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Post by newwie on Feb 11, 2007 20:18:12 GMT
Hi Just wanted to say that im glad that you are finding the cbt therapy good. You must have a really good therapist there, hang on to him. How are you finding the buil dup to the phychatrist and stuff? Just wondered as i always feel nervous and im sure you will aswell. The statements you have to challenge are good and when you have challenged them im sure that will make a diffeence as you will see that you will have devoured them before you realise it and then start to think more positive than before or even find yourself questioning your actions etc. The anger management sounds good, could do with some of that myself due to meds i am a raving lunatic at the min. Are you not nervous about this? I would. Is it a group thing or one-one? Im glad that you are also finding help and support for yourself and it must help the allround wellbeing of th whole family too i bet that makes you feel so proud. If it doesnt it should. Well done you. Newwie
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Post by helenr on Feb 11, 2007 22:20:26 GMT
Hi Matt, just wanted to say well done you! Love and hugs to you and Lucy x.
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Post by villagewife on Feb 13, 2007 18:56:39 GMT
Hi Matt,
Good to hear how things are going - you are doing the right thing by tackling the issues head-on, however tough that might be. And, one day this experience will be behind you and your family.
VW
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dl
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Posts: 44
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Post by dl on Feb 24, 2007 9:00:40 GMT
Hi Yoyo, Newwie, Helenr and Villagewife,
As ever, many thanks for taking the time out to reply and (as ever) many apologies for the delay in getting back on here - I have gone back to work full-time and am trying to go to work to work...not spending my time 'googling' PNI/Self-Harm and reading through posts here....it's hard though!!
A quick update - Lucy has had a really tough couple of weeks for all sorts of reasons - she built herself up for several days for a review appointment with the Psychiatrist...only for it to be cancelled at the last minute....great!! Also her Mum was here for a week and that was tough..a series of 'home truth' sessions which left Lucy feeling emotionally shattered.
The Psych appointment has been rescheduled for this Tuesday...hopefully they'll up the meds and refer Luce to the home-care team....at times Lucy feels 'lost' as she knows she is out of hospital but still feels stuck "surely I can feel more better than this....is this IT?" is the sort of thing that goes through her head at times...it must be so frustrating and I so wish I could do more to help.
As ever the HV has been great and has told the CPN and the Psych team to "sort their act out"...actually her words were a bit stronger than that.
As for me...I'm still going to my sessions (Newwie: currently one2one) and need to buy a self-help book....I have actually tried a couple of the techniques at times and actually felt calmer for doing it........maybe there's a glimmer of hope but I know we're still firmly strapped in to the roller-coaster that is PNI!
As ever, love to all Matt
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Post by cheshire on Feb 24, 2007 18:13:08 GMT
Hi Matt and Lucie
Good to hear from you.
It's a hard journey, but you will get there.
Hugs to you both Hopefulxx
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Post by helenr on Feb 25, 2007 20:41:15 GMT
Hi Matt and Lucy,
so good to hear from you!
I have home care team at present, and i'm really glad i let them come in, they've been wonderful. Even if all they do is help me take the kids out, or if oh is off they take me out for a coffee. Hope Lucy finds hers as helpful,
love and hugs to you both x.
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Post by Veritee on Mar 7, 2007 20:47:41 GMT
Hi Matt We have not heard from you and Lucy for a bit so I wondered how you are both doing ? I was also concerned because for a minute I worried that maybe you are the same Matt that wrote the 'I don't know what to do with my partner' thread. I am sure that you are not because he said his baby was born on the 12th of Feb at 21.23. and your child was born 8 months ago - but I hope you understand that when we can not see faces and only have names and circumstances to go on it gets confusing when you have two men with the same name - sorry I hope this does not upset you - but sometimes people start new threads which seem to be from someone else because they are making a cry for help - and the 'I don't know what to do with my partner' thread is certainly a cry for help but I am sure you are not the same Matt However I did want to follow you up and see how you were doing ? I hope that you are both doing fine ? Veritee XXX
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dl
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Post by dl on Mar 8, 2007 7:33:45 GMT
Hi Veritee
Just a quick post to say thanks for your concern (and thanks to Hopeful and Helenr for your posts too)
It's not me - Isla's first Birthday is tomorrow (9th) - Lucy is currently feeling low as it's brought it home that it's been a year and "how much longer.......?"
