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Post by winegirl on Nov 5, 2008 9:45:59 GMT
Hey Shell
Thats brilliant on last night! I managed to get through without a drink, all be it after climbing the damn walls..
How about taking yourslelf off for a swim or a shop or something? You got any other friends about today??
WG x
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Post by cheshire on Nov 5, 2008 13:49:31 GMT
Hi Shell,
You are doing brilliantly - am thinking of you today.
Hopefulx
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Post by littlelotty on Nov 5, 2008 20:34:51 GMT
How are you doing tonight Shell??
Thinking of you
xxx
Littlelotty
xx
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michelle79
Senior Member
mummy to Jack born 2004 and had pni since his birth
Posts: 471
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Post by michelle79 on Nov 5, 2008 21:15:53 GMT
Hi all
Ive managed t get through the day! Although I look like I have done 10 rounds with Mike Tyson as I have cried so much since last night. I was in a right state last night and cried most of today and can feel it starting again now.
Its hurting me so much not being able to see Jack even on his birthday and i feel so much anger and hatred and guilt and blame and upset and hurt and frustration and dont know what to do for the best. I have such a big urge to self harm but cant do thatas I have come far and I cant let him win and dont want to go back to square one.
Its not just not seeing Jack thats upsetting me though. I keep reliving his birth and what happened and I keep thinking what if i did this or what if i did that and i keep thinking this time 4 years ago I was.... and its doing my head in. I cant shut out the memories. I know I need to try and accept what happened with jacks birth but i cant.
Ive got first session with psychologist tomorrow and thats making me feel so bad too becasue i am dreading it and scared to go because we have to talk about the bad things and i am scared to. But i know i have to so that i can understand it and accept it and move on i suppose. I have to do this to finally get better but its scaring the hell out of me. I wish everything was ok.
Shell xxx
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Post by cheshire on Nov 5, 2008 21:21:52 GMT
Hi Shell,
I wish I could give you a big hug - thinking of youx
Keep up the fight and good luck tomorrow.
Love, Hopefulx
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Post by littlelotty on Nov 5, 2008 21:36:19 GMT
Hi Shell
You have coped with so much and you are just amazing to have coped with today. You will get through this and you will feel better - you are coping with everything so so well. Keep up the fight hun and trust me all your hard work will be rewarded - it just takes time.
I know i too think about the last two years and things i could of changed - and have a lot of guilt over a lot of things but as other people tell me - it is not going to change the past but i can change the future and therefore i need to learn to let go off the past as it cant change. I am sure that is something the psychologist will work on.
We are all here and hope tomorrow goes ok
take care
littlelotty
xx
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Post by winegirl on Nov 6, 2008 8:29:17 GMT
Hey Shell
Just wanted to say well done on getting throug such a difficult day yesterday. I know how hard it was for you but you did it, and again you have proved how bloody strong you are!
Will be thinking of you today and hope the appointment goes well. Remember to be as honest and upfront as possible and I know you will be fine.
Sending you massive hugs (())
WG x
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Post by monica on Nov 6, 2008 12:35:32 GMT
Hello
Huge well done on getting through yesterday. It must have been incredibly hard - because you didn't see Jack and also as it's an anniversary of the birth, which makes you relive the whole experience. But you did it! That's such a huge step forward!.
All thebest with the appointment today.
Love
Monica
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Post by littlelotty on Nov 7, 2008 19:16:31 GMT
Hi Shell
How have you been over the last couple of days??
Thinking of you hun
Littlelotty
xx
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michelle79
Senior Member
mummy to Jack born 2004 and had pni since his birth
Posts: 471
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Post by michelle79 on Nov 8, 2008 10:08:16 GMT
Sorry not posted for couple of days. Thursday i wasnt in the mood for talking and yesterday my friend came from Liverpool so was out all day. She is styng til sunday so we had a night out last night and having a girls night in tonight with a few other friends too.
Psychology was hard but wasnt as bad as i expected. It was mainly a review of the assessments and to say where we go from here. She asked what had happened since I last saw her and I just told her the basics and didnt go into much detail so once again i have avoided the subject! She is giving me a 6 month therapy starting from next week and I will have a session once a week. Thats when the hard work is going to start and thats when I am going to have to start talking about things.
Still doing well with no self harming - 3 weeks and 5 days now!!!!
Oh and Phil actually did the right thing and sent me a photo on my phone of jack with his new present. So gobsmacked at him. Oce i can get the pic on pc i will put it on facbook for those of you have are on my facebook.
Shell xxx
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Post by winegirl on Nov 8, 2008 10:30:50 GMT
Hi Shell
Look forward to seeing the pic mate x
Well done on the self harming front!! You are doing great hun xx
Enjoy the rest of the weekend with your friend, sounds liek girly fun to me!
WG xx
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michelle79
Senior Member
mummy to Jack born 2004 and had pni since his birth
Posts: 471
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Post by michelle79 on Nov 8, 2008 17:03:30 GMT
 jack with his new present |
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Post by cheshire on Nov 8, 2008 19:07:39 GMT
Hi,
That is a really lovely photograph!
Thinking of you, hugs, Hopefulxxx
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Post by monica on Nov 8, 2008 19:07:59 GMT
Wow - he is beautiful - and what a cheeky grin!
You are doing brilliantly with s/h - so proud of you! Hope all goes well with psych sessions - do try .and be honest with her - then she'll be able to gauge what treatment you need. It will behard but hoepfully you'll be able to heal.
Have a fab weekend. What have you got planned for tonight?
Love
Monica
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Post by littlelotty on Nov 8, 2008 21:25:32 GMT
Hi Shell
You are such an inspiration to so many who are having a hard time and going through similar things - that you do get better - you have so amazed me over the past few weeks and your drive and determination to get better is amazing. You are doing so well and i know you will get through this and will be such a help to others.
Your son is beautiful and i am very glad he sent that to you. Hang onto that,
hope you have a great weekend and we are still all here for you hun
littlelotty
xx
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