clarey
Senior Member
Posts: 327
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Post by clarey on Feb 27, 2007 21:11:46 GMT
Thanks Helen I think my tummy bug is nearly over. Thank goodness. Being poorly really dragged me down. I'm getting back up again now. Still feeling really, really tired though. I went back to bed yesterday afternoon which is very unusual for me and I slept! I also had quite a good night for me. Got to appreciate the good days when they are here!
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clarey
Senior Member
Posts: 327
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Post by clarey on Feb 28, 2007 21:44:43 GMT
Had another good night Still feeling good today.. hooray!!
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clarey
Senior Member
Posts: 327
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Post by clarey on Mar 1, 2007 14:01:15 GMT
Didn't have such settled night but am still feeling ok today...Have managed to do loads of housework and am going out tonight with some friends. I am even looking forward to going out......no alcohol though
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Post by claire99991 on Mar 1, 2007 14:08:07 GMT
Have fun tonight ... im jelous Glad you have managed to do loadsa housework im supposed to be doing it all today but ive only got living room done so far which only actually took me 20 min and its 2pm! lol xx
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Post by jmontan27 on Mar 1, 2007 17:56:57 GMT
Good for you Clarey! Hope you have a great night (even if it is booze-fee!).
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clarey
Senior Member
Posts: 327
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Post by clarey on Mar 2, 2007 20:48:09 GMT
Thanks Claire and J.
My night out wasn't as good as I hoped. I felt strangely distanced from everyone and I just didn't feel part of it. I felt a bit paranoid that everyone was talking about me or laughing at me. This isn't really like me at all. I found myself hard work...
As we were all sat around and people were talking about this or that I just kept thinking about the futility of our existence. I couldn't stop the morbid thoughts that soon we would all be dead and what was the point in this. Then I kept thinking who would die first (me). I hate having these thoughts I absolutely HATE IT. I just don't feel like a normal person. Why am I bogged down by all this?
I felt really irritated by everything. I ordered my (non)alcoholic drink and everyone got their wine but they forget my drink. I got really annoyed about it..not outwardly but inwardly seething. My moods are just not right. The death thing is getting to me. I just kept thinking if they would all be at my funeral etc etc.
Well looks like my good mood has crashed. I was looking at my monthly cycle earlier and realised my period is due in a few days so that may well explain some of it. Think I'll just have a quiet weekend.
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Post by helenr on Mar 3, 2007 0:05:26 GMT
Hi Clarey,
I can completely understand your feelings about your night out.
I went to work xmas night out, had been looking forward to it for ages, and stayed away the night in the hotel.
Felt exactly like you, paranoid and distant, so much so that i actually went to bed early and cried.
Unfortunatelt, the next morning was caught crying, and what could i say that didn't seem completely stupid, so just made a silly excuse about not feling well. Got home, and instead of regaling hubby about my exploits, cried all day.
Sorry, thatturned intoi a bit of a ramble, just wanted you to know i can understand,
love and hugs x.
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clarey
Senior Member
Posts: 327
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Post by clarey on Mar 3, 2007 21:09:30 GMT
Thanks Helen it has put me off going out for a little while I suppose. The weird thing was I was really looking forward to it.. Today started off ok but started to get a headache this afternoon. I have also felt a little dizzy off and on. I went for a long walk with my son which was nice but am feeling so tired now. My husband has annoyed me this evening as well. It's not the fact that he did something wrong it's the fact he won't admit to it. It's so arrogant. I hate that kind of behaviour The weather is supposed to be pants tomorrow so no walkies I suppose.
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Post by jmontan27 on Mar 4, 2007 16:00:13 GMT
Hi Clarey
Just wondered if you were feeling any better? Your night out reminded me of some of my recent nights out with friends. While they were all having fun, laughing etc, all I could think about is that I wasn't really part of it all, and that they had no idea how I was feeling. When I have tried to discuss my health worries with people, it is obvious they don't understand and look at me like I'm from another planet. Just makes you feel more isolated.
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clarey
Senior Member
Posts: 327
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Post by clarey on Mar 4, 2007 20:26:27 GMT
Thanks J, I think the social side of life just hits a big old brick wall with PNI. I've realised drinking alcohol on my meds doesn't work and when I didn't I just had all these insecurities and paranoia. Can't win! It would be good to have a forum night out at least we would all understand each other! I knew yesterday I was on a bit of a downer and it is continuing...I feel like I have no energy. I've also had a few nasty intrusive thoughts. When I woke up this morning my right hand side felt weaker like it does when I feel bad. Also when I was dozing off my right hand kept flinching and am scared what this means. I started thinking I must have a neurological disorder again. I felt really stressed with my son this evening. He is starting to play up a bit sometimes and tonight my tolerance levels were not good. He just wants mummy all the time and I'm finding it exhausting today. I really feel like having a drink. In the old days (pre-child) if I'd had a hard day at work I would have a lovely glass of wine or whatever to chill. I haven't done this for a long time but tonight I really feel like it. It's not worth it though especially as I'm on a downer anyway. I have to renew my passport and so I went and had the awful photos done. I looked so sad and empty.....and old. It made me feel really crap! I'm 32 but feel 92 (and looked it in the bloody photo ). Gaaahh......what the hell happened to my 20's?!
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clarey
Senior Member
Posts: 327
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Post by clarey on Mar 5, 2007 20:14:28 GMT
Woke up this morning feeling anxious so had to practice the breathing until my heart rate had calmed down. I woke suddenly and convinced myself I was hallucinating but it really was just shadows.
I am feeling a bit distanced from everything today..like I'm going around in a bubble. I also feel so tired.
I took my son to a toddler group this morning. It was really busy which I hate as all the noise puts me on edge when I feel like this. At least I am going though.. it was something I would never have been able to do a few months ago. Got to think how far I've come.
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Post by claire99991 on Mar 5, 2007 21:00:09 GMT
well done on the toddler group clarey you are braver than me !! xxx
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Post by helenr on Mar 6, 2007 20:31:50 GMT
Clarey thats HUGE well done!
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clarey
Senior Member
Posts: 327
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Post by clarey on Mar 8, 2007 20:15:50 GMT
Thanks Claire and Helen. Have been having a hellish couple of days My son became poorly on monday night and on tuesday had a fever. He had a mild febrile convulsion which has really scared me. He is stll poorly and now I'm ill with a cold and I feel so so down..Several times today I've had self-destructive thoughts. It's so ironic I spend most of my time worrying about having a terminal illness and now I feel that I don't care what happens to me. I keep crying and feel like everything is so worthless. I know it is the stress of my son being ill and me being ill but I feel at a really low ebb. I can see no joy in anything. I haven't slept properly for 3 nights as my son has been in the bed with me as he has been so poorly. I feel lonely and I feel like I can't tell anyone about my thoughts.
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Post by jmontan27 on Mar 8, 2007 21:20:54 GMT
Hi Clarey
Sorry your son's been ill and that you're going through it at the moment. I know exactly how you feel as mine have been ill with different things for the last 3 weeks. It really brings you down, especially the sleepless nights.
It would be great if people on this forum could meet up for a drink, then we could all talk to people who understand with our guard down. It is lonely not being able to talk to anyone about how you feel, but anytime you want to talk here, you know we are here for you.
Take care and hope your little boy is better soon xx
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