Saw a new Psych last week and she was very good and really seemed to listen - Lucy is now on 225 venlafaxine...too early to tell yet I think
Must go now - need to get ready for work.
Thanks as ever to all those who read and special thanks to those who post
Love to all, Matt
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Post by helenr on Mar 9, 2007 13:37:57 GMT
Hi Matt and Lucy,
I too was on venlaflaxine 225mg, and they really helped. I've had to come off them for various reasons - but I hope Lucy gets as much releif as I did.
Love and hugs to you both
helen x
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lucie
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Post by lucie on Mar 10, 2007 5:09:42 GMT
Lucy here! Normally i don't post in this section as i kind of regard it as Matt's space but i thought it might help me to write a bit from my side as well.
Currently early hours of the morning and i can't sleep, have left Matt upstairs in bed and thankfully the girls are alseep. Am hoping that by coming down here and writing i might make myself tired enough to sleep again. Had thought about taking a sleeping tablet last night, i tend to only take them now at the weekends otherwise i would never get up in the morning and get the girls up. However i fancied a drink to celebrate Isla's first birthday yesterday and as i have experienced the sleeping tablets and alcohol really don't mix, it is one or the other! So now i have a slight hangover and can't sleep, wish i had taken the sleeping tablet now.
Can't believe Isla was one yesterday, where has the year gone. It has been a really hard week for me as i have been feeling really tearful. Lots of emotion caught up in her birthday, what would have happened if i hadn't of been here, did i make the right choice etc. The answer is yes, i am glad that i am still here. I do have such a loving husband and two lovely girls that despite the fact i feel crap a lot of the time, this mum is better than no mum at all.
Have had better support this week, spent time with my homestart volunteer who is turning out to be a real friend to me. Spent most of Monday afternoon in floods of tears whilst she was here but at least i wasn't on my own.
My health visitor saw me on Tuesday and turned up at just the right time as i was in a complete state. I was was in the middle of trying to bake stuff for Isla's birthday (trying to be the 'perfect mum'!), she threw up all over the carpet, i got covered in sick, rushed upstairs to get her changed, put her on the changing table turned my back for a second and she feel off onto the floor. Well, you can imagine the state i was in then. As any mum with pni knows if something like that happens to your child then instantly you feel the words worst mum for days on end. Thankfully the HV appeared at this moment in time and rather than frowning at me for letting my baby fall on the floor she just let me cry. It was not a good day!
I think all this stress this week has been about getting through yesterday. I wanted Isla's first birthday to be the 'best'. I felt like i had to make it up to her for having PNI and for not being as good as i should have been over the past year. Of course this meant i had to organise a tea party for all her friends and their brothers and sisters. So yesterday there were 8 children here, i made a cake and did 101 other things. The things we mums do!
Unfortunately due to the fact that i have been feeling tearful all week and was building up to yesterday afternoon, i didn't do so well with the self harm. It was my way of coping yesterday morning, feel cross at myself that i did it on Isla's birthday but it helped me to get through the afternoon if that makes sense?
Thankyou to those out there who reply to this, i know Matt finds it really helpful. I am not so good at coming on and writing how i feel. Somehow seeing it in black and white makes it real and i like to pretend a lot of the time that there is nothing wrong with me.
Going to try and get some sleep now. xx
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Post by monica on Mar 10, 2007 15:35:50 GMT
Hi lucie
You are superwoman - and don't try to tell yourself differently. Wow, catering for 8 kids, I trully take my hat off to you. Try and remind yourself of your achievements (it's so easy with PNI to constantly tell yourself about failures and forget to praise what you've achieved).
I think the child's 1st brithday is a huge landmark and I can relate to how you felt. I thought that on my son's 1st bday, I'd feel so happy about how far I'd come, but like you it's reminder of how shit things were. But as I have mentioned above, it's easy to forget how much you've improved and you have.
Try not to be too hard on yourself on the self harm front. I doubt recovery from it is ever an overnight success. You have an emotionally stressful weekend not to mention all the physical preparations of organising the party and your child being sick. This is your way of coping.
