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Post by sianyc on Dec 18, 2007 16:04:07 GMT
Hey Nishka
It made me smile when a few posts back you asked how people cope with more than 1 child - the answer is anti-depressants/a cocktail of herbal remedies, chocolate and 6 o clock bedtimes. That and screaming like a banshee until you could just kick yourself!
Thinking of you lovely x
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Bobyn
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Post by Bobyn on Dec 27, 2007 19:06:42 GMT
Hey Nishka, How are you doing? Did you and your hubby get a chance to sit down and talk over the break? Hope you had a lovely christmas. Love, Bobyn xx
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nishka
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Posts: 207
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Post by nishka on Jan 2, 2008 9:42:44 GMT
Hi both of you, I hope you had lovely Christmases and new years eves. Hi to everyone, hope you are all okay.
Sorry I haven't been posting for a while. I have had a lot on my mind. As you will know from reading some of my diary Christmas is not a good time for me, brings back lots of memories of childhood etc and I was trying hard to keep myself together and I felt that if I started posting in here again and delving too deep I might sink into depression and I suppose I was trying to pretend none of those feelings were there.
Thankfully, I got through most of it okay and it was nice to be with A (last year she went to her Dads) and she seemed to really 'get' Christmas this year which was sweet. We left out some mince pies and some milk for Father Christmas (along with some whisky which I drank!!) and she was soooo excited to come down the next day and find that it had all gone!
Magic.
The second week was a bit more difficult - I found myself getting the usual stressed out mum thing and to be honest I spent a lot of the time in bed till 11am each day while Mum and hubby got up with A..... Naughty me. But to be honest I was just knackered and I couldn't manage to get myself up.
Hubby and I seemed to get on quite well. I did have a bit of a chat to him about things in general and that I felt that he wasn't really pulling his weight about the house (bearing in mind we both work full time) - and I think he took that on board and has been making efforts - esp considering that I laid in bed late most days and he did the 'morning shift' with A. He's started emptying the dishwasher and putting clothes away for me which may sound a bit trivial but when you are doing so much even small things make a difference. We spent some evenings cuddled up watching TV and we seem to be okay.
The only thing thats really putting a spanner in the works is me I guess. I am just generally a miserable old bag (well a substantial amount of the time!)... nothing new there then.
Back at work today. I wonder how the day is going to go - it's too early to tell at the moment.
I am having problems with my periods / the pill. I have been on this particular brand of pill for a long time now (2 years plus) without any problems and all of a sudden last month I had a full blown heavy period in the middle of my pack!! AGH! (Its the sort of pill where you have a 7 day break - so I had two periods in a month basically). I went to see the doctor and he said to me that although its unusual it isn't necessarily anything to worry about. So fair enough. I carried on taking the pills like he said and the period seemed to sort of stop but then every couple of days I will get some brownish blood come out (spotting) and when I wipe myself I notice a brownish discharge (sorry to be soo graphic!!).... So I don't know whats going on. Could I be pregnant??? I shouldn't think so as I have been on the pill for so long but it just seems so odd and that would explain the extreme fatigue I have had this last weekish... I suppose I should do a test. (Why are tests from shops so bloody expensive???!!) I am reluctant to go back to the doctors as they have a way of making me feel like I am wasting their time......... But I know I should go.
SO thats been on my mind. It got me thinking that if I WAS pregnant I wouldn't be as upset as I thought I would be, in fact I would be quite excited. And then I think what am I thinking??? I don't want a baby, look what I went through with A... My head is going round in circles. I suppose thats why I don't want to do a test.
Hubby and I have been talking about having another child recently. He said he would like to - and it would be better for A to have a sibling closer to her in age than not. She is 4 now. So maybe if there is something wrong with my pill, and if I am not pregnant already, maybe I will stop taking the pill and see what happens. I am just scared incase I do get pregnant and the doctors won't let me have an elective c section. After the 67 hours of labour I went through with A followed by a horrendous delivery I don't want to be doing all that again.
Also can I still take my citalopram if I get pregnant? I don't know whats going to happen.
