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Post by sianyc on Dec 11, 2006 22:23:05 GMT
hey you
I know that bad run is more of a shock because you'd been feeling so much better. It's like you think it's gone and then BAM right between the eyes again.
Christmas is actually stressful, especially the baby's first one. You worry about buying the pressies and writing the cards and cooking the food. But most of all whether it's gonna be a good day or a pants one. All that on top of P's job would give anyone a blip.
Take care of yourself honey x
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kl77
Senior Member
Posts: 343
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Post by kl77 on Dec 15, 2006 8:11:20 GMT
Thanks for the kind words everyone xxxx
Things have not been going too bad up to yesterday. Had a couple of big fall out's with P over the usual at this time of year. How I manage to shop for my family, his family, the little man and him yet he can't manage to put any thought into buying for me. It's my birthday on Monday and you'd think I'd planned it and made sure I got it as close to Christmas as possible the way he goes on!
Interview went really well on Tuesday and he's got a second one today at 1pm so finger crossed.
Yesterday: On Wednsday I took L for his 8 month check and the HV advised I take him to the doctor because the creases in the top of his legs don't match up! HV said it's probably nothing to worry about but it can indicate a hip problem so take him just in case. Off I went yesterday thinking the doc will think I've finally lost the plot. Result of appointment - referral to consultant paediatrician and orthapaedic surgeon. Little man has a problem with left hip - left leg slightly shorter than right and hip does not function as it should. Apparently quite easy to deal with when caught early but it should have been picked up before now so need x rays, scans and dependent on results may need surgery. Came away finding many reasons I could be to blame and wondering what else him upstairs want to through at me before I break. Hanging on by the skin of my teeth x
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Post by beverley on Dec 15, 2006 10:05:52 GMT
Hi KL,
I had this when I was a child. It was easily remedied with some inserts in my shoes - which I hated and made a huge amount of fuss about!! Mine wasn't detected until I was 7 - so having found it this early will surely make a huge difference to your little man. They often give you the worst case scenario just so you're prepared, so hopefully surgery is unlikely.
You are most certainly not to blame! Everyone's body has a part of them that isn't quite right, be it bad eyesight, dodgy knees, asthma etc etc etc - it's just how it is. It also wasn't your job to pick this up - I certainly didn't realise their creases had to be even and as soon as EJ wakes I'm going to check!
Sorry P isn't being too creative about a pressie. I'm sure your thoughts echo millions of womens' around the globe! (They certainly do mine!).
Keep your chin up, you're doing marvellously xxx
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Post by winegirl on Dec 15, 2006 15:19:35 GMT
Hi KL
I know it's difficult but you can look at this positively that it has been picked up early. Please don't be down on yourself, as LA said, you are doing fab and no-one can take that off you.
Know what you mean bout the pressie thing too, my OH keeps telling me that I should be giving him an idea about what I would like for xmas! Ok then, a bl**dy ferrari!! Talk about making it a surprise!
Take care mate
Winegirl x
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kl77
Senior Member
Posts: 343
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Post by kl77 on Dec 15, 2006 19:54:44 GMT
Thanks LA and Winegirl.
Today fine other than the hip problem always in the back of my mind. Still really struggling to talk to P. Think I'm struggling to talk full stop, it feels like I'm a dam and if I let a little water out the wall will come down and the whole lot will come gushing out. Not sure if it makes sense but it's the best way for me to describe it? Think it's a feeling like I might be just hanging on and don't want to remind myself of the things which I'm finding it hard to deal with. Got to stay stong because my gorgeous little man needs me. Even if I'm not the best mummy in the world I'm his mummy and I'm proud of that!
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kl77
Senior Member
Posts: 343
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Post by kl77 on Dec 16, 2006 13:15:00 GMT
Realy bad night last night. Little man woke up at about 12.30 and every 20 mins from there in. Has a temperature at the minute - hoping it's his teeth. Poor little thing x
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Post by winegirl on Dec 17, 2006 20:40:25 GMT
Hi KL
Hope you had a better nights sleep last night? How is your little man today? My little girl is hysterical every night at the mo and we think that it must be teeth also (she is 7 months). Used to drop off to sleep at 20.30 no probs now all of a sudden has started getting really upset at night and all her day time routine has gone to pot too.
I think if it is teeth calpol is the way forwarded. Teething gel doesn't seem to do much but the calpol seems to take the edge off it. Have you tried anything like that?
Anyway, hopetoday was good for you. Take care x
Winegirl x
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Post by sianyc on Dec 18, 2006 14:29:51 GMT
hey KL
I had no idea about the creases thing! Why don't they tell us that?!
Anyway
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR KIRSTY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOOOO YOOUU
Stay strong lovely. We're all here for you x
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kl77
Senior Member
Posts: 343
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Post by kl77 on Dec 19, 2006 8:42:38 GMT
Thanks Winegirl and Sian, it's so nice to come on and see nice words.
