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Post by winegirl on Jun 14, 2008 20:24:18 GMT
Dont bloody apologise!! Noone expects you to be miss chirpy!!
You dont have to cut yourself tonight, you can vent it all out here instead. As for the wine, well with a username like mine you can guess what my hobby is, and I admit I am a bottle a night girl! But I will say the sensible thing by mentioning to be careful with the it, purely because it can fuel the urge to cut yourself, i believe it is because alcohol is a depressant. My Mental Health worker use to batter me about drinking saying it was a waste of time giving me anti depressants when i went home and drank depressant!
I know you hurt, and cutting yourself is a form of release, but it is only temporary hun. Is there anything I can do to help you tonight??
WG xx
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michelle79
Senior Member
mummy to Jack born 2004 and had pni since his birth
Posts: 471
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Post by michelle79 on Jun 14, 2008 20:33:16 GMT
I dont really know if there is anything you can do. I think the only thing that would help was if i had company but i havent so just got to struggle on on my own. I should ring mental health matters but i get scared of picking the phone up. Think if I try keep myself occupied on the pc then it might help.
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Post by winegirl on Jun 14, 2008 20:37:41 GMT
Good idea hun. Perhaps get yourself on the online bingo or something.
Actually thats a bad idea as it involves cash, but you know what I mean.
Are you back doing the charity work this week hun??
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Post by monica on Jun 14, 2008 20:48:57 GMT
Hi
How are things? You are not the worst mum ever - if you were you would not give a toss about your son and there are plenty of mums out there that don't. It is evident you love Jack so much - you are a fantastic mum.
Glad you enjloying the charity work - is it in a shop? Good luck on getting onto your course. It sounds really exciting. I'm a bit cheeses off with my job - it's really good for many reasons but I think I've lost enthusiasm and could do with some other challenge, but have no energy nor time to get off my arse and do something about it. So doubly good for you.
Was thinkiing about distractions - I've got a Nintendo ds and that is great as a distraction. I play supermario and brain training and I find that good to take my mind off things. I'm quite into sudoku and crosswords and they're pretty good at taking your mind off things. Also when you get the urge to self harm, why dont' you do say 20 sit ups. I find I get a huge buzz from exercise especially something challenging that gets your heart bumping. If you find that works, there are exercise vidoes etc. I know this requires a bit of motivation and sometimes that so hard to find but start with something small and build up? Would that beworth a try?
Take care
Love
Monica
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michelle79
Senior Member
mummy to Jack born 2004 and had pni since his birth
Posts: 471
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Post by michelle79 on Jun 14, 2008 20:52:06 GMT
yeah im going in to charity shop on monday. I said i would be there for 10 but forgot im at drs at 9.50 to get staples out of leg so gonna have to go in later. I hope they will be ok about it. This distraction thingy isnt working very well Ive just s/h again I am so useless and you are wasting your time with me beacuse i think i am beyond help Shell
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Post by winegirl on Jun 14, 2008 20:55:22 GMT
I am not wasting any time hun. I am sat here eating a bar of chocolate having a chat with you! Certainly not wasting any time for me!! you are on a downer tonight hun. But you know the other night we were talking, you were so positive about your childcare course!! So you are not beyone help, its just ridiculously hard to see the positives when you are so low. I am sorry you have hurt yourslef again You ok???
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michelle79
Senior Member
mummy to Jack born 2004 and had pni since his birth
Posts: 471
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Post by michelle79 on Jun 14, 2008 21:03:01 GMT
Yeah I am ok. Just fed up that I keep making a mess of everything and wish things could be better for me for a change. I wish I could be the person I was before I got PND. I was confident and happy and didnt s/h and had so many friends. I hate this illness and I feel like its robbed me of everything that was good including my son and my husband. I wish I never got ill and I wish that i had better support from day 1 but i didnt get any til after i split with my husband and it was too late then. 3 and a half years i have had the horrible illness and its just so unfair. Most people are ok by now so why arent I? Sorry just having a rant i suppose.