Will the PNI come back? Maybe I will be worse than before and miss not only the first few months of the new baby but also miss blocks of time with my daughter who is here now. I missed so much time with PNI before I am scared of the same thing happening again. When I look at photos of A as a baby I can't remember it at all. Its like that part of my life never existed, or as though I am looking at someone elses baby.
The odd thing is that I can hold and enjoy holding other peoples babies - I just didn't have that experience with my own.
PNI is such a bitch.
But I guess you all know that.
Take care xxxxxxxxx
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Post by sianyc on Jan 2, 2008 16:56:24 GMT
Hey lovely
My sil had an awful birth with her first and was allowed a c-section on her 2nd. She talked it through with a midwife and explained how the first birth had affected her and about her PNI (mild if that's possible).
I don't know if you can take citalopram when pregnant to be honest. If not that, then I would guess there's at least one that's ok because of anti natal depression. God I'm full of the joys aren't I ;D
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nishka
Senior Member
Posts: 207
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Post by nishka on Jan 4, 2008 10:33:42 GMT
Me again...
Sian you do make me giggle.. I am just as full of the joys as you are. lol
Thanks for the information about your sil, thats very interesting - and hopeful!
Well its been an interesting few days. I brought a pregnancy test and did that and it said negative. So thats that. (Plus 7.99 wasted GRRRRR).
I went to the doctors today and talked to them about the bleeding. Suprisingly the doctor was really nice - she actually talked to me like a 'real' person instead of some number (!). She spent a long time with me doing lots of examinations and things and took some swabs from my cervix (god I hate those speculum things or whatever they are - I have been having nightmares about them ever since I had A). She said there does seem to be a lot of old blood around my cervix (nice!) which she thinks is probably related to the pill but she is going to check for infections anyway and she will call me if anything is wrong.
She said to me that she thinks a lot of the problems come from the fact that I am on several different medications (for my immune disorder) and she thinks they are interracting with the pill. Therefore she doesn't think changing to another pill is going to help. She asked what my attitude to getting pregnant would be and I said I don't know, I suppose I had always thought about it but my terrible first time round put me off a bit. She told me that if I was thinking about having another one anyway that maybe now would be the time to do it as my body could prob do with a break from the pill (and I am allergic to condoms and spermicide - lucky me) or anything hormonal. She said with my other conditions I might not get pregnant for a long time anyway - my fertility will be low - so its worth starting to try now if its something I want to do. She said after I have completed my family it might be worth thinking about being sterilised!! (Sounds scary!).
Anyway - so thats where I am. I don't know what to do. I rang home to speak to my husband about things but he is still asleep!! (Its his day off - A is down at her Dads this weekend).
I like the idea of having another baby - what's happened to me?! I never used to be like this!!- but I don't like the idea of all the pregnancy stuff and being back in hospital again. I find myself watching the childbirth videos on You Tube wondering if I could do it all again.. And what would I choose to do ? I always thought I wanted a water birth but that went out of the window last time with all the complications. I am worried if I try to have a 'normal' birth again and it all goes as it did with A will I feel even worse? I don't know what to do.
Maybe I won't even get pregnant. I could be worrying and panicing about nothing. With all my problems I suppose I will be lucky if I do. When I had A I think S and I were trying (or whatever!) for 18 months and I was 23.
I know hubby will be thrilled to try for a baby - he keeps dropping hints about wanting one all the time. So I don't think he will need much persuading!
The main problem is SEX. We don't have much of it!! And of course thats the one thing neccessary to have a baby...! That could be a very small problem!!
Oh well... Life's never straightforward is it.
I have been laughing about things with my Mum.. She said to me that she would be pleased if I did get pregnant as she loves babies and she would be happy to help me out while she is still young enough to do it. I jokingly said that hubby and I would have to have sex to have a baby (she knows that we don't do it much - we have a very open relationship!) and she laughed and said (jokingly) that not to worry I could prob get flirty man at work to donate if neccesary! MUM!! Cheeky woman. We did have a giggle. She knows a lot about my life, we are getting on really well at the moment.
So thats where I am, we will see.
