Em
Full member
Mum of 3 lil boys aged 6, 3 and 11 months.
Posts: 142
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Post by Em on Jan 1, 2008 20:10:12 GMT
Thanx WG. Happy New Year....!
Had a good day yesterday. My mate text me and said did I wanna take boys and meet her at the park. I sent her text back and said yeah - and I'll bring a bottle n plastic cups. We ended up sitting on the park bench with 3 other mates and a few bottles of wine!!! Was great! Was funny to see all the disapproving looks from some other parents - but we didn't care - think they were jealous not to be joining in!
From there we went to my friend Sharon's house for a few more glasses of wine, and then to Wendy's house for yet a few more...! Went home about 11pm and collapsed into bed and was asleep for midnight.
My OH been a mardy sod all day today. He hates new year. We hadn't planned to do anything on new years eve cos every year that we do, we end up having a massive row. It's all because 12 years ago he had a huge brain haemorrage at new year and almost died. Brings back a lot of bad memories for him. I try and be understanding but he gets really morbid. He's a bit happier this evening.
Time for a nice warm bath.....
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Post by winegirl on Jan 1, 2008 20:16:08 GMT
Hi Emma
Well your new years eve sounds like it was perfect! Cant think of anything nicer than a few glasses of vino with friends!
Enjoy your bath babes x Might go and have one myself now!
Take Care
WG x
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Em
Full member
Mum of 3 lil boys aged 6, 3 and 11 months.
Posts: 142
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Post by Em on Jan 3, 2008 19:36:57 GMT
My mother and father - in - law have succeeded in making me really fed up today.
For Christmas they bought me and OH a chopping board ...only something little cos they promised to buy us a holiday for our present. FIL phoned up today to say he's booked a big house for a week - as a retirement celebration for himself and - OUR CHRISTMAS PRESENT.
I am so f***ing pissed off. A week with them.... Its my worst nightmare. They are OK in small doses, but no way I can cope with them for a whole week. And its not just us and them. From what I can gather from OH he's inviting loads of people.
My OH knew I would hate this, but he didn't speak up he just agreed for us to go. We even had a discussion a few weeks ago where I stated I would not want to go on holiday with his or my parents. He is too scared to speak up and tell them.
I am sooooooooooo CROSS............... I could go on and on ranting about it. We went on holiday with them about 5 years ago - didn't even have PNI then but I struggled to cope then. They love hiking - I hate hiking. I love shopping - they hate shopping. etc etc etc. We came to blows loads of times. One time me and OH went in a coffee shop 4 a drink and his dad sat on the wall outside with his flask refusing to go in. Pathetic.
I just cannot believe what is happening. How is this our christmas present?? I don't get it. After not speaking to my OH for a couple of hours and sitting and crying in the bath, I finally attempted to speak my mind. Told him I can't believe he agreed to.... then he butted in and said he didn't agree his dad told him this is what is happening ... then he stormed off. Not spoken since.
Also really fed up cos we been told to go to their house to stay over tomorrow night. I don't want to go. I can see there is going to be trouble and I'm g0ing to look like the bad guy for causing the trouble.
So so so fed up.
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Post by winegirl on Jan 3, 2008 19:46:31 GMT
Hi Emma
So sorry hun. Sounds like my worse nightmare too! You can only do one of two things, grit your teeth and get on with it, or just not go with them. The first will be really difficult for you and the second will be really difficult for those around you, which will in turn make you unhappy anyway. I am sorry that you are in this situation x
Or you could always pretend you are ill at the last minute???
I am so sorry I dont have any good suggestions for you hun, really just wanted to let you know that i am sympathising with you. x
WG x
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Em
Full member
Mum of 3 lil boys aged 6, 3 and 11 months.
Posts: 142
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Post by Em on Jan 5, 2008 21:32:38 GMT
Things sorted out now - I hope!
On Thurs night - last time I wrote - I was so down. After I wrote my OH blew his top with me and his was shouting and saying all sorts of really hurtful things to me. I never responded just crumbled into pieces and cried and cried and cried.
My eldest was still awake and he heard it all which is really regretable. He came downstairs and asked Daddy what was wrong and he saw me crying.
A little while later my OH came and apologised and tried to hug me. He said he forgets I'm ill cos I do such a good job of acting like I'm not. He said he didn't want to go on the holiday but he didn't know how to tell his dad. And he promised to try and sort things out. I cried myself to sleep and tried to put out of my head all of the bad thoughts I was having.
