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Post by jmontan27 on Feb 14, 2007 18:15:25 GMT
Well, yesterday I decided to ring the MHSW with a torrent of questions, such as if I decided that the treatment they offer will not be beneficial to me, what will happen? She was very good and said that I was under no pressure to have any form of treatment I didn't think would help, and that I need never have to see her again if I don't want to. I explained my fears about being caught up in the system and she said it is not like that at all. Anyway, she is coming round next week to do the assessment so I'll see what happens. I'm still out of my mind with worry about the physical symptoms. Keep getting shooting pains and cramp-like feelings in my hands and feet. I keep waiting for things to deteriorate and looking at my limbs for signs of muscle wasting. Wish I could just get this out of my mind and get on with life!
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Post by jmontan27 on Feb 16, 2007 18:41:46 GMT
Been feeling really panicky the last couple of days. This went into overide yesterday when my eldest came down with chicken pox. The prospect of having him at home all next week as well as trying to cope with my younger one was just too much. I seem to get less and less sleep at night. Baby still waking up umpteen times to be fed or comforted and even when he's asleep, I'm lying there on edge waiting for him to wake up. Even when he's been having his 2 hr naps in the middle of the day I just lie there trying to sleep but I can't relax. It's like the last year has been one long day with no proper night in between. Today, my hands felt weak all day and I keep thinking are they weak or is it in my head? It's doing my head in.
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Post by jmontan27 on Feb 17, 2007 22:20:34 GMT
I am becoming obsessive about looking up my health concerns on the net. The first thing I do after feeding the kids is turn on the computer and start checking, I just can't stop myself. It is taking over.
I can't look at the likelihood of having a serious illness objectively any more. I shouted at my husband this morning that didn't he understand that I was going to die of this disease.
I would do anything to rid myself of this constant fear, it is taking over my life and my family's lives.
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Post by jmontan27 on Feb 21, 2007 19:33:29 GMT
The mental health social worker came round today. She was quite nice and relaxed and not at all pushy. She thinks I am suffering from generalised anxiety disorder, but can't decide if I'm depressed or not (!) so she wants to come again next week to talk again. She is recommending that I be referred for CBT. She did suggest anti depressants as they can help with anxiety, but I said I'd rather not for now. Hv also called today (first time since GP suggested PNI five weeks ago). Said she had been on leave. She said the GP hadn't been in touch with her even though he told me he had. Don't know who to believe any more. Anyway, she is coming round tomorrow to discuss ways of getting my youngest off breastfeeding and to do the post natal depression test I think. Am still really nervous about my health all the time, but because I hide it quite well and still take my sons out and function etc, there is a perception that I am "coping" ok with it all. If only they knew how it is ruining my life.
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Post by jmontan27 on Feb 22, 2007 22:20:22 GMT
Hv finally came round today for a couple of hours. She was nice and let me witter on about my health concerns for most of that time. She said it sounded to her like I was depressed and said that sleep deprivation was probably exacerbating the symptoms, especially when I told her I have not had more than 3 hrs sleep at a time for the last 14 months. Last night I was up 6 times, with youngest still crying to be fed and elder son calling out for drinks / toilet/ a hug etc. I think he is insecure about something but can't work out what. Felt half dead this morning, and had to get them both up and dressed and my eldest to nursery (2 buses) and get back before the hv turned up. Not motivated to do anything in the house.
My hv asked if there was any way I could stop focusing on the illness I fear I have, but I explained that even if I'm reading, ironing, whatever, it is still always at the forefront of my mind. I am so anxious all the time. Actually, I've just realised she didn't do that PND test.
Just don't know what to do - can't get rid of this fear.
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Post by cheshire on Feb 23, 2007 17:14:37 GMT
Hi Jmontan
It is so hard not to focus on the illness - as I think the illness makes you do that (grr).
We're here for you if you want to talk some more
HopefulX
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Post by jmontan27 on Feb 23, 2007 22:03:24 GMT
Thanks Hopeful.
After my calf started twitching in bed last night I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown, the stress was too much. Just started shaking and hyperventilating. Didn't really sleep at all for the rest of the night. So tired today, just wanted to lay on the sofa. The mental health social worker phoned today to say that they had reviewed my case in the light of her assessment and they were going to recommend me for therapy. However, the psychiatrist had asked if my GP had exhausted the possibility that I HAD got a physical illness. This freaked me out even more - do they think I really have got a serious disease?? This is like being in a nightmare. Just wish I could wake up.
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Post by helenr on Feb 24, 2007 0:58:05 GMT
Hi jmonatan27, hope you dont mind me crashiong in on your diary? Whenever i see my psychiatrist, he always writes to my gp about any physical symptoms i complain about (of which there are many!). I asked my mhsw about it, as like you, i was getting totally freaked out. She said that psych just wanted to distinguish between any symptoms that were due to pni, anxiety and meds and doubly make sure there was no other cause. She also said that changing meds and helping with anxiety was much more difficult and takes longer that a quick test from gp to rule out any physical illness's, and so gp was first port of call. I don't know if thats helped any or even made any sense, love and hugs x.