Lots of love xxxxx
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Post by sianyc on Jan 4, 2008 15:10:22 GMT
I had a horrible birth first time. I haven't written it down before but you're getting it now so you can see how different my births were. CaitlinInduced at 11 days over at 6pm Nothing happened so more prostraglanding gel at 11pm pains all night which they kept tellin me were little niggles caused by the gel and were not contraction (depsite the fact that I could time them, they weren't going away when I moved around and were increasing in intensity) I had no sleep and finally made a midwife put a tens machine on me at 5am. She told me I was a silly girl and should have got some sleep. I was 25 by the way and told her where to get off. Luckily there was a shift change then so she couldn't hold it against me At about 8 they moved me from one ward to another and I was in labour on an antenatal care ward. I asked the midwife to call Gary at 9. They did, told him not to rush as I was very early on!!!! He then had a leaisurely shower etc and arrived 2 hours later - bastard! I had the gas and air shortly afterwards and wa doing ok for a good few hours. I wa scaring the crap out of a poor girl opposite me who was only about 20 weeks and watching me in labour. At about 2.30 they managed to get me onto the labour ward to the piped in gas and air and it all started going bad from here I was bloody terrified and not handling it well. They were making me walk to the loos without pain relief, having 2 contractions before I got back to the gas and air. I was crying a lot then. I asked for an epidural whch they presuaded me out of and gave me pethidine whch gave me memory loss for about 30 minutes but did nothing for the pain (so my mum tells me - I was still crying but out of it). I agreed to let them break my waters (God what a mistake) and went from 6-9 cm in 25 minutes. The aneasthetist couldn't get to me quick enough and so I was at 10cm with gas and air. I pushed for 2 hours and nothing. They then rushed me to theatre where they spent and hour trying to get the spinal in. For most of this I had to have oxygen not gas and air cos I was passing out and falling forward off the side of the bed into the midwife. I had to breathe through an hours worth of fully dilated contractions before they decided they'd do an epidural. That went in and the worst was over. They'd left Gary outside for an hour with no info on how I was as well The ventouse cap came off Caitlin's head and she had to have forceps in the end. RhiannaWalking around the hospital after 2 hours at home. Gas and air while watching Corrie and Eastenders. Half past midnight in the birthing pool 3 hours later, Rhianna out It was perfect. really relaxed, no intervention and I was in control of it which I think was the key See it could be much better than your 67 hour visit to hell x
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nishka
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Posts: 207
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Post by nishka on Jan 5, 2008 16:45:29 GMT
Just popped on here quickly.. Had to say thank you so much for posting your experiences. It's really encouraging to hear the difference between the two and I really appreciate you sharing your memories with me, esp the hard ones. Thank you. Its very nice to hear that a bad experience may not be the end of having a good one.
I will post again later in the week when I have more time. But just wanted to say that hubby and I talked last night and we have decided to try for a baby!! So out with the pills and in with .... well lots of sex I guess!! (Gulp!)
I don't know whats going to happen but we're both really excited and hope it happens quickly. We will see. We were lying in bed thinking about possible names (a little premature but hey!) and I said I don't really mind as long as its nothing something from Star Trek.... (he's a trekkie)... Urgh!
Mr Flirty and I had a good giggle at work yesterday. He was telling me it was too cold for him to go and play golf (he's just joined an exclusive golf club) so I told him he better get his long johns on then or he wouldn't be able to play in the snow. He went in the kitchen for a minute and then reappeared and said to me, "You have a sense of humour. How can you play Golf in the snow anyway???" - I laughed at him, I wondered how long it would take for him to get my joke. Hee hee.
He is spending the afternoon with me at work on Monday finishing off the rest of the training course we have been doing. Its been fun. We haven't been emailing each other quite so much since we found out his secretary has been reading them all! - which is sad because I miss doing that, but he still comes and chats to me a lot. We have been chatting about films a lot this week. He's been telling me he fancies Tinkerbell from the cartoon Peter Pan - he thinks she has curves in the right places... Gosh what is wrong with men??!! lol
Anyway I better go, I have to sort out my tropical fish - I have a big tank and they need cleaning out. (Fun).
