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Post by winegirl on Dec 15, 2008 18:34:31 GMT
Hope this week goes ok for you mate, you know where we are if you need to let of steam x
WG xx
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Post by littlelotty on Dec 17, 2008 23:14:02 GMT
Hi
Sounds like you both dont talk too much about how you actually feel about what is going on and that is similar to me and my OH. We went to relate this year for 4 months and it helped so much and to be honest saved our marriage. It taught us how to communicate with each other and that we cant be mind readers and expect things to change when we dont know and sometimes it is also about the way it is said - as i am learning lol.
Anyway just wanted to say you are doing so well and hang in there.
Take care
Littlelotty xx
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Post by rocker on Dec 19, 2008 8:23:30 GMT
Hi Lotty
I talk, she says nothing, then she claims I don't listen to her..which is partly because she's not listening to me and partly because the way she sees things is completely different to the rest of the world sometimes....... and so the circle continues lol!!....I suggested Relate a few times, she wasn't interested, but you're right about the way things are said, thats always been a problem since she's had the illness...........not that I'm perfect...........anyway getting excited about the presents we have for the wee man so that should hopefully help make it enjoyable........
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Post by littlelotty on Dec 19, 2008 8:39:19 GMT
I can so understand what you have said about about the way your wife sees the world different - that is me - well that is what my OH would say! I think PNI affects the way you think so much and it is so hard for everyone around to understand and support in the right way - i think there is no real right way and that is probably part of the problem. I think relate would help you two so much and maybe something to suggest in the new year - you can have relate sessions over the phone i think now so maybe take a look at their website and when you are both calm to suggest it.
Take care and glad you are getting excited about christmas.
Littlelotty xx
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Post by winegirl on Dec 23, 2008 11:12:17 GMT
Hey Rocker
I hope you all manage to have a good Christmas! I am sure your wee man will have a ball on Thursday morning, and I know that you will do your best to make sure that he does.
Wishing you all the best pal, you deserve it.
Take Care
WG xx
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Post by rocker on Jan 5, 2009 8:39:33 GMT
hey WG thanks, hope you had a good Christmas and a Happy New Year. I suppose the fact that I haven't posted kinda says I had a pretty good Christmas, there were a few rough times, but I'm pretty refreshed from the break off work and we had a great time with the wee man. She's off her meds again which gives some hard days but at least it was nowhere near as bad as I expected! won't say how long shes forgotten to take them for but its pretty obvious............anyway fingers crossed for everyone that 09 is better than 08! thanks again
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Post by winegirl on Jan 5, 2009 10:03:14 GMT
Hi Rocker
Glad you are still in touch and you had a good Christmas!
Sounds like you needed the break mate - you deserve it! I hhope if she is not on the meds she still continues to have more good days than bad. You no where we are if you need us x
Happy New Year to you and family!!
WG x
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Post by littlelotty on Jan 5, 2009 21:00:36 GMT
Hi Rocker
Really glad you had a good christmas and new year and hoping your 09 is much better.
I think you probably needed the break and glad you feel a bit more refreshed.
Take care and keep posting on here if you need us.
Littlelotty xx
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Post by rocker on Jan 25, 2009 22:20:46 GMT
/steam off.................. really hacked off tonight, just had 3 weekends of straight abuse, grief, crap in general.........I've tried making more effort but when you get nothing back but crap what the hell is the point? caught her twice this morning picking at me over stuff that didn[t involve me but she thought she could rope me in for a fight, yesterday she didn[t get up til 3pm, suited me cos me and the wee man went out for the day and had a great time, but in reality thats us back to the start, thats where we were 3 years ago, me doing majority parent role at weekends...............but she can't see that, I've tried telling her, her parents have tried, they suggested Relate on Friday, all she said was you can't be happy all the time, whats the point, she told me the other week she didn[t need tablets any more shes a lot better than she used to be and doesn't need help? yet again all day today constant repetition of questions, won't it be alright, won[t that fix it, sure it won't get worse, it'll be alright......can we look for......won't you help me look, later on can we look for............grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr yet I am expected to take it be nice, and say nothing in return............... we're gonna end up in our 40's and nothing will have changed.........whats the point? grrrrrrr /steam let off
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Post by winegirl on Jan 25, 2009 22:29:20 GMT
Hey Rocker
I am sorry that things have gone down hill for you again. Have you thought about printing off what you have posted here and showing it to your wife? I know that my husband was so supportive of me, and yet when he had had enough I just didnt listen. I only see that now I am well again. But if I had read it like you have written it, no holds barred, it may have been a bit of a shock for me and made me sit up and take notice.
