michelle79
Senior Member
mummy to Jack born 2004 and had pni since his birth
Posts: 471
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Post by michelle79 on Sept 29, 2008 22:20:22 GMT
Hi Bam Yep am still around and im sorry i gave in and self harmed earlier and went to hospital again and now home and self harmed again although not as bad. Dont ever think i will be able to stop this. Its too hard to resist the thoughst and temptation. I wish there was something someone could do because i cant do it on my own Shell
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Post by bam02 on Sept 29, 2008 22:26:20 GMT
Hi well yeah its bloody hard to stop a habit whatever it is... and the self harm is very difficult because its the one thing you are in control of like anorexia but starving myself would be harder......
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michelle79
Senior Member
mummy to Jack born 2004 and had pni since his birth
Posts: 471
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Post by michelle79 on Sept 29, 2008 22:30:54 GMT
yeah it is so hard to stop and i hate it when i go to a&e or see my cpn or psychologist coz they always say to just stop it like it is so easy and that annoys me. If it was that easy i wouldnt be in this mess right now. All they say is that i will never see my son whilst i continue self harming and i know that but doesnt make it any easier to stop. Do they really think i enjoy cutting myself to bits???
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Post by bean on Sept 30, 2008 21:51:14 GMT
Hi Shell Just wondering how you doing. I hope you're ok darl. luv bean xx
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michelle79
Senior Member
mummy to Jack born 2004 and had pni since his birth
Posts: 471
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Post by michelle79 on Sept 30, 2008 21:57:13 GMT
went for a two hour walk tonight to stop myself from cutting but it actually made me worse coz it gave me time to think and all i thought of was jack and that i cant see him and that he will never be home with me and it made me feel so sad and angry i had to come home and cut. I know that i am failing everytime i cut and that jack moves further away from me but i keep saying that he isnt going to ever come home for good anyway so why bother trying to fight it. I dont want to stop the self harm because it gives me some sort of comfort and relief and control from everything. I'll never be good to jack and he doesnt deserve to have a crap mum like me anyway. He will be so much better and happier away from me Shell
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Post by bean on Oct 1, 2008 11:12:27 GMT
Hi Shell Im sooo sorry missed you last night - I came back down cause couldnt settle but couldnt get connected, I think I was still logged on here though - I dont want you to think I was ignoring you. You're NOT crap, and I get what you're saying about getting comfort and control from s/h me too. Just wish we could stop beating ourselves up about it. How you doing today, if you want to chat Im only trying to clean up, iron, mop floor etc (really exciting I know) - just text & I'll log back on. Take care darl Luv beany x
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Post by cheshire on Oct 1, 2008 12:01:16 GMT
Hi Shell,
As Bean says, you're not crap at all - it just harder to fight it sometimes.
How are you feeling today?
Hopefulx
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Post by monica on Oct 2, 2008 3:28:13 GMT
Hi
Sorry not been on for a while but have been thinking of you. You are not a crap mum - you love Jack somuch - if you didn't you wouldn't care about not seeing him but he's alwyas there on your mind - and he lovesyou too so much.
As with any compulsive behaviour, it's hard to control. You are very poorly with this illness.
How was the evening?
Monica
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Post by bean on Oct 6, 2008 22:23:21 GMT
Hi Shell Where you been mate? Tried to text last night but my phone is shit, all the buttons were doing full stops etc. - sorry. Let us know you're ok hun, thinking about you, saw you were around earlier but had screaming banshee upstairs to contend with. luv & hugs beany xx
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michelle79
Senior Member
mummy to Jack born 2004 and had pni since his birth
Posts: 471
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Post by michelle79 on Oct 7, 2008 20:42:52 GMT
feeling very guilty and ashamed of myself
stayed with a friend for a couple of days and took my blades with me and ended up self harming each night when they were all in bed.
How bad is that? I am such a disgrace. If my friend ever found out she wouldnt have me back at her house ever again.
Shell
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Post by bean on Oct 7, 2008 22:53:52 GMT
Please dont feel bad about this Shell, Im sure if she's a true friend she would understand and empathise with you. If you want to feel better - I stayed with friends on Saturday night and I almost burnt myself in front of them - how bad is that? A friend said to me recently that if we feel guilt it is destructive, it is better to look at it as regret so it is easier to move on - does this make sense? It seems to have worked for her in her life. How you doing without the wine babe? I know where you're coming from there. Loving thoughts and special hugs Shell Luv Bean x
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Post by winegirl on Oct 8, 2008 7:37:35 GMT
Hi Shell
Oh hun, dont feel bad. You did them no harm, just yourself. How are your wounds looking?
Have you got much on today to keep you distracted at all??
WG x
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michelle79
Senior Member
mummy to Jack born 2004 and had pni since his birth
Posts: 471
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Post by michelle79 on Oct 8, 2008 20:04:09 GMT
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Post by bean on Oct 8, 2008 22:04:46 GMT
Hi Shell sorry you're feeling so bad ((hugging)) I understand about the eating thing totally! What's going on with the "professionals" - are they in contact at all? Wish I could help you, I cant even help myself at the minute apart from Im currently joining you in that cry babes. Do you think you could ring someone tonight? I wish I could wrap you up in big cotton wool ball to make you safe, you so deserve to be safe. Lots of love Shell, luv beany x
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Post by monica on Oct 11, 2008 5:32:26 GMT
Hi
You haven't been on for a few days and I'm a bit worried. You sound so low. Please try and get some help. You need support to get through this. Dont' feel bad about cutting at your friends - as Bean said your friend would be understanding I'm sure.
Sending you huge hugs
Love
Monica
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