i miscarried.
which looking back, i think has caused alot of pain, obv.
just felt useless, it had happened again.
i kept complaining a couple of weeks later of typical early pregnancy complaints, and louis kept asking, you sure youre not pregnant lol, so i bought a simple test and then a digital, and surprised louis for when he got home that i was 5weeks+
which was more than welcomed.
as christmas came, me and louis thought about moving to his hometown of grimsby, because i totally adored his parents and his sister, i thought, this is what i want for mollie.
we got confirmation over christmas louis could transfer through work, and we moved 2nd jan.
i was naturally scared, new area, etc, but just ended up not going out.
we moved into his parents house.
panic attacks, begging louis home freaking out if he said he couldnt.
i started getting more upset at not being able to do anything for myself, his mum took over everything, even ended up ruining some of mollies clothes i bought from next and mothercare, places i dont normally shop because i simply cant afford to spend that much.
i stopped shopping the places id normally go after comments that they were common and scruffy, so i didnt want to have the new inlaws think that of me.
so after asking, i cooked. because louis mum......cant cook for sh*t.
and it does actually smell that way tooo!
so after the whole family, and a family friend went ballistic at er, how amazing my cooking was, lets just say his mum didnt like it.
her cooking is never praised!
lots of things, little things happened, as they woulld because four adults in one house dont always mix.
plus, they were thinking bad of me because SOMEONE *cough*louis*cough* didnt tell them about my depression when he was asked!
they began to treat mollie differently, which some people claim is fine.
louis sister has a lovely little lad called cameron, who's three and obsessed with dinosaurs.
mollie and cammy clicked they adore each other.
their excuse was that mollie wasnt 'blood'
and that they felt they would upset me. and that i would call social f**king services on them...... HUH??
WHY??
theres too many b*ll*cks reasons they gave for treating mollie differently, when overall, there was no need.
shes two. she calls them grandma and grandad, cousin cameron, and aunty ella.
she does not know she is not blood.
i swear if this bub is treated better than her there will be some murders on the news.
i stopped going out the house completely, missed important appointments, ended up in hospital with no doubt anxiety (they put me on clot watch but that was crap)
i went to see the 'family doctor', who wanted me to go every thursday for councilling sessions.
now whenever i went to try and let him know about what and who was causing me grief, (up to this point i was having severe migraines everyday and had lasted from christmas through feb, and he still wouldnt help me saying 'theres sadness behind the eyes') i couldnt say who was causing the stress, because he would pipe up at what a great bunch of people they are.
and because he was a depression sufferer he thought that his way of handling depression was im sure the only way.
so i feared going to him.
his mums a dental nurse, and so we had our appointments fkn booked for us! i went to one, and papped myself.
it looked like the hospital i had my baby taken from me when i had stillborn.
lous dad was horrible to handle, i kept saying to lou, he is depressed, hes not just grumpy thats depression!
(later found out i was ding-dong! right! for some reason his family didnt think louis had a right to know this)
have to finish this another time because its late!
it feels amazing to be back on here i cant wait to keep up to date finally!