flobob
Senior Member
Posts: 357
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Post by flobob on Feb 11, 2008 18:54:31 GMT
Hello Thank you for your support. I was feeling awful because of usual lack of support from OH. Yes, I know he had an accident and concussion last week and maybe I should have been more understanding of him. But honestly he never is considerate of me (for instance one night he got up for LO at 3.30am, brought him into our bed then 5 mins later he turned on our bedroom light and crashed around with the wardrobe doors looking for his pyjamas, which were on the chair where he'd left them, and moaned about not finding any headache tablets - as if that was my fault. So then I was completely wide-awake for the rest of the night and of course LO and OH both went to sleep) so I just lose all patience (which was very thin to start with!) and can't even be nice to him. So we had a crappy few days together. He spent virtually all day Sunday in bed ... don't mind that I felt sick all day, hadn't slept since 3.30am and was soooooo tired. Actually I took LO round to my parents for 4 hours and they gave him lunch, so I did get a rest in the day, but I always feel I shouldn't have to do that!!!!! Palm our little boy off when we're both home.
When he did get up on Sunday around 5pm I asked him to go to the dr on Monday instead of going back to work and because he'd had such an awful day he said he would. But by bedtime he was feeling a lot better and said he wouldn't stay home on Monday and would drive to Dorset. That got me really upset. I still needed a rest. I was petrified that he would have an accident because I don't think he should be driving and definitely not that far or that early in the morning. And I really thought he ought to see our dr to get checked over. So I spent another restless night last night and was feeling so low today.
But I did something for myself which I've never done before ... I rang a mum I know and asked if I could join her and some other mums because I know they meet up on a Monday morning. It was nice to just be in company with people that I semi-know. I don't feel 100% comfortable with them but it did do me good. I told them about OH's accident of course and my worry and they all understood.
Then this afternoon LO and I went down to the supermarket for milk - I'm always running out! And then when we got home we bumped into our next-door neighbour and popped round there for a cuppa. So I did lots of social things today and lots of normal chatting. Hurray!
But I do have a few questions about my low mood and will post something on the main forum because I would like to hear others' opinions.
FloBob x
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flobob
Senior Member
Posts: 357
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Post by flobob on Feb 19, 2008 21:05:33 GMT
I just wanted to update here because I have been feeling fine-ish for a week now. Not counting any chickens though.
I started CBT and have now had 2 sessions. Just doing this for myself makes me feel more positive.
I hadn't heard from the midwives yet, and it had been a week, so I rang the dr to ask. They told me to call the midwives direct - which I did. And then this evening a midwife called me back. I have my first appt with her next Friday. She's coming to my house. She explained that she is my midwife now throughout this pregnancy, she'll be there for me when I give birth and is in charge of my care post-birth as well. It all sounds fab. It means I'll get to know her and will hopefully feel comfortable telling her if things start going wrong for me mentally. I just want to see her before any depression starts because I know if it starts I'll just go into denial and will push people away like I did before and not be able to ask for help at all.
Anyway, I'm due an early night, so will be off now. Goodnight, FloBob
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Post by winegirl on Feb 19, 2008 21:15:30 GMT
Hi Flobob
How great that you get one midwife through the pre natal, birth and post natal care!! I had 3 different midwifes when i was pregnant, 4 in labour and 2 after! I think it will be really good for you to have the same woman the whole time!
Glad you are feeling more positive hun and feel good about the CBT x
Sleep well babes x
WG x
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Post by monica on Feb 20, 2008 10:24:13 GMT
Hi
Yeah the system re: midwives sounds really good - continuity is so important especially with any sort of depression issues. Hope you are feeling well
Monica
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flobob
Senior Member
Posts: 357
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Post by flobob on Feb 21, 2008 5:27:14 GMT
Thank you Monica and WG. Yeah, WG, I saw 5 or 6 different midwives when I was pregnant last time. Had 4 or 5 at the hospital. And no idea about afterwards ... don't think I took much in at that stage.
There seem to be so many different systems for midwives in different areas. Typical NHS!
I've been up all night - oh dear - but I just couldn't sleep. Good stuff though - not worrying - just got on with a load of work that I'd been putting off. Of course trouble is I'll have to be up all day with LO. So off to bed now to get maybe an hour's sleep.
