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Post by monica on Jan 29, 2008 10:43:18 GMT
Hi Flobob
Huge congratulations on your pregnancy! That's fantastic news.
I can imagine how disappointed you must be at your oh's reaction but try and remember men do react differently to us. I frequently want/hope my bf gets excited abou thtings that excite me but he never seems to but I guess that's him. Men often need timeto get used to feeling a certain way and I'm sure he'll come round in time. He's probably worried - and probably about you too - but doesn't know how/want to come out with it - that's just the way they are - they say women are complicated but I think men are far more diffiuclt to phathom!
You take it easy girl - I'm so happy for you!
Monica
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flobob
Senior Member
Posts: 357
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Post by flobob on Jan 29, 2008 20:06:21 GMT
Hello I had a proper conversation with OH tonight on the phone. Hurray! Feeling better for that. And because I had a good day working. And because LO was well-behaved tonight and was asleep by 7pm Long may it continue. Kind of cheated with that - he was with my parents all day and they wore him out and then I didn't let him watch TV, gave him tea, then play, then a bath, then milk in his bed and he fell asleep whilst drinking from the bottle - ahhh! Probably shouldn't let him do that? But I don't care. If it means he is asleep at a reasonable time then he can have a bottle of milk at bedtime until he's a lot older. And pah to experts on TV too. I've been thinking about this recently. Wasn't there something about only having TV for 30 mins a day until they're 3 years old? I don't know what these experts think we all do but as my LO doesn't sleep in the day I wouldn't even be able to make dinner if it wasn't for the TV. So he gets to watch it whilst I must do things in the kitchen and if that means more than 30 mins a day then so what?! He gets plenty of other interaction and stimulation at other times. He's awake for 12 hours every day - there just aren't enough things to do to fill those hours if TV wasn't available. I'll get down off my soapbox now and have an early night. Take care, FloBob
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Post by winegirl on Jan 29, 2008 20:18:24 GMT
Hi Flobob
Great news that you had a good conversation with your OH about your pregnancy! I am sooooo excited for you!
I agree on the tv front. I dont really like the dea of my LO watching too much TV, but if it means i can do the dishes, make the dinner, tidy up etc in the day, then so be it! I think you are right that as long as they get lots of other interaction throughout the day, then whats the problem!
Enjoy yur early night hun, make the most of them before no. 2 comes along to disrupt them!!
Take Care
WG x
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Post by Scarlet on Feb 1, 2008 12:26:21 GMT
How are you doing Flobob?
Let us know if you get the chance hun.
Love Scarlet xxxxx
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flobob
Senior Member
Posts: 357
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Post by flobob on Feb 1, 2008 19:11:24 GMT
Hello Scarlet Thanks for asking. I'm fine-ish. I can't quite believe that OH is not coming home tonight and that I've got a whole weekend on my own. He'll be home late Tuesday - grrr. Cheers, WG, I hadn't managed to think as far as sleepless nights with new baby Thanks for reminding me! I am now spending my days wearing out LO and not letting him sleep in the daytime so that he goes to bed nicely and is asleep promptly. Worked again today - he's asleep already at 7pm! It worked yesterday too. I had a little snooze on the sofa this afternoon whilst he watched Bob The Builder DVD - didn't mean to snooze but woke up with the theme tune running. And LO had disappeared, so I dashed off looking for him but when I came back to the living room there he was right in front of the TV. I've had just one bout of morning sickness, so that's good although obviously not out of the woods yet! But I haven't had any negative thoughts like I did at the start of my last pregnancy, so that is keeping me positive too. I will make the most of my Friday night alone - relaxing bath and a bit of pampering then early to bed. Bye FloBob x
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Post by winegirl on Feb 1, 2008 19:46:58 GMT
Hi Flobob
Have a lovel night pamperin yourself tonight! Make the most of having the evenings to yourslef! I am sorry for reminding you about the sleepless nights! Should have reminded you about the bits like when a newborn falls asleep laying on your chest. That ws my favourite bit! x
Take Care
WG x
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flobob
Senior Member
Posts: 357
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Post by flobob on Feb 2, 2008 21:54:48 GMT
Hehehe Winegirl - yes, there are lots of good bits But my baby hardly ever fell asleep on me, except after a breastfeed which I never counted. He didn't do much cuddling either. I always wanted him to just come and cuddle me and fall asleep. He really didn't do that with me. But he would fall asleep on OH. I think it was because OH was more relaxed than I was. Anyway, because it was so important to me when it finally did happen I wrote it down and I've just looked at that - it was when he was 7 months old!!!! I am feeling so lonely today/tonight. I saw a friend on Thursday night and she said if I get lonely over the weekend I can go round to hers. But I don't think I can. I just feel so pathetic turning up and being lonely and sad and emotional and needy and butting in to her family and not feeling like I should be there. It is like I have a big sign on my head saying "I'm lonely and crap and nobody loves me". Felt pretty low this morning. Thought me and LO would drive over to where I have the CBT next