I hoep you get a bit of time to chill out and relax after your busy week.
Love
Monica
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dl
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Post by dl on Mar 15, 2007 7:18:53 GMT
Hi Monica,
Matt here again
Many thanks for your post - I completely agree; Lucy is Superwoman....she doesn't see it though.
Both girls have chicken pox at the mo and Lucy has been fantastic with them.
I'll post more soon but I need to go now as I have a couple of days off work to paint Emily's bedroom
As ever, love to all Matt
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Post by Veritee on Mar 15, 2007 10:31:36 GMT
Hi Matt and Lucy
Thank you Lucy for telling us how its been, we understand that this sort of support is not for everyone , but I have wondered how you are getting on.
Sorry about the chicken pox!! how are they now?
Congratulations on Isla reaching one - this is a milestone in every parents life and it sounds like despite the stress of the birthday arrangements, you actually dealt with is so well.
I think many of us make a big thing about their birthdays - I too always did and felt like you ' I felt like i had to make it up to her for having PNI '
I felt this every year and have now hosted 17 birthdays that were really 'BIG' I would not be the same as me in this as for her last birthday I combined it with an adult party, for our friends and other parents I have known since her birth and had it outside in our field, people camped and stayed over night including 20 of her teenage friends and their were about 160 people altogether!!!!
it was hell actually to arrange and clear up after - every year I say 'never' again ' but I always do - It is something I feel I can give her as we have the space and she likes parties.
but anyway you go through it and it sounds great.
And I know it will be really helpful that you are getting on with your home start visitor. Don't worry if you are in tears all the time she is there, thats OK, its what you need right now - I am just so glad you are finding her supportive. Try not to feel guilty about the self harm when it happens as this will make it worse.
It is a method of coping with your feelings that works for you at the moment. Obviously it has some real drawbacks - but so does alcohol and other methods many have used apart from self harm... so of course I am not encouraging you to do it , but if you do do it please do not be unkind to yourself afterward. I know that as the distress gets less your self harm will get less.
I am sure others have said this but it is best to concentrate on lessening the distress that is behind your self harm i.e by support counseling etc which I know you are doing.
All the best to you and Matt
Veritee XX
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dl
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Posts: 44
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Post by dl on Apr 18, 2007 12:39:53 GMT
Dear all, Firstly an apology - it's been ages since I posted on here...mainly as a result of being fully immersed in work/DIY/Family etc - I'm at work as I write this but found (for various reasons) that I couldn't concentrate so I'm come on the forum and looked at existing/current posts and 'old' ones such as my own. Secondly - this is the post I never thought I'd write. Lucy is not 'better' but she is definitely more 'her'...we had a major blip a couple of weeks ago but atleast they are blips now and not constant. She is improving mainly as a result of 225mg venlafaxine and CBT...which we are fortunate to access privately. FINALLY the NHS is coming close to doing what they should and she is now on a waiting list for a slightly different therapy to CBT and she is now under a different Psychiatrist. The great thing is that we talk more now - mainly as a result of her therapy but also mine. My therapist is great and I'm slowly learning to apply techniques for mood control from the book "Mind over Mood" to control my anger, guilt,anxiety,worry and stress. This in turn makes me more approachable to Lucy which helps to open up the communication channels. It's still early days and at some stage I suppose we have the "coming off venlafaxine" battle to contend with but the most important and immediate thing is that Lucy is more Lucy-like. Maybe the PNI rollercoaster is waiting at the top of yet another dip or maybe it's currently travelling along level tracks....and maybe I'm now in a position to believe the latter even exists as a possibility I have read some very sad and desperate posts on this site and I really wish I had the time to reply to them all - I hope you don't mind but I wanted to update my own little story and hopefully share some of my hope. As ever, Love to all, Matt
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Post by helenr on Apr 18, 2007 19:31:43 GMT
Hi Matt,
how lovely to hear from you, was getting a little worried!
I'm so happy for you and Lucy, please stay hopeful. Be kind to yourselves and not worry yet about coming off the venlaflaxine, new guidelines are if its working, then to stay on it for approx 2 yrs, so you both have loads of time.
My love to both of you, and well done! love and hugs x
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