jemma
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Posts: 160
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Post by jemma on Dec 23, 2010 15:48:39 GMT
right thursday , mood ..ok panic.. still feel on edge like i am just waiting to crash back down again sleep ... lol what it that ? thoughts.... none feeling on edge still all the time really not worrying about anything i can put my finger on but still feel that i am just waiting to breakdown again , and that i am just pushing it all to the back of my mind .like i should have a panic attack to get it out and that me holding it off and not having on it just bottleing it up ?? still wanting to be on my own a lot but i am really tired BO not been well and i hasd a virus all week to . my mood is ok i am not sad , remember last time i has pni really bad my gp asked me when was the last time i laughed and i couldnt answer him could not remember such a time , whitch is some confort to me as i can still laught this time and enjoy doing sertain things and have fun despite beeing ill with this so it helps me to think that i am not as bad as last time round and i got over it then so i will this time . hoping with time this on edge feeling goes and i am reasured with each passing down that i did not breakdown and i can stop waiting for it all to happen and i cant really believe it christmas in 2 days ! dosnt feel like it at all , i am all done though and we are going to my mums for dinner which will be nice ..
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butterfly
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Post by butterfly on Dec 24, 2010 21:09:18 GMT
hi there - goo dyou are going to your mums for lunch and therefor dont have to woory to much about all the cooking! I can remember in the early days of having pnd when it was really bad -- feeling like i had loads of adrenalin running around, unable to settle and rest, a bit like what you described, it wont last forever, good and better days will start slipping in and you'll see a gradual improvement. Hope you are able to get through christmas ok. Hope you get a few happy moments BF x merry christmas xx
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jemma
Senior Member
Posts: 160
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Post by jemma on Dec 26, 2010 14:23:49 GMT
well christmas day over with went ok, morning was ok girls loved it was fun but then towards dinner time when i was at my mums i could feel the panic building up didnt have attack but felt on edge all day waiting for it , feels like i have to hold it together all the time , and wear the mummy face . boxing day mood .. up and down really not sad down and crying all day but on edge worrying not sure what about sleep.. ok have a good nights sleep panic.. not fll blown been worse thoughts .. no bad thoughts but do keep thinking am i mad ? have i lost the plot and not realised im 3 weeks in to prozac now and at first yeah it did make me feel worse then last week seemed to settle down and the panic stoped , but it is creeping back now i think but its like i am waiting for it to happen anyway . feel like i just want to me in my safe place all day ( my bedroom) but cant coz its christmas and dont want to spoil it for everyone else so having to hold it all in , oh well hope tomorrow is better jemma
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Post by Weeble on Dec 27, 2010 23:02:55 GMT
Hi Jemma I know how wanting to be in the safe space can be so needed. Good to here something is improving, one of the things with pni is it's all ups and downs.
How did boxing day and today go
Kat
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jemma
Senior Member
Posts: 160
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Post by jemma on Dec 28, 2010 11:37:44 GMT
well had a bad day yesterday am had a row with oh with didnt help but feeling on edge most of the day ..
today tuesday ..
mood ..better than yesterday mind feels much clearer as to where i am with my recovery and i have a plan ( will explain in a min ) sleeep .. ok panic.. still feeling on edge
well here goes try and explain my plan , before i started ad 3/4 weeks ago was feeling on edge all the time and down in mood . started ads and it was hell thought and all the other stuff kicked in but i have concluded that it was indeed the meds getting in my system and all that seems to have died down now , but i am still feeling on edge so my plan is that i will give these meds another 2/3 weeks to reach full effect and if i am still feeling on edge all the time then i will ask my gp his advice is it that they are not the right meds as i still have my origional symptoms or do i need to increse my dose i i am on 20mg prozac at the min ..