Saturday, so that I could see where it is and know how long the drive would take me. But then got scared about driving there and knew it would make me cry so I didn't go. I rang a lady from NCT instead because she had some papers for me and thought I could just pop by her house to pick them up today, but she'd already passed them on to someone else for me. So that made me feel a bit flat too. Just that I had nothing to focus on and no reason to go out. So me and LO drove to our nearest big town because I needed to buy some envelopes for work and then we went to the park and then into town for lunch. And that always makes me feel sad and lonely too. Having lunch out with my LO because I never see any other women alone with their children having lunch. It is always couples with children or a group of mums and children together. But I had dithered about at home so long in the morning that there wasn't time to drive home in time for lunch and also I couldn't be bothered to come home and cook. LO fell asleep in the car on the way home and I carried him up to his bed. Then I went to bed too. I woke after 1 1/2 hours and probably should have got up but fell asleep again. And woke up then 30 mins later and LO woke up too. He came into my bed with me then and we played with his bears and then he told me "poo" and we ran downstairs to where the potty was and we made it in time for a wee! Love him! But of course because he'd had just over 2 hours sleep today he didn't go to sleep tonight until 8.30pm. And I was so tired again by 7pm and just willing him to sleep and let me leave the room. I did cry over that and he let me go when I cried, but then 20 mins later I had to go back because he wanted another wee on his potty! Didn't get there in time that time, but it was OK because he had a nappy on. I hate being on my own. I've been in denial about this weekend. So I think it is hitting me hard now. OH said on the phone today he'd be home soon and is off work next week. But he only gets home late on Tuesday so he'll only be home 3 days extra which just isn't enough. I thought he got home earlier on Tues and that meant it would be at least 3.5 days. It's probably my own fault because I never did ask OH when his flights were and just assumed he'd be home in the day on Tuesday. I eventually asked him on Wed night. And now I'm worrying about him too. Bloody man! I shouldn't be worrying about him. He said today that he went down a black run (I've never been ski-ing but it sounds scary!) today and that he was really tired afterwards because it was such hard work. Why can't he just ease himself in gently? Why does he have to do the most difficult stuff. He'll probably come home Tuesday night and then have to spend the rest of the week in bed because of back ache. Ha, I've just stomped on the fullstop key at the end of that sentence. It should be a big black dot piercing through the screen I hit it so hard. But I've plans for him so he'll just have to get over any aches. He's got to fix the creaky floorboards in LO's bedroom so that I can leave the room without creaking which causes LO to look up, see me leaving and start moaning and crying at me to stay with him. He'll have to do that on Wed whilst I'm working and LO is at nursery. We're all going out on Thursday. But on Friday he's having LO all day - I have decided. I have tons of work on so I'll probably shut myself away and work but really I want to run away and have a day all to myself. Maybe I can do a half day of each? Then on Saturday I'll probably be stressed because I've invited my parents and my Nan over for Sunday lunch to tell them our fab news. So I'll be stressing about what they'll think to me being pregnant again - even though they don't know I have PNI. And stressing about what food to cook. And stressing about will LO behave. And will parents moan about having to eat lunch so early to fit in with LO's dinner time. Actually they probably won't moan but it stresses me that I think they might not want to do it that way and won't be comfortable in our house because of it. God, I'm just waffling on tonight. Oh, yesterday I forced myself to invite some mums and toddlers over in the afternoon. There's 5 of us that generally get together on a Friday afternoon. But I've never really felt like I belonged or was wanted. But I keep trying because I have nothing else. But so many times I think I can't do it any more. It just makes me feel even more separate from everyone having an afternoon with normal mums and not being able to talk to them. I often get very low after seeing them and end up crying that night. But all week I was thinking I'll invite them over and never got round to it. But eventually phoned them on Thursday. And it was fine. I didn't feel so bad when they left. There was just 2 of them this week with 2 little girls. My little boy was quite nicely behaved - he even shared his toys He did have a tantrum over biscuits though! So not a complete angel, but not too bad. I think I'll stop now and go to bed. I didn't get my bath or pampering yesterday evening. Don't know what happened ... just time passed. Actually I put the TV on and there was "A Place in the Sun - Home or Away" and they were in Chamonix which is where OH is this weekend so I watched it so I could see where he was, even though it was filmed in the summer. That is so sad isn't it? Goodnight x FloBob x
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Post by monica on Feb 4, 2008 9:45:02 GMT
Hi
Hope you're feeling ok. Not long to go before oh gets back. WEll done on inviting mums over. Cant have beeneasy but you did it and everyone had a good time. I can remember feeling as if I didn't fit in and still do from time to time whenfeeling low and that's with good and close friends. When I feel ok I don't notice it so it will pass I'm sure. It's PNI which makes you feel 'different' and robs you of your confidence but I'm sure it will get better.
