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Post by caterina on May 4, 2010 23:22:47 GMT
Hiya Kitty I've seen your FB posts today and I'm sorry you're having such a rough time just now. you're doing the best you can, I had SPD with a toddler and felt guilty about not being able to pick her up but it's temporary and like you say you can read to her, draw withher, do her letters, just spending time with her is enough, she loves you and she knows you love her. you've got no support it sounds like, what's your midwife like? Please talk to her if you feel you can, I too know what it's like to not want to be here but you can get through this. You're strong and have been through such a lot. thinking about you xx
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Post by winegirl on May 5, 2010 17:10:42 GMT
Hey hun, you any better today??
Drop us a line when you get 5? Thinking of you xxx
WG x
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Kitty
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struggling
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Post by Kitty on May 7, 2010 11:28:42 GMT
better today than i have been but i still feel like im crying... i had an anti natal appointment the day before, and a midwife i saw at my (meant to have been 20 week scan) 23week scan, who was really good with mollie, remembered me and took over, asked if crisis team had been in touch how i was etc, i said im just getting worse, im to see the hosp doc next week, so i dont have to go back to my gp, who has refused to give me meds (and pain killers for my spd!!) on the grounds that it sounds like i forced my old gp to give me medication. can you believe that?? my gp tried me on different meds for her reasons not because of me. so the doc at the hosp is definately going to prescribe me prozac, well midwife says anyway, and he's writing to my gp also. (as well as your letter wg!) that surgery is going to hate me!
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Post by gizmoracer on May 7, 2010 20:15:55 GMT
Sorry I've not been about. Glad ur feeling a bit better now. Will be nice to have Mollie back I'm sure.
Good luck with the hospital doctor, I try to avoid mine but then again I do have a very good GP.
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Kitty
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struggling
Posts: 80
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Post by Kitty on May 8, 2010 11:14:18 GMT
today i woke up ok, but feeling down as the times gone on. trying to not get sad tomorrow, the 9th is a bad day, but im getting my mollie back from her dad. have to see what the damage is, what hes made her forget, what clothes of hers hes ruined, the lot
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Post by caterina on May 8, 2010 12:53:45 GMT
Hiya kitty Glad you're getting somewhere with your hospital doc, and I hope today picks up a bit for you. Good to have Mollie home xx
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Kitty
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struggling
Posts: 80
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Post by Kitty on May 8, 2010 14:01:41 GMT
today started ok, went low, went up, now going low again, its a bloody mind f*ck honestly im so tired! louis has a week off starting from tomorrow, so hoping things get better when mollies home tomorrow afternoon....
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Post by gizmoracer on May 9, 2010 19:48:16 GMT
I see you're feeling better now you've got your Mollie back. Hope everything else is ok. I just came across this site earlier and wondered if it may be of any help to you. I haven't looked through it properly myself yet. www.pelvicpartnership.org.uk/
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Kitty
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struggling
Posts: 80
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Post by Kitty on May 10, 2010 15:38:05 GMT
thank you honey. but today has been really bad. all the bad habits and bad behaviour hes taught her has finally come through already, and im searching the internet on where to seek advice and not even direct.gov is helping! mediation will not work as he wont obey orders, and courts looks scary. there doesnt seem to be any info on even a similar case
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Post by winegirl on May 10, 2010 19:23:43 GMT
I have a suggestion - but as it is not exactly something I should be endorsing i will message you as dont want to get myself in the poo.
How is this evening going??
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Kitty
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struggling
Posts: 80
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Post by Kitty on May 10, 2010 19:43:52 GMT
its gotten worse and worse with mollie, and my backs getting bad again, already! right up to my middle its killing me, but funny (ish) side, is i cant really settle cuz baby is under my ribs im just too anxious and stressed to think about myself, i dont really know, i feel teary behind my eyes, but not crying? i hope im making sense. my chest is soooo tight. i know its cuz im so wound up, but its sending me bloody spinning. a few who are on here have seen my facebook, so id rather not for the time being repeat anything on here just so i dont stay wound up xxx
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Post by winegirl on May 11, 2010 11:01:25 GMT
BIG HUGS MATE ((())))
How are you feeling today???
