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Post by monica on May 20, 2010 12:03:12 GMT
I'm sorry I just don't knowwhat else to suggest - perhaps saying you love her but can't go on and that if she doesn't do somethng about it it may be the end? I don't like even suggestign somethng like that but perhaps a threat might spur her into doing something? It does sound as if she's in her own little bubble and can't see beyond it?
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Post by rocker on May 20, 2010 14:55:49 GMT
yeah been through that on the earlier threads, I've told her if she doesn't sort it out we will end up leading seperate lives as our son grows up she doesnt socialise with her friends I'll end up going out more and more without her - I've already said I wouldn't leave as I dont want my son remembering daddy left, even for a few days, although some days I feel that is my only option
yep in a bubble and can't see what everyone else can, hopefully she'll see sense and we'll boh go to the doctors and try and get something worked out to get a kickstart on sorting this - thanks monica
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Post by rocker on Jun 10, 2010 8:00:32 GMT
Here I am again updating my moaning blog lol! We are just going further and further apart. lovely weekend weather wise, my wife spent Saturday indoors reading a 500 page book cover to cover while I looked after our son all day, meals, played with him, did the shopping and put it away....apparently theres nothing wrong with lying on the settee for 6 hours reading a book while the house is a mess and your husband looks after everything all day. Then when your son goes to bed you go to bed too.........I seriously lost it at the weekend, thankfully our son was outside playing with his friends, was just one of those things where all the crap that was left lying around just got lifted and thrown, made me feel better anyway....... Sunday, supposedly my lie in, I was up from 9am playing/spending time with the wee man again, we had a birthday party to go to in the afternoon, she decided she wasn't going (our supposed best friends childs party but since she has distanced herself from everyone she feels awkward) and to be honest I was glad she didnt go, we had a brilliant time and spent the whole day out of the house. When I came back I sat outside in the sun and watched/played with son and his friends. Wife and I never really spoke and again she went to bed when he did.
I've tried to explaining to her that AGAIN she is forcing us apart, I'm basically a single parent at weekends now, she never goes out with me or does anything I suggest cinema etc.........we are no further on than 4 years ago. She isn't pregnant so I've asked her when shes going back to the docs to see how we take this forward with helping get her better........shut up I'm not talking about it. She was off yesterday, I went home from work, no dinner ready, house complete tip and she'd been reading magazines and watching TV all day infact she was sitting playing the DS when I went in "oh is that the time, hadn't realised".............I've actually passed the extreme anger stage I'm now fairly calm about it all because by being angry I'm making myself ill..........I'm trying to get an appointment with our doctor so I can talk it all over, how its affecting me, how shes not helping herself etc
We're supposed to be going away for a week at start of July and I can see it far enough, because everytime we're down there, although we have a good time, it reminds me how much has been on hold, the house we rent out is huge, and theres only 3 of us, reminds me how I'd have loved a 2nd child, and our son keeps asking if we can go and get another baby from the hospital because everybody elses family has 4 or more and we only have 3 and he wants someone to play with when all his friends go in (I'll play with you son, your my daddy you're not my play friend lol!) I'm actually tempted not to go, I love the place and I've never had a bad time there, but a week in each others back pockets just strikes me with fear............
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Post by sarajay28 on Jun 10, 2010 8:40:44 GMT
Hi there, i've never replied to you but have just read this thread from start to finish! Your wife is very lucky to have you but she obviously doesn't realise this! I found myself asking though "why is he still there?" if it had been the other way round (you being this way and your wife doing everything) do you really think that she would still be with you? Yes she is ill, yes she needs support but you are making yourself ill through all of this.
My ex husband had various mental health issues (i also had pni after my 2nd child but had recovered) and he would never seek help, take what was offered etc and in the end for my own sanity i had to leave - initially without my children, but then i fought to get them back. I do know how you feel cos i've been there (its not the same but its similar).
I think the only thing i would say to you is you need to look after yourself first! your son is suffering because of his mummys actions/lifestyle, do you really want him to suffer more because you end up ill too??
apologies if this sounds harsh but you really have been through so much already, why keep doing it to yourself??
