hannah457
Senior Member
i have 4 children. brandon,angel , peter, leland .
Posts: 453
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Post by hannah457 on May 27, 2006 5:19:32 GMT
yesterday went OK, Brandon really enjoyed his day. he got lots of presents and cards and a nice big power rangers cake. i coped OK with the noise and the family popping in and out all day.
had a bad night peter been grisly most of the night then he decided to wake up a 5.45 so I'm really tired. Ive also got terrible toothache and headache. feeling really low and Ive ended up taking my mood out on martin. peters in a really mardie mood he keeps screaming to be picked up, i try and feed him he screams i just don't know what I'm doing so wrong with him today.
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hannah457
Senior Member
i have 4 children. brandon,angel , peter, leland .
Posts: 453
|
Post by hannah457 on May 27, 2006 21:10:25 GMT
feeling really vulnerable at the moment. Ive not been having much sleep when i do get to sleep i end up dreaming about the night i was raped. since its all come into the open with my family knowing Ive felt more exposed. I'm glad they all know but i hate the fact that they all treat me differently than before. I'm still the same person as i was before i told them. the dreams are driving me mad i hate it i want them to go away.
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Post by yoyo on May 27, 2006 21:38:21 GMT
Thinking of you and hope the thoughts that have been brought to the forefront of your mind with bringing things into the open begin to die down again for you x YOu're doing SO well x x Sleep well tonight x Dulce Suenos (Spanish for Sweet Dreams) x
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hannah457
Senior Member
i have 4 children. brandon,angel , peter, leland .
Posts: 453
|
Post by hannah457 on May 29, 2006 19:20:33 GMT
peter is loads better, hes back to his normal jolly baby again. happy, smiling with a permanent grin on his little face. I'm feeling really down and weepy i just feel like curling up in a ball and crying. todays been a normal steady day nothing to stressful but Ive still got the overwhelming feeling to cut my arms or cut my wrists. i hates thinking about doing it but today its all Ive been thinking about. I'm feeling so worthless and i feel as if the kids don't need me. if I'm not here anymore i feel as if everyone would be better off without me. i hate feeling like this. I'm still having the dreams about my rape, i woke up about 3 times last night sweating and shaking from head to toe. god i hate being like this!
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hannah457
Senior Member
i have 4 children. brandon,angel , peter, leland .
Posts: 453
|
Post by hannah457 on May 30, 2006 22:02:39 GMT
today started off good, went into town with martin to do the monthly food shop. it wasn't to packed so that was OK. looked for a DVD for me and the kids to watch as its mummy and kids night but i couldn't find one they haven't seen. on the way home from town the bus was packed so i felt quite claustrophobic and panicky, but i managed to control my panic attack. so we ended up watching ghost-busters pigging out on crisps and sweets its be a nice night, Ive really loved spending time with them. martin has gone out tonight with his mate. i was quite worried about being on my own with them but its been nice. all 3 of the children are in bed now so I'm on my own. i always feel my most vulnerable when the kids are in bed and I'm left alone. it makes me so nervous and panicky. need a good nights sleep so i off to bed.
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hannah457
Senior Member
i have 4 children. brandon,angel , peter, leland .
Posts: 453
|
Post by hannah457 on May 31, 2006 6:25:59 GMT
didn't end up going to bed until about 2 this morning cos martin forgot his keys so i had to wait up for him to get back to be able to lock up. peter woke up at half five so I'm knackered. he would eat his porridge this morning and i ended up crying cos he wouldn't eat. I'm so stressed this morning i know it gonna be another one of those days were I'm on auto pilot. angels been up since six so i wont be able to have a cat nap on the sofa. so stressed and so tired
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Post by marion on May 31, 2006 8:11:17 GMT
Oh Hannah - you must be knackered! I hate those days where everything is just struggle struggle struggle and you just cant wait for bedtime! Try and take things as slow as you can - know how you feel with the crying when they wont eat - I did that at Mark's parents on sunday and had to run out of the room crying. Felt like such an idiot - crying because Chloe wouldnt eat a petit filous but when you're tired it turns into such a big deal. When I'm having those sort of days where anything can set me off I try to take as much stress off myself as possible and do the bare minimum - I dont let Chloe cry as that really winds me up and I let her get her own way all day (which I know I shouldnt) but it just makes the day so much easier and is the only way I can get through it.
Anyway. Here if you need me. Love MArion.
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Post by noodles on Jun 1, 2006 16:56:46 GMT
hey hon, hope you managed to get a nap in at some point.... how r u doing this evening? n x
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hannah457
Senior Member
i have 4 children. brandon,angel , peter, leland .
Posts: 453
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Post by hannah457 on Jun 1, 2006 21:22:05 GMT
feel so ill, I'm completely knackered and really tearful. cant wait until the schools go back cos Brandon and angel are getting so unbearable, there constantly arguing and i cant take much more. they was arguing about who has what pillow on the sofa. i just lost it and ended up screaming at them both which made me feel really guilty. i went upstairs and sat on my bed in tears and i sat scratching my arm to calm down. i feel so angry at myself for scratching my arm, Ive let myself down and Ive let martin down. thinking of phoning my cpn for her to come out to see me in the morning. i fell so out of control, just want to cry all the time.
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Post by cheshire on Jun 2, 2006 16:19:35 GMT
Hi Hannah
Did you phone your CPN?
How are you today?
Loads of love Hopefulxxxxx
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hannah457
Senior Member
i have 4 children. brandon,angel , peter, leland .
Posts: 453
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Post by hannah457 on Jun 2, 2006 18:53:37 GMT
last night felt really bad i was tired and really low, the kids was arguing and i found myself scratching my arm again. couldn't sleep properly last night as i kept having nightmares again. got up at 8.30am as martin told me to stay in bed to try and get some sleep. spent the morning in uncontrollable tears, martin phoned my cpn. she couldn't make it out but shes coming on Monday. they talked about changing my tablets as martin feels there not working for me. so got to cope with the weekend and meds whats not working. feeling so shitty.
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Post by marion on Jun 2, 2006 19:03:40 GMT
hey hannah I think I'm in for a bad weekend too - we will have to be here for each other. Things are shit for me too and like you I've had uncontrollable tears today. Love Marion.
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Post by marion on Jun 3, 2006 17:50:07 GMT
How you doing today Hannah? Hope it's not been too tough for you. Love Marion.
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Post by monica on Jun 4, 2006 7:07:05 GMT
Hi
Sorry you going through a bad patch. Can relate to the feeling you've had enough with screaming/moaning kids as I had a crap day yesterday, so much you feel like you're going to explode. Hope things are better.
Love
Monica
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hannah457
Senior Member
i have 4 children. brandon,angel , peter, leland .
Posts: 453
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Post by hannah457 on Jun 4, 2006 15:36:50 GMT
really not having a good day. my moods have been all over the place. one moment I'm happy and laughing and the next I'm in tears. i asked martin about setting a date for us to get married and its like talking to a wall. he needs to get his birth certificate, Ive been waiting since last June for him to get it. am i wasting my time or is he just being a typical man? i really do want to set the date but i don't know if hes backing out of it now?
bloody men
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