Tomorrow I am spending the whole day going to London and back on the coach (8 hours there and back) picking up A from her dads.
Oh well.
Chat to you soon xxxx
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Bobyn
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Post by Bobyn on Jan 5, 2008 16:52:06 GMT
Hi Nishka, Another baby sounds lovely! And Siany's right, there's nothing to suggest the labour would be the same. It's a big decision to make but if you come off the pill then you can place it in the lap of the Gods and see what happens? Remember you do only need one sperm for the baby, which for me meant having sex only once for both children, so there's always hope you'll get off lightly LOL xx
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Post by winegirl on Jan 5, 2008 20:37:55 GMT
Hi Nishka Thats great hun. Best of luck with it! Hope you enjoy trying! Hope the 8 hours on a coach isnt so bad tomorrow mate. Dont envy you! Take Care WG x
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Post by sianyc on Jan 6, 2008 19:14:44 GMT
Just remembering the smell from cleaning out goldfish is making me want to puke - uurrgghh
Happy baby making by the way
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nishka
Senior Member
Posts: 207
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Post by nishka on Jan 7, 2008 9:20:22 GMT
Hiya everyone,
You lot are all so kind. Thanks for the support. xx
Sian - yep the smell of cleaning out a fish tank is not something to be savoured!! YUCK!! Still, needed doing and I am pleased to have finished it now. Thank goodness!!
I am feeling really positive at the moment. I almost feel a bit guilty for still posting in here because I don't think of this as a PNI diary as such anymore, but it is nice to be able to get my thoughts out and to share any concerns I have. And now I am hoping to have baby number two (gulp!) I feel safe knowing I have somewhere to come and talk about things.
My weekend was okay - the journey to London and back wasn't one of the worst. Luckily A slept the whole way back (bliss!) giving me a chance to read a Mother and Baby magazine I brought.... almost scaring myself half to death with all the pictures of the perfect mums... Hmmm! The worst thing about the journey was that I went in my glasses and anorak being comfy and when I got there my ex was there with his young barmaid girlfriend who was in skinny jeans (! I just look like tweedle dum in them... ) and knee high boots looking amazing. *Runs off crying!* How depressing. Still got over that quite quickly. Its not the end of the world. I don't know why I am even worried about it anyway, I totally hate the bastard anyway so what does it matter? Crazy woman.
Baby making hasn't started yet. I am on my period and I haven't felt like anything except knitting and sleeping. Last night hubby and I sat up in bed doing a crossword together (we sound about 80, not 27!) I think we need a firecracker to get any passion going. lol. Still this week is going to be my first week of being off the pill so no worries, I am sure the moment will take us - at some point in the next month as usual lol.
I don't know if anyone else here has the same problem but hubby and I often end up laughing and getting in fits of giggles when we are trying to have a passionate moment. Prime example - last time we kept kissing really passionately and then getting a fit of the giggles and finding it impossible to carry on!! Its so frustrating. Maybe when you know someone so well its hard to be sexy... or not to giggle about it anyway. We will have to take a deep breath and try and get it on so to speak or this baby is never going to be made!!
Back in work today... Mr Flirty is going to spend some time with me doing some training today so that should be interesting. At least it breaks up the day a bit.
Take care xxxxxxxx
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Post by Scarlet on Jan 7, 2008 11:05:44 GMT
Remember you do only need one sperm for the baby, which for me meant having sex only once for both children, so there's always hope you'll get off lightly
lol me too Bobyn, actually eldest it was twice.... Hope you get caught soon Nishka.
Agh! the idea of cleaning out thst fish-tank. I had a couple of goldfish once and they were a pain to clean out. Hope you have a good time training with Mr F. today. ;D
Scarlet X
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nishka
Senior Member
Posts: 207
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Post by nishka on Jan 8, 2008 10:03:41 GMT
Hiya again everyone
Well baby making started last night! Yay! lol... Hubby woke me up in the middle of the night (usually I would give him a kick but you know now these things have to be done!!)... It was fun.. Despite being 3 in the morning or some ridiculous hour!! Grrr.