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Post by winegirl on Jun 14, 2008 21:09:44 GMT
I felt just like you. I used to be super confident and had no problems until PNI and i couldn't understand why I was like this. I felt cheated and like I had lost everything. I lost all my friends and drove alot of family away.
But I fought, and now I see what I went through as fate in an odd way. It has meant that I spend time on here and will be changing my career path too, perhaps it was all meant for a reason. But if you had told me that at the time I would have punched someone!
You will get everything back in time, its just you have to learn how to get better first, everything else just sort of follows.
Please stop apologising in your posts, you have no need honestly! You are entightled to say anything you want to with everything you have been through
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michelle79
Senior Member
mummy to Jack born 2004 and had pni since his birth
Posts: 471
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Post by michelle79 on Jun 14, 2008 21:18:32 GMT
Yeah maybe it is all for a reason. Suppose they say whats make you bad makes you stronger (or something like that). I just iwsh i could see the light at the nend of the tunnel.
I always seem to feel the need to apologise as i always think im doing or saying the wrong thing. Its a habit i suppose.
At least I feel a bit better now that i have s/h again. I dont want to do it again which is good. And the wine is helping!!!!!!
Shell
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Post by winegirl on Jun 14, 2008 21:22:44 GMT
I'm glad you don't feel the need to do it again tonight! I too apologise alot, don't even realise I am doing it till people tell me to pack it in! LOL. x
I know its a pain not to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it is there, I promise!
I have had nearly a bottle myself tongiht so please excuse any spelling mistakes! Do you manage to get asleepok at night?
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michelle79
Senior Member
mummy to Jack born 2004 and had pni since his birth
Posts: 471
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Post by michelle79 on Jun 14, 2008 21:30:25 GMT
yeah i realised last night how much my meds actually do help me sleep. I didnt have them with me last night and it took ages to get to sleep and i was wide awake at 6.00. Normally i get to sleep pretty quick (2 out of 3 of my meds have drowsy effect in it) and struggle to wake up on a morning and normally wake about 9/10ish and then feel tired still!!!!!
I dont know whether to go to the walk-in centre tomorrow or wait til my appt at drs on mon morning becasue i think my cut that has staples in is infected. Its all red round it and pus coming out and its quite painful now. Dont know how its got infected as been covered over all the time til tonight .
Ive nearly finished this bottle of wine then i will take meds and go to bed.
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Post by winegirl on Jun 14, 2008 21:35:04 GMT
Get yourself to the walk in centre tomorrow babes. That is definately infection and needs antibiotis as soon as - don't wait till Monday! In the meantime dont touch the actual wound but you can use some salt water around the edges of the wound where it is red until you get your antibiotics.
Hope you sleep ok tonight hun, off up myself now. Take Care of yourself xx
WG xx
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michelle79
Senior Member
mummy to Jack born 2004 and had pni since his birth
Posts: 471
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Post by michelle79 on Jun 14, 2008 21:38:36 GMT
OK sleep well and speak to you later. Thansk for talking to me tonight.
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Post by monica on Jun 15, 2008 8:45:51 GMT
Hi
How are you doing? Did you get your that infection checked out?
I think a huge factor in getting better is getting good support. Suport was seriously lacking initially, but in my case the meds I was on luckily made a huge difference. Unfortunately, often drs, hv, cpns are pretty useless and if everyone you come into contact fails you it's bound to impede recovery. Also if you're so low the last thing you often feel like doing is actively seeking help.
Downs are a common part of this illness. Where as I found once I started coming out of a blip I would forget how bad things were, but with self harming you have a physical reminder of your lows which can make you feel worse.
But you are doing postive things in your life, so do try to remember that. In turn the good days should increase.
Hoep you have a good day and enjoy the sun!
Love
Monica
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Post by winegirl on Jun 15, 2008 9:22:33 GMT
Hi Shell
Hope you make it off to the walk in centre today to get that infection looked at?? Let us know how you get on hun xx
Thinking of you x
WG xx
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