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Post by brach24 on Mar 14, 2017 4:25:17 GMT
I'm awake in the middle of the night again. Something wakens me and it takes a few hours to get back over. It's been every night for last six nights. My anxiety is really high and I have to work really hard at stopping an anxiety attack. I nearly vomited a couple of night ago just from working myself up. Most of the anxiety is social anxiety. Over things that others would see as trivial. They are massive deals to me. I try not and let myself think or analyse things at night as it's never positive. Just distract till the morning when I have more perspective. The last couple of days the anxiety has arisen during the days too. Maybe because of tiredness. I have been snapping at the kids and feeling like a bad mum for it but at the end of my energy so when they do things or ask for tings that are going to use my last few bits of energy I get cranky. Hoping to meet my friend tomorrow which will be nice . Work tomorrow evening will included a meeting with my client which could be a pivotal moment for him. I love this part of the job. Def will miss it for the promotion but will be involved in client reviews etc.
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Post by Kirsty on Mar 14, 2017 9:52:27 GMT
I'm sure you will have a nice day tomorrow with your friend. It's always good to have a catch up and a distraction for a few hours. Don't feel like a bad mum, we all have moments where we shout at the kids. They know how to push our buttons. Anxiety is a killer, but it's great you can say to yourself get through the night until I have more perspective that's really great you can think that way. I hope you can get some decent sleep soon x
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Post by monica on Mar 14, 2017 21:42:26 GMT
Brach it's like we're both cut from the same cloth atm - I'm feeling crap, ratty with kids and guilty so i understand that completely. Don't be harsh on yourself. You are doing amazingly yet not feeling too good. Do you think this has triggered the anxiety? Maybe try something like mindfulness to ease the anxiety? Would it be worth talking to Drs about this?
Good luck with your client. It sounds like you do an amazing job and your promotion is much deserved. I'm sure even if the active part of your current role will diminish you'll still do much good just in a different way.
I hope your meeting with friend goes well tomorrow and gives you a big boost x
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Post by Kirsty on Mar 15, 2017 20:34:07 GMT
How are you? X
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Post by brach24 on Mar 16, 2017 21:33:48 GMT
I'm not sure how I am. It's been a tough week. Wondering if some meds would help again. It's only been a week of feeling like this (anxious and low) and it's off the back of an exhausting weekend. I don't feel a danger to myself but I'm ruining my important relationships. I am pushing the kids away, being incredibly grumpy with them and husband. It's prob just exhaustion. My eldest felt ill during school today but instead of being sympathetic I just play it down. Partly because I just don't have the physical energy for it and partly I don't have the emotional energy for her drama. But my kids deserve better and if that takes meds then I'll do it. Will wait another week though. I'm sure there's more sleep to be had. Promotion got finalised today when I read the notice telling the staff team I start next week haha! It's just "acting" the post for now but that suits me. I had such a good meeting with my client today and then had to break it to him that I wouldn't be continuing our work together. He was incredibly encouraging about how I'd helped him so far on his journey which was a boost. I desperately hope he makes a go of his recovery - haven't been this emotionally involved in years. I think I have actually been energised by Work today rather than drained by it. Was so good to get away from home too. I just feel that I'm doing a bad job here. Xx
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Post by Kirsty on Mar 16, 2017 21:37:42 GMT
Your not doing a bad job at all. This parenting thing is bloody hard!!!! So so hard and your doing a fab job. Glad the meeting went well. I hope you pick up soon x
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Post by monica on Mar 17, 2017 19:09:59 GMT
I agree you're not doing a bad job - you're just knackered! I find too that tiredness = grumpiness . Maybe talk to hubby explaining how you are and that's the reason for your mood. Perhaps he can help out and he'll know the reason behind it.
Do try to catch up on sleep. You'll be better able to gauge whether you need some sort of meds or not. Are you thinking of antids? If so my experience was positive but I would advise trying other avenues like catching g up on sleep , small life changes as meds are quite a commitment.
Superb boost on the work front - fantastic to get such positive feedback from client and on the promotion. Go girl! X
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Post by brach24 on Mar 20, 2017 14:35:45 GMT
Really worried - my boobs have been sore for a week now. Just a bit tender but enough to grab my attention. It's almost like when I was breastfeeding and felt uncomfortable. With that in mind I looked at my nipple and when I squeezed a little (like a hand expression) clear liquid came out. I'm not sure what to do. I don't want to have to go to gp with kids in tow and they won't book appointments ahead for when I can organise childcare. I'm hoping it's just a hormonal things as my libido went to zero for the first time in my life last week. I just don't want sex at all. I've never felt like that for more than a night before... even when I've been exhausted haha!! I'm also freaking out incase it's pregnancy - I've been on the pill. But I know it's not 100%. I can hardly cope with my life at present - the thought of a 4th baby is not doable. Really I couldn't do this again.
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Post by Kirsty on Mar 20, 2017 15:06:52 GMT
Bless you, hormones have so much to bloody answer for. I hadn't had a period for 2 months and I was think oh god. I did a test and then came on the next day lol however I'm in so much bloody pain with it I'm worried maybe I was :/ anyway I hope you can get an appointment and that your not if it's not want you want. Big hugs x
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Post by monica on Mar 20, 2017 18:52:54 GMT
Hi just a quick post as I had the same thing - I was trying for a baby and thought I was pregnant as had sore boobs then clear/ milky fluid which lasted a while no doubt not helped by me poking and prodding them. I was referred to breast unit as I had this for a couple of months to be told it's normal! They said if there's blood it can be a sign of precancerous cells. Obviously I'm not a dr and do consider getting it checked out for peace of mind but don't panic - maybe do the test to be on the safe side x
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Post by brach24 on Mar 20, 2017 21:33:47 GMT
Shortly after I wrote my diary entry I got a call from gp. I need to go see the nurse about my next pill script so will bring it up then... and try my best to use a healthy dose of ignoring it till then! I think it is a hormonal shift. I don't get periods on my pill so hard to know where I am in cycle. Didn't feel like this with preg before so trying to reassure myself with that. Your stories were helpful too thanks ladies.
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Post by monica on Mar 21, 2017 20:50:36 GMT
Glad all is ok and you feel reassured . Our bodies are strange things at times ! X
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Post by quantumrose on Mar 21, 2017 21:12:40 GMT
Hey Brach, you are such a wonderful mum. I sometimes feel like to be a good mum is to doubt that you are one! All my best mummy friends have crisis of confidences when it comes to their mumming skills. I for one and Monica and Kirsty, all think you are a mummy of true grace and understanding for your children. You are awesome :-) As for boobie worries, it can take a very long time for milk to dry up. Upwards of 18 months sometimes. So it could be that. Or it could very hormones. You are doing the right thing not worrying about it now and mentioning it to the nurse. I don't think it's anything to worry about. Your meeting with your client sounds so rewarding. And you got promoted?! Go Brach!! I'll have a drink to celebrate with you later :-) Much love, lovely lady xxx
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Post by Kirsty on Mar 24, 2017 16:54:26 GMT
You are a wonderful mummy, have you seen the nurse yet? If so how did it go? X
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Post by quantumrose on Mar 26, 2017 9:14:32 GMT
Happy Mother's Day to you Brach. I hope you get looked after, you so deserve it fabulous lady :-) much love xxx
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