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Post by winegirl on Jan 4, 2009 19:09:28 GMT
Hey Beckah
You will find like I did that the anxiety wears off best in the morning if you just get up and get on with it. Which is often easier said than done, but it does work.
The fact that the anxiety is wearing off earlier now is a great sign, and I am certain that you will be fine this week with Matt back at work. Will prob do you some good to re-establish your routine!!
Will be about on and off in the day tomorrow if you struggle at all x
WG xx
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Post by cokey on Jan 4, 2009 21:27:52 GMT
Hi Becka How are you doing now? You are doing so well you know, you are getting out and about despite the anxiety and thats the way towards recovery. I am sorry things are up and down with Matt. I knwo exactly where you are coming from because I am in the same position and have thought seriously about a trial separation like you. The thing I hold on to is that we did have happier times and going through PNI/depression/trauma and haviong a child does put pressure on and maybe there are happier times ahead if we hold on. Fate will lead you the right way Becka, just take it a day at a time. Love your new Facebook pic by the way Candice xxxx
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beckah
Senior Member
Posts: 350
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Post by beckah on Jan 5, 2009 9:02:41 GMT
Hi WG, Hi Cokey, glad to have you back!!!!
Well, i got up this morning and although Violet is still in bed (lazy little monkey!) i haven't felt anxious yet! I put the kettle straight on, ready for my sweet tea but didn't need it in the end! Not ruling it out though!
Snow has fallen quite thick in the night and so Matt has taken my car to work instead of his bike which is fair enough i suppose but it does make me a bit anxious being without it, i dunno, anxious to drive, anxious not to! I think it's cos i've got to go to the doctor's in a bit and so i'll have to walk round and last time i had a bad panic attack was when i walked into town, worried it will happen again.
I think i'm really pleased matt is back at work, with christmas and all we've spent every day together and it does my head in! but i think that's probably normal isn't it?
Exes mom has only been given days, weeks at a push so that's really sad. Ex is driving me mad telling me you don't know what you've got till it's gone and really misses me, usual shit that i don't need! Especially as things are crap with Matt and I, makes me wonder things i shouldn't be wondering. Nevermind, i'm sure it's all just a reaction to the situation with his mom so i'm sure i can cut him a bit of slack.
How was the holiday Cokey? The facebook picture is how i feel at the moment- aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!!!
xxxxxxxx
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Post by winegirl on Jan 5, 2009 10:06:28 GMT
Hey Beckah
I bet you will be fine on way round to surgery today - starting out with an anxiety free morning is a good start!! I knew I was really getting better when I could wake up some mornings and feel half human!
Sorry about ex's mum. He is bound to be thinking all sorts at the mo with his mum dying, just make sure he knows where he is at in case he starts to get any ideas. Its lovely that you can be there for him and his mum.
Hope today goes ok for you hun x
WG xx
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beckah
Senior Member
Posts: 350
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Post by beckah on Jan 5, 2009 10:55:35 GMT
Hi WG
Just got back from docs and managed to get there and back without anxiety, just kept my mind busy with other things. Doc has signed me off work for another month but dare i say i am actually feeling better, not completely but definitely an improvement on a few weeks ago. But i did think to myself that if i just took the sick note i could enjoy feeling a bit better with my baby girl and look at going back to work after that. Here's to hoping the blips stay away!!!
Ex is being a typical bloke i think, only wants me cos he can't. And i'm sure his mom dying is a big part of his change of mood, plus i wouldn't be surprised if his mom hasn't been telling him how great i am and stupid he was to let me go as she has always wanted us to get back together which is bound to have an effect on him so i'm not taking it all seriously really.
Am really sad about his mom though, it sounds bad but i'm kind of trying to block it out while i'm here and i only really think about it when i go to the midlands. It did upset me that when i saw her last will perhaps be the last time i saw her, but i know i can't do anything other than be supportive. It's a crap situation, hate it.
xxxxxxxxxx
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Post by winegirl on Jan 5, 2009 14:35:05 GMT
Hi Beckah
I would definately take this month off to build yourself back up and have quality time with LO. Relax when you can before you have to go back to work.
When are you next off up to see the ex's mum?
WG x
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beckah
Senior Member
Posts: 350
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Post by beckah on Jan 5, 2009 15:02:07 GMT
HI WG
Not sure when i'll see her, i'm hoping to see her at the weekend as i'm taking Violet up to my mum's for the weekend. It's monster-in-law's 60th birthday party and i'm not taking violet which i know is going to go down like a lead balloon but she doesn't do late nights very well, if she's up later than 6 o clock she becomes like the devil child! So when i take her up i hope to go to the hospice although they are talking to social services to day about some support if they bring her home as she wants to be at home but can't even move her wheelchair by herself, such a massive decline in strength since i last saw her. It's just so horrible, 3 months ago she was at work, now she has weeks to live, at the most. It's so sad.
