michelle79
Senior Member
mummy to Jack born 2004 and had pni since his birth
Posts: 471
|
Post by michelle79 on Oct 21, 2008 11:33:39 GMT
Rang solicitor about contact and the divorce and the house as i saw him 4 weeks ago and have never heard anything and was desperate to find out whats happening with contact.
He said hes received letter from phils solicitor and he is being very uncoperative and very unhelpful and wont agree with anything - especially the contact. He said he doesnt want me seeing jack under no terms because of the recent self harm (dont know what he means by recent as not seen him since august).
Then solicitor asks me what i think of mediation as we have to try that before going to court because of legal aid. WHAT THE f**k - we discussed this at the meeting 4 weeks ago and already decided to try mediation and he was supposed to be sorting it out so why hasnt he.
Spent last half hour crying - i am so fed up and upset and feel like im being punished so severly and i really want to go roung and beat the shit out of phil.
Not only am i going to miss jacks birthday but at this rate i definatley wont be seeing him at christmas.
I really feel so mad and angry and i want to cut but im not going to as that means he wins too and hes not going to. Its what he wants so that he can keep hold of jack.
Am wondering if i am ever going to see jack again
Shell
|
|
|
|
Post by winegirl on Oct 21, 2008 15:07:49 GMT
It doesnt matter what Phil wants - its what the law rules, and unfortunately for Phil the law is on your side heavily being Jacks mother.
Go for the mediation and fight hunny. Dont get weakend by this - get stronger!
As tempting as it is to beat the living phil from hell, it wont help with access to jack. You are smarter than him and will win this.
WG x
|
|
michelle79
Senior Member
mummy to Jack born 2004 and had pni since his birth
Posts: 471
|
Post by michelle79 on Oct 21, 2008 17:22:05 GMT
I am going for the mediation as i dont have a choice but it will be the same as last year where i went but he didnt. Then we can go to court and hopefully something will happen.
I dont know about the lawe being on my side - they werent last year when i went for residency but never got it. Phils got such a big case on me and why i cant see jack and they prob think jack is in danger with me so wont let me see him.
Its really hurting me so much all of this and i cant cope with it. I just dont feel strong enough at the moment. After the last couple of weeks i just cant deal with anymore crap.
Why is he being so nasty? Whys he messing things up for Jack and screwing his life. Jack prob doesnt know whether he is coming or going when it comes to seeing mummy.
Im really determined not to s/h anymore and hopefully that will help when things go to court.
|
|
|
|
Post by littlelotty on Oct 21, 2008 18:30:38 GMT
Hi Shell
I dont know the ins and outs of the court case but i have experienced this alot and there is no way a mother should not have contact - even if it is supervised at a contact centre. The only way i have ever known there to be no contact is adoption. If you want let me know why there was no contact arranged in the court case and i might be able to advise you on what to do. I totally agree with WG though - fight it - get stronger from this and think this is for Jack.
We are all here for you hun and you will get there, and your last sentenced you wrote that you arent going to self harm is fantastic news and the best attitude to have. The more you do it the more you are helping phil get what he wants - think of that next time you are down and how much you dont want him to win. This is for Jack and you will have a relationship with him, you just have to fight it.
Take care
Littlelotty
xx
|
|
|
|
Post by winegirl on Oct 22, 2008 9:35:39 GMT
How you doing this morning Shell? Did you get through last night ok?
You may not be able to get a residencey order right now but you should certainly be entitghtled to contact. You are in no way a danger to Jack, any dimwit can see that and legally there is nothing stopping you from contact.
WG x
|
|
michelle79
Senior Member
mummy to Jack born 2004 and had pni since his birth
Posts: 471
|
Post by michelle79 on Oct 23, 2008 10:50:13 GMT
Yay I managed to get through the last tow nights without self harming. Has been very hard and was so close to giving in but I didnt. Today is Day 10 of being self harm free!!!!
Still keep getting upset over Jack but its getting a bit easier to cope with it. Trying to keep myself busy. Finally went back to the drop in centre yesterday after staying away for so long and it was hard being there andpeople talking to me and asking questins but I survived. Going to go back this afternoon.
So tired though. Still having nightmares everynight (well the same nightmare over and over again) and ive started going to bed about 3am and gettting up at 7am just so that i am not asleep long and only have 1 nightmare otherwise if i have a full nights sleep then i will have 2 or 3 nightmares in one night. Ive triied relaxing and reading and watching tv before bed so that my mind is on other things but it doesnt work.
Shell
|
|
|
|
Post by winegirl on Oct 23, 2008 12:26:45 GMT
WELL DONE YOU!! So proud of you babes xxx
Sorry you are missing out on the sleep though. I hope that sorts itself out soon!
Hope it goes ok at the drop in centre today x
WG x
|
|
|
|
Post by littlelotty on Oct 23, 2008 18:47:50 GMT
Shell
I am so pleased for you - i cant believe the transformation over the last week - you have really got some strength and so much courage to stop yourself from self-harming, i wish i could come and give you a big cuddle and say how proud i am of you.
I hope the sleep sorts itself out but at least you are managing with everything else.
