butterfly
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Post by butterfly on Nov 6, 2016 11:40:03 GMT
In a way i wonder whether i dont want him to know as if he new maybe hed make me safe when i just want to end it all.
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Post by monica on Nov 6, 2016 13:43:32 GMT
You need to talk to someone now as you need urgent support . Clearly you are low - what's causing this? Has anything in particular happened??is it the uncertainty with your relationship with C? Your foot? Your illness?
I know you feel so low now but this won't be forever. You can have a happy life even without C. It's desperately painful now of course it is, but life will seem worth living again. Pls pls get help - you are such a remarkable lady and an amazing mum with many many qualities and you deserve to live. Ride out this horrible period and the sun will shine for youx
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Post by monica on Nov 6, 2016 17:50:42 GMT
Omg BF I've just seen ur first post today - what an utterly shit day for you. Hugest hugs! I think anyone would feel crap after a day like that - id be bawling hysterically! Hope you get the chance to rest and recuperate x
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Post by monica on Nov 6, 2016 17:50:44 GMT
Omg BF I've just seen ur first post today - what an utterly shit day for you. Hugest hugs! I think anyone would feel crap after a day like that - id be bawling hysterically! Hope you get the chance to rest and recuperate x
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Post by monica on Nov 7, 2016 11:23:27 GMT
How are you? X
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butterfly
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Post by butterfly on Nov 9, 2016 22:09:19 GMT
Hi I dealt with my shit mood as well as i could. I told c. I told him i wasnt safe. He stayed the night. It was difficult at dinner time with the kids and him but not as bad as previous days. My x is giving me shit and has gone to a solisitor and was told to inform police and social services. Which is stupid as he knows i eouldnt put them at risk and he even Said he didnt want to do that and hasnt. I am still trying to encourage c to do positive things with kids and given him lots of suggestions. I think we are still fighting to sort it out. Re car. My dad got a machanic to look at it and he said get rid of it. Dont spend a penny more on it. My parents (i cant believe this) have kindly said they will loan me some money to buy a much better reilable car. My dad has been walking the kids to and from school and he is actually really enjoying getting the fresh air and exercise! I have had a horrid cold and i am chesty. Coughing at night is keeping me awake. My dad took me to look at some cars and we found one :-) i havent annouced it on facebook yet but i am over the moon with it. Its a granny car lol. Low milage 5 yrs old. Small but not too small. Cheaper on insurance and road tax as well as petrol. I collect it on tuesday. During the test drive (cos making a decision about spending loads of money isnt stressful enough for me!) Recieve phone call. It was hospital saying i have a date for my foot injection surgery :-) got to go to a hosiptal miles away and have to go to pre assessment on monday. I am hoping my chest gets a bit better too before. C is taking the day off unpaid as he wants to be thier for the op and i want him thier too. I get freaked out/scared/ panic. I know he can calm me down. The kids that night will stay at my mums and my parents will take them to school. I have to have someone staying that night with me. So things car wise are looking good. Even have a person saying they will give me £250 for the car that wont start for spairs/repairs! Hopefully the foot op will help my terrible pain. Me, c and kids situation is no worse. So. Things are a bit more positive. On sunday. I felt suicidal. Really really suicidal.. i still feel very stressed. I feel exhausted and low. But a big improvement.
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Post by monica on Nov 11, 2016 19:14:45 GMT
Things are on the up for you - so pleased! Having a reliable car will make all the difference to your life. Good luck with the foot treatment and of course with C - glad he helped out when you needed himx
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butterfly
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Post by butterfly on Nov 17, 2016 14:17:11 GMT
Hi I have my car :-) its so wierd driving a half decent car! Its so lovely! Its got a sat nav!! And bluetooth! I love it :-) I took it for a drive today and bought some car mats for it. I have again been unwell, well i dont think i actually got any better! Following on from the viral cold/hypothermia i have aquired a chest infection. I am on antobiotics (the gp prescibed them over the phone) i am on day 3 of 7. I am concerned it wont have gone by monday (op day) its a real deep horrid cough th
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butterfly
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Post by butterfly on Nov 17, 2016 14:21:30 GMT
Continued
That seems to come in spasms, espially at night when i lay down. Or whilst squatting infront of washing (which, after birthing 3 offspring is not safe #buysometennalady). My gp said if no better by thursday cancel it....i havent i dont have a temperature and after the weekend... fingers crossed. If thet wont give me an aneathetic i will suggest just doing it without. I am hobberling about in agony.
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butterfly
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Post by butterfly on Nov 17, 2016 14:24:56 GMT
On the c front. I feel that tge family situation is no worse. Between me and c, i feel unloved, i feel he doesnt appricate me, he doesnt want to be here. The only time he wants to be here and has glimmers of enjoyment are when the older kids arent here. When he is here he is lazy, leaves beer cans everywhere and creates more work for me. :-(
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Post by monica on Nov 17, 2016 19:11:18 GMT
Hi Bf
Here's hoping the antibiotics kick in soon and you start to pick up. There's loads of horrible bugs and viruses going about. I've been wiped out for nearly two weeks with the heaviest cold I've had in years. It's pants. But keeping everything crossed for the op.
Fantastic news on the car front. Having a reliable set of wheels is just brilliant for you and I'm sure makes your life so much easier.
Re: C, what do you actually want given the unliklihood C will change. sometimes it's easier to think of things from that perspectivex
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butterfly
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Post by butterfly on Nov 22, 2016 10:48:00 GMT
Hi My chest got quite a lot better and i told the anetheatist. He was happy to go ahead. Luckily i was first on the list literllay got there at 8. Got ready. Saw surgoen and anetheatist. And off i went. I kept my cool although i was bricking it. Lovely feeling going off to sleep :-) I went into that hospital in agony and after hobbled out on a numb foot full of local! Today the local has worn off and i can feel some unusual aches and pains which must be secondary to the jab. But the normal pain i have is not there :-) :-) its so lovely. I am aware of how tight and stiff my muscles are now and have to do my physio to try and get rid of the tightness. But so far so good :-) i am a bit sluggish secondary to the drugs. But fine. I am not going to attemp driving today. But well happy. Everyones has been really supportive and i feel good mentally atm. Sent from my SM-G920F using proboards
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Post by monica on Nov 22, 2016 19:11:45 GMT
Bloody brilliant BF! So pleased for you my lovely! Take it easy x
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butterfly
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Post by butterfly on Nov 23, 2016 16:40:03 GMT
Think i have overdone it a bit on my foot
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Post by monica on Nov 23, 2016 17:18:20 GMT
Be careful! It might jeopardise your recovery! Still feeling good in yourself x
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