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Post by rocker on Dec 7, 2008 22:18:32 GMT
can't believe tonight, I've been away since yesterday morning, on a break with a mate thats been planned for 4 months, leaving aside the fact our house looks like a bombsite, I spoke to my wife at 11.30 yesterday and she was in tesco with our son, I come home tonight and a full weeks worth of shopping is sitting on the kitchen table, still in the tesco bags, all except the fridge stuff................I'm not putting it away, our son is over 3 years old, she can't tell me she didn't have 15 minutes in the last 21 hours to put the shopping away?......thankfully the day or so away has recharged my batteries a bit and I'm not ready to bite her head off over it..............but it looks like I'm going to have to use my last holiday day from work to stay at home and get the house back in shape rather than have it as a slum.........anybody who has read my other posts will know I don't expect it to be a palace, can't do that when you have kids, but its just beyond leaving it to see if she'll do it, its obvious she won't..................whats the point, I don't get any affection off her, I constantly have to pull her out of a hole, I get no backing when I need something, and God knows the last time we had sex.............who knows if shes still taking her meds........
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Post by cheshire on Dec 7, 2008 22:46:47 GMT
Hi Rocker,
Try not to see it as a battle of wills as she's not well. She needs some help and is crying out for it...I hate putting shopping away, but ot only takes minutes, just an awful job.
It will take a weight off her if you help her with this - she won't be ill forever and she needs you right nowx
Hopefulx
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Post by rocker on Dec 8, 2008 8:39:57 GMT
Hi Hopeful
its not a battle of wills its just everything is left for someone else to do, normally every week I put all the shopping away myself, this is just a symptom of everything thats going on, I've been under a lot of pressure at work the last few weeks and had exams to do last week too, its just getting a bit much for me now. If my empathy and help was a bottle, its been emptied a long time ago and been running on empty for a long time, all I can say is thank God I was away at the weekend at least I've had my batteries recharged a bit, the bottle filled up a bit, I'm dreading Christmas, the 2 of us off together, at least I can plan things to get the wee man out of the house for a while......anyway.............thats my moan for the moment
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Post by cheshire on Dec 8, 2008 16:30:25 GMT
Hi Rocker,
It's good you got a break - my husband often referred to the fact that this is what he really needed when I was ill. He never got chance to recharge his batteries either and constantly felt drained. Taking LO out is a good plan and this is what he would do too.
Keep going, you're doing great - it's not an easy thing at all being the partner
Hopefulx
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Post by winegirl on Dec 9, 2008 8:24:12 GMT
Hi Rocker
You sound like my husband. I know he gets exasperated when he comes home and little has been done, although it has never been to the point of leabing the shopping out for hours, but there have been days when I have only hoovered one room etc in the past.
And we still have issues with sex. I really feel for him, none of this is his fault and PNI has done something to me that has repulsed me against sex. I do try but very rarely, and I know its so frustrating for him, I just live in the knowledge that it will get better.
I totally understand how frustrated you must be. You have been very supportive and patient and clearly it is becoming a strain again. Have you spoken to your wife about these things? What does she say??
Thinking of you x
WG xx
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Post by rocker on Dec 9, 2008 14:29:35 GMT
Hi WG
Fed up trying to talk to her, it just goes round in circles, apparently i've to make the effort to ignore everything that goes wrong, be nice to her, lift and lay her and basically wait....and wait........and wait............look after our LO while she has a 5 hour lie in at the weekend.......I've written her a long letter recently, no response, I've texted her and told her I'm sad that our son is going to be an only child, her reply is she really wants a second child..................obviously not with me though..................I just feel sad that heading into my mid-thirties that our marriage is in this state, sex life is non-existant and our life is on hold. I realise I've no idea whats going through her mind but my frustration tells me if she'd blinking well sorted out her meds and the help on offer 3 years ago when she was offered, we'd be a lot further down the road and that is eating me up inside to be honest.....................
If I hadn't had the break last weekend I don't know what I'd be like this week because the tension was just building and building and that was the only thing keeping me going.............
Anyway.................
