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Post by winegirl on Mar 26, 2008 20:55:15 GMT
Hey you
Havent heard from you for a few days and was wondering how you are doing?
Hope to hear from you soon x
WG xxx
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nishka
Senior Member
Posts: 207
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Post by nishka on Mar 31, 2008 9:47:51 GMT
Hi
Can't stop in long today but just wanted to post a little bit...
Thanks for the messages.
My computer at home has completely packed up. I think there is a virus on it - no doubt prob from all the crap that hubby keeps downloading off the net... My mum is really peed off with it as she is sure it is his fault and then the whole thing keeps crashing and not working for everyone else. She has taken it to our local computer shop for them to wipe clean and start off completely again. Woe betide my hubby if he downloads something else.. I don't think my mum will be happy! So I haven't been able to get on here. (I had last week at work - today is my first day back).
My week off was okay... I took A to the Zoo one day which was fun. Although to be honest her fave bits were having an ice cream and going on the little train that takes you around the zoo - not the actual animals!! (Typical isn't it??) But it was fun nevertheless.. even though it did cost me, mum and her £29 to get in!! So expensive!!
Apart from that, we did a couple of sessions at the swimming pool and the park and did some bits of shopping and pottering about. It was okay... I did find my patience wearing thin with A a few times but I think thats just normal. I hope.
I managed to do quite a bit of exercise... Went swimming on my own a couple of times (managed to fit in a few half lengths!! lol) and I brought a few fitness DVD's which I have been doing... A did one with me one day (a dance one) which was such a giggle. I think she was better at it than me!!
And then this weekeneds been a complete pain in the arse because my hubby is down and moody and says that he doesn't like having so many pets (I agree with him - they are mum's) and it makes the house dirty too quickly and he can't be bothered to clean up etc because there's no point ... Blah Blah. I think my mum started it all off by saying she wanted to get another dog (we already have 2) and me and hubby didn't want any to begin with so we certainly don't want anymore... We feel we compromised and over compromised by having 2 so we sort of put our foot down and said no and now my mum is sad and upset because she desperately wants another dog and can't have one.... Hubby is also fed up with the cats (we have 2 cats) and he is saying he wants to rehome them as they just sleep on our beds all the time and make them mucky and we can't leave our doors or windows open.. Mum says she doesn't mind rehoming the cats but hubby has to organise it... So its up to him.
He is soooooooooooooooooo grumpy all the time about everything it is driving everyone mad. He is fed up with his weight and won't do anything about it - he won't go swimming with me or do the keep fit, he says he hates his job but he doesn't have the confidence to look for another... I think he is clinically depressed but there is nothing I can do to help - esp as I suffer with ups and downs myself right now so I am finding it really hard.
So I am back at work this week. I have so much to sort out at home too - I have to try and sell my car - we need the money, and I don't even know where to start. It needs taxing and MOTing -- all money again.
Grrrrrrrrrrr. xx
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Bobyn
Senior Member
Posts: 454
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Post by Bobyn on Apr 1, 2008 10:51:41 GMT
Hi Nishka,
Welcome back. I hope things improve with your hubby. Have you suggested to him that he might go to the doctors and talk to them about how he's been feeling? It's hard on you to cheer him up and motivate him when you've got things to deal with yourself at the moment. Hope the summer evenings kick in soon as I'm sure that helps everyone's mood improve a bit. Any period yet? How are the tablets doing? Love, Bobyn xxx
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nishka
Senior Member
Posts: 207
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Post by nishka on Apr 2, 2008 9:13:05 GMT
Helloooo
Thanks Bobyn. I keep asking hubby to go to the doctors but he isn't interested. He doesn't want to go.. He says he's just tired. Thats it as far as he is concerned. We are hardly talking to each other at the moment. He seems really distant and fed up. I can't remember the last time we kissed each other (even as to say bye or whatever) - we are very separate from each other at the moment. I don't think we have had sex for nearly 2 months now... Feels like that anyway!!
I am still not having periods - I have been on the pills for about a month now I think (or thereabouts) and all thats happened is that my skin has become really greasy and I have zits like a 13 year old. I have been smothering my skin in benzol peroxide (as prescribed from the GP) and it isn't making a lot of difference.... I wouldn't mind except that at 28 this year you don't really expect it!! I am not even bothered too much about getting pregnant anymore (esp as hubby isn't the slightest bit interested in sleeping with me! sob sob!) I would just like my periods to come back so that all the spots and misery will hopefully end (its a bit like having permanent PMT all the time!)