FloBob
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Post by Scarlet on Mar 4, 2008 11:47:28 GMT
Hi Flobob,
Just wondering how you are, and hows the CBT going? If you get chance do let us know hun?
xx
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flobob
Senior Member
Posts: 357
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Post by flobob on Mar 4, 2008 20:40:09 GMT
Hello Scarlet Thanks for asking. I am doing well and am trying not to get too pleased with myself. But secretly I am proud of myself ;D
The CBT is going well. I had 3 sessions in Feb and next one at end March. The counsellor is on hols for the whole of March!!! But actually I'm feeling OK. I was a bit concerned that I'd fall apart without the target of another session so quickly.
Next week me and LO will be in Poole with OH - well he'll be at work. But at least we'll see him in mornings and evenings and that will be better for all of us.
Did you have your time without OH whilst he was away for work yet? How did it go?
FloBob x
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Post by winegirl on Mar 4, 2008 23:51:46 GMT
Hi Flobob
GREAT to hear you are doing so well! Keep it up hun! Have a lovely time in Poole next week (i love it there and am off there myself in May!), relax and enjoy it babes xx
Take Care
WG x
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Post by Scarlet on Mar 5, 2008 8:18:16 GMT
Hey Flobob, So glad you are feeling well. You should be so proud hun, you have come a long way. Great that the CBT is going well.. no worries about not seeing her this month, because you are gonna be fine. Hope you have a fab time in Poole next week and get some good weather. My hubby's going away for a week at the end of this month, and I'm on my own.. but I'm not even worried about it in the slightest. I managed to take both kids on the overnight ferry to England for a week last month, so I am almost back to full independence....and to couldn't have come sooner . Take care Flobob, always nice to hear from you. xxxxx
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flobob
Senior Member
Posts: 357
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Post by flobob on Mar 12, 2008 7:04:30 GMT
Hello Scarlet Just read your tag-thingy under your picture - "Recovered from PNI" - that is fabulous! Well done to you! You must be so proud of yourself for coming so far. I'm so pleased for you that you now feel able to say that. I'm still too nervous to make such a claim.
I wasn't at all worried about being in Poole this week. Maybe that is because last Friday I had a day's work and OH was looking after LO all day and my focus was on that. But now that I'm here I am not feeling so good. Yesterday afternoon me and LO went into town to go to a playcentre, but LO fell asleep in his buggy. I was amazed as he doesn't sleep in the afternoons these days. But then I didn't know what to do. I couldn't come back to the flat as carrying him in the buggy up 2 flights of stairs, not to mention that I probably couldn't physically do it, would wake him up. So I milled around town and then had a hot chocolate in a cafe. But I again felt so lonely and actually depressed.
And me and OH had an argument on Monday night, so I haven't been feeling great about that either.
I'm hoping it is just being here away from my normal surroundings that is making me feel like this. But in a way that proves I'm not better, because when I was well I could go anywhere and be happy, I didn't need familiarity.
Just waffling really. FloBob
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Post by winegirl on Mar 12, 2008 8:19:28 GMT
Hi Flobob
I still feel really lonely when walking around with LO asleep in the pushchair. Especially if I stop for a drink somewhere, watching all the other people interacting while i sit sipping on my drink on my own!
You are doing really well hun, dont forget that. Being away from familiar surroundings with your LO is a tough thing to do, but you are doing it!
When do you go back home mate?
