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Post by rocker on Aug 11, 2009 9:46:06 GMT
thanks WG and Monica
second child - 2 years ago, last year, I was busting for it, dying for another child, this year I'm not so sure, I'm older, hell I'll be 40 in just over 2 years time, our son is starting school soon, do I really want to go back to nappies, bottles, sleepless nights etc etc? and still have her in the same "state" as she is now? no probably not
At the start of the year she told me she wanted to get pregnant this year, well actions speak louder than words, I can't see it happening, and no matter what I tell her or try and make her see what shes doing to us, her focus is getting herself ready for another child, I've told her I'm now just a donor and a lodger in our house, any quality time the two of us spend together is only because I've moaned that I never see her, she goes to bed when our child goes to bed, when I come home from work I look after him, play with him etc to give her a break, anything I try and arrange gets shot down..........hang on this is all the same ground in my original messages lol!!
Her health visitor told me until she asked for help herself they can't do anything, our son isn't in danger, the HV has been out to see her but of course the mask comes on and everything is wonderful in the world
sadly, our son has been saying he wants another child to live with him and play in his toy room and buy toys with him and could we go to the hospital and get him one..........we didn't know whether to laugh or cry....
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Post by monica on Aug 11, 2009 11:43:45 GMT
Hi
It's odd isnt' it - when I was in the depths of pni and couldn't have coped with having another child in any shape or form, i was unbelievably broody. However, another baby is lovely - my bf is 42 and we had another baby last year.. My bf adores him and my other children love him to bits too.
Does you wife work? Sorry can't remember.I found once I was recovering going back to work helped hugely as I had a distraction from how I felt. Does she have anyone else she confides in? Her family perhaps?
Off to N Ireland on thurs - hoping my stay isn't marred by the rain!
Monica
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Post by winegirl on Aug 11, 2009 11:59:24 GMT
I have that problem too Rocker... My LO who is now 3 so wants someone to play with, but i just cant have another child right now - personal/work etc etc.. It is heartbreaking though.
I know we cannot offer you much help right now, but we are here and listening and thinking of you x
WG xx
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Post by rocker on Aug 11, 2009 13:18:26 GMT
thanks Monica and WG for the replies, honestly don't think anyone can help us at the minute
Monica - yeah she has the perfect work option, 2 days one week 3 days the next and her parents mind our son, she is definitely a completely different person the days she has to work (once you get her out the door after the initial stress of getting everything ready!). She won't talk to anyone, shes pretty much abandoned her friends, they now have problems of their own so its left to me to deal with
our son will be 4 next week, this has basically been going on for all but 3 months of those 4 years, and shes been back at work since he was 1
hope you get decent weather while you're here, the Tall Ships are here Thur - Sun so theres lots planned down at the docks for families etc - if you need any tips PM me
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Post by winegirl on Aug 11, 2009 17:52:48 GMT
I used to find i was more like `me' at work than at home... And working actually helped me get better in the end!
Hoping things improve for you hun. Sounds like after 4 years you guys deserve it!
Love
WG xx
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Post by sianyc on Aug 12, 2009 14:35:48 GMT
I'm at a bit of a loss at what to say to be honest and that doesn't happen very often!
It just seems so strange to me that she isn't listening to you when you try to talk to her and that nothing has changed in so long. When I saw that you'd been posting again, I assumed it would be with a tale of her recovery.
This probably isn't the right thing to say but I just don't know how you cope with it. I must have said before that I treated my oh horribly and I don't think our relationship could have survived 4 years of that.
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Post by rocker on Aug 13, 2009 8:28:30 GMT
sianyc - I guess theres a bit of me thats ever the optomist. Also the happiness our son brings me (most days lol!) kinda keeps me going, I'll be honest if he wasn't there I know there are times I'd have gone or made her go back home. I am getting tired now though I've told her that, the constant conflict etc, I just try and find things to do or places to go that make me happy, but certainly part of me feels my life has been on hold for most of the last 4 years
she has started her work days again this week, so as usual things are a bit better, she comes home in a better mood than when shes at home all day
I know where this could head though, my parents were similar, my mum was a nightmare, people always asked my dad how he stuck it, and he said it was for us, I've tried showing my wife shes doing exactly the same thing in the way she treats me and other people, but she doesn't see it, and I always swore I'd never end up like my dad lol!!
to be fair she isn't a nightmare all the time, but it is turning into 2 friends with a mortgage and a child and she doesn't seem able to help me correct it
anyway its the wee mans birthday this weekend so hopefully we'll have a good couple of days ahead
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Post by winegirl on Aug 13, 2009 11:18:30 GMT
Oh Happy Birthday to your little boy for this weekend! I hope you all have a lovely time (especially your son) despitre all that is going on.
Much Love
WG xx
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Post by rocker on Aug 13, 2009 12:56:28 GMT
thanks WG I'm sure he/we will
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Post by sianyc on Aug 13, 2009 20:24:33 GMT
Fingers crossed for a good weekend for you x
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Post by gizmoracer on Aug 13, 2009 23:11:38 GMT
Hi Rocker. I just wanted to let you know that I am listening as well. I remember when you first came to us and feel for you having to come back in the same situation again. At the moment I don't think there is anything I can add to what the girls have already said. Its a terrible pain to be unable to help unless she asks for help herself but unfortunatly that is how things are. However you are always welcome here and I hope we can at the very least ease things for you. I hope tomorrow goes well for you all.
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Post by rocker on Aug 14, 2009 8:52:21 GMT
thanks gizmoracer and sianyc, I appreciate being able to come here and vent and just the fact that I get responses helps me, hope you all have a good weekend
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Post by rocker on Dec 3, 2009 13:53:44 GMT
hey everyone, just wanted to say hello and wish you all a Merry Christmas, and thank you again for the support over the last couple of years, I hope things are improving with all of you
small footsteps here no major progress or change but some small steps towards getting better, anyway, I hope 2010 is a lot better for everyone
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Post by winegirl on Dec 4, 2009 11:24:57 GMT
Hi Rocker
Lovely to hear from you and thank you for the best wishes x I am glad some small steps are being made your end. I know it must be frustrating that things are not progressing any quicker for you, but at least small steps are better than none.
Hang in there hun, you guys will come through this.
Wishing you a Merry Christmas to you also, and best wishes for 2010, hopefully a good year ahead for you and your family.
Take Care
WG x
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Post by monica on Dec 30, 2009 14:17:56 GMT
Hi
Good tohear from you and that there is improvement!
Hope you had a good Christmas!
Love
Monica
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