flobob
Senior Member
Posts: 357
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Post by flobob on Nov 7, 2007 6:24:45 GMT
Hello Just got a few minutes to update here. Haven't been here for a week because of stuff. But I did pop by and have a look once and saw your replies - thank you. After I'd written all that stuff I thought "oh no", I thought you'd all judge me for having an abortion and that you'd never talk to me again. Or even worse I thought you'd write something nasty to me on here. I was actually nervous of looking. Which was awful because this place helps me and I didn't want to lose it. And I thought I might have done by being so open on here.
Monica - thank you for telling me your breasts had also leaked white stuff. Because when I told the doctor he didn't say what it was and I told a friend and she'd never heard of that happening. So I'd been feeling generally weird and scared about it. It seems to have stopped now but did continue for a few days after my period had started.
Feeling a bit stressed this week but not to the point of crying collapse. I've decided to deal with my anger by not thinking about it - possibly not the best idea - burying my head in the sand - because I'll have to think about it at some point but maybe when I do I'll be able to deal with it. Hopefully won't be seeing my friend for a fortnight now so that helps in not thinking. Also she doesn't know how mad I am that she knows. And I feel guilty about hating her because it isn't her fault she was told.
Both me and LO have stinking colds this week. Going to go and have a lovely hot bath now whilst baby is asleep and I have the chance. FloBob
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clarey
Senior Member
Posts: 327
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Post by clarey on Nov 10, 2007 15:43:10 GMT
Hi Flobob,
I have just read some of your diary (hope you don't mind). It was from replying to your other post that prompted me to do so. Anway, I felt as if I could comment on so much as I was reading that I too have felt/suffered.
I had the white stuff from my breasts also. Like you I breast fed my son for 1 year and wanted to carry on but at this point it was take the meds or end up in a psychiatric ward. I had been battling this for months but had to give in. Sorry to ramble about me then, but the stuff is still milk production. My gp told me this is perfectly normal. I have it just before my period also and it is related to your prolactin levels which are obviously still on the high side. For the past month I have been taking Agnus castus and it hasn't happened this time. I was going to start a thread about Agnus castus which I will do.
I have been trying for a baby for the 5/6 months with no joy and I can understand TOTALLY what you wrote about wanting another pregnancy/baby. I feel I missed out on so much of my sons baby days and it upsets me to think about it.
I admire your honesty in you diary and the apparant ease with which you are able to articulate yourself. You are obviously a very intelligent and articulate lady. I find my diary cathartic but have been unable to go into detail as you have. I'm not sure why perhaps I will be able to in time.
Hope you are having a good weekend Flobob, Talk soon, Love Clareyxx
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flobob
Senior Member
Posts: 357
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Post by flobob on Nov 13, 2007 22:36:29 GMT
Hello Clarey I'm amazed that this white stuff is still milk production. I stopped breastfeeding 8 months ago and hadn't had any leaks since then at all. It just didn't occur to me that it could still be something from so long ago. Thank you for explaining. So pleased that you get how I feel about wanting another baby. For me, I'm not sure if I missed out on my boy's baby days. But I know I felt awful throughout my pregnancy and felt so bad and guilty that I was affecting the baby at the time. Just want to get it right next time. But maybe my hormones will just affect me in the same way again, but I want to be able to cope with it this time. Hehehe ;D thank you for the compliments. Probably when you're ready to say all the bad stuff you'll be able to do so. But only do it if it helps you. In some ways I wish I had found this site earlier. But when I did find it I couldn't join or write here because I was insanely jealous of the warmth I saw, and so low that I couldn't face writing and not getting a nice (or any) response which would have made me feel even more isolated. I was also insanely jealous of anyone who said their partner was supportive. And just coming on here made me cry. I couldn't even see any similarities between what I was going through and what other people said. It seemed that other people had real problems and I was just making a fuss and being hopeless and not being able to cope and I really didn't want to admit to that. I think now that I did have real problems. And that some problems and thoughts were similar to what others have said. But I think I can only see this now. I'm writing now because it helps