WG x
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Post by Scarlet on Mar 13, 2008 12:25:02 GMT
Hi Flobob, How are you hun. Hope alls well with your pregnancy. I know what you mean about feeling nervous to say you have recovered, in case it comes back to bite you in the bum... I am so sorry you had a bit of a downer in Poole when your LO was napping, seems you were at a loose end, also the row with hubby doesn't help things. I used to be the same about familiar things as well, and I think when you are pregnant you are more vulnerable and need a comfort zone, but I think this isn't always to do with PNI, but is to do with pregnancy itself, so please try not to worry hun. Anyways I hope you are feeling better about things now Flobob. Let us know how you are if you get chance. Love and hugs xxxx
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flobob
Senior Member
Posts: 357
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Post by flobob on Mar 14, 2008 4:25:12 GMT
Hello Winegirl and Scarlet You two are so reassuring. It is just nice to come on here and see you've spoken to me Feeling a bit better. Spoke to OH last night about my feelings. I normally avoid that because he has no compassion. Just 3 weeks ago he said to me "when you have 2 children are you going to be twice as depressed?" So that is how unfeeling he is and how little I think he cares. I'm not sure it has helped. He came home late from work last night, which didn't annoy me until he came through the door and didn't even apologise for being late. It just got to me that we're just here so he can see LO and then he doesn't come home until LO is having a bath before bed. And I know I shouldn't complain because he only did that one night and did have a good reason, but he could have just said sorry and explained. But instead I got riled about it. Then although he says he does want me here so he can see me and we can spend more time together, he spent all yesterday evening on the computer and then in the kitchen (yes he was washing up and taking the rubbish out so I shouldn't complain) but by the time he was free to talk to me I was ready for bed. I do think that coming here for the week was now a bad idea. Gives me too much time to think and be lonely. I thought about it and when I'm at home and feel like this I can distract myself and keep busy. But here I have nothing to do. I even tried to do some hoovering in the flat on Tuesday, but the landlord's hoover is so old and useless that I gave that up! How sad is that? Wanting to hoover! So it is not just me that feels lonely seeing other people? That's good to know, WG. And thanks for the gee up on being away with LO. And Scarlet you're probably right, being pregnant is probably making me feel vulnerable, and stupidly I hadn't thought of that. Also I have my first scan on Monday, so I am nervous about that. But last time I was impossible before the scan and having very irrational thoughts so it isn't as bad this time. I'm up in the middle of the night because LO woke around 1am-ish, and I haven't been able to get back to sleep. I was reading for a bit hoping that would send me to sleep. But then I turned out the light and instead of falling asleep got to thinking, which hasn't helped, so thought I'd come here and offload for a bit. Aside from silly worries, I'm now also worrying about Saturday. Our little boy was 2 last Saturday!!!! So as we were away, we're having a party for him this Saturday. We go home tomorrow, leave here around 2pm, so probably home around 6pm depending on traffic. And it has just occurred to me that aside from ordering a cake (realised last week I just wouldn't have time to bake one on Saturday morning!) I haven't done a thing, well actually I have put together some party bags already. And I'm now realising that entertaining 8 toddlers for 2-ish hours is really daunting. Their parents will be there of course but .... arrrggghhhh! What was I thinking of! Of course when we decided we'd have a party I didn't know I'd be away the week before. Oh well, they're only 2 or so - if it is a disaster they'll all have forgotten again next week! I really should go back to bed and sleep! But at least I'll be able to sleep on the drive home this afternoon if I need to catch up. Thanks again ladies, you keep me sane. FloBob x
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Post by Scarlet on Mar 14, 2008 8:41:32 GMT
Hey Flobob, Hope you are feeling well today hun. Spoke to OH last night about my feelings. I normally avoid that because he has no compassion. Just 3 weeks ago he said to me "when you have 2 children are you going to be twice as depressed"; So that is how unfeeling he is and how little I think he cares. I'm not sure it has helped. I know exactly what you mean about non-compassionate husbands, who make cutting remarks, and don't think of the consequences and how they affect us. Last week I had a row with my hubby and he turned around and said to me "Is your sickness coming back" and I was really hurt, but I had to point out that this 'sick' woman was running after his back-side and he'd better be careful how he talks to me. I was so peed off I can tell you, and I don't hold my tongue (my problem ). Alls well now, but I understand what you say sooo much and it hurts like hell. I know what you mean about unfamiliar surrounding and you having too much time to think, I was the same when we went on holiday last year I remember. We spent time in this apartment, and hubby was out all the time with his brother, and I spent hours entertaining two kids alone...and I wasn't well. Needless to say I didn't enjoy that holiday very much. You'll soon be home my lovely, only another day. Also I have my first scan on Monday, so I am nervous about that. But last time I was impossible before the scan and having very irrational thoughts so it isn't as bad this time.You are doing so well Flobob, and no doubt it's the hormones that are making you feel anxious. pregnancy is an anxious time anyways. i didn't have PNI with my first and was anxious during pregnancy, particularly at scan time. All will be fine hun. Awww Happy Birthday to your LO, doesn't time fly. The party will be fine, 2 year olds don't expect much, just order in a pizza or something and put on some music and give them party bags.. I remember when my eldest was 2 we gave him a party and it was quite easy because are easy pleased. Now he'll soon to be 11, he expects a whole lot more (laptop, and party at the swimming pool ~ wishful thinking ) Safe journey home hun, speak to you soon. Love Scarlet xxxxx
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Post by sianyc on Mar 14, 2008 9:03:38 GMT
My lo was two last Ocotber and we had a picnic in the living room and a cake - bit of dancing around and visits spread out over a few hours from family and that was it. She loved it cos they definately don't expect much and anything fun is a hit
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