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Post by sianyc on Apr 14, 2007 9:26:47 GMT
Looking after 2 kids will always be stressful I think. It'll just get easier to deal with and you won't feel so close to the edge while dealing with them. I still get many many days where they do my head in and I dread the hours ahead until bedtime. It's just a different sort of dread than when I was feeling really ill. More a sort of "bloody kids!" than "I hate my life"
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Post by jmontan27 on Apr 14, 2007 21:48:42 GMT
I know - sometimes I take them both out (I don't drive so we walk or go on the bus everywhere) and I dread my 4 year old playing up in public. He is a good boy really but has a really stubborn streak so that if he decides he doesn't want to do something, there is nothing (short of threatening to take away his favourite toys) I can say to make him do it. For example, the other day I asked him to sit down on the bus as I was standing up with the buggy. He point blank refused, and I'm not comfortable with shouting at him in front of everyone. Just don't know what to do sometimes to get him to respect what I'm saying without questioning me all the time. It used to be fine when it was just me and him because when he was naughty I'd just strap him in the pushchair but I can't do that now!
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Post by jmontan27 on Apr 15, 2007 21:18:13 GMT
Nice day today. We decided to drive into the country and go for a picnic as the weather is so nice. Fed Reli beforehand, so he had his afternoon nap while we had our picnic. Ali was very funny and well-behaved and the whole thing was relaxing. Definately better when OH is not at work.
Otherwise, just did general household stuff. Went for a nap this afternoon, but still feel scared about going into my bedroom to sleep, even on a nice sunny day. It is wierd as I don't know what I am really scared of. Just scared to let my mind run away with fear of illness I guess. I tried Helen's pooh sticks theory and I did manage to drift off for twenty minutes.
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Post by Veritee on Apr 16, 2007 0:09:01 GMT
I always found everything went better when Barry was at home. Caja has never played up for him in the way she has for me when young!
It must be difficult for you if you do not drive, I take it you live somewhere where transport, buses etc are quite good?
I sympathize with you when your little one would not sit down on the bus Caja was always stubborn from the start - not loudly so and she has never cheeked me verbally at all except recently -
But always quietly determined to do as she wanted from an early age. So if I did feel I had to raise my voice to get her to do something important for politeness, behavior or safety in a public place - it always ended up making me look like an over the top mum who was shouting at a perfectly quiet and well behaved daughter !!!
As because what she did was done in such a quiet way it was not always apparent to outsiders what she was doing when I felt I had to shout at her to get her to do it .
I remember one time when she was about 4 walking with a friend with her child on the pavement besides a busy but country road. With others in front and behind us on the pavement.
Caja just would not hold my hand and was hanging back not walking with us and ever so slightly tipping her toe over off the pavement into the road every now and then!
I knew she was doing this because she was angry about something that had happened between us earlier - I would not let her have an ice cream or something - and she was doing this as she knew I had a fear at the time of her running into the road and getting run over so she was doing it to make a point even at 4.
But from the outside it looked like an innocent pretty little girl just walking a bit behind and idly putting her foot off the pavement ... I tried several times asking her quietly and nicely to walk with us and stop putting her foot into the road but she just ignored me as if she had not heard .
Then a lorry then thundered past fast close to the kerb just as she put her toe over the kerb again and I lost it !! In sheer fear I bellowed at her to stop it and grabbed her hand and made her walk with us !!
The people in front and behind looked at me horrified - you could see that they thought I had unreasonably shouted at a well behaved little girl!! There were many incidences like that and it made me curl up every time?
It does become difficult once they reach the age - or size- that you can not strap them to the buggy and they have their own agenda. I think all you can do is your best and go with the flow and sometimes you have no option but to raise your voice - well felt I didn't anyway!
I am sorry about your fear in your bedroom - I felt scared all the time I had PNI and a feeling of doom or dread every waking hour and sometimes even in my sleep
But I am glad the pooh sticks idea worked - bless that counsellor for suggesting that! Perhaps Helenr can feed back to the counsellor how helpful it is and that it has been passed on to others - as I am sure we will use it on this forum a lot now?
VeriteeXX
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Post by helenr on Apr 16, 2007 21:49:29 GMT
Hi J/Veritee, I'm so glad you tried Pooh sticks, and it let you drift off for a while. The more you practice it, the better sleep becomes. Before hand I hadn't slept for months, I'm now up to about 5hours a night, absolute bliss! Veritee, I certainly will be letting her know how good a reception it has got here!
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Post by sianyc on Apr 18, 2007 8:22:33 GMT
I resort to bribery with chocolate buttons! That and the threat of taking disney dvd's!
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Post by jmontan27 on Apr 22, 2007 20:17:45 GMT
Thanks guys. Yes Veritee, fortunately the transport system is very good where I am as it comes under the London bus network and there are always buses day and night, but it is a pain if you want to go further afield into the country. Also, busy times of day like the end of school, you can hardly get on a bus with a buggy which is annoying.
