beckah
Senior Member
Posts: 350
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Post by beckah on Dec 1, 2008 13:46:25 GMT
Well, the mother in law reached new heights of cow-ness today. I called Matt's dad this morning and asked him to come and fit our spare car seat in my car so i could go and pick Gracie up which he did but MIL obviously got wind of what was going on and decided that she was better for the job of looking after Gracie but doesn't like driving herself so asked me to drive to pick her up and then take her into bristol so she could do some shopping and then pick the elder two kids up from school (how i'm supposed to fit them all in the car i'll never know) and all because she thought it was too much for me to look after Violet and Gracie. So in the end i just said i wasn't going and that she could take Gracie out and that she'd just have to drive, Matt's behind me 100% which is nice and he understands why i was annoyed.
The thing is his mom doesn't even know about the PNI and still thought that i wasn't capable of looking after them which was a huge insult to me. Then she got annoyed that i wouldn't fit our spare car seat into her car because to be honest i wouldn't be convinced i was doing it right and i would never do something concerning any child's safety that i didn't 100% believe i was doing right. So she took a guess how to do it and i left her to it, no way is she taking my daughter out in her car if she is so cool about guessing on how to fit car seats etc. Argh, i can't stand her.
How are you cokey?
xxx
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Post by winegirl on Dec 1, 2008 14:51:53 GMT
God i want to belt the woman too and I haven't even met her!! You should just tell her in furture to butt the hell out of your plans and get on with her own.
And you are right about the car seat, I would never take my LO out in hers if I wasnt convinced it was fitted right, thats why I always get my OH to fit it as I am not convinced I am doing it right.
Boooo to MIL. Perhaps buy her a book for xmas on how to not be an annoying grandparent??
WG x
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Post by cokey on Dec 1, 2008 20:41:45 GMT
MILs are the pits at times.
I am fine Beckah. Man trouble more than MIL trouble lol
How was your day in the end?
C xxx
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beckah
Senior Member
Posts: 350
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Post by beckah on Dec 2, 2008 17:40:47 GMT
Hi WG and Cokey
My day was ok, i watched a documentary about Britney Spears though and got very emotional! LOL
I've felt awful today though and Matt had to come home from work, i told him it was because i had a bad back though and couldn't pick Violet up, so now i'm lying to my partner, that's not good. Not really sure why i lied, i guess i'm just so desperate to be better for his sake that i can't bear to tell him how i really feel. I dunno, not gonna beat myself up over it though.
Just feel really weak at the moment. I just can't believe that when i had CBT he told me the name of a book to buy and booked another appointment for January. So that's obviously the end of that idea.
I'm due to see my doctor at the end of the week about going back to work. Not really sure what to do for the best.
xxx
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Post by cokey on Dec 3, 2008 10:39:25 GMT
Hey Beckah I recorded that doc about Britney. I believe she had PNI but because she took drugs at the same time, they have labelled it as a breakdown. She has all the signs of PNI. I am sorry you are feeling low and a little white lie won't hurt anyway. You know you can tell him if you feel really bad, so its not a problem. Besides he probably knows anyway You are getting better you know. Look at how you were a few weeks back. Just cling to taht and know ina few more weeks, you will be better even more. Its hard to see yourself, I never saw it in me but you are. Cokey xxx
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beckah
Senior Member
Posts: 350
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Post by beckah on Dec 3, 2008 11:04:16 GMT
Hi Cokey
I said exactly the same thing to Matt when i watched it, i could really identify with the way she has felt and acted and it made me so sad because she has lost custody of her children through it which has to be the most painful thing a person can go through. i know the drugs side of it won't have helped her but i think sometimes people will do whatever they can to feel happy again and it would be easy in her circles to turn to drugs.
I am pondering the idea of shopping today, which means driving to Bristol but still feel pretty determined so we'll see what happens in a bit!
xxxx
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Post by winegirl on Dec 3, 2008 15:47:52 GMT
Hope you made it to Bristol hun!! Shopping is good for the soul... lol x
WG x
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Post by cokey on Dec 3, 2008 17:09:46 GMT
Did u go shopping or was it too icy?
