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Post by monica on Mar 17, 2009 22:17:23 GMT
Hi
Huge well done for not self harming - it cant' be easy but you're fighting it.
It's hard to feel confident when you feel low. But doing things like getting work, which you're doing, will boost your confidence and give you a distraction.
Glad you've admitted your eating issues to cpn - it' such a postive step.
Take care
monica
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michelle79
Senior Member
mummy to Jack born 2004 and had pni since his birth
Posts: 471
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Post by michelle79 on Mar 21, 2009 17:14:14 GMT
Been struggling all week with nightmares and yesterday morning was the worst yet - woke up at 3.30am and couldnt get back to sleep but it made me feel so bad and it upset me and hurts me so much and ended up wanting to feel a different pain and make it go away so ended up self harming badly and have had to have more stitches  Took 3 attempts to get hold of my cpn as I was desperate for her to come and see me as I need to go through all this mess in my head and by the time she rang me back it was too late for her to come out and see me. So got to wait til next week now. Had very very bad day yesterday. Feeling slightly better today and finally got a date to go to court for contact with Jack for 22nd April. Hopefully wont be long before I can see my little boy. But bit worried that this self harm is going to go against me especially as that is the reason why contact was stopped and why he wont let me see Jack. I wish I never messed up and wish I got this letter before yesterday and I might not have ended up self harming. |
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Post by winegirl on Mar 21, 2009 20:33:08 GMT
Hi Shell Sorry yesterday was so pants for you But great news on the court case! Thats about 4 weeks away isnt it? Plenty of time to keep looking fater yourself before then and get prepared! Behind you all the way babes xxx WG x |
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michelle79
Senior Member
mummy to Jack born 2004 and had pni since his birth
Posts: 471
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Post by michelle79 on Apr 11, 2009 18:35:14 GMT
i ahte my life, i ahte being me and I am so sick of so called friends being nasty to me. I want to s/h so much and i just dont care anymore. I am so upset and cant stop getting upset and feel so worthless and feel like a nobosy and I noone wants to know me because I am so god damn awful of a person
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Post by cheshire on Apr 12, 2009 10:45:35 GMT
You really aren't Shell - I'm sorry I missed the diary section last night - how are you feeling today xxx
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Post by winegirl on Apr 12, 2009 15:09:56 GMT
Hey Shell
What happened mate? You ok??
WG xx
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michelle79
Senior Member
mummy to Jack born 2004 and had pni since his birth
Posts: 471
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Post by michelle79 on Apr 12, 2009 16:53:01 GMT
i dont feel ok - i feel so bad and cant pull myself round this time. I am supposed to start voluntary work next tues and right now I dont want to because I dont wnat to do anything. I ended up burning my hand a few times last night i dont know what is wrong with me. I though I had beaten the depression and self harm. I feel like such a failure |
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Post by winegirl on Apr 17, 2009 10:12:40 GMT
Hey you....
Been reading up about your job on FB! Looks like you are doing FAB!! I am so pleased for you hun, you deserve this! Hope you are enjoying your weekend??
WG xx
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michelle79
Senior Member
mummy to Jack born 2004 and had pni since his birth
Posts: 471
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Post by michelle79 on Apr 17, 2009 20:05:01 GMT
Thanks WG - yes I am loving the nursery work. Just wish I was able to do more hours than I am doing. I was sad that i couldnt go there today.
Ended up telling them the truth about not having Jack and about the self harm and she was fine with it and I feel better that I have been honest from the start as didnt want them finding out further down the line and it go against me.
Am at court next week to try and get contact with Jack so just getting worried about that and dreading it but looking forward to it too so that I can have my say.
Shell xxx
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Post by monica on Apr 17, 2009 20:18:09 GMT
Hi
So pleased you are enjoying the nursery work - how many hours are you doing? If they can't offer you more hours couldn't do a few more at another nursery. Well done on opening up to yoru employer - it's such a hard thing to do, but a good idea to be open.
All thebest for next week. Which day is it on?
Saw you had a bad few days last week - hope things have picked up.
Love
Monica
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Post by winegirl on Apr 18, 2009 7:17:09 GMT
Hi Shell
What day is it next week? Will be thinking of you. I know it will be tough but you have been fighting for this for so long - just give it al you got hun, we wil be here for you.
You working at the nursery much next week??
WG xx
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michelle79
Senior Member
mummy to Jack born 2004 and had pni since his birth
Posts: 471
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Post by michelle79 on Apr 18, 2009 7:25:28 GMT
Hi
Court is next wednesday so have told nursery that I cant do that day but she wants me to do a morning to see the routine then as its different so going to swap weds with fri morning next week. I normally do tues/weds/thurs afternoons. I can only do up to 15.5 hrs as if I do more they wont pay my incapacity benefit so am stuck at that number which annoys me.
I really hope we get somewhere at court and that they put contact in place straight away but have a feeling it will just get passed onto cafcass and I will have to wait even longer to see Jack. At least we going in the right direction.
Shell xxx
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Post by winegirl on Apr 18, 2009 7:32:18 GMT
Will be thinking of you Shell xx
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Post by bean on Apr 22, 2009 10:06:25 GMT
Good luck for today Shell, sending you love and thinking of you.
Let us know xxx
luv bean x
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michelle79
Senior Member
mummy to Jack born 2004 and had pni since his birth
Posts: 471
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Post by michelle79 on Apr 22, 2009 16:20:49 GMT
didnt go well - they wont let me see jack, its been transferred to county court as apparantley its too complicated and i have to have a psychological assessment done before they will let me see Jack again. All the things I have done were brought up so had to explain them and also got told jack has special needs and instead of being 4 year old hes classes as an 18 month old. That upset me too.
So been in tears all day and now have such big urge t cut. But am trying to fight it
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Took 3 attempts to get hold of my cpn as I was desperate for her to come and see me as I need to go through all this mess in my head and by the time she rang me back it was too late for her to come out and see me. So got to wait til next week now. Had very very bad day yesterday. 
