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Post by winegirl on Oct 18, 2008 7:01:54 GMT
Hey Shell
Sorry wasnt around last night. You ok this morning?? Let us know you are ok if you get a minute??
WG xx
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Post by bean on Oct 18, 2008 10:10:22 GMT
Hi Shell
Hope you're ok mate, luv & hugs
beanx
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Post by littlelotty on Oct 18, 2008 13:17:49 GMT
Hi Shell
How are you today? Did you manage to get much sleep last nite?
Thinking of you hun,
take care
littlelotty
xx
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michelle79
Senior Member
mummy to Jack born 2004 and had pni since his birth
Posts: 471
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Post by michelle79 on Oct 18, 2008 13:29:51 GMT
didnt get much sleep last night as every time i finally got to sleep i had the same recurring nightmare which woke me up frightened. Ended up getting up at 2am. Flagging now so maybe go get an hour or so soon. Crisis team rang me this morning and they ringing again this afternoon. I really want to be honest with them and tell them whats really happened over past week and whats really bothering me but i cant face telling them. I might try and tell cpn when i see her on monday. I cant keep it to myself coz its not getting any better and not going away so maybe i need to share with someone. I just dont want to though.
Still got thoughts of ending it still today but managing to get through them and keep trying to think of jack and its helping but have got massive urge to self harm badly and trying to stop myself doing that too. I wish there was an end to all this and that i could be happy and able to cope with things normally.
Shell
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Post by littlelotty on Oct 18, 2008 13:40:38 GMT
Hi Shell
Glad the crisis team phoned - when they next phone try and be honest with them - it is the only way they are going to be able to help you - otherwise they will think you are managing on your own and not think it is urgent. I hope you get some sleep and things seem a bit better when you wake up.
And keep thinking of Jack - he needs you here!
Take care
Littlelotty
xx
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Post by winegirl on Oct 18, 2008 13:49:32 GMT
Hi Shell
I should definately try and be honest with the crisis team when you next speak to them. They will only give you the level of supoprt they need if they know how bad things really are...
Hope you managed to get your head down for a bit this afternoon??
WG x
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michelle79
Senior Member
mummy to Jack born 2004 and had pni since his birth
Posts: 471
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Post by michelle79 on Oct 19, 2008 15:13:07 GMT
I know I need to be honest with cpn and will be when i see her tomorrow but its so hard and i am so scared of telling her whats happened. I thought i wuld be ok and tht i could deal with it but i cant do it on my own. i havent told anyone the truth about the past week yet and im not looking forward to talking about it. Im hoping that once i say something it will get easier.
Still suffering badly with anxiety. Nothing helps with it at the moment. I just wish that i could feel ok and that i could stop feeling so shaky and sick and that i could breathe more easily. i keep thinking that there must be something dreadfully wrong with me because its so bad and that makes me worse so i know i shouldnt think that.
Crisis team have yet to ring me today - i know they are really busy but feel like they are constantly letting me down. The suicidal thoughts are subsiding (still there but getting better) but i have such a strong urge to self harm and told myself if it gets any worse i will ring them and try to avoid harming myself. Not very often i think like that but ive got to try sort myself out.
Still not able to get out of the house. I know cpn will go on about the fact i have to go out tomorrow but will deal with that later. Maybe after ive told her the truth about what happened last saturday then she will understand.
Shell
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Post by winegirl on Oct 20, 2008 7:51:52 GMT
Hi Shell
Wishing you all the strength in the world to open up to your CPN today - I really hope it is the start of the right help for you. Let us know how it goes??
Will be thinking of you x
WG xx
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Post by littlelotty on Oct 20, 2008 7:54:13 GMT
Hi Shell
You sounded much more in control yesterday and making much better decisions - well done it must of made things a little easier to not have all the horrible thoughts. Did you manage to resist self harming?
Really hope you are able to be honest with the CPN today and let us know how you get on.
Take Care
Littlelotty
xx
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michelle79
Senior Member
mummy to Jack born 2004 and had pni since his birth
Posts: 471
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Post by michelle79 on Oct 20, 2008 10:38:20 GMT
My cpn been and I told her everything that i could bear talking about and it went well. She totally understands why i have been the way i have been this last couple of weeks and she was so pleased i opened up to her. I was so scared of telling her as i thought she would think i was stupid and that she would be annoyed at me for not saying anything last week but she was fine and can understand why i didnt tell her as it was still so overwhelming and i needed to get it straight in my head. Still feeling bad about it and guilty and ashamed and scared to go out and worrying about it and still very anxious but i also feel so much better for telling someone. I just wish this recurring nightmare would go away and that i could get a decent nighs sleep.
I was so close to s/h last night but managed to go for a walk to distract myself (actually got out of house) and then i did some online xmas shopping and i spoke to crisis team - but i told myself i would not let him win and he could notcontrol me anymore and i got through the night safe.
Ive ordered some pressies from argos and reserved them so have to go to town to collect them today - so scared of going but its my challenge for the day.
Shellxxx
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Post by winegirl on Oct 20, 2008 10:51:45 GMT
Hey Shell - Well done you!! I knew you could be honest with her xxx
Best of luck on your mission for today. I now it will probably be tough but you will be fine.
Thinking of you x
WG xx
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Post by monica on Oct 20, 2008 12:49:30 GMT
Hi
So pleased you opened up to cpn - if she knows how you are she can hopefully do something. Well done on the distraction techques to stop yourself from s/h. good you have set yourself a goal - I was agrophobic too and it is a case of challenging your fears. how has today been?
Love
Monica
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Post by motherferret on Oct 20, 2008 17:12:29 GMT
He Shell,
Well done you. It is so hard to set goals and then manage them. Feel very proud, won't you. I had a long talk with my AA sponsor, and managed to be open with her. Its hard, and doesn't feel natural to say the bad thoughts that are inside, however much you know you should.
I have done a wild thing today - had my hair cut!! This is a very rare thing! I hate having my hair fiddled with. I have had the same style all my life (I'm now 41 !!) and just occasionally have it trimmed. Its shoulder length again now. Thats it for another year!!!Well done on starting with the whole Xmas thing too. I can't believe its nearly that time again.
Huge hugs,
Ali xxxxxxx
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Post by littlelotty on Oct 20, 2008 21:24:07 GMT
Hi Shell
I am SOOOOOOOOOO pleased for you - you have managed so well today, well done hun! You are really pushing yourself and resisting the urges well - distraction is a good thing for me as well when i have bad thoughts - whatever works keep doing it and think each hour i have managed to put it off and before you know it the day is over. You CAN and WILL beat this.
So proud of you hun
Littlelotty
xx
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Post by winegirl on Oct 21, 2008 8:09:24 GMT
Hey You
Sorry I lost you last night, bleeding laptop died mid sentence! Grrr...
You have been doing brilliantly, not drinking and not self harming! Its brilliant! So proud of you..
How you doing this morning??
WG xx
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