clarey
Senior Member
Posts: 327
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Post by clarey on Feb 6, 2007 21:26:58 GMT
Thank you Monica and jmontan. It's so surprising (and a relief) that those symptoms are anxiety related thank you for posting that it was very kind of you. I saw a cpn today and got a little reassurance about a few things. I have had problems with my sleep since the PNI and the scariest part is that I get hallucinations sometimes. My doctor and the cpn have assured me that it isn't part of a psychosis as I was worred it was a few months ago.
When I was very bad I would wake with a jolt and sometimes have a visual hallucination they have a specific term and the cpn explained that are anxiety-related but it scares me. I had one the other night and it reminded me of how bad I have been. I get somewhat unnerved when I get one and I am scared of telling people for some reason because of what they may think.
Last night was better though but after 6 months of this you do wonder when you will be totally free of all of this. I know some people can suffer years but it feels like that already. Feeling a bit negative today and full of self-pity which is so selfish really when some people have so much worse to contend with. My period is a little late so I think the hormones are at an all time high.
Hope tonight is ok...
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clarey
Senior Member
Posts: 327
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Post by clarey on Feb 8, 2007 12:26:49 GMT
I had a counselling session yesterday and more things are getting dredged up to the surface. However he said that I probably haven't got many sessions left and it is worrying me stupid. My doctor has put me on repeat prescription so I don't see him anymore, my hv said she would be in contact after xmas and I haven't heard from her. The cpn is not assigned to me as apparantly I don't have a psychosis so I'm not in need of one I just go to a sure start pop in where she is but that is changing soon. Actually I did bump into my hv and she just said "how's things" in a nonchalant way plus there were loads of people around so I didn't say too much and now it looks like the counselling is nearly up after 10 sessions or so. I'm having a really good moan here.. I'm feeling a bit anxious about all this. I am far from recovered I'm someone still battling PNI and just because I'm not running up to the the gp's everyday anymore I feel a bit like you've got your pills there you go love. Maybe I am being a bit oversensitive about this but it all feels very raw still. I just don't want to be alone in all this again. Hey well luckily I have this site so I know I wont be completely alone which is the one thing that is keeping me from having a good cry about all this (I might still have that good cry though )
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Post by cheshire on Feb 9, 2007 19:26:53 GMT
Hi Clarey
You’re not alone. I found recovery gradual – but it is different for everyone
You will get there
Hopefulxx
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Post by jmontan27 on Feb 11, 2007 20:29:50 GMT
Hi Clarey
I am having the same problems with my hv. She hasn't been in contact since I was diagnosed with PNI (4 weeks ago), despite attempts from both my GP and husband.
I know hvs often have a heavy workload and lots of people to see, but measures should really be put in place so that if they can't ring you / come out to see you, other arrangements may be made so that maybe a different one could visit.
I can relate to your fear of counselling coming to an end. I had a few sessions several years ago at uni and when they finished, I was left feeling "what am I supposed to do now?". Who was it who arranged your counselling originally? Maybe you could go back to them and explain that you feel you still need to explore more issues with a counsellor? I know it's probably all a matter of funding though.
Take care
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clarey
Senior Member
Posts: 327
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Post by clarey on Feb 15, 2007 13:53:06 GMT
Thanks for the replies I saw my counsellor yesterday and I have 5 more sessions then that's it. Best I get myself well by then hummm.....I'm feeling angry today It's not like me to feel aggressive as I am usually very placid. I don't like feeling full of anger. I discussed the system with my counsellor and he said that people can get dependent on the counselling and use it as a crutch so thats why there has to be a finite number of sessions. I wonder how many poor people get referred back months down the line? I do see the dilemma but as I am having an angry day I will choose to be critical of the system.
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clarey
Senior Member
Posts: 327
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Post by clarey on Feb 18, 2007 17:52:57 GMT
Having a bad weekend. Had a few drinks on friday night and woke up saturday thinking the world was going to end. I think it's probably best to keep away from the booze whilst on meds.. I felt really ill. I felt totally paranoid all day. I'm no stranger to a good hangover but this was different.
