Reaching out

[winegirl]

Hi Matt

How odd I was just thinking about you guys earlier! I am glad Lucy is getting better and you can now put the bad times down to blips.

I am really pleased the CBT is working, I have heard such great things about it!

As helenr said, Lucy could be on her meds for quite sometime, so don't worry about her coming off them, that will happen when the time is right.

So pleased to hear from you, look after yourselves and hope to hear more good news from you soon.

Take Care

Winegirl x

[villagewife]

Hi Matt,

Great to hear that things are improving for you and your family! Really pleased for you guys and thanks for sharing the good news,
VW

[dl]

Hi Helenr, Winegirl and Villagewife,

Many thanks for your posts and for your comments about the meds - that helped.

I dared to believe that things were getting better and shortly after my post I discovered that Lucy had been wearing the mask a bit again and I got caught out by believeing that things were 'fine' - the last couple of weeks have been quite difficult for me for all sorts of reasons.

The odd thing now is that my CBT is helping me see how my reactions help...or in the case of the last couple of weeks, hinder...Lucy's recovery.

I'm off to therapy again this afternoon to explore further all my 'should' statements that drive and fuel my anger towards the situation - it's an interesting and at times very painful process...

Love to all,
Matt

[sianyc]

Good Luck

[winegirl]

Hi Matt

How did the therapy go?

Thinking of you guys x

Winegirl x

[dl]

Hi Sianyc and Winegirl,

Many thanks for your posts.

The therapy was good thanks although I didn't go the way I expected it to. I had intended to try and confront my drinking head-on but instead my therapist picked up on something else (as he often does).....resentment

Lucy and I had a big 'row' last Thursday night...it wasn't a shout and scream thing but I had had a lot to drink and some of my pent up emotion came out...maybe it needed saying just not slurred and at 1 am in the morning!!

We looked at the whole resentment issue...how I resent PNI, resent not having >:(my Wife back all the time, resent the fact that I think she's better because she wears the mask and catches me out and resent the fact that her brother still acts as though he doesn't have a crea in the world....I won't say too much as this is my main 'trigger' subject!! .

We did a bit of weird role-play where he pretended to be Lucy and got me to say stuff to 'her' and then pointed out just how aggressive I can be...even when I think I'm being calm .

I'm like that because I want to protect her, to look after, to support her, to care for her. I realised however that I was being part of the problem and not part of the solution.

My therapist encouraged me to find the right time to talk to Lucy and over the weekend we had a heart-toheart over lunch..mostly about how her self-harm affects me and how I feel I need to 'cope'.

We have now 're-set' things although it's a hard week for Lucy - she is off for a DBT assessment this afternoon (any thoughts on DBT would be welcome), off to see her CBT counsellor tomorrow and is see the Psych again on Friday.

I so wish I could take it all away but I recognise I'mve got to give her the space and time to process this for herself..meantime....lots of hugs!!!!!

Love to all,
Matt

[dl]

Dear all,

I hope you don't mind but I wanted to post an update today as it was a year ago today that Lucy was admitted to hospital.

Obviously this has triggered memories of last year for us both.

I honestly cannot believe how much better Lucy is - very much like the 'old' Lucy (before PNI). When people told me that she will recover etc I just couldn't see it and wondered how we would ever get through it.

She now has a new job which she loves, Emily (4) has just started School and Isla (20 months) is a fantasticly cheeky bullet-proof toddler.

The hardest thing I've found recently is trying to find a way for me to share in Lucy's "betterness" (think I just created a word there - sorry)

Last year if Lucy said she was "fine" she actually meant something different with potentially alarming consequences. Now if Lucy says she's "fine" - she really is but I find myself looking out for all the signs of old...which aren't there.

I suppose I need to just put my CBT into play and just enjoy her being well and support her in her continued recovery. Instead I just look for problems such as "what happens when she comes off the drugs" (225 venlafaxine) and "is this a sign of going backwards"?

The really good thing is we are in a much much much better place than we were this time last year.

Hope you don't mind the 'update'
Thanks as ever to those who read and reply

Love to all
Matt

[cheshire]

Hi Matt,

It's great to hear from you to read your update. Glad things are going so well.

I should imagine your mind will be 'trained' to look for signs for some time to come - but as you say, try and enjoy Lucy being well.

Please pass on my best to her

Hopefulx

[winegirl]

Hi Matt

Thanks for the update. I am SOOOOO pleased everything is going so well now. You have all come such a long way and should be really proud of yourselves. You guys are proof that you do get to the light x

Send love to Lucy and Bambino xxx

Take Care of yourself

WG x

[helenr]

Hi Matt,

so good to hear from you - and wonderful news that Lucy is so much better!

Have just discussed your post with hubby - he feels exactly the same way!

I suppose thats one of the things PNI leaves behind (if that makes sense).

I find I have to clarify my feelings more, so if I've had a bad day its either due to PNI or just being mum.

Please pass on my love to Lucy, am so proud of you both. Love to the lo's as well

love and hugs x

[dl]

Hi Hopeful. Winegirl and Helenr,

Thanks for taking the time to reply - each of you picked up on an important point:

I should imagine your mind will be 'trained' to look for signs for some time to come

This is so true and I suppose it will take time to 'un-train'

You guys are proof that you do get to the light

This is also very true - we've come a long way and we've still far to go but I cannot believe the difference from this year to last.

Have just discussed your post with hubby - he feels exactly the same way!

I suppose thats one of the things PNI leaves behind (if that makes sense).

I find I have to clarify my feelings more, so if I've had a bad day its either due to PNI or just being mum.

Thanks for this - it's nice to know it's not just me that struggles with "betterness" and am always thinking "is this a blip..?...Panic Stations!!!"

Your last point helenr in the quote is so true and something we discussed at length with the Psychiatrist at an outpatients appointment earlier this week. Hopefully Lucy starts reducing meds in the New Year.

Thanks again for your posts
Seasons Greetings
Matt

[winegirl]

Hi Dl

Hope you guys have a lovely Christmas and can look forward to an ace New Year! All the best to you all x

Take Care

WG xxx