me to get rid of the thoughts. I lurked about on this site for quite a while before taking the plunge and writing here. But now I have started "talking" it is really helping. I decided to be completely honest when I went to see a counsellor because how else could she help me? So when I realised this made me feel like how I felt when talking to the counsellor I thought it best to be honest here too. I do keep a lot of stuff to myself generally and couldn't say any of this if you actually knew who I was. The anonymity helps me to just write it down and get it out of my head. I spent 6 months thinking that my baby was going to die. And I kept that to myself. And it was awful to think that. And I think it was worse because I didn't tell anyone as I was so ashamed of that thought. Not telling anyone made the thought worse for me. So writing here is like telling someone and then the thoughts don't spiral around in my head so much. I also thought that my husband was going to die whilst I was pregnant, and that if I told anyone that I thought that then it would come true and would be my fault for saying it out loud. So I had to overcome the idea that by saying something I was causing it to happen. I have seen 2 counsellors (one privately and one on the NHS) and the private counsellor actually said to me that thinking I could cause something to happen just by saying it was "egocentric", which could be true but I don't think that was helpful to me. After all, I wasn't wanting to control the world and both the bad thought and then the cause-to-happen thought were part of the depression. She didn't really help me to resolve that but just saying these things out loud and then them not happening has proved that I can say things without causing them to happen. She did help me to see that. I did want at some point to write about those 6 months or so when I thought my baby was going to die. So I might as well do it now as I've mentioned it. It started when he was 6 months old. Me and baby went to another baby's christening when he was 6 months old. Up until that day I hadn't really been around anyone whose baby was the same age as my boy. So everything he was doing I just thought was what babies did. I didn't know much about babies before having mine and although I read baby books it didn't really sink in. So when we had a picnic after the christening and my boy was the only one who was crawling (there were 3 boys there all born in the same week). At the time I was just proud of him but not thinking negatively about it. Then afterwards I thought bad thoughts on his crawling. The first was that he was moving because I wasn't looking after him properly and he felt he had to move because Mummy wasn't doing anything or getting anything for him. Like I was neglecting him and he knew it already even though he was only so tiny. The second bad thought around his crawling was that he knew he was going to die and so had to get up and do as much as possible while he could because he wasn't going to be around for long. Just writing this now is making me tearful. Although I don't think like this now, I do remember how paralysed I was by this thought at the time, and that is why I am upset. Even though the 2 thoughts conflict I was thinking them both. Eventually when my boy was over 1 year old I told the private counsellor. And finally told my husband. Saying it to them made it less real. And of course all the babies I know have since caught up with my boy and so things he does don't seem so different so that has helped too. Do you know, some days I think I am so nearly better. Like today for instance, I've had a very useless day with work and didn't achieve very much so was a bit down on myself about that. And meant to go to the gym but didn't manage to get there and felt a bit useless about that too. So generally felt really flat all day. But even so it is just flat and not crying or paralysed. And yesterday I had a very long drive (around 4 hours) but when we got home we had lunch and then swept up the leaves in the garden. So felt OK about myself. Not so on Thursday last week when I had a very long drive (should have been 4 hours but took 5 or 6!) and was so stressed and upset by the time I got there. What's with all this driving? As I've said before my husband is working away. Well the company has got him a flat down on the south coast and me and baby go down once a month to stay with him. Saves hubby on driving back and forth once a month and is a nice change for me and baby. Although it can be stressful in organising. Luckily I've never not been able to drive through this illness. I do force myself to do things and driving was one of them. Probably because I haven't told a lot of people that I have PNI so if I didn't act as "normal" then I'd have to explain why and I couldn't face that. We go down on a Thursday and come back on a Monday. In Sept, the first time we went there, my husband came home for lunch with us on the Friday. Last month he didn't do that! I was a bit upset thinking again I was alone. But he did it this month again without me