It was nice of your friend to invite you over - make the most of it. Myself and my bf work shifts so I do know what's it's liek to feel lonely, cut off and bored at the weekend whenevery one seems ot be out with family. Your not the only one to have lunch withlo - been there too many times. Can you try to plan little things to do when you're alone and you know it might bother you. Then you'll have an agenda and your time without you oh won't feel like it''s dragging forever. Also the older you lo gets and more he will interact with you, the dynamics of the relathioship change and he'll become more of a friend to you who you can chat with. My eldest is 8 and apart from tantrums is very good company. We cna do things together and obviously I don't have to chaseafter him and I cna talk to him.
Take care
Monica
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flobob
Senior Member
Posts: 357
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Post by flobob on Feb 6, 2008 5:35:07 GMT
I don't know what to say. Feeling very flat again. On the positive side, I don't think pregnancy is having any affect. Because last time I did not even believe that I was pregnant until I had the first scan, and then I only believed it for about a week and then went back to thinking that I was making the whole thing up. Which in hindsight was probably part of the depression. Every time I was sick with morning sickness I would be glad, even though it was horrible, as that would prove to me that I must really be pregnant and that thought would last only as long as I was sick and then I just couldn't believe it again. I only really believed I was pregnant when I started to show and when I felt the baby move at around 20 weeks. This time I just know I am pregnant and don't need morning sickness as evidence. Hurray! I am just worried in a normal way and not an obsessive way. But yesterday evening I got a phone call from the organiser's of hubby's ski weekend. He "had a tumble" yesterday and is now in hospital in France. God, I feel so awful. I don't even know where he is. I didn't even tell the man to give him a message from me. I don't know when he'll be coming home. What if he needs me? I just moan on about him and now feel so guilty because I do love him. Whilst on the phone to the man I felt nothing. But when I put the phone down I just burst into tears. My darling son said "bear" - ahhhh, I think he was trying to comfort me by telling me to cuddle his bear Or I could just be reading too much into his words - LOL! Oh dear. I went to bed last night at 7.30pm because I was so tired after being awake from 3.30am. But yesterday I did not get up early. I laid in bed trying to go back to sleep which didn't happen and then LO woke at 5.30am and would not go back to sleep. I was very lazy though and very tired and spent the next 2 hours lying in bed whilst he jumped on the bed, ran about, played with all sorts, and generally wouldn't let me rest!!! But after going to bed at 7.30pm I woke up at 2.30am this morning and got up at 3.30am. Just done an hour and a half of work though so that's good. I just hope that my husband is alright. The man said that he was concussed and doesn't have any broken bones. But I don't know if he was just trying not to worry me. OH was apparently helicoptered off the mountain - which sounds bloody serious to me. I didn't even take the hospital details as I don't speak French so didn't seem any point. And last night I was too upset to tell anyone. And who would I tell? I feel stupid now ... only my parents and one friend know he has gone ski-ing, so it seems stupid now to tell a friend he has had a ski accident because they'll think I'm weird for not mentioning he was even away. When I started working earlier I thought I'd work till 6am and then have a bath. But now I just want to go back to bed. I am worried about depression though. I keep saying in my head "I am not going to let this affect me" about lots of things including OH being in hospital. But I think that maybe this is just denial, and I know I did that after LO was born ... spent a long time telling myself I was not affected and didn't seek help. Am I doing that again? FloBob
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Post by Jay on Feb 6, 2008 6:10:14 GMT
Hiya I missed you when you were trying to PM me this morning. I wish I had been there so I could have chatted to you and let you off load a bit. I think you probably needed to have a cry about OH. Its the most natural thing in the world to be upset about it. I too would not have thought to ask questions at the time of the phone call. If they need you they know where you are. I am sure that when OH feels a bit better but I am sure he will ring you, then you can speak to him yourself and feel reasured. What ever anyone says, its not until you talk to him yourself that you will feel better. We are just like that.
Is the GP helping you with being pregnant and feeling low? I must read back a bit on your posts and diary, you might have said already-sorry.