I couldn't get to sleep afterwards. My mind is just spinning with thoughts about having another baby. I keep thinking what if I am making a terrible mistake and that I will have terrible PNI again and won't bond with the baby and I will hate it and blah blah. I keep having flashbacks of my first birth with A and all the horrible things that happened to me.
I don't know if I have ever posted about my birth. Maybe I should get it out on here, perhaps it would help.
Well from about 6 months pregnant I was in and out of hospital with urinary infections and suspected gestational diabetes (I can't remember if I actually had this confirmed or not, the hospital was useless as you will see!) I was very poorly.
At one stage I was admitted to hospital with contractions and they were worried A was going to come early so they stuck these little steriod things on my bump to slow the contractions down (this was about 6 months preg I think) but I had an allergic reaction to the steriods and I tried to get off the bed, everything sort of went all swimmy and black and then I remember the buzzers going and me being pulled back on the bed by about 6 consultants pumping me full of drugs! I found out later that my blood pressure had dropped to 70 over 30 which is basically nearly dead. I spent 2 weeks in hospital.
After that I was in and out of hospital until about 7 months I think or thereabouts (this was 4 years ago, I can't remember times and dates too well) and they gave me a scan because they were concerned A was too large. On the ultrasound they said she was 9lb 10!!- at 7 months. They said they would have to induce me at 8 months because they said if they let me go to term she would be about 15lbs... Ouch. (Apparently diabetes can make babies larger than normal).
Anyway so after being in hospital for 3 weeks (just love that hospital!!) and being told amongst other things they thought I might have a blood clot and I might die (!) and being made to have iron injections in my bum every day (I was anaemic and can't take iron tablets - again allergic..) I was sent home for 3 days before I was to come back to be induced.
No one really explained to me what being induced is like. To be honest I guess I was a little naive despite reading all the mags etc.. I expected that the docs would tell me if it was something I needed to know. So I was just really excited thinking it would be like a normal labour with no probs etc.
Me and S (my now ex) went to the hospital on the day of the induction and I was given some gel. The midwife was completely horrible and was very rough with me and kept saying she hoped I didn't need pain relief because the women in Africa never did!! (WHAT???!!) As you can imagine I felt completely at ease. Not. I had an allergic reaction to the latex gloves they use which made me feel incredibly sore and very swollen- only after having A did anyone tell me that they do have an alternative but the midwives basically didn't believe me and wouldnt go and get them.
I started having contractions after the second dose of gel. I was in a lot of pain and the midwives kept swapping about which meant I never felt I really got to know any of them. They would come in, roughly do an internal and vanish again. I was in a lot of pain and I was crying and it was only then they let me have some gas and air. They basically just shoved this at me and walked off - me and S had to find out how to make it work!
So there I was puffing away on the gas not knowing what on earth I was supposed to do with it (I know now you are meant to time it with your contractions) and I was still in excruiciating pain. I asked S to buzz the bell because there was no one around and a midwife came in and asked what the matter was in a very aggitated tone - nice. I explained I was still in a lot of pain and she said, "What do you want me to do about it?" and I said I wanted some more pain relieft so she looked really annoyed with me and went off to get some pethidine.
I had two doses of pethidine which all it did was make me feel warm - it didn't take away the pain. I was examined again and found that despite all the pain etc I was only something like 3cm gone. .AGHHHHH!!! They decided to put me on a drip to speed things up.
So there I was in horrible pain with this drip shoved in and the midwives moaning at me. I begged for an epidural and about 2 hours later (by the way I had been in 2 days now!!) they finally came round. I had it put it and even though they pumped me full of stuff I was sort of numb in some places but still in a lot of pain!! I told them this and they had to resite the thing 3 times. Great. It still didn't work properley and I think they were fed up with me by now so they pumped me absolutely full of the stuff and I couldn't move from the neck down despite still being in a lot of pain!!