asking him too The first month he helped by taking stuff to my car on the Monday. The second month he didn't do that. And yesterday he didn't take anything again - I had to make 2 trips down and up the stairs (2nd floor flat and no lift) with luggage and baby (including travel cot!!!). I was really upset with him that he could just leave for work without helping. But I was already upset because I hadn't slept well on Sunday night and he had a bath on Monday morning and then I only had 15 minutes to myself and wanted to have a bath too, but there was no hot water. And he could easily have given me more time to myself. And last month I asked him to stay home on Monday morning until I left so that he could help me get LO washed, dressed, fed, and the car packed and all that stuff that takes 3 times as long with a toddler in tow. Last month he said he had a meeting so couldn't go in late. This month I hoped he would just stay to help. But he didn't. I don't bother to ask because it just causes an argument or at the least it causes him to give me excuses which then annoy me - I'd just rather not hear them. Actually he did feed baby. With that and the lack of sleep and the long drive home I wasn't feeling too happy. But did stop for 30 mins at a service station whilst baby was asleep so I cat-napped in the car and that revived me enough. Then sweeping up the leaves in the garden when we got home was good for me. Got us out in the fresh air and doing something. Made me happy that we had a garden and gave me something to look forward to - I do like gardening and have missed not having my own garden for 3 years - so looking forward to sorting out the garden here. Felt useless again for a short while early evening because I realised that we didn't have any milk in the house and had to drive to the supermarket to get some at 6pm. Which is normally when I'm thinking about putting baby to bed and doing all that stuff. So went to supermarket and just felt so useless and that people were looking at me and thinking what a bad mum I must be to take my baby to the supermarket so late and not even have milk at home for him. But managed to forgive myself because I suppose it wasn't really too late, just felt it because it is so dark by 6pm now. However I have felt so nearly better for a few months now. Just want it to end soon. Also I've made progress on the hatred-thing. Although still not thinking about it properly. But realise that I forgave myself years ago for what I did when I was 16 and so will not allow it to upset me now. I had a very good thought about it all earlier today but can't remember right now what it was. But it felt logical and good and reassured me at the time. Shame I can't remember it because it would be useful to write down so I could never forget. Dur! Goodnight xx
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Post by Scarlet on Nov 14, 2007 8:36:34 GMT
Flobob,
I know what you mean about visiting this site and not posting. When I was at my worst and didn't know what was wrong with me, I found this site, but never posted because I had PNI in pregnancy and thought I had something totally different to everyone else on here.
I also didn't feel strong enough to post because I felt that no-one would reply to me and I would feel rejected, and I was already feeling extremely low and my moods were swinging from one second to the next and I was acutely anxious. It wasn't until my baby was around 6-8 months old that I felt I had my confidence back and I had recovered enough (ie my mood swings had a longer gap in between) that I started to post here.
As for having a supportive hussband, I felt a twinge of jealousy as well when other laides said their OHs were supporting them. It was such a difficult time when I was very ill, and he said/did some things which I won't forget and can't forgive him for. He was totally unsupportive emotionally and I felt that he was no longer my rock. My hubby only uses the depression/mental tag when we argue these days and even today I still feel that twinge of jealousy when I read how other hubbys have supported their wives through PNI.
I think it must be very difficult for you if your husband works away and you have a young baby. Are you living alone Flobob? I do hope you have a supporting family nearby...you are a very strong lady to be able to cope alone without your OH. Despite my hubbys faults and the fact that he wasn't there for me when I was ill, he's a very good dad and does an awful lot for our baby.
It wil end soon for you hun, and you are doing so well considering you don't have your hubby around to help and support you. Getting it all off your chest is definitely helping I'd say.
Hope you are having a good day today hun.
Scarlet X
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Post by monica on Nov 15, 2007 1:07:27 GMT
Hi
Just wanted to tell you you are (or rather were) not alone with your thoughts; I too used to blow these thoughts out of propoprtion - if my child was doing something it was a sign of something terrible - or if he was not doing something that was also a sign.