We have my uncle and aunt coming over from the USA (Colorado) this Friday... My mum was born in the USA but her and my Gran moved to the UK when she split up with my mums dad - her brother stayed in the US with her dad... Anyway long story (Mum's dad was abusive to Gran and they stayed away from him for many years so mum never saw much of her brother, eventually -3 years ago- my mums dad (can't call him my grandad feels strange) committed suicide - shot himself by his lake- and mum started getting closer to her brother again). So thats going to be interesting.. Its going to be quite cramped in our house!!! They are staying for a week. A is at her Dads this weekend so she is going to miss them arriving but I am sure she will keep them busy next week!! She has met them before - they came last about 2 years ago- although my mum isn't quite as excited. They don't seem to share our sense of humour and they are quite serious (into politics and all that - not our cuppa tea really, not that we don't know about it but we just don't want to sit chatting about it all night!!) So I will imagine I am going to be quite tired and stressed out by the end of next week!! Eeeeeek !
I have been doing some keep fit DVD's.... I have to make sure I close the blinds as I am sure if anyone can see my bobbing around in my PJ's late at night holding my boobs (because I am too lazy to go and put on my sports bra - how lazy am i!!) they would think I have gone mad. I got the Natalie Cassidy one (Sonja from Enders) and thats the best one I have tried so far. I did have the Ministry of Sound one where they teach you to dance all clubbing style and everything but the instructor is soooooo camp and funny that I can't do it without bursting in to hysterical giggles... !
Its been fun!
(However I haven't been watching what I eat at all to be honest - too much else to worry about- so I don't think I have lost any weight, but at least I am a bit fitter if nothing else!)
Mr F is driving me nuts at work. Earlier in the week (bearing in mind the last time I saw him was before easter when I was in tears having that horrible day at work- which incidentally has been resolved now - my manager has agreed I can do some more sales calls to stop me getting so bored! yay!) he was really chatty with me, asking how I was and what I did over the holidays. He was telling me all about his wife and things at home blah blah. We chatted about a certain comic that I like and he asked if he could borrow my DVD's so I said yeah that I would bring them in etc. All good.
At the end of the same day he was dropping big hints about him having to go out to this after work drink with a friend of his and how he didn't want to go.. but it was only for a pint... and it was only down the road blah blah. I think he wanted me to say "Hey, yeah I'll come with you!" But I didn't. I just said, "Oh well you'll enjoy it when you get there" and left it at that. He mooched around the rest of the afternoon and when I left to go home he was hanging about by his car in the car park fiddling about with the boot (prob just pretending to do something) and said to me, "Do you want a lift down to the town?" and I said no I am quite happy to walk thank you. Cheeky thing.
So anyway I came in the next day and brought my Dvd's with me to lend to him and he was sooooooooooo off with me all day!! It was like because I didn't agree to go out with him he didn't want to be friends with me... ! He basically just remained very curt with me all day and completely ignored me except for talking about work. I handed him the Dvd's and he put them on my desk, went to make a coffee and then walked past me leaving them there!! So I thought sod you and took them home with me again.
I don't get men sometimes.. Their whole being is built on their egos.
So thats me and my little moans.
Nishka xxxx
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Post by winegirl on Apr 2, 2008 9:20:59 GMT
Hi Nishka
This is a just a thought but when i came off the pill i put a bit of weight on got bad skin and didnt get my periods. We were trying for a baby and after 2 years it hadnt happened and i had had about 4 or 5 periods. Anyway, it turns out I had PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome), which basically means that you dont always ovulate and the egg forms little cycsts on your ovaries. IT IS NOTHING SERIOUS AT ALL!! And it can be sorted, and i may be WAY off the mark, it just sounds like your experience of coming off the pill is very similar to mine.
To test for it thay chack your FSH and LH levels via a blood test and check your ovearies on an ultrasound scan. You could ask to have it checked out to rule it out perhaps?
WG x
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nishka
Senior Member
Posts: 207
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Post by nishka on Apr 4, 2008 10:51:13 GMT
Hiya
Thanks winegirl, I will definitely mention it when I go to the docs on tues and see what they say. Its something I have been thinking about as well so I do wonder if there is an element of PCOS going on as well... Who knows... Thanks for mentioning it and reminding me. I would like them to do a blood test to check- I've had loads, another one is no biggie!! lol
Well its been an interesting few days.