SO PROUD HUN
Take care
Littlelotty
xx
|
|
michelle79
Senior Member
mummy to Jack born 2004 and had pni since his birth
Posts: 471
|
Post by michelle79 on Oct 24, 2008 18:40:45 GMT
Just received the copy of the letter Phils solicitor sent to mine. Now Ive read it it seems so much more worse.
"Our client is not agreeable for any contact to resume between your client and jack at the present time. We understand that your client has made a further suicide attempt resulting in her cutting the tendons to her arms and having to undergo an operation due to the damage inflicted upon herself.
Our client further instructs us that Jacks school have raised real concerns regarding the effect your clients contact would have upon Jack.
Our client is therefore not agreeable to your proposal of contact commening at the contact centre nor is our client agreeable to attending mediation to discuss matters further"
HOW THE HELL DOES HE KNOW ABOUT ME CUTTING MY WRIST!!!! And what the hell do the school know. Jack was entirely happy when he last saw me and wasnt affected in any way. If anything its phil affecting him by stopping contact every two mins. I feel like we are hitting a brick wall and I dont see any further forward.
I cant cope with this. I cant stop crying and I cant be positive. I want to cut so badly again but I am NOT going to. If i can do one thing right.
Shell
|
|
|
|
Post by winegirl on Oct 25, 2008 8:20:27 GMT
Our client is therefore not agreeable to your proposal of contact commening at the contact centre nor is our client agreeable to attending mediation to discuss matters further"
Bollocks. How can you meeting Jack in a contact centre have any sort of detremental effect on him? What a load of tosh. Its more detremental that he doesnt get to see his mother!!
Forward this straight to your solocitor and get him to fight your corner with this one. Yes you have self harmed but havent for 12 days now in a bid to spend time with your son, get him to point out that it is the lack of contact with jack and strings that phil has been pulling taht has caused these episodes. You are in no way any risk to Jack and contact in the right setting would do what exactly?? For gods sake, I think Phlil is clutching at straws...
Tell me you got through last night ok??
WG x
|
|
michelle79
Senior Member
mummy to Jack born 2004 and had pni since his birth
Posts: 471
|
Post by michelle79 on Oct 25, 2008 17:26:25 GMT
Yep I know that he is clutching at straws and that jack seeing me isnt going to affect him and i dont how his school can raise concerns when they dont even know me and they havent seen me with jack and why are they allowed to voice their concerns - but they are all still getting away with keeping Jack from me. I cant stop crying over it and feeling so much anger and hatred towards phil and i hate this feeling of hurt that i have and wish it would go away and wish i could hurt myself to make it go away for a while but i know i cant. Noone knows how I feel and none of these 'professionals' seem to realise how much its affecting me never mind Jack. Its me thats suffering. Jacks too young and has plenty going on in his little life to even be bothered by me. I still think it would be so much better if i killed myself and made evrything better for all these people.
On a good note - 12 days self harm free today - yay!!! Wqas ready to give in last night but didnt. Want to again tonight but need to fight it again.
Shell
|
|
|
|
Post by bean on Oct 26, 2008 9:25:08 GMT
Shell - you are a star!!!!!!!!
You're dead right about fighting it, in doing this, you're getting strength to fight all the other bastards out there, DO NOT turn it on yourself like we usually do. I am so very proud of you darl, Ive just read your posts from last week or so and I was nearly blubbing cause was happy that you're coping with not self harming so well.
You are an incredible person Shell, youre right, we can egg each other on, I too was ready to give in last night but after I read your comments in my diary I didnt. Thanks honey.
Luv & hugs bean x
|
|
|
|
Post by winegirl on Oct 26, 2008 9:55:18 GMT
Shell - thats brilliant. Keep doing it babes, every day you go without harming is another day your solicitor can write to Phil's solicitor to tell him to shive it where the sun don;t shine!
Keep fighting - we are right behind you!!
WG xx
|
|
|
|
Post by littlelotty on Oct 26, 2008 21:04:54 GMT
Hi Shell
Can you solicitor write back and state that you are wanting contact and this can be at a contact centre etc but that Jack has a right to see his mother. What court order was granted to him?? You know you can go back to court and challenge this,
If you want PM me with more details as i know a lot about the law and what he can and cant do.
Glad you are still feeling better, i am SOOOOOOOOOOOOO proud of you hun,
and as WG says we are all here for you
Littlelotty
xx
|
|
michelle79
Senior Member
mummy to Jack born 2004 and had pni since his birth
Posts: 471
|
Post by michelle79 on Oct 26, 2008 22:38:51 GMT
Hi Littlelotty - my solicitor has already proposed to his solicitor that i see jack at a contact centre but he has refused! He is so adamant I cant see him. Last year we went to court because i was wanting residency of jack again (which i obv didnt get) and they said that i was to get reasonable supervised contact but phils stopped it now and we are going to have to go back to court to try and get it reinstated. Dont know how its going to happen though as he is so adamant he wont let me anywhere near jack. I dont really know what else i can do except wait for a court date. I have to try mediation first which we know wont work as phils been told this and he has said he will not go to mediation. But we have to try just so we can get the proof we tried it first so that it can go to court.
Prob gonna be next year when it gets to court. I hate this so much. Its so unfair. I just want to be allowed to see my son.
|
|