On Friday am we were due to go to his parents. OH kept trying to apologise and hug me but I didn't want to talk to him and I just felt emotionally empty and I didn't want him near me. I looked such a mess. All that crying and lack of sleep left me with eyes that I could hardly open cos they were so swollen up. By the time we did arrive at in-laws it was late afternoon and I was not looking quite such a mess .
After being there a little while OH came to me and said "I've told them we're not going on the holiday". I was worried he'd blame it on me, but if it meant we wouldn't have to go I couldn't really care less. However, he came up with a reason that was valid and nothing to do with me. So, everyone is happy - me, him, and .. the in-laws.
We are still going on holiday with them, but only for a weekend at centre parcs and we will have our own accomodation so will have my space. I can cope with that - in fact I'm quite looking forward to it. We are then going to have a family holiday on our own for a week somewhere.
Home now. Last few days been so draining. Although all the holiday rubbish is sorted and I'm happy about that I'm still feeling quite low in myself. Keep wanting to cry and I feel so empty inside. Not felt like this for a long time. I am really hurt by OH's behaviour towards me and he said some pretty horrible things to me. He has apologised but I can't stop hearing what he said again and again in my head. Can't even look at him and make eye contact cos I feel so shit and worthless. Rubbish.
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Post by winegirl on Jan 5, 2008 21:35:51 GMT
Hi Emma
So glad it all got sorted in the end! I am sorry things are now strained between you and OH. Try and remember that if your OH is truly sorry then he wont have meant anything he said to you and was just spouting off in anger.
When do you go to Centre Parcs? It sounds lovely x
WG x
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Post by sianyc on Jan 6, 2008 19:26:30 GMT
Hi Em As someone who is usually the one to blow her top and say nasty things - OH probably feels like s**t about anything he said. He most likely said it all in the heat of the moment when the pressure of wanting to please you, the parents etc and knowing that wasn't possible just got to him. I'll bet he knew he was in the wrong and was saying stuff to 'win' an argument and turn it onto you. On the rare occasions me and G argue, it gets to me. More so when I was still ill. It would wipe me out and I'd replay anything hurtful he said over and over, convincing myself he didn't love me really. How you desrcibed it hit the nail on the head I think - being emotionally empty for a while afterwards. Try to focus on his apology rather than what he said and that he has then got you out of a week with the outlaws
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Em
Full member
Mum of 3 lil boys aged 6, 3 and 11 months.
Posts: 142
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Post by Em on Jan 7, 2008 20:08:48 GMT
Thank you WG and Sian for your messages. I think you are so right that I should focus on the positives ... and I know he didn't mean what he said to me. He's told me again and again and apologised lots of times.
Today was such a good day. My first day of being a stay at home mum. It was a really good feeling waving my OH off to work and being able to take J to school myself and spend my day looking after my other 2. We did a bit of shopping then came home and had lunch. When T had his pm nap me and Tomas played some of his games he had for Christmas that we hadn't had chance to open yet. Then we went to for a walk to the park before picking J up from school.
I feel so priviledged and very very lucky to be doing this. My boys are delighted - and so am I!!
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Post by winegirl on Jan 7, 2008 20:22:28 GMT
Hi Emma
Glad your day was so good hun! I am soooo jealous, would kill to be a stay at home mum! I hope all your days continue to be as special as today babes xxx
WG x
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Em
Full member
Mum of 3 lil boys aged 6, 3 and 11 months.
Posts: 142
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Post by Em on Jan 12, 2008 19:56:02 GMT
I've had a really good week. Absolutely loving being at home with my boys. Done lots of things with them - trips to the park, baking, box modelling etc and managed to keep on top of the cleaning and ironing which is great.
Still doesn't take much to knock me down though. My OH managed to get my ebay account (and his) suspended. Its something stupid that doesn't really matter but its really got to me today. That was going to be my only way of earning a bit of money and now cos he was an idiot that's been taken away. Felt really down in the dumps cos of it today and disappeared off to my bed this afternoon for a while.
Later on my mum rang up and asked me to go over and see her with the boys. Couldn't be bothered but made the effort and went. Was really nice to see them and they entertained the boys for a while which is always welcome!