Hubby seems a bit better. He managed to get the gardening done and is (I think) feeling a bit more positive about the house and things. He has been a bit more touchy towards me (not kissing or anything but he will stroke my legs if I am resting them on the sofa etc) so I imagine he is getting himself up to making a move - he is worse than a 15 year old boy when it comes to getting it on. lol.. The thing is now I feel quite resentful of the fact he's hardly talked to me for about two weeks so I actually feel like saying "No thanks" just to pee him off which I know is just spiteful to myself really but thats just how I feel. I don't know if that makes sense.
My mum is driving me nuts. We have our relatives arriving from the US today and she has been more like Kim and Aggie from How Clean is Your House than my mum for the last week..... !! Its driving everyone mad and she is completely exhausted. I don't know why she feels the need to be so perfect anyway - they're not!! She has just worked herself up into a complete frenzy. I hope she can calm down enough to enjoy them when they arrive!!
A is off to her Dad this weekend... I hope she has fun. Hubby has kindly offered to do the return journey for me on Sunday since he has next week off to recover and I don't - I am back at work again. So thats very nice of him.. He is trying I guess.
I think A's dad is wondering what on earth is going on with the passport - well I had to get someone who's known A for 2 years to fill it in and obviously because we've moved in that time I don't know anyone. A's nanny (her dads mum) knows a police man next door to her who's known A so she said she would get him to do it. But he messed up the form so I had to send off to get another one.. The form should be there now. So hopefully he'll do it right this time and I can get it sent off- otherwise the passport won't be ready for her dad to take her to France and no doubt thats going to be my fault - as is everything else with him. Grrrrr.
I haven't done any keep fit or whatever the past week.. I have been too tired and bit fed up and down about hubby and my relatives coming (trying to clean house etc). But I am hoping to do some this weekend. I have terrible trouble cutting down what I eat in the evenings as A always says she wants what I am having and I need to give her good meals so I end up eating far too much and then feeling bad about it. I never wanted to be one of these women always going on about diets and such but I feel thats the way I am going... !
Mr F has been really strange with me all week. One minute he's being overly friendly with me and really nice and the next he hardly speaks to me and treats me completely business like. I never know whether I am coming or going.
He finally took home the Dvd's I brought in for him to borrow and he seemed genuinely pleased with them so fair enough. Then the rest of the day he was emailing me and coming out to chat to me all the time etc. The next day he hardly speaks to me!!
Today he has been out to see me to tell me he's finished writing the children's book he was working on (in his spare time) and he wants me to read it so he's got his brother to type it up for him and he's asked his brother to email it to me.... Surely his brother is going to think thats a bit weird and wonder who on earth I am?? But anyway.
Mr F says he would like me to do the illustrations for him for the book if I would like to. Hmmmmmmmm.. I can see him hinting at lots of lunch dates in order to check over the illustrations.... lol
So I said I would think about it.
I am wondering what on earth the book is about... He says its about a winged unicorn. Could be interesting. I think its aimed at 3-5 year olds.
So thats me really. I better go.
Lots of love xxxx
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Post by winegirl on Apr 4, 2008 17:44:33 GMT
Oooh Nishka, if you get to do the illustrations and you guys get it printed i want a copy!
Glad things are a bit better and OH is making an effort with things! Enjoy your weekend babes and spk soon x
Take Care
WG x
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Bobyn
Senior Member
Posts: 454
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Post by Bobyn on Apr 5, 2008 9:46:33 GMT
It sounds as if things are looking up a bit for you by the end of this week Nishka? I hope so lovely, and I hope you have a good weekend and enjoy having the relatives to stay, you never know, they might have changed a bit?! Mr F sounds as if he needs a little pinch to return him to reality and grow up a bit, but that's men for you! Love, Bobs xx
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Post by sianyc on Apr 7, 2008 9:18:04 GMT
Hi Nishka
Hope you have a good week.
Mr F sounds like he's disappointed that you're not responding to his flirting!
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Post by Scarlet on Apr 8, 2008 14:38:55 GMT
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nishka
Senior Member
Posts: 207
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Post by nishka on Apr 9, 2008 12:53:42 GMT
Hi y'all! (my US relatives are rubbing off on me)!
Thanks so much for all your replies. xx Scarlet I love the links thank you! Your LO is going to love the hoodie.. its so cute and looks really cosy!! I have to say I am not very good with cables, I think all the abbreivations do me in a bit!! Gulp! Thanks for thinking of me, some really nice things there. xx
Hope everyone else is doing okay - I am going to have a read round all the diaries in a min.
