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Post by brach24 on Jun 13, 2017 23:04:40 GMT
Thanks Monica, it's taking a while to sink in. Info is hard to find so hard to think over choices. Have pushed my hubby away further - he never shows much interest in my health unless it affects him. I need not to make my health choices based on whether it inconveniences him. Find myself wanting to throw the towel in completely - sign off work - go on disability - stop all the activities I do and just become a victim to it all... but in reality life continues almost as normal and I carry my usual load.
I don't aim to have an easy life. I don't want to finish my life, look back and say "well that was easy". I want it to be fruitful and sometimes that means battling for normal life against every part of me that wants to give in and be victim
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Post by monica on Jun 17, 2017 15:18:18 GMT
Big hugs Brach. It's so much to take on board, decisions to make, worry. It's only human to want to yake an option that would be easier on many levels. You ha e so much to offer maybe with treatment , although hard, will help in the long run?
I'm sorry your hubby isn't being supportive. Sounds like he can't really handle what's going on so detaches himself.
Keep talking Brach x
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Post by monica on Jun 28, 2017 10:53:34 GMT
How's life Brach? Hope you're feeling better x
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Post by brach24 on Jul 8, 2017 21:23:24 GMT
Things went from bad to worse for a while there. I developed calcific tendonitis in my shoulder. I thought I'd dislocated it and went to a&e ( after a week of growing pain). They diagnosed the ct and gave me a sling. I couldn't move my left arm at all without severe pain. They told me it would take years to heal and sent me off. It's been a real brain screw - years of not driving, needing help with the kids, my summer plans out the window... the pain!! I kept going at work because I just need to learn to adapt when it's a long term thing. The gp made some referrals - physio etc but again reiterate it taking years to heal. The next gp I saw was about all my other health stuff. She said she reckoned it would be months and we made a plan to postpone my other treatments till I sorted out painkillers. On Monday i went to a prayer group thing and since then it's been amazing. I've got all my movement back over the last few days and I'm off all the painkillers. I'm not trying to be in your face religious - just telling you what's happened. It might have happened anyway. I've still got all my other health concerns going on and some residual pain in my shoulder and the fear of it coming back again but wow - life is good. I'm having quite a lot of thoughts about parenting and my little voice that always tells me I'm a bad mum (the trigger of so much of my pnd!). It's been helpful to challenge some of the things that I am doing badly/finding difficult. A real boost in my friend asking if I could be listed on the will as taking care of her kids if they pass away. Obv never wish it to happen but she said so many beautiful things about my parenting and choosing someone who she thought were good parents etc. Mega boost !! In your face negative self talk!! Hubby has been lots more helpful with the shoulder/arm stuff - he stepped up massively with housework etc Could do with a night down the pub with all you lovely ladies - miss the chat here. It's good I don't have much pnd related stuff to work through but I miss popping in here xx
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Post by monica on Jul 10, 2017 15:23:38 GMT
Hi
Wow Brach - what a rollercoaster of a ride! So pleased you're feeling better shoulderwise and it's so good to have something in your life that makes you feel positive like your prayer group - and who knows it might have been the reason your shoulder eased up.
I think most of us especially pni mums have those kind of doubts about their parenting skills. It's a hard habit to break out of. I can tell and I 've known you albeit virually for a while now, that you are an amazing mum but it can be hard breaking out of that negative thought pattern that we're not good for our kids. We're not perfect but we do our best and it's important to try to recognise that. I often think my kids don't do this or don't do that due to my failings - it's almost as I need a virtual slap to wake my out of that train of thought. Your friend asking you to look after her children should the worst happen is proof of exactly how others view your excellent parenting skills so much so she'd wish you to look after her kids in the event of her death. That really is the ultimate compliment.
How is work going? How are the little treasures?
Wouldn't it be ace to meet up over a little vino and chat face to face - you know you can always come here whether pni related or not - you're such a fantastic and valued member of our little clubx
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Post by quantumrose on Aug 5, 2017 20:25:08 GMT
Hi Brach,
How are you? Think of you often x I so wish we could meet up, it feels like we've had many a natter over a cuppa anyway but to do it in real life would be awesome :-)
How's your shoulder? And the sprogs?
