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Post by littlelotty on Oct 27, 2008 8:22:09 GMT
Hi Shell
Cant you push your solicitor to get this into court asap, you can try mediation along the way but as it has already been tried and it hasnt worked it makes more sense to put it before the court and let them decide. As the judge rightly so granted that you should have supervised contact then this should of happened and Phil is in breach of court. The judge will not like that he has not stuck to the agreement.
As for what you can do - you are doing it - dont self-harm and starting working hard to demonstrate to the court that you are well enough to see Jack. Dont ever give up that is what Phil wants, he prob thinks the more you dont get to see him the more you will give up but dont - fight this all the way.
At the end of the day when Jack is older he will make his own deicisons and from experience men or women that have no allowed them to have contact with their mothers or fathers end up wanting to see them and are very angry at that person from stopping them from seeing them.
At the end of the day this is about Phils desire for you not too see Jack and not what is in the best interests of Jack.
When was the last time you saw him??
We are here for you hun and you are doing sooooooooooo well. Use this as a positive thing and fight it.
Littlelotty
xx
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Post by winegirl on Oct 27, 2008 10:57:52 GMT
How you doing this morning babes?? Did you get through last night ok??
WG x
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michelle79
Senior Member
mummy to Jack born 2004 and had pni since his birth
Posts: 471
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Post by michelle79 on Oct 27, 2008 13:07:48 GMT
The last time i saw Jack was 22nd August. Been over 2 months now. And even then i only saw him for about 6 weeks as he had stopped contact before that for 6 months (partly my idea as i was so bad but once i was better he refused to reinstate contact). So this year ive only seen him about 10 times.
Court wont even allow us to apply until we have tried mediation and gotten the certificate of the mediation people to shopw to the court. Something to do with fact i get legal aid otherwise if i was paying we could have already gone to court. And somehow I dont think they will hurry it up as we are just a case to them and they dont really care.
Im not giving up although sometimes i would like to and I still have thoughts of killing myself and what i can do but im managing them and as long as they are thoughts i am ok.
Yes WG I got through last night ok.
2 weeks self harm free today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Off to cry now as i fell so full of emotions and full of hurt and pain and ive got noone to talk to.
Shell xxx
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Post by winegirl on Oct 27, 2008 13:20:06 GMT
Oh hun, I am sooo proud of you! You are proving to the world how amazing you are!!
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michelle79
Senior Member
mummy to Jack born 2004 and had pni since his birth
Posts: 471
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Post by michelle79 on Oct 27, 2008 13:31:07 GMT
im not amazing - i still messed up and a waste of space and a terrible mother and i still have all the bad stuff to deal with which i think will be starting next week when i see the psychologist. Already made a start with cpn but she isnt very experienced in what i have to talk about. Im so scared of it all. Im scared of seeing Jack even though i want to and im so frustrated that i cant and dont know how long it will be til i can. Nothing is right and i dont know how on earth i have managed to not self harm. Im scared i will give in once i open up to the psychologist.
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Post by winegirl on Oct 27, 2008 14:02:52 GMT
You wont because you know how to manage it...
I hope seeing the psychologist is the turning point for good things ahead.. One day you will be able to sit down and talk to Jack about this time in your life and he too will be proud of you getting yourself through it..
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Post by littlelotty on Oct 27, 2008 16:31:08 GMT
Hi Shell
You have so much on and you are coping so so well and it just shows you CAN do it. Get that fighting spirit that you have and fight the world - think that is how i get through life! You will see jack i promise - no court will deny a mother contact with their child, just keep hanging in there and think every time of self harming - you cant cause of jack, you can do it and you have proved that by not doing it for 2 weeks.
Take care and we are all here if you need a chat,
littlelotty
xx
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michelle79
Senior Member
mummy to Jack born 2004 and had pni since his birth
Posts: 471
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Post by michelle79 on Oct 27, 2008 20:59:14 GMT
i want to give in - i need to cut so badly and i cant fight it. These thoughts are so intense. I know Ive gone two weeks and i thought i was doing ok but right now I dont see the point of fighting it and need to feel some proper physical pain to take away this emotional pain inside of me. Its too much to bear and i cant cope anymore. I keep telling everyone i am ok but im not.
I am a failure and a waste of time and space and not worth anything and dont deserve my beautiful son because i am an embarrassment and shit mum to him
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Post by winegirl on Oct 27, 2008 21:27:49 GMT
The point in fighting it, apart from you being well again !, is to shove two fingers up to phil and his cheese dick solicitor! You cut, you step backwards, come on babes, you got through 2 weeks, you will gain nothing by doing it tonight.
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michelle79
Senior Member
mummy to Jack born 2004 and had pni since his birth
Posts: 471
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Post by michelle79 on Oct 27, 2008 21:54:39 GMT
But will I ever be well again because I cant see it. I just see alifetime of misery and hurt and constantly fighting over Jack. I am so scared of the futute and it just seems so easy to stay in this black tunnel and not go towards the light and fight the horrible stuff.
I know I will regret it tomorrow but i have to hurt myself - i ahve to feel it and i have to know that I have punished myself. 2 weeks was too good to be true
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Post by winegirl on Oct 27, 2008 22:18:17 GMT
Come on mate... this was always gonna be a tough fight for some time but there is light at the end of it..
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Post by bean on Oct 28, 2008 8:36:49 GMT
Hi Shell
how you doing today, I wish Id been around last night for chat, I am too really proud of your two weeks, this in itself is amazing but all the other stuff you've been doing too. Remember you said about us egging each other on, I got your mess on facebook this morning (was too churned up and tired last night - just sat like a zombie) Ill send you pm with no.
Dont let him win with this Shell you can prove him wrong I know you can.
Let us know how you are hun.
Love bean x
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Post by littlelotty on Oct 28, 2008 9:01:08 GMT
Hi Shell
Did you manage to get through the night??
Even if it takes years to fight for jack which it wont trust me - you will be able to show jack when he is older that you did fight for him and didnt just give up. Children often think that their parents didnt want them, they did something wrong etc, it is so important to fighting for Jack.
We are all here for you hun and you will get better
Littlelotty
xx
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michelle79
Senior Member
mummy to Jack born 2004 and had pni since his birth
Posts: 471
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Post by michelle79 on Oct 28, 2008 11:16:39 GMT
Somehow I managed to get throught the night without harming myself in any way!! So pleased I didnt give in but i was so very very close to it. Why is it so hard to fight this. But sorry Phil you are not going to win. Hahaha - i am getting stronger
Shell xxx
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Post by bean on Oct 28, 2008 12:32:58 GMT
Too bloody right you fantastic fighter you. I want to squeeze you so tight, well done Shell, you will prove to them all that you can do this (but mostly to yourself) and you are stronger, so much stronger I am so happy for you.
Luv and big snugly hugs
Bean x
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