35:49 GMT
Another morning another day!
Same old feelings again shaky and sweaty! Hubbie is getting ready for work and I'm already dreading the day ahead, I feel so lonely all of the time and I cannot cope anymore.
Xx
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Post by juppster on Feb 7, 2012 9:49:42 GMT
Just keep telling yourself it WILL get better, you are coping so amazingly well with this cruel illness and you will look back on these times one day and see how far you have come. Any news on the cbt? Big hugs to you xx
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Post by kerryt1987 on Feb 8, 2012 6:36:31 GMT
I have days where I feel I'm doing well but alot of bad days still.
I'm so tired all of the time, and just cannot stay asleep. I hate feeling like this, it's like my life has come to a halt and I don't know how to make it right again.
No news on the CBT yet, hopefully soon though.
Xxx
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