but today up to no although i do dtill feel on edge and i am living on rescue remady i feel a little more peacefull and at ease with the whole pni thing and clearer in thinking that it can not take over my life as the last 3 weeks everything has just been pni and i feel i am now ready to deal with it and learn how to manage it and cope with it again as i did 3 years ago and try and lead a normal life
jemma
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butterfly
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Post by butterfly on Dec 30, 2010 10:56:41 GMT
good plan with your gp about going back and giving yourself a few weeks on them. Does rescue remedy actually work - i'll have to get some! I used to put a happy /sad face on my calender and a little code HA (high anxiety etc) so i could montior good and bad days, high anxiety days and stuff. it was good as i could see improvements over time - had a blip so am going to start doing it again. Just an idea for you to onitor if the meds are working. take care x
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jemma
Senior Member
Posts: 160
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Post by jemma on Jan 1, 2011 8:08:39 GMT
hi bf i find rescue remady works just take the edge of but it could be in my head haha new years day mood , ,,dont feel sad or down and i can be bothered to do things just feel scared sleep,,, fine now thoughts ,,,, none panic,,, on edge and not looking forward to being on my own again when everyone goes back to work after the holidays . woke up this morning in a bit of a pinc not like it used to be but that scared feeling, think its because i no oh goes back to work on tuesday , every time i think of it i just see them really low days i had befor christmas still feel like i have to hold it together i wont let myself panic i kind of just say to my self about what ever it is making my feel on edge , "right jemma deal with that later " and sort of push it to the back of my mind , not sure if this is a good thing or not as i am not dealing with it or am i is that my way of dealing with it not sure . i am still waiting for that day when i just crumble again but i must admit i thought it would of happened by now. jemmax
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jemma
Senior Member
Posts: 160
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Post by jemma on Jan 1, 2011 19:32:16 GMT
hi not doing well today feeling quite low , feel like i dont want to talk to anyone want to be on my own , dont feel like i can smile today not seeing the funny side of anything . i am dreading them all going back to work and school and me being on my own with LO , and that school run ! take my breath everytime i think of it . feeling quite emotionless i think is the word im looking for oh well just have to plod on dont we jemma
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Post by Weeble on Jan 1, 2011 21:31:34 GMT
These average days are hard aren't they. Have you planned some things to do when you they go back, I have a few things planned to give me something to focus on. Also I have a list of things that I want to do, sad but need to be done, for instance catching up with the washing, turning out the toys etc.
Kat
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jemma
Senior Member
Posts: 160
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Post by jemma on Jan 2, 2011 19:20:05 GMT
hi today been ok i surpose nothing major on the panic side , been trying to plan me week after they all go back , cleaned the house and kat i could of cryed every thime i walked past that washing basket so i empyed it today because i am worrying about being in the house all day with lo on tuesday so if its done i can just get up and go out and keep busy all day . funny really because i have days where i dont want to go and want to be alone and then i thought of being in here all day on my own turns my stomach i stay out all day on days like these till i no oh is home , mood is still very up and down and still got that feeling that i am hiding it all the time and that it will all just come flooding in again soon , but i am just getting on with it for now and taking each day at a time
jemma x
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Post by monica on Jan 3, 2011 8:53:27 GMT
Hello
I hope you don't mind me posting in your diary. I hope your evening was good - sounds like yesterday was a good one. I think you're not long on meds? It can take a bit for them to kick in so onwards and upwards - things will pick up and moods should even out. It's hard in that in between time but taking it as it comes sounds like a good plan.
Happy New Year to you!
Monicax
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jemma
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Posts: 160
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Post by jemma on Jan 11, 2011 14:31:37 GMT
well one week on and i am pleased to announce im feeling much better !!!!
only the odd panic episode this week that im now able to controll no thought been sleeping well , feeling a lot clamer think the meds are now working, been out done the shopping on my own , school run is a doddle , house is clean im on top of everything whooo! go me feel like i have reached a milestone in my battle with pni 3rd relapse lol .
right but now here is my next one since starting to feel better the last two weeks i have had this overwelming thout that i am not complete yet and am very very much wanting a 3rd child out of the blue, was very happy with the two i have and didnt really want more till i relapsed ?? how strange spoke to other half about it who said what every makes you happy hummmmm decisions decisions
jemma x
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Post by monica on Jan 11, 2011 16:28:06 GMT
Hi
So pleased you've had such a good week. It's quite a liberating experience being able to do things as you once used to - onwards and upwards! What ahve you got planned for the rest of the week?
I too felt so broody when in the depths of pni even though I knew in practical terms in my case there ws no way I could have coped with another child at the time. I don't know whether this was hormonal or psychological in the sense I wanted to prove to myself I could do it properly ie without pni the third time round. I did go on to have a third child (after recovering from pni) and dont' regret it at all but do find it hard work and largely have escaped pni this time round.
Enjoy trying anyhow!!!
Monica
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Post by Weeble on Jan 11, 2011 21:52:28 GMT
Yahoo, well done, that is such good news. A third child, I have three and despite the severity of my pni I would not swap him for anything.
Kat
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Post by Victoria on Jan 12, 2011 10:59:24 GMT
Well done, so pleased you are feeling a lot brighter than you were. Obviously the meds are starting to help you. Re having a 3 rd child. Wow...... only you know if you are ready for that........and if you are........good luck. I get broody when I see other ppls tiny babies, only when they are very tiny mind, but then I remember how hard it is having 3 older ones and a toddler in the house, and stop myself quick. Hubby has had the snip not long ago as we have 4 in the house and that is more than a handful. Am so pleased you are feeling brighter. Long may it continue. xxx
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