Are you back at work yet? I know you had a long holiday at christmas, bet you didn't want to go back! xxxx
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Post by littlelotty on Jan 5, 2009 20:47:20 GMT
Hi Beckah
Really glad you have managed to get through todaym you should be very proud of yourself as i know it isnt easy. My hubby went back today after two weeks off work and i was dreading it too but i managed well which did surprise me!
You got much planned tomorrow?
Take care hun and come on here as much as you need.
Littlelotty xx
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Post by cokey on Jan 6, 2009 11:16:25 GMT
Hey Beckah
You are doing so well and I agree, enjoy your month off. Anxiety is a strange thing and the more you have time to relax the better you will be positioned for returning to work. You are doing the right thing.
C xx
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Post by winegirl on Jan 6, 2009 11:21:35 GMT
Hi Beckah
Hope the party goes ok! I wouldnt take my LO at night either - she too is evil after 6pm!
Start the new job on Monday. Gulp. Have to say i am cacking it!
I hope your visit goes ok at the weekend, it must be heartbreaking to see. You are so kind and strong to be there for her - all credit to you babes x
WG xx
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Post by nicola1712 on Jan 6, 2009 11:48:55 GMT
You are being so strong and supportive to your ex's mum so well done you, esp as you are not feeling great yourself at the moment.
My hubby went back to work today and yes I too was glad of getting back to morw normal routines. We have driven each other bonkers the past few days (esp as I have bad PMT at the moment). So now I have peace back when LO is kipping and only have to worry about me and her again.
xx
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Post by littlelotty on Jan 7, 2009 22:59:06 GMT
How has your day been hun??
Take care
littlelotty xx
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beckah
Senior Member
Posts: 350
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Post by beckah on Jan 8, 2009 9:15:35 GMT
Hi ladies
Yesterday was okay, had an argument with Matt though cos his mom is playing her face about us not taking Violet to her party on Saturday night. The thing is she would just be a nightmare all week after as she is like her mummy and needs her sleep and if she misses any, she's completely pissed off until she catches up with it! And i don't need a really pissed off baby at the moment!
Violet has slept through the night since she was about 5 weeks old and the past two weeks she has been waking up at 4 in the morning and i don't know what to do with her. I'm confident that if she were in her own room she would settle herself back off to sleep and this is another reason why i want to move back to my mum's, she's got enough room for Violet to have her own room. Living in a one bed flat is not ideal at all when you have a child that wakes when you turn over in bed or so much as cough. The flat is on the market but i'm pissed off with Matt because he drags his feet about everything and it took me 6 months to get him to do anything about putting this place on the market, i couldn't do it myself as it's his flat. So now i'm stuck in a one bed flat absolutely exhausted as my daughter keeps waking up and playing up! Ideas anyone on what could make her sleep through again? She's not in pain with her teeth or anything because as soon as i acknowledge her (which i have to by the time she reaches full screaming) she shuts up and claps her hands and smiles. It's as though she thinks it's play time and is prepared to make as much noise as possible to achieve some attention! I don't play with her but i have had to give her a cuddle as Matt is a right arse hole about it, it does make me laugh though, he actually said to her "oh Violet this is getting so boring now" how funny is that? I know he sometimes struggles to speak to kids at their age level but that really is hilarious!
Oh i'm just so pissed off, knackered, skint, pissed off with Matt, pissed off with his mom, pissed of with myself, just generally, completely and utterly pissed off!
xxxxx
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Post by sarajay28 on Jan 8, 2009 10:10:44 GMT
Hi Beckah,
I haven;t written in your diary before but just wanted to pop in and say 'hi' and i so know how you are feeling!!! You are doing great by the way. Coping with your ex and the situation there. I took am close to my ex MIL (which my partner HATES) and i would be devastated if anything happened to her and would be there like a shot to support my ex.
I think that if you feel you would be better of at yoru mums then just do it, maybe then Matt would see what a prat he is being by dragging his feet over everything? just a suggestion? you have to put yourself 1st hunni, if your knackered then you'll be no use to anyone, especially him because you'll end up resenting him.
Don't know if that helps in anyway just wanted to give my opinion (hope thats ok?)
Loadsa Love
Sarah.xxx
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Post by nicola1712 on Jan 8, 2009 10:29:54 GMT
Hiya
Wow, seems hard work in a one bedroom flat hun - perhaps sarajay is right and you should go to your mums to get some rest yourself!
My LO went through a phase at about 6 months of waking at 2, then 3, then 4, then 5 and so on and after two weeks of it we were exhausted and nearly divorced! Spoke to my HV and she said she is having trouble getting herself back to sleep and it had become a habit - unfortunately the best thing to do was to just leave her to cry it out but us to go into her every ten mins and just shhh her and then leave. It was hard work but fter a few days it worked and she got the message. Not sure how that works in a one bedroom place where you can't get away from the noise though - perhaps ask your HV about it? You would have to get Matt on board too, and be strong.
xxx
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