I think PNI brings all these negative thoughts into overdrive - catastrophising and an ever impending sense of doom, low self steem and self loathing ' can't do anything right, failed again ...' etc. I think I suffer from this now as have gone through a difficult patch recently and am very much down on myself. When I'm feeling ok I can look back and see how irrational this is but when in such a mood it's difficult to see the wood from the trees.
It's a sure sign of recovery when you realise that these thoughts are irrational and start being able to control them and you're definately doing this.
I think I've mentioned before my bf was not very nice to me when I had PNI. To this day he's not emotionally supportive. I also used to feel pangs of envy when I read how other partners were so kind and loving. I think alot of time, men just can't handle this illness; it would mean revealing too much of themselves and often they're simply cowards. My bf is better now, but I can remember quite often he'd see me struggling with something and would just sit there and not offer to help load the car or anything. It's quite disappointing. dont' really know what to suggest. Possibly as you get better, he'll get better - that was the case with us - he'll feel he can relax (possibly not worry?) and be less defensive.
Hope today's good
Monica
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flobob
Senior Member
Posts: 357
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Post by flobob on Nov 16, 2007 6:07:56 GMT
Hello Scarlet and Monica I'm sorry that your partners weren't supportive for you either. That doesn't make me feel any better. Now I just feel sad for all of us. Thank you for your words of support. It is getting better but I think that is only because I am able to forgive him, or at least not think about it, for his lack of support not because he is any better at being supportive. Although saying that he is trying more now, but that is quite variable. I just want him to be helpful emotionally 100% and not just when he can be bothered.
It hurts so much because I have been there for him numerous times when he needed me like that because he'd lost his job (3 times) or because he couldn't get work as a pilot (after giving up his job and studying for nearly 2 years) or even during the time that he was studying. I was just there unquestioningly because I love him and want more than anything for him to be happy. So why doesn't he want that for me? My mind says it is because he just doesn't love me as much. And that makes me scream inside and cry.
I've had a good week this week in general. Tuesday was a bit low. Wednesday was good. Thursday was OK. I try so hard to get better and right now I feel so crap.
I don't know if I've mentioned here that I will be getting CBT at some point - have my assessment appointment on 17 Dec and then they'll tell me how long the waiting list is. The waiting list to be assessed was 4 months! And I am scared that talking to someone will set me back without the immediate hope of further support.
When I found out that I had to wait so long for an assessment I found a private clinic where I could get seen quicker. But it was still a month's waiting list. So I booked a session for early October. I eventually plucked up the courage to tell my husband in mid Sept.
Because I think he doesn't care I don't tell him stuff. I'm not being stubborn or awkward. It is just that I find it really difficult to talk to anyone and talking when I think that person isn't interested is too difficult. I think that I am taking up their time and being a burden and feel guilty on both counts. So I emailed him in the week and asked him to ask me about how I was feeling and the treatment I was getting - because he'd never really asked and I hadn't really told him but just said in passing that I was having counselling and he'd never asked me for further details - like any normal person would!!!!
So that weekend on Sunday night he did ask me. He didn't ask in a very caring manner so I was put off but I forced myself to reply and open up so that he would see that I wasn't meaning to exclude him and maybe we'd start to talk about this stuff more.
I told him about the waiting list for the NHS and that I'd booked private CBT sessions. He just exploded! The first thing he asked was how much it would cost. It was expensive - £95 per hour - but to me that wasn't important if it was going to make me better. I would get into debt if it meant I could be me again. He said it was a waste of money and a con. Then he said it made him wonder what else I was doing without telling him about - like I was having an affair or something. I would have an affair if I thought any man would want me right now but who would want this emotional mess? Of course I didn't say that out loud. And really I wouldn't have an affair because I love my husband.