3rd day... I was basically left to my own devices (with S there as well) for most of the time. Occasionally a midwife would pop in to do an internal or stats but that was all. I was completely exhausted and hadn't slept in 3 days. They then decided to break my waters which was done really roughly and then about 3 midwives (including the horrible one who moaned at me about pain relief in the beginning!!) had to move me over the bed so they could change the bed. They pulled me about like a piece of meat it was horrible.
A consultant came to visit me and said they were concerned my labour wasn't progressing. No kidding!!! He said they would give me another 2 hours and then they would decide what course to take. I heard him turn to another consultant in the room and say under his breath that I should have been a c section. Later when I said this to the hospital when I complained they denied this - of course!
2 hours came and went. They came back, examined me and I was finally 9cm. I was completely exhausted and hadn't moved from the bed for hours and hours (couldn't move from neck down). They said "Oh you can push now" and then went and left me with some stupid midwife who kept walking out the room and chatting to her friend outside!! S and I had to look at the monitor to see when I was having a contraction and push because I couldn't tell despite being in a lot of constant pain!! (Turned out later on that A was in a difficult position and was pushing against my back!)
I pushed for about an hour and nothing was happening. The consultant came back and said they would have to take me to theatre and try suction and if not then they would have to do a c section. I was in so much pain I literally wanted to die.
It all goes a bit blurry here, I remember nearly passing out I think and being wheeled down the corridoor through lots of swinging doors and looking up at those fluoescent lights (thats always my flashback) and being in a lot of pain. I remember them flashing some consent form in my face and me signing it, I would have signed anything. Then they wheeled me in. S had to go and put on scrubs or whatever they are - the green gowns.
They strapped me on to the bed and topped me up with even more epidural - thankfully I couldn't feel anything at all now. My whole body was numb, I couldn't even move my arms. I remember seeing the cap going down and a lot of pulling and pushing. The consultant seemed to be really having to pull and I don't even know if I was pushing. Anyway A came out along with a TON of blood all over the floor. (I lost so much blood I should have had a transfusion according to the guidelines but of course they denied this too) I actually remember the consultant slipping about in my blood.
I couldn't hold A. She didn't breathe for a while so they had to resuss or whatever they do. Eventually she was okay and they wheeled us to the recovery room. S and I were shell shocked. Not one of the midwifes offered to help me to hold her or to put her close to mel. I just stared at her through the tiny plastic cot she was in.
After some time they decided to transfer us to a ward (this was at 11.30 at night - I had been in labour 67 hours!!!) and the midwifes weren't happy about this. Three of them came to move us and they kept moaning and saying how they weren't porters... !! When we got to the ward they said S had to leave - hardly having seen his daughter!!
The midwives asked me if I needed anything and I said I couldn't move at all and they basically just pushed A's cot at the end of my bed and left us there!! I hadn't held A or tried to feed her or anything. A was sticking out her tounge a lot and I figured she was prob hungry (a guess!) so I managed to call over a midwife and said she might need a feed (I had hoped to breastfeed and hoped they might have helped me to do it - I was hoping straight after the birth but no one mentioned it. The midwife came and took A away!! I later found out to the nursery! (I wasn't with it enough to ask). Later on I asked her where they had taken her and I had to ask them to bring her back!!!
I laid in bed just staring at her all night at the end of my bed unable to reach her. Thankfully she was a good baby and didn't cry once!! I think my heart would have broken if she cried and I couldn't cuddle her.
I phoned my mum the next morning and begged her to come in and help me because I couldn't move at all or take care of A. She came in straight away and was so shocked at the sight of me. Embarassingly enough I had (cringe) messed myself in the bed because obviously I didn't have control over my bowels with so much anaesthetic and she immediately told a nurse to come and change me. I was so out of it I hadn't even realised. Obviously sitting in muck with an episiotomy (which I later had to have re done because they'd screwed that up too!) wasn't good.
The nurse changed the bed around me and mum changed A and gave A her first cuddle - nearly 9 hours after she was born!! She changed A and I told Mum A was hungry and hadn't had anything and Mum tried to help me to breastfeed but we couldn't get the hang of it. I had such a traumatic time that to be honest I just couldn't be bothered with it all and Mum went off to find a bottle and some formula. A drank the whole lot and slept for the first time since she was born I think!!