Story so far: Sunday Ended up taking L to docs as he kept going grey and was quite drowsy at times and temp high. Doc diagnosed a throat and chest infection and said we should have gone straight to casualty and then continued to tell us about a little boy he visited who had meningitis and died within 10 minutes - very appropriate, thanks. Changed nappy about 5ish and his legs had gone purple mottled as had chest so off to cfasualty we rushed. They did various things and diagnosed viral throat and ear infection - temperature was up at 41.2!
Monday- Seemed to pick up a bit yesterday but then in the evening had an awful choking episode which seemed to last forever.Don't know if the medication is affecting the reflux? Had a call from the secretary of the orthopaedic surgeon at hospital, got to tke him in to childrens ward on Wednesday as a visitor to have him looked at re hip.
Happy Bloody Birthday!!!!
Feel really bad at the minute, just coping I think - don't know hom long for though
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Post by sianyc on Dec 19, 2006 9:50:52 GMT
Hope you and the little man have a better day today. You're coping really well and should be very proud of that. You have a lot to deal with at the moment and most would have fallen apart by now (I'm pretty sure I would have)
Keep going lovely and don't worry about holding it together. Nobody will think any less of you if you need support. That's exactly what you need
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Post by yoyo on Dec 19, 2006 11:03:22 GMT
Thinking of you all x x x You are doing really well as sianyc says - you probably don't feel it but you'll look back and be proud of yourselves - I promise x I'm proud to know you x x x
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kl77
Senior Member
Posts: 343
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Post by kl77 on Dec 19, 2006 20:24:05 GMT
Thanks Sian and Yoyo, your lovely words mean so much when I feel so down and hopeless x
Little man developed a rash today all over abdomen, neck and head. Rang NHS direct, apparently when recovering from a viral illlness a rash can appear. Sometimes I feel like I overreact to things but I feel like I did in the beginning of the illness in that I can't protect my little man and love him so much. I used to say he'd be better off with someone else who could look after him properly and I've had those moments over the last few days. I desperately want to look after him well and couldn't bare him to be with anyone else but feel I'll never be good enough and I want him to have the best, it breaks my heart because he doesn't deserve me - he's so beautiful he deserves so much better. If I struggle with a viral infection what will it be like if he needs surgery or something for his hip. Feel useless, worthless, incompetent - the list goes on.
Wish us luck for tomorrow xxxxxx
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kl77
Senior Member
Posts: 343
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Post by kl77 on Dec 20, 2006 8:09:56 GMT
Really struggling this morning, another bad night. Little man been up since 1.30am, P unsupporive as ever. Started at 1.30 because L gets on his front and can't get back but as soon as you turn him over he rolls back and starts crying. Stood at side of cot for an hour turning him back in the hope he would fall asleep in the mean time. Got him up, changed him and asked P to make a feed - not impressed by that. Felt so cross that it's me getting up all the time as usual, all I get is that he has to get up for work but it's the same at the weekend and has been since the little man was born. Because I'm cross P says things which make me feel even more of a crap mum. After feed L still wouldn't settle so I sat up for a bit with him on me but P moaned about that. Then started that he shouldn't go for a new job because he wouldn't be capable because he's up every night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Has a habit of being argumentative through the night and trying to have really important conversations. The other night it was work stuff, as in if I'm not bothered about how much sleep he gets then I'm obviously not bothered about keeping a roof over my childs head!
This morning feeling exhausted and so so lost. Again I want to run but don't know where to? Feel like I'm so crap at everything everyone would be better off if I just ran away and never came back. Feel really on my own and don't know where to turn. If P doesn't care and is happy to watch me sink how can I expect anyone else to bother
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Post by beverley on Dec 20, 2006 9:50:11 GMT
Aw KL, so sorry you've had a rotten night. I always feel like I'm in a fog when I get a night like that. Maybe it would be better to tackle P about this during the day? Hubby and I used to have a rota when EJ was still waking for feeds - I did the weeknights but went to bed early (Hubby stayed up and did a late feed), Hubby did all of it Friday night but laid in Saturday morning and for Saturday night we swapped over. That way Hubby still got his sleep during the week but I got some time off too. Sometimes people (men, especially) can respond better if you can be specific about what you'd like them to do. Everything's so much worse when you're tired, I'm sure P does care he just probably doesn't know what to do.
You are most definitely NOT a crap mum! You stayed by your son's side last night when he was distressed, that is a most loving mum.
I hope you can get some rest xxx
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Post by cheshire on Dec 20, 2006 13:03:20 GMT
Hi KL,
I'm sure you are a fantastic mumxx
I agree with La - I have found with my husband that it's best to just be specific about what you want them to do. So, for example, he does bath time - as this is still my worst part of the day. Also, since I became very ill - he regularly does the nights - as the GP suggested that this might help me (and it has).
Thinking of you - I really am sorry you feel so sad today
Love Hopefulxxx
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