I cried and cried and to stop the argument I said I'd cancel the session even though even at the time I knew that wasn't what I wanted. I did phone and cancel later in the week. I thought really hard about it - should I just go behind his back and not tell him? Should I tell him I'd changed my mind about cancelling? The first would make me feel so guilty and the second would cause an argument. So I cancelled. And instead bought a self-help book about CBT.
I've read it through once which is what the book suggests to do. And then go back through it picking out areas that are relevant to yourself and work on those bits. So I've re-read chapter 1 and am working on that. I started a thread about this and said I'd go back to update as I progress. But I wanted that thread to be helpful to people thinking about doing CBT and not be negative so I haven't gone back yet as I don't have anything constructive to say. But wanted to say it in my diary because it is happening to me now.
Chapter 1 suggests the following that I thought were relevant to me 1) do 1 positive thing per day 2) eat healthily 3) don't criticize yourself and something else which I can't remember right now. So I've bought a small notebook to keep in my handbag so I can record the things I do as they happen because otherwise I forget. Started writing in that today. Oh yeah, just remembered the 4th thing is take exercise. So today my exercise was walking into town with baby in the pram. And a positive thing was going to a mother & baby group. Then housework in the afternoon was more exercise - well I'm counting it as that.
Also at the end of every chapter there are some exercises to do and one exercise in chapter 1 is to "make a list of the positive things you would like to include in your life. e.g. I would like to see my friends more, go to the movies more, have more time to myself". And then to consider ways that might make these happen.
Well I couldn't even things of positive things I want to include in my life. I thought that I probably ought to want to see my friends more. But really I don't as I find being with people very draining and afterwards I'm exhausted.
Last week a very good friend came to stay. She was here from Tuesday lunchtime to Thursday lunchtime. And she knows all about me having PNI, in fact she's the person I've talked to most (via email as she doesn't live close). She was very helpful and easy to be around. She looked after LO whilst I cooked and then she'd do the washing up and was ready to listen to me if I wanted to talk or we'd just talk about normal life stuff. But when she'd gone I was exhausted and realised that I just hadn't really relaxed. It was great that she looked after LO whilst I cooked and I really felt bad because it made me realise that I don't get the chance normally. And when I do spend time cooking I feel guilty for neglecting my boy and when I spend time with him I feel guilty for not cooking him healthy, nutritious meals.
So I just can't think of anything that I actually want to include in my life. I can only think of things that I ought to want. And I am trying so hard to get better and I force myself to go do these things that I think I ought to be doing because they'll help me get better. But often I just feel so lonely afterwards. Lonely because I still have to come home to be on my own with baby. I don't resent him for that. But walking away from people makes me realise I don't have anyone at home and no-one to talk to all night. But as I say being with people exhausts me.
Anyway, I want to say that going to the mother&baby group was positive but even whilst I was there today I knew it was going to make me feel worse.
I joined the local NCT at the start of the summer. And now that I've moved to this town I thought I'd try to get more involved so when I saw they were looking for committee members I volunteered. I went to my first meeting with them last night. I did manage to contribute. But I'm not sure it's going to help me. I came away feeling lonely and overwhelmed. And also guilty for being out late when my friend was babysitting - guilty that I'd kept her so late.
I want Friday to be positive. I either rush around filling my day to avoid feelings and then come home feeling lonely. Seeing people makes me lonely when I leave them and going out with just baby makes me lonely as I then see other mums together and am so jealous because nobody wants to be with me.
Part of CBT is to challenge negative thoughts. And I know all this is negative thinking so now I've realised that I'll try to challenge it with logic. I am such a logical person that just saying that has made me smile to myself - the first smile tonight. There is a glimmer of hope. I love myself.
Monica, you said seeing your thoughts as irrational was a sign of recovery - thanks gal!
FloBob
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flobob
Senior Member
Posts: 357
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Post by flobob on Nov 16, 2007 7:39:12 GMT
Me again. Talk about up and down! Went back to bed when I signed off earlier, but didn't sleep. And as LO was still asleep I got up at 7am and had a bath. Feeling more positive now. Obviously did me good to talk about it on here rather than lying in bed dwelling on bad things.