Sarah
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Post by rocker on Jun 10, 2010 9:51:08 GMT
thanks Sarah, no not harsh at all, realistically if my son wasn't there, I probably wouldn't be either, at the same time its not unbearable and I don't want my son to think daddy walked out on him, maybe its less hassle to stay than go, plus if I went I'd miss out on all the stuff I do with my son, he's the reason I'm still there, and for me personally thats a very big reason
yeah I've realised my health is suffering I'm trying to get an appointment for me with the doc but I've also started going out on my own more to get my own space, and get a break from it....part of me thinks I just have to stop caring about her now and look after myself, easier said than done, I've always been a "fixer" hard to accept sometimes I can't fix it
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Post by gizmoracer on Jun 10, 2010 10:03:31 GMT
I would definatly say to put as much effort into keeping yourself well and enjoying your time with your son as you can. There really is very little you can do for your wife until she decides she needs help. Extremly fustrating I know but unfortunatly the way the system works. Is there anything that interests her that you can use to get her involved with your son? When I was ill I really wanted to take my children to the park but just couldn't do it. It was a god send when my husband offered to come along. Even then all I did was sit on the bench and not interact with them but I was there and as small a step as it was it was a start.
Hope you get the help you need and please keep updating us.
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Post by rocker on Jun 10, 2010 10:25:11 GMT
there isn't that big an issue in getting her to go places with our son and me, as long as none of our friends that shes treated like crap are going, but then she'll get impatient and want to go somewhere else, she doesn't handle sitting on a bench watching him play in the park well - the other weekend we went to the seaside for a picnic, unpacked lunch, sat down at the table and she spent the next 20 mins going on about all the stuff she wanted done back home in the garden and the house! - I try and get us all out of the house at weekends, God knows I need it stuck in an office all day, every now and again you see a bit of progress, couple of weeks ago I went out with my mates from late afternoon and she took him to the cinema on her own, but these are rare, shes gone swimming with us once, I'm the one who will take him to indoor play places etc, most times she uses that as an avenue to go back to bed - which to be honest suits me sometimes because its easier going without her than listening to the constant talk of what she'd like done in the house, and then constant going on about "tell him we're going soon" when I'd be happy to sit there for an extra half hour
Couple of weeks ago when we had that blisteringly hot weekend, 3 of us headed away for the day, had a brilliant day out, dare I say it a normal day out, left the place we were at late on, and the whole way home she was obsessed about what time we'd be home for - for no reason other than that morning I'd said we'd be home about 9 and it was looking like we may be later - she had nothing to do except go to bed when we got home..............
I know where you're coming from gizmoracer, I've tried and am still trying to involve her, just somedays its not worth the hassle and I'd rather take our son out on my own
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Post by winegirl on Jun 10, 2010 16:19:38 GMT
Oh Rocker, I dont know what to say! Other than I am sorry things are still not improving for you Like you say, if it wasnt for your son, it would be an easy decision.. Maybe you nee dto start getting hard? Leave the house in the tip, feed yourdelf and your son, and let her look after her own needs. Dont make dinner for her, dont clean up after her, refuse to get up in the morning on a sunday with him - go out for a walk/bike ride etc before he gets up and be back after he has woken so she HAS to deal with him.. I know it all sounds harsh, but im thinking about the crusl to be kind thing??? Does that make any sense? WG x
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Post by rocker on Jun 11, 2010 12:24:45 GMT
lol! WG I already do all of that, at the weekends I sort out all the meals but generally saturday tea time is the only one I include her in, I don't tidy up anymore, but then she doesn't either, came home from work on Wednesday, a 2l and 2x 1l open bottles of pepsi lying in the living room, we do have glasses but sure why use those when you can take a bottle and just leave it at your backside when finished?lol The only thing really is the Sunday morning get up and go out for a while, but, and its my own fault, if I was going out I'd rather take him with me than go on my own lol!!
I think I really have tried everything havent I lol? I'm laughing about all this today because its got past the stage of annoyance and irritation, its now just a joke. Already been told I'm going home after work to help her dig out our bedroom and make a start on getting the house sorted......so we'll see how it goes.......at least I'm out tomorrow night at my mates house for the England game!
Have a good weekend everyone
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Post by winegirl on Jun 11, 2010 18:04:54 GMT
Oh ricker, one thing I struggle on is being stumped when it comes to advice, and your situation has really stumped me! Everything I would think of or suggest you have already tried!
I guess the best I can do at this point is be a sympathetic ear?
I hope you have a FAB night out for the England game tomorrow night. I myself will be having the wine on chill during the match, figure best make the most of it, as negative as it sounds, having watched them play Japan the other week I am not confident we will make it too far into the rounds...
Have a good weekend, and know we are here and listening x
WG xx
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