Well the rellies from the US have been here half a week now. Its been quite hard in places. Simple things that are so petty seem to cause the most fuss!! For example, me and my lot like the TV on all the time even if its only in the background because we find it relaxing (don't know why but hey) and they don't watch TV at all... So every time they come in the room and we don't seem to be watching it, they switch it off!! It's driving me mad and I can't seem to relax with them at all.. They constantly want to chat about politics and everything I don't - its very boring to be honest. BUT I know its important to my mum so I am going to try and be polite and get on with them.
I don't know if anyone else has found this or if its just me but since I have had PNI I don't like to talk with other people about serious things... I feel quite emotional a lot of the time if I sit and think about things so I prefer to just joke about with people and not get too involved with anyone. If that makes sense. Perhaps its just that I feel my life is serious enough most of the time anyway so I don't want to keep talking about serious things...
I have to send off for A's passport in the next couple of days. I have got it back from being signed and I just need to fill the rest of the things in and send it off... I can't believe it's taking me sooo long! Her dad is asking about it and I am sure he thinks I am taking my time deliberately which I am really not - I had to wait for it to be signed, then posted back to me, then they signed it wrong and we had to do it all again.... Its taking ages. I have of course explained this to A's dad (for what good it does me!)
(Incidentally while I am typing this Mr F has just come along and chatted to me and tipped a glass of water all over my desk!!! Its completely flooded my papers and the front of my desk... He's standing there with kitchen towel in both hands mopping it all up!! Men! He's going now.. )
Hubby and I are getting on alright. Still no real intimacy between us but we manage to have a few giggles about things - mainly trying to choose a new sofa! We have decided we would like a new one and I have my heart set on a leather corner one so we have been looking on the web and suchlike and we are going to look in the shops this weekend. Its been quite exciting looking and imagining how they would look in our lounge. lol.. Its been fun. It might sound silly but doing something 'normal' like this has brought hubby and I a bit closer together.
I went to the GP and winegirl, they are going to test me for PCOS (since I am still not having periods despite the other medication, and spots and weight gain etc). I am goign to have blood taken on Friday so I will let you know how it goes. It will be interesting to see if I do have it. I don't really know much about it - only what I have heard from others. I should google it I suppose.
Mr F's printed me off a copy of this story he wants me to illustrate. Its quite good. But I did say to him I haven't done any drawing for ages so I might be rubbish and I am worried he won't like the drawings (ever me being negative I know) and he won't feel able to say so because we get on. But he says he really wants me to have a go - his brother who is a graphic designer will also be working on it so it won't all be down to me alone. So I said I would do a few drawings and see what he thinks. He said to me to send them to his personal email address which he's given me today. (Maybe the nerves of giving it to me made him chuck water all over my desk!! LOL)
We have been getting on well so far this week.. Its all a bit up and down. I just want to get on with him and have a bit of a chat and giggle but thats all.
So thats me for now
Lots of love xxxx
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Bobyn
Senior Member
Posts: 454
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Post by Bobyn on Apr 9, 2008 13:15:39 GMT
Good luck getting the passport back, maybe it's fate intervening for you I know what you mean about not wanting to get involved in serious discussions at the moment. I just feel the need to be on the outside a bit at the moment and/or actively doing something rather than sitting around. It would drive me mad people wanting to sit and talk about politics! And I'd be even less likely to want to talk about serious things if they kept switching off my TV, what a cheek! You're coping very well with the interruptions to your 'normal' life though Nishak, better than I'm doing having my MIL here that's for sure Have fun illustrating (which I'm sure you're be brilliant at) and sofa choosing (which I'm very jealous of). Lots of love, Bobsie xxx
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Post by winegirl on Apr 9, 2008 17:09:51 GMT
Hi Nishka
Let us know how the blood results go hun. If it turns out they do indicate PCOS give us a shout as I have a library of books on it. I have a particularly good 500 page PCOS bible that is the most in depth literature i could find on the subject and i would be happy to lend it to you. I am that sad i even have a file of documents from my own research LOL!
TBH, it is not something that bothers me right now, it was only ever an issue when trying to conceive, and i was told that i couldnt without medical inetrvention. But everyone is different, and i have a friend with PCOS who has three kids.
The sofa sounds great! Leather is definately the way forward. Our old one was leather but i bought a new normal material one and wich i hadnt - cleanin it when lo spills stuff on it is a nightmare! At least with leather you can just wipe it off!