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Kitty
Full member
struggling
Posts: 80
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Post by Kitty on May 11, 2010 22:26:50 GMT
well mollies still been a bit wild.. i went on a 'nesting' spree too to which louis wasnt a fan of. my mood over the past couple of days has just gone up and down up and down through the hours, rather than days or weeks like it has done, its been quite horrible and im sure no fun for louis to deal with mollie went to bed straight away tonight though so we had a bit of 'us time and looked at jobs and houses in manchester which got me excited about the future (the future as far as being back in manchester lol) i really dont know what possessed me to want to move here. i have been utter miserable. theres everything for me in manchester, modelling, performing, radio work- filming for the mark maccready film will start again soon, its going to be made into a feature film! its going to this years cannes fest! (i wont be lmao) i went on google maps earlier to spy on my old house i lived there from aged 5-19yrs old, and she was ''on one''. smashed. and stayed on to tell me she was proud of me how she could never cope etc..... kindof dont believe her coz she could tell me while not drunk if that be the case, but meh..... i missed a mental health appointment today i had letters all over the calendar and totally didnt look, so thankfuly a lady rang and rearranged for as close as thurdays
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Kitty
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struggling
Posts: 80
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Post by Kitty on May 14, 2010 17:05:12 GMT
i sent this to my friend who's a lawyer via my phone last night. i didnt realise how much utter shite the doctors here had caused. and i havent put everything down too!
i miscarried late last year and became pregnant very very soon after, when i moved to grimsby from christmas to mid january i suffered devastating migraines and very severe morning sickness, i was finally given anti sickness tablets, to which the dosage was so high it made me pass out, they admitted it was too high, and still refused any painkillers for the migraines, which id been to them before of the same complaint, i complained to them, was made to feel like a drug addict! The end of january the sickness and migraines caused me alot of chest pains and was hospitalised, once out of hospital, i went to my 16 week anti natal check up still with migraine, and a bad back starting up, they told me i was a liar still refused me pain relief and that my pregnancy was ectopic they had no records of the pregnancy. I was sent away basically, and my pain still ignored, this is twenty plus weeks of migraine. I had to return the following week to see the main dr there, who refused me painkillers, and insisted it was all down to my mental health, and forced me to relive painful memories for three hours in his office and told me this is what i needed im to return weekly. Despite being told about my agrophobia. I didnt return the following week and had an angry phonecall. Then finally i was appointed a health visitor who promised my daughter would be in a nursery by may, and had te mental health team visit me. Now this was dssappointing. despite saying it would be best i spoke to a female advisor due to my past, and the severity of my deteriorating mental health i was met by an untrained male volunteer and a very chauvanistic male doctor, i had inlaws in the next room and could not go into great detail about my personal life, and they made a decision based on this how to deal with my mental health issues, and said it was a short term care plan that was needed and not long term care. I complained and had to wait a month for another visit. I complained about being unable to move most days due to how bad my back area was and was refused painkillers. I couldnt handle it any longer and my partner rang the doctors trying for me tobe seen, they said they would not see me that i had to visit the out of hours surgery, this was during open hours, and that doctor prescribed me codene and suggested it was SPD. That same day my mental health drastically deteriorated, and i was hospitalised with a very severe panic attack. I went back to the doctors a week later and was pulled aside and passed a copy of a letter they sent me stating how the didnt appreciate my panic attack, and that their own on call doctor prescribed me painkillers, and if in future i felt my mental health was at risk, to wait till surgery hours. Now hunni, im manically depressed anyway, and pregnancy hieghtens moods as well, so from time to time i will need support out of hours and will occasionally suffer anxiety panic attacks and suicidal tendancies... And what is advised nationally, is to turn to a&e when its out of hours. Still being refused painkillers and anti depressants. Migraines settled, but my spd stopped me from moving at all. Eventually even though their records still say my baby is made up, i was given a tens machine which frightens the life out of me lol. So i cant use it. The hospital moved alot of my care to them so i wouldnt be stressed by the doctors. So now, after another failed mental health visit, as nothing has come of the last one six weeks ago, i went to the doctors today for a mental health chat. Thankfully some things were sorted, i was prescribed some anti depressants. But, it was a hand written prescription not stamped by the surgery, and i was turned away from ever pharmacy i went to. I am sat here this evening after having a manic day. As in, i nearly did something silly today due to the stress. The doctors reply to the stress caused, was it wasnt his problem, and to try another lloyds pharmacy, or go to the hospital. I am at a loss.
she sent me an ace reply cant sue but i can complain to a place i was already sent to by wg (havent had a reply off your helpful letter wg hunni) i am utterly at a loss. im without meds, and on my own with mollie. im getting worse. and crisis team when i ring just sit there in silence on the other end of the phone and it makes me feel retarded. so i end the conversation and think about hurting myself. i fear the 'visions' i had when i was pregnant with mollie are coming back badly. if im stressed, it'll be like a dream before my eyes, i'll scan the room and look for what i can hurt myself or worse with. if im out i'll see myself walk into the road, and i'll have to grab onto louis because im scared i did it.
my moods are worsening. im constantly afraid.
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Post by caterina on May 16, 2010 0:18:56 GMT
Hey chick If you're this bad hun the only suggestion I can really come up with is go to A&E. Your crisis team sounds shite, you need your meds, and you're having such a terrible time of it, it needs to end, even worse it's the weekend which is why I suggested A&E, they will be able to assess you and prescribe what you need. Here for you chick xx
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