On a more positive note I did drive today for the first time in 6 months and I was fine. A lot of problems started with driving as I kept having panic attacks but I was ok. I had no scary thoughts either.
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clarey
Senior Member
Posts: 327
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Post by clarey on Feb 20, 2007 20:21:39 GMT
Have been feeling terrible. Spent the whole of yesterday in bed have had some kind of stomach upset. I'm not sure if it's something I've eaten or the alcohol still. Having moments when I want to go to the doctors and ask if I might have a stomach ulcer of worse. Have so far resisted the temptation to search internet for what might be wrong...
Haven't been out of the house since sunday or got dressed, am worried I might be in a bit of a downard spiral. I have counselling tomorrow so I will have to.
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Post by cheshire on Feb 21, 2007 15:25:53 GMT
Hi Clarey
How did the counselling go today?
Hopefulx Hope you're feeling a little betterx
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clarey
Senior Member
Posts: 327
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Post by clarey on Feb 21, 2007 18:55:48 GMT
Thanks Hopeful, I made myself get dressed and go to the counselling. I'm glad as my counsellor does make me feel better. I'm still feeling physically unwell but as I haven't eaten properly for days it may just be that. I have a pain under my left rib area and I keep obsessing about it. I try and reason with myself that it's where I hold my son and so it is probably muscular but it's hard not to seek the reassurance...
I had to go to Tescos and I felt so dizzy in there. I think it's the lighting and the people scurrying around. Also, I haven't been out for a couple of days and I was a bit anxious about it.
On the whole though I am glad I got out as the longer I stay in the worse it gets. Plus I feel guilty for my son as he gets bored stuck in.
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clarey
Senior Member
Posts: 327
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Post by clarey on Feb 22, 2007 12:32:54 GMT
Woke up feeling a bit dizzy this morning and it seems to be staying with me for the morning. Keep thinking about things I've been talking about in my counselling. Must make the effort to go out at some point today as it will make me feel better. Feeling a bit lonely today
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Post by cheshire on Feb 23, 2007 17:12:05 GMT
Clarey
This illness is certainly very lonely in my experience - you feeling any better? Hopefulx
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clarey
Senior Member
Posts: 327
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Post by clarey on Feb 24, 2007 11:03:43 GMT
Thank you Hopeful...you are a love, I went to the doctors yesterday. I felt really anxious about going but I saw a locum so she hadn't ever met me before (unlike all of the others). I probably have viral gastroenteritis. I was sick though last night and it has shaken me up a bit. I woke up panicking that I was going to die and never feel well again. I also had one of those hallucinations when I woke up so I know my anxiety levels are high. This illness sucks Think I will try and go out for a walk this afternoon with my special little guy and try to forget about the black hole I'm stood very close to...
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Post by helenr on Feb 25, 2007 0:35:11 GMT
Hi Clarey, how are you today?
This illness really is so isolating isn't it?
Talking to all the ladies here helps to take the edge off my lonliness.
Infact the only time i don't feel completely alone is when i come onto the site!
love and hugs x.
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clarey
Senior Member
Posts: 327
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Post by clarey on Feb 25, 2007 20:39:33 GMT
Thanks Helen,
Yes you are right if I start to feel lonely or anxious coming on here really helps. I know for me too it is the only place I have where I feel less isolated.
Today was a better day. I've started to get my appetite back and have managed to eat a proper meal this evening. Took my son to a park this afternoon and he loved it. It was great to see him so happy and to be able to enjoy him. I wasn't feeling paranoid or insecure and was able to just concentrate on him.
I am feeling really tired though. Probably the lack of sleep is hitting me now from the last few days.
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Post by helenr on Feb 25, 2007 20:48:39 GMT
Hi Clarey,
i'm so glad you had a good day today and that you and your son enjoyed time together.
Try and get a good nights sleep, you deserve it!
love and hugs x.
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