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Post by littlelotty on Nov 16, 2008 20:51:39 GMT
Hi Shell
How are you doing? Havent heard from you for a few days. Hope all is well.
Take care, here if you need us.
Littlelotty
xx
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michelle79
Senior Member
mummy to Jack born 2004 and had pni since his birth
Posts: 471
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Post by michelle79 on Nov 17, 2008 10:58:25 GMT
Hi Littlelotty
I am ok but fell a bit down and still feel angry about stuff - too much going on in my head and i start therapy today to deal with my past issues and am so scared of having to open up and talk about any of it. God knows how I am going to cope with it. Fingers crossed I will be ok.
FIVE WEEKS NOW!!!! Just hope i dont feel so rotten this afternoon that i relapse.
Wish today was over
Shell xxx
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Post by winegirl on Nov 17, 2008 11:04:12 GMT
Hi Shell
Best of luck for this afternoon x Will be thinking of you!
I will be around later on tonight if you need a chat or a bit of a distraction xx
Love
WG xx
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michelle79
Senior Member
mummy to Jack born 2004 and had pni since his birth
Posts: 471
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Post by michelle79 on Nov 17, 2008 22:59:32 GMT
Im so sorry but i ended up giving in tonight. I couldnt get away from fact i needed to be punished and that i had to feel the pain.So sorry to you all thtas been supporting me. I am useless
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Post by winegirl on Nov 18, 2008 8:27:27 GMT
Dont be sorry! So you slipped, you have had a bloody tough week! Its just a slip up, not the end of doing well.
How are you feeling this morning? I tried getting hold of you last night but lost you at some point.
WG x
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michelle79
Senior Member
mummy to Jack born 2004 and had pni since his birth
Posts: 471
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Post by michelle79 on Nov 18, 2008 8:33:45 GMT
I feel so angry with myself and so useless. Im never gonna be free from this am I? Cant believe after 5 weeks I ruin it all and have to start again. Is this what its going to be like after every session. Why am I so useless.
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Post by winegirl on Nov 18, 2008 9:20:19 GMT
No, the times between self harming will get fewer and farther between.. You have only just started this therapy and it was always gonna be hard going! You are not useless, 5 weeks was brilliant, you shouldnt feel bed about slipping up! That therapy would have been tough going for the best of us babes x
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michelle79
Senior Member
mummy to Jack born 2004 and had pni since his birth
Posts: 471
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Post by michelle79 on Nov 18, 2008 9:42:21 GMT
I know I need to just pick myself up and get on with it and start again. I cant stop feeling angry with myself though and i feel like ive let everyone down. I cant even tell my cpn because she will think i cant cope with the therapy and stop it and i need this to be able to move on with my life. I just hope it gets easier
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Post by winegirl on Nov 18, 2008 10:34:14 GMT
It will hun. And you have let NOONE down. Mention it to your CPN otherwise she will just assume you are ok with therapy and give you no extra support. And I am sure she will say the same as me, you have done brilliantly to go 5 weeks and should be proud of that!!
How are you doing today mate??
WG x
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Post by littlelotty on Nov 18, 2008 13:18:08 GMT
Hi Hun
You are NOT useless or a failure. You have done sooooooooooooooo well and i have been amazed at you over the past five weeks. You are going to have blips - everyone of us does so. When i started my therapy - about 5/6 weeks ago i was a mess after my first session and thought i was going to do something silly but i didnt and i went to the next session and explained how i felt and he talked through so much with me about how to manage it and how he could help in the sessions. since then it has helped - last weeks one was tough but it is talking about childhood and no surprise. I think what will help you is to find ways of managing your urges and it might be worth talking to the therapist about this and your CPN.
You have done SO well hun and i am still so proud of you, take each day at a time and today is a new day!!
Take care hun and sending you big big hugs
littlelotty
xx
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Post by bean on Nov 18, 2008 16:05:23 GMT
Hi Shell, please dont beat yourself up anymore about this, so you slipped up, thats once in five weeks, you will start to feel differently about this and not want to punish yourself, it will just take time hun.
How you doingtoday? Sorry I havent been around, about as much use to others as chocolate fireguard this last week, sorry.
You've got my no. if you need it, just remember IT WAS A SLIP UP, it doesnt mean you are going to not be able to turn this around, you're a fighter, youve proven this to all of us over these last few weeks (and more importantly to yourself!).
Love and hugs
Bean x
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Post by winegirl on Nov 24, 2008 9:26:12 GMT
Hi Shell
Haven't heard from you for a few days and was wondering how you are doing?? You ok? Drop us a line when you get 5 mate x
Thinking of you
WG xx
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michelle79
Senior Member
mummy to Jack born 2004 and had pni since his birth
Posts: 471
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Post by michelle79 on Nov 25, 2008 15:06:18 GMT
Hi
Sorry not been around - i am in Lanzarote at moment (come home on thursday) so soaking up the sun, drinking loads of lager and suffering badly from prickly heat all over. Just managed to get online as they have computers at our resort.
Still finding it hard to switch off though from things and cried quite a lot over jack and thinking a lot about the bad stuff and really wish i could talk to my cpn right now but obviously cant. Still trying to have fun though too.
Hope you all ok! Speak to you later in the week.
Shell xxx
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michelle79
Senior Member
mummy to Jack born 2004 and had pni since his birth
Posts: 471
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Post by michelle79 on Nov 28, 2008 17:38:19 GMT
Dont know why I am posting because noone will probably reply - why is it once I come back off holiday I always end up feeling so bad in myself. Im struggling to shut out all the bad thoughts and feelings and its making me angry and mad and upset and all I want to do is cut badly. I wnat to cut so bad that i have to have stitches again - i even want to do proper damage this time. What the hell is wrong with me? I havent got anyone to talk to and tbh dont want to because they will stop me. All I have thought about today is cutting. I think im so mental and messed up and unstable that its no wonder i cant have jack and why im losing friends. I dont care anymore. Its too mucyh to fight. The memories of what he did to me will never go away and i will never be able to deal with thema dn im always going to hurt myself to punish myself and to feel the pain.
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Post by cheshire on Nov 28, 2008 18:30:29 GMT
Hi Shell,
You can fight his - but I can understand the urge is string at the moment.....here listening if that helps at all
Hx
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