Things had been going well for the past couple of weeks, but a few days ago Ali woke up crying with a high temperature at 1 in the morning. This woke Reli up, so we were trying to get both of them back to sleep, administer calpol etc. Then when I got back into bed I felt my little toe twitching. I looked at it and it was moving by itself and my blood just ran cold thinking this is it, proof I have a neuro disorder. I kept waiting for it to stop and 2 hrs later I was still lying there and it was still twitching. I woke up my husband and said I can't take this any more, it must be what I am dreading. Then I started hyperventilating and couldn't stop. This is all brought about by my fear of dying of this disease. In the end, I only had 3 hrs sleep that night and had to get up with the kids and Ali was still ill, so I was worrying about him too. I'm just waiting for these b***dy twitches all the time.
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Post by winegirl on Apr 22, 2007 20:35:57 GMT
Hi Jmontan
Just wanted to say that I think these twitches are quite common with PNI. I have read some posts in the past under the Physical Symptoms section where people have had this, and I too get it occsionaly in my hands/feet/eyelids etc..
Try not to worry about it, I know that is often easier said than done. But perhaps go to see your GP just to have it checked and out your mind at ease anyway?
Take Care
Winegirl x
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Post by jmontan27 on Apr 23, 2007 21:58:42 GMT
Thank you Winegirl. I did go to my GP about it a couple of months ago and he didn't refer me to a neurologist because he doesn't think I have enough symptoms. But, because I google symptoms all the time, I have read all the worst possible causes of muscle twitching and it is enough to send you round the bend!! I hate going on about it all the time, but I only feel reassured if someone else says they have experienced it too.
Ali is a lot better now and I think he will go back to nursery tomorrow, but I was woken at 4am by the sound of Reli being sick. Went in and changed his sheets and took his temperature, which was 102. He looked so sad and sullen, didn't even cry. We put him back to bed and when he woke up this morning, I brought him downstairs and sat him in his highchair, he just threw up bile everywhere. He was still so hot, so gave him more medication and took him to the docs. Doc says he has an ear infection and prescribed abx, but when I got him home his temp was still 102. Wasn't till after I had given him ibuprofen and calpol that it finally started to go down. He looks so ill though, I was quite worried. Ali has been good today, so that is a relief.
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Post by sianyc on Apr 24, 2007 15:19:29 GMT
Hey
Nothing useful to add. I just wanted to say hi and let you know we're here for you
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clarey
Senior Member
Posts: 327
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Post by clarey on Apr 24, 2007 20:48:01 GMT
Hi J,
Sorry the boys have been poorly. My son was really poorly 3 weeks ago or so and it was really stressful. Looking back I think this may have precipitated my physical symptoms again.
When I was first experiencing my numbness I would send myself around the bend thinking about it..as you know I was convinced I had MS. I was having a few twitches the other day the same place in my back. I'm still getting them. I am sure when I think about it it happens even more if you know what I mean?
Nights are worse anyway. Hope you are ok,
Love Clareyxx
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Post by jmontan27 on Apr 24, 2007 21:38:23 GMT
Hi Clarey, glad you are posting again and that you are feeling a bit better. It does seem to be true that when we focus on parts of our body or our symptoms, they seem to get worse.
Reli was basically better today. Can't believe the change in him. He was eating and sleeping normally and back to being cheeky. It is scary how kids go up and down so fast. I long for the days when I used to look forward to going to bed, but every night I put it off for as long as possible. Just scared all the time - it is totally irrational.
I have had an appointment through with the psychiatrist who specialises in PND. It is in 4 weeks time. When I saw the MHSW last week, I asked her whether the psychiatrist would try and get me to go on anti d's and she said "to be honest, yes I think she will". When I said I definately didn't want to go on them, she asked me if I wanted her to cancel the appointment. I said that I wouldn't mind just talking to her but I basically felt that she thought that the psych wouldn't be that interested in seeing me unless I went on anti d's.
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Post by jmontan27 on Apr 24, 2007 21:40:14 GMT
sianyc, I used the chocolate button bribe on the bus the other day and it worked a treat!
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Post by sianyc on Apr 25, 2007 9:45:15 GMT
They are amazing aren't they! Any chocolate works - they just make the least mess
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Post by jmontan27 on Apr 28, 2007 21:57:58 GMT
I have had ANOTHER psych appointment through - this time for a psychological assessment to decide whether CBT would be appropriate for me. Hope they decide it will be. It's 3 months since I was first referred to the psychs and only just got the assessment appointment through. Have been told that even after this there is still going to be a 6 month wait for therapy. I may even be better by then!
I am trying to keep my health anxiety under control, but it's not easy. Aside from that, we had another nice "family" day today. Went on another picnic and let the kids run around for a bit. Went to bed for a couple of hrs this afternoon - I am so knackered all the time. The weekend always goes too quickly...
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