Am slightly concerned about baby because last time he slept late he was ill and I felt so guilty for not realising he was ill. Instead I spent the morning getting on with things and feeling good that I had time to myself. Then when he woke up and was obviously not well I felt so bad that I'd felt good earlier. But today if he is ill then I AM NOT GOING TO FEEL BAD because the extra sleep is probably what he needs and I can't tell if he is ill until he gets up so cannot blame myself for not knowing. Hurray for positive thinking.
FloBob
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Post by Scarlet on Nov 16, 2007 8:31:21 GMT
I told him about the waiting list for the NHS and that I'd booked private CBT sessions. He just exploded! The first thing he asked was how much it would cost. It was expensive - £95 per hour - but to me that wasn't important if it was going to make me better. I would get into debt if it meant I could be me again. He said it was a waste of money and a con. Then he said it made him wonder what else I was doing without telling him about
Flobob, my husband is just like this. Whenever I do/buy anything, the first thing he asks me if how much did it cost? I personally think £95 is cheap if it helps you get back to the person you were before PNI, but their minds don't work like ours. My hubby definitely thinks this is something I should sort out on my own without spending loads of money getting other folks to sort me out.
Glad you felt better after your bath. You are doing a grand job coping on your own.
And I am scared that talking to someone will set me back without the immediate hope of further support. Perhaps you could mention this to the counsellor, did you read Hyperhaggis thread on CBT?
Take care hun.
Scarlet X
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Post by hyperhaggis on Nov 18, 2007 21:10:08 GMT
hi flobob,hope you dont mind me butting in to your diary,but since we last talked i thought id come and read it and get to know more about you.
a lot of what you say makes so much sense to me. its made me realise that it may help me to start my own diary.I thought that as everything had happened so long ago it wouldnt be worth me doing but youve inspired me to start on my own. Thankyou!
i too,found this site but was too scared to post for fear of the reception/reaction i would get. anyways i'll butt out now .
take care and speak soon x
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clarey
Senior Member
Posts: 327
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Post by clarey on Nov 19, 2007 13:33:29 GMT
Soory Flobob just had to chip in with Scarlet about the OH and the money for CBT. My OH would have been EXACTLY the same. In fact we have been ttc our second for around 5-6 months and this month I wanted to but an ovulation test and he almost had a stand-up row in front of everyone at Tesco's because it was £22 or somethng. He went on about how it is a stupid thing to do and a rip-off. How I am obsessed and it wont help. I got it anyway It isn't the fact he is a miser it is the fact he doesn't care about my happiness (or me at times). Like you Flobob I have helped my OH out a LOT and put myself, career and everything on the line for him and whenI was ill I didn't get the same back. Sorry for ranting in your diary but I just want you to know you aren't alone on this (or you Scarlet). I feel better for that! Hey feel free to have a rant in my diary anytime.. Just want to say you are working so hard at this Flobob getting out there and doing things good luck to you my love, Hugs, Clareyxx
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flobob
Senior Member
Posts: 357
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Post by flobob on Nov 20, 2007 15:33:35 GMT
Hello Clarey and Scarlet My OH isn't normally tight with money. Just when he thinks something is a con. Like he doesn't believe that organic food is any different. And he said he was fine with me spending money on other things which he does think might help, like going to the gym or buying clothes. Which makes him sound sexist, which I don't think he is, just those I things I have done. And they do make me feel better but not for long.
Hello Hyperhaggis - I'll visit your diary soon then. Glad to have inspired you and I really hope it helps you.
I'm having a rotten down day today. Just spent a lot of time crying and I don't know why.
Seems that no matter how much sleep I get I am always tired. Baby is so good and yet I'm still tired. And that makes me feel hopeless and guilty and stupid.
I had a thought the other day about starting a new thread about guilt, and I've just remembered it now, so will go and do that because it might help me and might help others too.