If you need a chat then PM anytime. Now I am a bit more alive, I might be more sensible or useful.....probably not the right words
I hope your day gets better when you get up again later, and restart your day. My Psychologist would go mad at you for doing an hour and a halves work in the night!!!! She would be teaching you what she calls SLEEP HYGIENE. I've just done my paper work and sorted out my bills in the night when I got up about 4am. But I won't tell her about that ;D
Take care and speak soon, Jay xx
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flobob
Senior Member
Posts: 357
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Post by flobob on Feb 7, 2008 4:19:59 GMT
OH is now home. He got home at around 1.30am. Woke me up of course and now I can't get back to sleep and I feel sick. Glad he is home. So relieved because I was so scared. I wrote in here before he went that I was scared he'd not come home (and I meant he'd have an accident and die but couldn't write that because it was too scary). So when I got a phone call about him I was scared. And even though I was told he was not too bad, I was then scared that he'd get MRSA or something and die. So really relieved he is home. Haha Jay, you made me laugh with your psychologist's sleep hygiene! This isn't because of PNI - I have always been a poor sleeper and suffer with insomnia a lot, so I always figure I might as well get up and get on with stuff instead of lying in bed with stuff churning over in my head and keeping me awake. And because I work for myself at home, if I want to take a sleep during the day I can do. Of course that doesn't happen so much now with LO around Yesterday afternoon whilst LO was at nursery I was in the office, sitting in front of the computer trying to work, and had the radio on. Then I realised I wasn't really working - just drifting with the radio. So I gave up and went to bed. It was lovely - slept for an hour, and only just woke up in time to collect LO from nursery! And then I went to bed at 9pm last night. So I do get my sleep just not when I'm expected to. Anyway I'm especially tired now because of being pregnant, I was like this last time too, just falling asleep in the middle of the day, which despite what I said above never really happened, before being pregnant I'd take a break or rest from work if I was tired from not sleeping at night but would never actually fall asleep. This probably sounds weird but I haven't been to the dr yet about being pregnant. When I last went to my dr where I used to live he moaned at me for not changing drs and then when I phoned for an appt for LO the receptionist told me I needed to register in our new town. So I was very upset and angry about all that. But I did then fill in forms for the dr here because I realised even if I didn't then I wasn't going to get any more help from my dr because he didn't want me there and I would be too scared to see him as I would just think that I was being a nuisance. And just this week we've had the forms back to say we're registered here now. So I've got an appt for next Tuesday. But when I was pregnant the first time and went to the dr it was a huge anti-climax. She just told me that she'd let the midwife clinic know and that was about it. I thought there'd be more - like a pregnancy test and stuff. So I kind of think what's the point in rushing to the dr, nothing will happen. But that thought worries me a bit as it seems a bit "not bothered" and that is just part of me feeling worthless which is part of my depression. So I'm hoping it is not the start of more stuff like that and like last time. But I think I will tell the dr on Tuesday that I had ante-natal depression last time and have PNI now and that I want special monitoring this time because I'm likely to go into denial over it if it does happen and be unable to ask for help. I probably won't get it - god that's pessimistic isn't it? But I think if I tell the dr then that is best as otherwise he probably won't read my notes. I am tired now. Thought I might work but really I am too tired but just can't sleep. FloBob x
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Post by Jay on Feb 7, 2008 6:16:07 GMT
Hiya, I'm glad OH is now home with you, so you do not have the worry. I am glad you are going to the gp, you need to let them know who you are, and about the pregnancy, then if you need any help they will be able to look after you. Don't expect a pregnancy test, its too expensive for the NHS!!! They will take your word for it. But it will let you see if you like this GP, and also I think it is a good idea to ask for the special monitoring. Get things set up now. I hope you manage to catch up with a bit of sleep later on. I must write my Sleep Hygiene rules down for you - you can't get away with saying it not PNI and that you've always had insomna. ;D They are all ban rules, ban this, ban that and deffinately NO INTERNET IN THE NIGHT, and deffinately No PNI sites, a thing I never do ;D Take care Jay xx
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flobob
Senior Member
Posts: 357
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Post by flobob on Feb 10, 2008 17:20:05 GMT
Hello Jay Cheers Yeah, you're probably right, I can't just say it is not PNI and it is insomnia. Maybe I am like this because I've never followed these rules you mention! Well look at me - I'm here and it is not the middle of the night LOL. Can't talk today because I just feel so ucky. Told my parents and my Nan our baby news today. They were all really pleased for us. FloBob
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Post by winegirl on Feb 10, 2008 20:59:53 GMT
Hi Flobob
Sorry you are not feeling great today babes. So pleased that your family are really happy for you x
I hope you feel better in the morning hun, and let us know when you have your dr appt how you get on. Look after yourself babes and that little beanie!! xx
WG x
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Post by Scarlet on Feb 11, 2008 15:58:48 GMT
Flobob hun,
How are you feeling? Hope your hubby is OK. ? Good news about feeling icky, it's a good sign Flobob, even though it's crappy feeling this way. I remember it well. Do you have any ginger biscuits or canada dry?. I drank gallons of Canada dry when I was pregnant, and sucked loads of those Chupa Chups Lollies.
Let us know how you get on with the docs tomorrow. I should mention about the antenatal depression and perhaps he can recommend some therapy or alternative remedies. Can you get hypnotherapy or reflexology, accupuncture etc on the NHS? I read somewhere that some GP practices offer these. Anyways we are always here for you.
Love and hugs
Scarlet xxxxxx
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