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Post by winegirl on Dec 9, 2008 14:40:10 GMT
Hi Rocker
You really are putting up with an awful lot! Reading your post really has made me think of how I should make more effort with my own Husband.
I don't know what the answer is here, you have already done everything that I would suggest, all I can tell you is that PNI does get better, but she does need to be taking her meds. Sounds to me like she may have stopped them.
I am so sorry you are going through all this and hope that offloading here helps??
WG x
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Post by rocker on Dec 9, 2008 15:50:15 GMT
thanks WG, offloading here does help, but I do realise you ladies have problems of your own to sort......I appreciate any replies I get......................
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Post by winegirl on Dec 9, 2008 17:28:19 GMT
Hey thats what we are here for!
Do you think your wife might come here?? Or maybe contact APNI? I know its difficult as she wont really talk about it.
WG x
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Post by rocker on Dec 10, 2008 8:38:23 GMT
not a chance of her coming here, I've tried before, shes not interested in seeking help for it other than sometimes remembering to take her meds.......to be honest today I've just had enough, booked a night away at the weekend, arranged babysitter, told her all she had to do was pack a bag, and she caused that much fuss about the whole thing, how the house was a mess, 2 weeks to christmas (all LO presents are bought, as is food, decorations are up etc), etc etc then told me to cancel it all, I just can't be bothered, I was only doing it because she told me she was really tired, I thought right get her away for a day, I was taking stuff to amuse myself etc and if all she wanted to do was sleep, that was fine..........I just can't be bothered anymore, just think I should go home put last weekends shopping away which is STILL out despite her being off yesterday, do the tidying, stay up after midnight if it takes it..............basically I'm pretty close to giving up, this isn't living, if it wasn't for our son I think I'd have left by now................sorry feeling pretty crap today, no matter what I do it isn't enough and I just can't do anymore.....................
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Post by cheshire on Dec 10, 2008 13:05:56 GMT
Hi Rocker It really sound slike you need more support yourself  What a lovely idea to take her away for the night. Tell her that I felt exactly the same, but when pushed, really enjoyed the space - you won't know yourselves. Hope you can persuade her. Hopefulx |
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Post by rocker on Dec 10, 2008 14:40:41 GMT
thanks Hopeful, yeah to be honest I do feel closed in, noone there to support me, I was so relieved to get away last weekend.......................anyway, no I'm not going to persuade her, if I go home tonight and the answers still no, then it'll get cancelled and get chalked up as something else I tried to do that she threw back at me, one of my mates pointed out today its roughly 4 months since he was in our house, and his wee boy is only 2 months older than mine...............sad state of affairs really when noone wants to visit............so looks like home tonight, start the mass tidy up, put shopping away, play with wee man, and fall into bed exhausted, then start all over tomorrow by going to work..............
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Post by jemima on Dec 11, 2008 15:54:07 GMT
Hi, am so sorry that you are going through this.How great it is to see you using this site and getting the support you need.I wish my hubby would!
You are being a wonderful suport to your wife and I know things seem terrible at the moment but this is an illness which she will get over,it just takes time and is a long drwan out process which she has to come through and see for herself.
I wish you all the best and just wish that she would take a look here and see the support and friendship that she could have.Take care, Jemima.
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Post by winegirl on Dec 11, 2008 20:38:48 GMT
Hey Rocker
I understand how you are feeling - and my god no wonder, but try and take pride in that all this you are doing is for your son, and you are being a great parent and a great husband and your son will love you for all this...
Hows things tonight??
WG xx
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Post by rocker on Dec 15, 2008 9:50:55 GMT
thanks for the replies, some days keeping thigs together for the wee man is all that keeps me going, mentally I'm that tired from the constant mess and always having to come behind that I just can't anymore.........my main worry to be honest is that I don't want history to repeat itself, my father ended up staying even though the whole world could see him and mum weren't happy, and he admitted he only stayed for me and my sister, I don't want that, I want our happy house back, its just really really difficult at the minute...............anyway, feeling a bit more positive this week, thanks again everyone
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