Best of luck with the bloods hun - will be thinking of you x
WG x
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Post by sianyc on Apr 10, 2008 12:41:52 GMT
very jealous of the sofa choosing also - not so jealous of the very serious sounding relatives x
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nishka
Senior Member
Posts: 207
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Post by nishka on Apr 18, 2008 20:34:42 GMT
Hi
Come on for my rant about life again. Hope no one minds...
Thanks for the replies. xxxx
Well I got my blood test results back and I don't have PCOS - so I think its 'just' my prolactin probs that are stopping me having periods... But to be honest I am so fed up with it all I don't even know if I want to get pregnant anymore. I don't have the same yearning for a baby that I did recently... In fact as awful as it sounds I have even been thinking if I am pregnant I might even have an abortion - not that thats generally something I would ever do but I just feel really unsure about the whole thing. I have been speaking to other people on another forum about my birth experience and going through it all in detail again (I was trying to help another mum going through something similar) and its left me feeling that I don't think I could cope with going through the whole pregnancy thing again... I am worried that I am going to feel like that again and I don't think I want my body mucked about with again. I am feeling really down about it all. I found being a mum so hard the first time, why on earth would I want to go through all that again?? I honestly don't know how I feel.
I talked to hubby about how I feel and I mentioned I feel like going back on the pill again but he says he would like to give things a chance - its obvious he really wants another child. I just feel really up and down about it all. I am also scared of having to be at home with a baby again and worried about how I will feel and whether I will feel suicidal again.... All this and I am not even pregnant!!
I just feel that I don't want to be pregnant.. I don't know whats wrong with me. What a crazy person I am.
Thats one of the reasons I haven't posted for a while.. I am sure you will all think I am mad going from one extreme to another....
I have finally managed to send of A's passport application so that should keep her dad happy.
A is having some probs at school - she is finding it hard to make friends and is quite lonely. I have talked to the teachers about it and they are doing all they can and my mum (who takes her and picks her up) has asked a couple of the kids from school round (on their own with their mums) after school to try and encourage some friendships. I had an awful day yesterday when A was in tears and didn't want to go to school.. I ended up being late for work because I was comforting her. When I got into work everyone was full of advice about what I should do... One woman said I should take her to karate lessons!! Wtf!! I mean, sure thanks for the advice but I don't think thats going to help the situation between a load of 4 and 5 year olds at school...
Mr F has been driving me nuts. I think we have been getting too close to be honest and its making my head hurt. He is working on a contract at the moment and has been in the office all week and has basically been hanging around me the whole time.. We have talked about anything and everything from getting drunk wildly in our younger years to the kids and getting old lol...
He's been telling me all about his divorce from his first wife (he was married at 18 and divorced at 23) and all the ex girlfriends he has and basically his life in general. We get on really really well. We are always laughing and giggling about something.
Yesterday he saw I was leaving and packed up everything he was doing and ran out to ask me if I wanted a lift down the road to the post office (which is a ten min drive away). I couldn't really say no as he saw I had my coat on and I was leaving so I said okay and we got in the car and drove down there together. On the way he was chatting about the fact he wishes he had more money and that he never seems to be able to save etc etc.. All usual stuff. His car was a mess - full of sports equipment and stuff! lol...
Today we have been chatting some more. He was telling me all about his first jobs - and all the silly things he's done in relationships and in life. He had a big arguement with his wife last night - he hasn't been working on the contract as much as he should (oopps) and he's going to working in the office this weekend. She went mad since she doesn't 'want him to do overtime and they aren't speaking now. I have been a bit of a counsellor to him today! Bearing in mind he is working in the office this weekend (which is 15 mins walk away from my house) he asked what I was doing this weekend. I said to him that A was going to be at her dads and A (my hubby) is working. He asked whether I would be about in town then... I said I don't know, maybe. Someone else came in the kitchen then.
At the end of the day I went to go home and he appeared again like yesterday and said, "Are you leaving now?" I said "In a minute". I didn't want another lift down the road from him, I think people might get the wrong idea really. But he just stood there, knowing that I didn't think it was right and he said, "So when are you going then?" and I just said it was a bit early for me and we stared at each other. I noticed my heart was pounding really fast. What is happening to me? This is not like me. I feel so ashamed of myself.
So thats me. Life is confusing and upsetting and I feel like I don't know or trust myself at the moment.
I need someone to talk some sense to me.
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