Saw my brother who is an alcoholic and schizoprenic. He was sober for once and we had a good chat. He's got such a good heart and it kills me to see what he's doing to himself. I know he drinks to drown out the voices he hears but I can't understand why he refuses to take his medication which would do that without wrecking his liver. He was 29 yesterday and I'm scared he'll never reach 30 if he carries on drinking like he has been. It's such a waste of a life.
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Post by winegirl on Jan 12, 2008 20:51:32 GMT
Hi Emma
Just wanted to say that if you have a seperate email address you can just set up a new ebay account. Or if you dont have one set up a hotmail account to get one there x
Enjoy all your time with your boys! xx
WG x
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Em
Full member
Mum of 3 lil boys aged 6, 3 and 11 months.
Posts: 142
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Post by Em on Jan 13, 2008 20:09:11 GMT
Thanks WG for the ebay advice! Might give it a go - bit worried they'll be able to trace it back to me though via paypal or something. Perhaps wait for the dust to settle on this account....!
Been to watch J play footy for his team this morning. They lost again! They played their hearts out and its devastating to go week in week out and get thrashed every time, though they only lost 1-0 today so not the usual thrashing!
Not really done anything else today. Just pottered around the house occupying kids. MIL just phoned to ask if she could come on Tues or Wed afternoon - so got that to look 4ward to this week.....!
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Em
Full member
Mum of 3 lil boys aged 6, 3 and 11 months.
Posts: 142
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Post by Em on Jan 15, 2008 22:15:08 GMT
Tuesday
MIL did not arrive cos of the weather. Spent a good hour tidying up and getting stressed in preparation! Least the house is quite tidy. OH rang her this evening and she said she probably won't come tomorrow - or next week either.
Theo been a real monkey today. I can't believe how much chaos he creates. Other two were never so mischievous at his age. He grabbed the wii and as I shouted "NO" and ran to grab it he threw it across the lounge floor. Luckily it still works. A bit later I took him upstairs to put some washing away. I heard a crash from Jake's bedroom and there was Jake's lovely lego hovercraft on the floor in pieces. I frantically tried to put it together and as I was concentrating on that he pulled Jake's playstation on to the floor. Luckily that still works too, and the lego more or less looks like a hovercraft! He such a horror, he seems to love throwing things - especially fragile things.
A neighbour who I've never really spoken to before came over yesterday. She was here nearly two hours. She seems really nice, but, she spent most of the two hours going on and on about all her troubles. Ex husband, kids, all her medical problems.... I guess she just needed to offload and I tried to be understanding but I found it a bit odd really when I've only really said Hello to her before. Like I said she does seem like a really genuinely nice person so hoped it help her to share her worries.
Bit worried tonight cos we worked out that when I stopped working we had just enough money to get by. However, we had not realised how much our gas/electricity would be. OH went to set up a direct debit today and its £270 a month. I was gobsmacked. No idea we used that much. Going to ask a few friends how much they pay - I cannot believe thats right. Last month we paid £180 and I know fuel prices have gone up - but nearly £100??? Daylight robbery! Going to have to find someway of finding that £100 ... might be back at work soon.
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Post by Scarlet on Jan 16, 2008 7:53:19 GMT
Hi Em,
£270 does sound a bit steep per month, I know we live abroad but ours is only around £100, and I have the heating on all the time. I would check it out and ask around if I were you.
Hope you are having a good day hun.
Scarlet X
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Em
Full member
Mum of 3 lil boys aged 6, 3 and 11 months.
Posts: 142
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Post by Em on Jan 17, 2008 19:32:27 GMT
Thanks Scarlett. Went on the price comparison site for electricity and gas and changed supplier. New one £850 for the year so should be fair bit less than £100 a month. What a relief!!
Feeling really good today. In fact feel completely myself. Had a great day with the boys.
Cancelled Tomas' nursery place so he stays at home with me now every day. To save some money I've taken my car off the road - tax due, reduce insurance and petrol costs. It's impossible to take him to nursery without a car cos its not walking distance. The nurseries that I could walk to are full, so looks like I might have to think about facing the mum and tots group!! Avoided this with a passion for the past seven years! Not sure I really can do it, might walk past and have a look what sort of people seem to be going... I'm not very good at going into any group situation with unfamiliar people.
On a positive note, I've booked myself on to a course to be a childminder. Thought once Tomas starts school in September I could give this a go. Really excited about it.
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