I've been thinking about spirituality and religion a fair bit recently, It's always been an important part of my life and i think it's great that you've found comfort in your prayer group.
much love to you, big hug xxx
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Post by monica on Aug 11, 2017 12:10:43 GMT
How are you Brach? X
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Post by monica on Aug 30, 2017 10:43:03 GMT
How are you Brach? X
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Post by brach24 on Sept 16, 2017 20:53:00 GMT
Hey, sorry for the radio silence. Been a tough wee time. Physically, mentally and emotionally. Don't really know where to start. Every story seems like a long one. Currently on fluoxetine. Started very difficult - headaches and dodgy tummy, no sleep and hyperness. Mostly settled after s few weeks but still hyper, no concentration and no orgasims. Ran out of meds on Monday and dr wouldn't see me for emergency appt to review and couldn't get routine appt. eventually got emergency appt on fri. I've said it before but you need to be really well to engage with mental health services!! Anyway the gap left me very low and struggling with coping. Started again today and I sure if it'll be back to square one with headaches etc or if tolerance is still there. Time will tell. Mood is lifting already though. Makes me worry about when I do stop though. Hope the rest of you are ok. Xx
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Post by monica on Sept 17, 2017 14:31:59 GMT
Hi Brach
Don't ever apologise for not being in here - this is your space and you control it.
Sounds like life has been pretty rubbish for you. If you want to share what's been going on with your life you know we're here to listen.
How long ha e you been on the meds? Glad mood is lifting - hope the other symptoms fade in time. I too found that antids affected ability to orgasm. Think that's a common side effect. Things did improve though on that front - I hope they do for you. Get a vibrator - I wish I had!
Seriously though sending you big big hugs as I'm sure life has been hard but hoping everything starts to turn around and improve X
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Post by monica on Sept 17, 2017 14:34:04 GMT
Don't worry about stopping now - you'll get to a point and feel ready to come off meds and then take it one step at a time.
Btw I think it's outrageous you were made to wait 5 days for emetgency appt! That's awful but hoping things pick up - you should have to deal with the initial side effects just because you've had a gap X
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Post by monica on Nov 2, 2017 19:40:37 GMT
Hi Brach
Just wondering how you're doing? X
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Post by monica on Dec 17, 2017 8:30:11 GMT
Hi there Brach
Hope you and yours are keeping well . I was just wondering how life has been treating you .
Monica
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Post by brach24 on Jan 5, 2018 22:44:14 GMT
Hi just popping by, thanks for asking how I’m doing Monica. This is such a safe place. I’ve had a bit of a crash this week. Had been doing well and took on the world! Carrying too much. Got off the fluoxetine as it was making life harder. Waiting to see a hand surgeon to discuss what the next steps are for my hands. Taking my eldest to see a specialist next week about her sore joints and so nervous that they’ll tell us she has my disease. My aunts dementia is getting worse and I’m the only one popping in regularly. I’m managing once a week but feel like she needs so much more. I phone through the week but am wondering if I need to give something up so I’m free to care more. Not sure how you make that call. It’s really hard and sad. Had to take our 13year old dog to the vet today to be put down. So hard and so sad. I’m so fed up of being the responsible adult doing the hard and sad things.
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Post by monica on Jan 15, 2018 11:56:28 GMT
Welcome Brach!
It's always wonderful to hear from you and glad that things have been well.
I'm sorry you've dipped - it sounds like you have alot on your mind so I do think anyone in your postion would feel pretty low and stressed.
Perhaps try to tackle each problem one at a time - it might feel less overwhelming. Also could you get anyone on board tohelp you? You have lots of responsibility and it's shitty carrying that load.
How did you get on with your eldest? That's a huge worry for anyone. Could treatments or 'things' be put in place to help her manage the condition if it comes to that? Again knowledge is power in some respects so at least you'll know if she has it.
I'm sorry about your aunt. Dementia is cruel (my dad has it) so I have a little insight. Would you be able to talk to gp about this - maybe getting social services in volved perhaps occupational therapist so at least there would be a safety net and it might take off some of the pressure off you.
All the best with the hand surgeon - when will you get that appt?
Big hugs Brach - you're doing an amazing job and don't forget it. Free up a little bit of time for yourself as you deserve it - in fact insist on it! You know we're always here if you want to talkx
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