C xxx
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beckah
Senior Member
Posts: 350
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Post by beckah on Dec 3, 2008 21:31:07 GMT
Hi
I did go shopping and bought Violet another two dwarves from the Disney store, she now has 3 out of the 7 to go with her snow white who she loves dearly! Bless her! Also bought a lush poncho from monsoon.
Managed the drive quite easily so was pleased about that. My book came that i was told to get at CBT, overcoming anxiety by Helen Kennerley. I started to read it and to be honest there were quite a few triggers in the book itself so i'm not sure how helpful that will be! Typical!
Feeling quite anxious at the moment. And quite restless but i think i might be over tired. I have to see the doctor again tomorrow and the health visitor as Violet has her 9 month check, so no doubt the HV will make me feel like shit about something, she usually does!
Cokey, how was the Christmas play?
xxxx
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Post by cokey on Dec 4, 2008 7:25:44 GMT
Hey Beckah
Well done you, I couldnt have driven that far, thats amazing.
I always found bo0ks on the subject triggered me a bit roo. They are good to understand how OCD works but can set your mind working overtime.
Good luck with your GP and HV. I always found my HVs to be intimidating and patronising and completely unhelpful.
School play was good. We had to sit on child chairs and we were really close together and I felt a bit panicky at first but soon got into it when Michael came in. He was worn out bless him but he was a good raindrop lol
Cokey xx
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beckah
Senior Member
Posts: 350
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Post by beckah on Dec 4, 2008 8:43:03 GMT
Aah bless him. God, i wouldn't have been able to fit my ass on a child chair! I would've needed two lol!
This morning hasn't started very well, Matt and i have argued and i've told him that i'm moving back the my moms in the midlands. I really feel like doing it, i'm going to get dressed and take Violet to her check and see how i feel after that. If i'm up to driving then i will leave. He is driving me mad at the moment. I know my PNI is difficult for him as well but i just don't even mention it to him, like the other day i lied when i needed him to come home saying i had a bad back. Every time i try and talk to him he just turns it round, when i say "I just feel so shit" he then says "well it's not exactly a walk in the park for me either" and then puts on a sad face and i could kick his head in! And if i tell him i feel anxious he just says "whys that then" everytime. You would think he would know by now.
If i was at my mom's i would have my friends around me and a couple of my friends are on maternity leave or only work part time and they could keep me occupied instead of me being sat in the house all day on my own with Violet driving myself crazy.
Things haven't been great between us for a while and to be honest some days i don't even think i love him anymore. Just think it's best if i just go.
xxx
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Post by winegirl on Dec 8, 2008 19:17:24 GMT
Hi Beckah
Sorry only just caught up with your diary. You ok?? Where are you now??
WG x
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Post by cokey on Dec 8, 2008 23:33:34 GMT
Yeah thast weird, I have been checking every day for a diary entry from any of my cloest friends and yours never came up - thats odd.
Did you go to exercise class?
C xxx
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Post by winegirl on Dec 9, 2008 8:19:55 GMT
Hey Beckah,
Know you haven't been online still but thiking of you...
When you pop back on just drop us a line to let us know how you are??
WG xx
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beckah
Senior Member
Posts: 350
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Post by beckah on Dec 9, 2008 9:41:44 GMT
Hi Cokey and Winegirl
I'm ok i guess, still really anxious but getting on with it. I went to my exercise class last night and it was ok, aching like mad today!
I've also broken my finger! Little Miss Clumsy strikes again! So that's annoying me cos i'm struggling to lift Violet cos i've got a big finger support and it just throbs every time i lift her! But it's not too bad.
Matt's uncle from france and aunt from australia are visiting this week and i'm expected to go to a big family meal tonight which i really don't want to go to and am dreading it. I have never met his aunt and uncle so i know i'll get a million questions about myself that i really haven't got the energy to answer.... "well let me tell you a bit about me, i used to be really fun and outgoing and now i am scared to leave the house most days..." Perhaps not... ! God aren't i miserable!
I'm trying to think of somewhere to go today, i can just about drive and am trying to go somewhere every day to try to combat this thing plus being out is a good distraction. I'm going shopping thursday with one of matt's friends so don't really want to go today and i can't just go for a walk cos i'm no go good at going for walks, i get bored! Any ideas?
WG, Cokey, how are you? Thanks for checking in on me.
xxxx
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