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Post by jmontan27 on Feb 24, 2007 18:48:42 GMT
Thanks Helen - I don't mind people writing in my diary. Your reply was helpful - I was reading lots into the psychiatrist wanting to write to my GP and becoming paranoid about it.
Today I woke up feeling sick with anxiety and my heart was racing. Didn't want to get out of bed, but felt scared to stay there. Felt like this most of the day. My husband was trying desparately to think of ways to make me feel better, but the fact is, nothing does. Feel like I am depriving my family of a normal life. I watch mothers with their pushchairs walk past my window smiling and chatting and feel so sad that I can't be like one of them. I want to have joy in my children but feel like I'm just existing in a vacuum.
To top it all, my son has now got another infection. He'd hardly got over chicken pox, which hit him quite badly. Now he has conjunctivitis and a high temperature. Am waiting for the emergency dr to call back.
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Post by monica on Feb 24, 2007 19:33:51 GMT
Hi
How are you doing this pm? Reading your posts is like reading about myself a couple of years ago. I was plagued with physical symptoms nobody seemed to have answers to. I did same as you and googled them and it comes up with the worst possible scenario. I too was convinced I was dying and would replay funeral scenes in my head. I was completely obsessed with the health of my nearest and dearest adn the slightest thing would send my mind reeling full of negative thoughts. I couldn't eat, sleep. If I fell asleep I would after a few mins wake up with these horrible thoughts in my mind. I couldn't and didn't want to enhjly life as there was not point - I wasn't going to be around for much longer. That was my thinking. I can so relate to you - it is horrific.
You mentioned the twitching - I used to get numb patches and also pins and needles in my arms and legs. One side (Ithink my right) used to feel very weak. I would spend all day and night just analysing and checking my body.
Have you tried any relaxation techniques - breathing deeply from the stomach, tensing up then letting go. Something like yoga really helps to get you to breath properly, well it did for me. When you panic you take short sharp breaths , which can make you feel dizzy sick etc.
Sorry I dont' mean to go on, but what you wrote really struck a chord. I wanted to add that it does go. I promise
How are your kids bythe way?
Monica Take care
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Post by helenr on Feb 25, 2007 0:31:26 GMT
Hi how did you get on last night? is son still sick? love and hugs x.
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Post by jmontan27 on Feb 25, 2007 20:59:00 GMT
Hi - ended up taking son to see the emergency doc at the hospital. He has prescribed a couple of things including stronger drops for his eyes. it is really awful as he won't let us put them in (he's 4) and screams blue murder, so my husband has to hold him down and I have to put them in. We have to do this 4 hrly for a week, so don't know how I am going to manage trying to do it on my own.
Monica, you hit the nail on the head when you said "I would spend all day and night just analysing and checking my body". That is so me. I'm tuned into everything. Even today, we have been trying to get stuff done around the house, but these stupid symptoms and sensations are at the forefront of my mind.
I am dreading next week because if my son is still ill then I will have them both at home (he usually spends 3 full days a week at nursery). Just trying to organise their food is a big thing to me and I panic that I won't get it done in time.
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Post by jmontan27 on Feb 26, 2007 21:12:06 GMT
Another day, another panic... My youngest was up 4 times in the night - it's doing my head in. When I got up this morning I was in a complete panic and told my husband I couldn't cope, so he went into work 4 hrs late. Feel really guilty about that as he is under a lot of stress at work as well as from me at home, but he is so kind he didn't want to leave me and said "work comes second". I coped ok for the rest of the day. Managed to do the kids' lunches and take them out this afternoon to the park. Have a gp appointment tomorrow as need to discuss my symptoms again. Just feel knackered and panicked at the same time.
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clarey
Senior Member
Posts: 327
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Post by clarey on Mar 3, 2007 21:23:02 GMT
Hi J,
Just wondered how you got on at the doctors? Sorry that you son has been poorly hope he is better now. It's awful when they are ill...I start to panic.
Love Clareyxx
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Post by jmontan27 on Mar 4, 2007 11:36:13 GMT
Hi Clarey - thanks for your post. My youngest son has come down with a really bad case of chicken pox. He's been very unwell with it and for the last 3 nights I've been up every hour with him, which means less sleep than ever . I didn't get on well at the GP (see my other thread "another great GP experience"). Wish I hadn't gone now. I am currently staying "up North" with my in-laws for a week, with the 2 boys. Hubby has to work so is not staying. I thought getting away might help, but I am still so self-focused on these *bleep* symptoms. Can't sleep even when I try to because everything is still twitching and now my feet keep feeling as though they're going to cramp up, so I've interpreted this as another neurological symptom. Just wonder when / if all this will end and whether I'll still be alive and walking around in a year?
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