FloBob
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Post by Scarlet on Nov 20, 2007 15:45:05 GMT
Hiya Flobob, I wonder if we are sharing the same OH, sounds very similar ;D Mine isn't stingy either, but he thinks most 'alternative therapies' are a con and therefore a waste of money, whereas I am the exact opposite and think they are often better than conventional medicine. Think this is most definitely a men thing. My hubby would rather I spent the money on something useful (or what he thinks is useful, like clothes, going to the gym ~ a bit like your hubby). Sorry you are having a rotten day hun, I used to have days where I would cry and couldn't pinpoint the reason. These days now that I'm almost recovered, I find that when I have a good cry I usually know what's caused it. Do start you thread on guilt if you remember, it is one of the things that lingered for me, although it has subsided a lot. Off to cook dinner now. Hope you have a better evening. Love and hugs Scarlet X
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Post by winegirl on Nov 20, 2007 20:00:23 GMT
Hi Flobob
Sorry you have had a rotten day babes x I fully understand where you are coming from on the tiredness thing hun/ My LO has slept through since 3 weeks and I get at least 9 hours a night myself and am STILL constantly tired. Just seems to be one of those freaky PNI things.
I hope you are feeling a bit better for the cry, and hope tomorrow is a better one for you too.
WG x
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flobob
Senior Member
Posts: 357
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Post by flobob on Nov 20, 2007 20:42:00 GMT
I am feeling better for now. My little one was funny this evening at bedtime. He climbed out of his cot twice at the end of last week - luckily only when one of us was in his bedroom. So on Sunday we converted it into a bed for him instead.
This evening after I'd put him to bed I was in here on the computer and I could hear him moving about in his bedroom. So I went to have a look and he was trying to climb over the stairgate which is on his bedroom door and he had his slippers in his hand. It was hard not to laugh. He tried to climb over but luckily he isn't tall enough to do that. Then he gave me the slippers. I said yes I'd take them but he wasn't coming out. He just kept saying "no" and was still trying to climb out. I told him I wasn't backing down on this one and that he had to get back into bed. I was very calm and kind. After a very short while he walked back and got into bed so I went in and tucked him in. And not long after that he was asleep.
I'm writing this because it makes me feel better. Something to smile about. He's so sweet!
But earlier on this evening I wasn't feeling happy. When I told him it was bedtime and was carrying the washing basket upstairs - chores never end! - he put a toy car and a toy motorbike in the basket. His 3 bears were also in there. Whilst he wasn't looking I took the car and bike out of the basket and left them in the living room because he won't sleep if he has cars to play with. But when we got to the bathroom he wanted them and then went into a tantrum about it. I didn't want to get them. Normally he loves having his teeth cleaned but wouldn't let me do it tonight. In the end I just started crying myself. He was so shocked that he stopped his crying and gave me a cuddle. I was just saying to him "I just want you to love me" which is a dreadful thing to say to a baby. But after he cuddled me I did calm down and gave him a proper cuddle. But then he still wouldn't have his teeth cleaned. And started getting upset again about the missing car and bike. He was standing by the closed door and just clawing at it - he's not tall enough to reach the handle. I asked him what he wanted and he managed to say "car" amongst all the tears and crying, I was so moved by that because he reminded me of myself when I'm crying and trying to speak that I picked him up and went and got the blasted things. One nil to him! Oh well, I suppose he has to win the argument sometimes. He had them whilst having a wash but I managed to get them off him before he went to bed. And when I took them out of his bedroom he only had the tiniest of moans - I suppose he knew I meant it that time.
Love my baby boy he makes me smile and laugh so much.
I'm going to bed early tonight. FloBob
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Post by winegirl on Nov 20, 2007 20:46:44 GMT
Enjoy your early night hun.
Yeah kids are the funniest wee things. I always cave to my LO when she is tantruming over something and let her have her own way. I know its not the right thing to do but I always feel guilty for upsetting her!
Glad your wee one in settled for the night, get yourself off to bed and chill out mate x
WG x
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