Keep letting off steam here, I am sorry we cant do much to help, but we are listening pal x
Take Care
WG xx
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Post by rocker on Jan 26, 2009 8:44:41 GMT
thanks WG, having this place to let off steam helps
while I haven't printed it off, I've pretty much told her to her face and written her letters but it just gets gloassed over, all she can see is that I won't meet her "demands" i.e. the constant will you do this, that, the other, sometimes she thinks I'm a slave........and she just sits there and barks out orders, and when I don't do it " you won't help me, I can't do it all on my own" is what gets thrown back at me.............so she thinks I don't help her round the house and all I do is shout and be nasty, when in fact I shout once my patience has been broken, and its all in retaliation to the way I'm treated and no matter how many times I tell her this..........she never sees it...........apparently I have no grounds for complaint if I'm up at 6am with our wee man and she rolls out of bed at 3pm..................
was looking in the medicine cupboard for something this morning, found a full box of her meds thats a year old.......................
anyway..........Monday again, back in work today, so everything will blow over until the weekend again I'm sure
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Post by winegirl on Jan 28, 2009 21:16:15 GMT
Hope you week goes ok rocker and the weekend will be improved for you too...
WG xx
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Post by rocker on Aug 10, 2009 15:00:33 GMT
well I'm back....have been lurking on and off, but we're back at a ridiculous stage again and I feel I've nowhere left to turn, and if it wasn't for our son, I'd be walking out the door because thats the only thing that I think can bring her to her senses now a lot of the same stuff still going on, getting asked the same things repeatedly, a few weeks ago, I noted down every question she asked me, 26 questions were repeats of what she'd asked me earlier and its not because she forgot the answer, it was things like, won't so and so be okay, when we go home won't you do the dishes or whatever............... tiny improvement in our sex life, but for someone who is apparently longing for a second child its nowhere near enough to actually call it trying, infact the way conversations have gone I now believe I am a donor and a lodger, as apparently we only need to know roughly what 3 days to do it, no need for any other time..........uh HELLO? so fed up, I've spoken to her parents and they don't feel theres anything they can do, they see it, they've tried, they're stumped, our doc wasn't much help the last 2 times, so I dont see any point going back there.......................just need to fix my mind on our son, escaping the odd time to a friends house, and just getting on with life, as it looks like my marriage has had it and despite telling her 3 or 4 times a week how I feel, she appears uninterested or unable to do anything ..........
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Post by winegirl on Aug 10, 2009 15:09:23 GMT
Hi Rocker
I am so sorry that things are rough for you again. The thing is if she is not willing to help herself or accept that she needs help it all becomes a bit stuck.
Perhaps you can call her HV? Or even your local mental health team? I dont know. It is so difficult if she cannot see herself that there is a problem.
There is always the option of an ultimatum, but I know that is not feasible as you need to be there for your son.
Could you sort of leave this thread printed off somewhere for her to see to get the picture a bit?
Her head will be all over the place. She will be aware of that on some level if she is constantly repeating questions for reassurance. How is she with doing day to day stuff?
WG x
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Post by monica on Aug 10, 2009 15:58:53 GMT
Hello
Good to hear from you but I am still sorry things haven't significantly improved.
i do feel for your wife however, I also feel for you. I'm sure your 'old' wife is in their somewhere but as WG said it is hard to help someone that doesn't want to be helped. It sounds as if her family are very supportive.
I would urge you to make some sort of a 'life' for yourself (sounds as if you do that) - just so you enjoy going out etc and try and detach yourself a bit from what's going on at home.
I fyou don't mind me asking, how do you feel about having another child? It' seems a littl eunfair on you if she's having sex to have a child and that's it.
All thebest
Monica
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