A was very yellow and we had to keep complaining to the hospital to test her for jaundice, which they did eventually and thankfully she was okay.
I slowly got my feeling back in my body and was gradually able to look after A - making her very sick the first night not realising I couldn't give the same formula all night (maybe that sounds dumb but planning to breastfeed I hadn't really thought about bottle feeding - my new advice to all mums is to research both cos you never know!!) I wish one of the midwives had been more helpful.
I was discharged after 5 days. I was very sore, very depressed and very PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder). I was in bits. I complained to the hospital but of course they denied everything.
And so the PNI began.
And now I am thinking oh god what am I doing having another baby when I have been through all that???!! But now we have moved away from that area and I will be in another hospital and hopefully a better one... ! I guess thats all I can hope for. Reading it back I suppose I have more knowledge now and knowledge is power, or at least a feeling of control.
I don't know what went so wrong. I don't know if I had a complicated birth or whether the care (or lack of it) that I received made things worse. Or maybe I was just a whinger. I really don't know. I know A was in a difficult position and that obviously being induced made things worse. I keep thinking about what would happen if I tried to have a natural delivery again, would it all end in disaster? I would really like to talk to a consultant about things but I guess you can't do that without getting pregnant first.. but I would really like to talk to them now to put my mind at rest!! The way I am feeling now, so scared, that I don't know if I will even get preg!!
So thats where I am.. all these thoughts dashing about. What if I am rubbish at being a mum? Maybe I didn't have PNI and I am just not meant to be a mum?
Just feeling very confused and I guess a bit down. I want to make sure a new pregnancy is everything my last one wasn't but then I guess I won't know that and its wrong to pin my hopes on what is basically a very small part of having a child.
I was talking with hubby last night (he is soooo excited about the idea bless him!) and I was asking him what he thought we should do. He said he didn't mind, as long as I was happy. I said wouldn't he feel a bit cheated out of the birth experience if we went for an elective c section (A is not his child don't forget- this would be his first) and he said not at all. I suppose thats maybe how I feel a bit and I am projecting it on to him perhaps.
Hmmm.... What a confused mess I am. I have made an appointment with the GP tomorrow afternoon to talk through some of these things. I don't know if its going to do any good but I need to ask about my medications anyway (if I can take them while I am pregnant and whether I should be taking them now etc) so I will see what she says.
I need chocolate and lots of it. I am supposed to be working but I have done sod all. I can't think about anything but babies and birth and labour.
I am wearing my glasses today (my eyes are sore so I can't wear my contact lenses) and Mr Flirty is all over me telling me I look fantastic in my glasses - lol. Nice to be appreciated I guess.
I should do some work. At least I have got that all out on here. Sorry for mammoth post... Geez I am a screwed up cookie.
Hugs to everyone, take care xxxxxxxx
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Post by Scarlet on Jan 8, 2008 11:04:11 GMT
Wow! hun, I hope you feel better after getting that off your chest. So sorry you had a crappy pregnancy and birth. I had complications in pregnancy as well and I'm sure that is part and parcel of my PNI ~ ah well!!!! So you are baby-making now , don't even think about the PNI Nishka, there have been others who had more kids without having PNI. If you do get it, well you have educated yourself about it and will beat it no worries, and it's worth it just to have a wee brother or sister for your LO. Plus you are with a different man, so things are gonna be a whole lot different for you this time, so don't stress, just get reproducing girlie Let us know how you get on with your GP tomorrow. I took ADs in the last trimester (citalopram/cipralex) and my LO was fine ~ so it's a back-up if you need it. Looking forward to the next installment Scarlet X
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Post by sianyc on Jan 8, 2008 12:15:01 GMT
Nishka
Well done for getting all that out lovely. I know I try to forget it and mine wasn't as bad as that. Knowledge of labour is definately power and it was knowing what contractions were like and that I could control it that made all the difference second time around.
PNI isn't a foregone conclusion for you and you could be perfectly fine after another. Even if it returns, you have a better support network this time and know what it is you'd be dealing with x
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