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Post by cokey on Jun 4, 2009 10:59:32 GMT
Hi Becka - how you doing today?
Candice xx
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Post by winegirl on Jun 4, 2009 12:12:34 GMT
Thinking of you mate x
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beckah
Senior Member
Posts: 350
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Post by beckah on Jun 4, 2009 16:04:18 GMT
Hi ladies
Thanks for your posts, means alot. I'm not too bad, just really grumpy today. Anxiety wise not been too bad, i even went with one of my friends to the fetal assessment unit at the hospital where i had Violet which i would have thought would be really provoking but i was fine.
Been carrying on with the gym and spent a couple of hours there last night, finishing with a swim and a jacuzzi so i relaxed quite a bit.
I'm going to see Blue October tonight, my favouritist band in the whole wide world LOL. So i'm looking forward to that.
How are you ladies? xxx
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Post by nicola1712 on Jun 5, 2009 19:27:04 GMT
How was your night out?!
xx
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beckah
Senior Member
Posts: 350
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Post by beckah on Jun 5, 2009 23:04:54 GMT
Hi Nicola
Well last night was brilliant. I got so panicky when we first got to the venue, loads of people, big crowd etc, usual OCD about someone putting something in my drink and i got so close to telling matt i wanted to go home. But then once the band came on i completely lost myself and loved every second of it. It's the first time i've felt like that since having Violet, actually like my old self again. Just goes to show what good music can do.
How are you? xxx
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Post by winegirl on Jun 6, 2009 7:37:10 GMT
Hey Mate!
Glad you had a good time x That happened to me too.. Went out one night still in the midst of PNI and was doing my usual ` i cant cope with this and need to go home thing'.. but then the band came on and before i knew it was in the mosh pit having a blast! Have kept my gigs up ever since as I think they are like medicine!
You got any plans for this weekend??
WG xx
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beckah
Senior Member
Posts: 350
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Post by beckah on Jun 18, 2009 8:36:19 GMT
Hi ladies
Well Matt has started moving his stuff out today. He's coming up at the weekend to get some more stuff and to see Violet. I am struggling with the idea of him taking her to his mum's at a weekend though. I know she has to see them and i can't stand in the way of that but it's really hard for me to let her go there. The final straw really came with us when i realised i had no money what so ever and he had contributed £120 towards living this month. When i asked him what was going on he said that he was trying to save. Well that's all very well and good but i know him and he would save a nice hefty deposit on a house and he'd make sure there was some legal document that stated he had put the money into it even though i phyically can't save as i pay for food for everybody, nappies, milk, clothes etc for Violet and the big one... nursery. The only thing i have for myself is my gym membership. And then yesterday i tried to log on to internet banking for our joint account to see if there was anything in there as my car has no diesel whatsoever and i couldn't get into it. After about 5 attempts i asked him if he'd changed the password and he said he had because he was annoyed with me. I couldn't believe it. I've got up this morning and he has slipped £40 into my purse.... now i always knew he was generous! LOL. I know it sounds like i'm money obsessed but it's his attitude that has made me like this. He is the carbon copy of his mother, would rather see their loved ones suffer than part with money. I'm glad he's gone.
xxxxx
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Post by winegirl on Jun 18, 2009 10:35:16 GMT
Hey Hun
I know i is awful for you thinking of him taking Violet to his mothers at the weekend, i wouldnt like it either! BUt I had a freind who went through the same and felt the same and after a few weeks realised that actually she quite liked it as it gave her a bit of time to herself to do what she wanted and her LO was quite happy!
Well. with him gone he will have to arrange maintenance payments with you, so that should be a bit more cash for you??
WG x
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beckah
Senior Member
Posts: 350
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Post by beckah on Jun 18, 2009 10:59:16 GMT
Hey dude
Yeah he'll give me money towards Violet and things will be easier financially but i just feel really anxious and drained today. I'm not sure i can cope with it all and it's scaring the shit out of me!
I just wish things had been different but it's all so complicated... as you know LOL! Just not sure i'm doing the right thing. Even though he's an arse when it comes to money he's a brilliant dad and Violet loves him so much i feel guilty for shoving him out which ultimately i have. He's not made things easy for me but i've made things difficult for myself really with my own confusion and silliness.
xxxxx
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Post by winegirl on Jun 18, 2009 11:41:48 GMT
And he will still be a good dad to Violet! He will be as good a dad as he always has been and will probably appreciate his time with her even more!
You guys have done this for you, and Violet will be just as happy as she still has two parents who love her very much.
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Post by nicola1712 on Jun 18, 2009 19:27:14 GMT
Hi hon
Sorry to hear your news about you and Matt - am only just catching up.....
My hubby's best mate and his ex wife split up when thier twins were just 18 months old and the girls really don't remember life any different now (they are 5). They LOVE time with daddy and cos he doesn't see them all the time he makes more of an effort when he does. It also means both parent gets free time to themselves and can, as well as working, have a life again.
I would struggle with DH taking LO to his mum's for weekend without me too, think it is quite natural but try not to get anxious about it and make the most of the peace! As long as Violet is happy there, then everything is ok.
Thinking of you xx
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Post by cokey on Jun 18, 2009 20:19:59 GMT
Hi Becka Its absolutely normal for you to have these feelings and in the long run, you may be providing a better life with more financial stability. Having said that, if you can both sort things out at some point in the future, all well and good. You did the right hing for right now - 100%. If you are meant to be with Matt, you will be. Violet will be just fine - but I would hate m-i-l visits too - aaaaghhh - why are m-i-ls sent to drive us nuts You know where I am now my phone is working again (had about 20 texts collected lol). Cokey xx
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Post by winegirl on Jun 19, 2009 15:56:13 GMT
Hows today been dude??
Love me xx
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beckah
Senior Member
Posts: 350
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Post by beckah on Jun 22, 2009 18:50:55 GMT
Hi ladies
Suffering with anxiety alot at the moment, it's the worse the physical symptoms have been for as long as i remember. I've got severe jaw ache... anyone else have that or is that not anxiety related at all?! Got a very tense upper back and chest. I am off work this week on leave luckily so haven't gotta face that so tomorrow i'm going to take Violet to nursery and go and have an aromatherapy massage and try and relieve it a bit. Hopefully i'll feel up to going to the gym tomorrow as well. I've got this bloody throat infection back but feel slightly better today so fingers crossed for tomorrow. Weighed myself at the doctors earlier and i've lost 7lb since friday... the doctor was concerned i saw it as a silver lining LOL!
Feeling crap about the whole situation with Matt but mainly because he is being such an arse. He has completely washed his hands with me. Obviously he's still the doting dad but doesn't want to hear that i am anxious like i haven't been since Violet was first born. I can't believe he could go from living with me to not giving a crap at all.
How's everyone else?
xxxx
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Post by winegirl on Jun 23, 2009 7:21:40 GMT
Dude,
Yeah i got the jaw ache with the anxiety too.. I know of many others who have too.
As per our text of yesterday you need to tell your GP that you want treating for anxiety not bloody depression and tell her to get you some help! (she shounds pretty useless to me).
I think Matt will get better. Its a normal blokey reaction from what i can gather for them to just wash their hands of you, its only because he is actually hurting. Its his defense mechanism i would guess..
You at work today hun?? Hope it goes ok x
WG xx
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