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Post by winegirl on Feb 15, 2008 20:12:23 GMT
It was her who did that to your baby's headstone???!!! I want to swear at this point, because i am so shocked and so dont know what to say!
As for your baby's father, I worry that you are ploughing too much of your thoughts into needing him. If he isnt going to be around in the way that you need him, you need to learn not to rely on him. I would hate you to waste so much of your energy here.
What is your relationship like with your family? Do you guys talk much?
Please keep talking to us, we wil do our best to try and support you x
WG x
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Post by rebecca on Feb 16, 2008 1:23:26 GMT
Yes it was Emmy and i reported her to the police and she is being delt with.. Nope sarah he didnt get to see the baby because he was working and he has to work he just has to. I try talking to him i remember telling him about baby Alan one day at the hosp and he got really shirty with me saying are you rubbing it in i swear i wasnt i just wanted him to know about his son and i get sooo mad because i blame him i blame him for getting me so worked up during my pregnancy i blame him for things that went wrong after my pregnancy i blame him for not being there for me during labour. I blame him for not being there when baby Alan was born because it was just me at the hosp and i was exhausted honest to god even if i went to shower i would get called back saying something was wrong. i know its so wrong of me to blame Alan as i know he did his best and it wasnt his fault but i cant accept that if that makes sense??. And your right WG. that is exactley what i am doing i know he cant be here with me to wipe my tears or hug me or just be here he cant. But im sitting here thinking and do you know what it is im thinking is that Alan is half of my son, baby Alan looked like his dad and i have this stupid thought that if Alan is here with me its like still having my son here with me im so stupid because its just not reality and ive had to grow up very fast and i know what reality is which is y im so fustrated with how im handling this. I thought i would be strong and just let go and i cant i can't let go i can't stop crying i can't clear my head and im sooo fustrated that i can't. My relationship with my family o dear its not the best my mum and me don't get on at all she is american and i have a little brother (my mum didnt want daughters so it must have been a shock when she had two) my dad and me used to be soooo close really close i love my dad very much but he is a business man and travels all the time and hasnt exactley been my best friend since this has happend. Most of my family live in America and Italy. Me and my godmother are very close but she also travels alot with work. xxx
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Post by winegirl on Feb 16, 2008 9:21:08 GMT
Hi Rebecca
Have the proffesionals suggested any groups or contacts you could get in touch with of people who have gone through/are going through what you are going through? Sounds like you could do with being in contact with someone who knows exactly what is happening to you.
I cannot imagine the pain that you are going through.
What do you do? Are you in education or working at all?
Please keep offloading here if you feel it helps xx
WG x
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Post by rebecca on Feb 16, 2008 13:33:46 GMT
i have to see a councellor which is sooo hard didnt realise it would be as hard as it is. I have done all my a levels and i work as air cabin crew. but i cant go back to work until May. xx
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Post by stevensmummy on Feb 16, 2008 14:48:41 GMT
Hi Rebecca,
It must be hard for him not having been able to see the baby. Do you talk to him on the phone etc. I know it must be difficult that way when all you need is a cuddle and a shoulder to cry on.
You say you and you're dad were very close. Is it because of this that you no longer get on so well? have you tried to have a proper talk with him?
Sending my love Sarah xx
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Post by winegirl on Feb 16, 2008 16:34:14 GMT
Hi Rebecca
Most people find that counselling is incredibly hard at first, but if you stick with it the benefits really do begin to show.
Sounds like you have quite a demanding job, take all the help and support you can before going back to work in May hun. x
WG x
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Post by rebecca on Feb 16, 2008 18:14:43 GMT
Nope Sarah he won't talk to me on the phone ive tried ringing but he doesnt answer so im really mad at the moment like he wanted pics of me and baby Alan as ive said before nothing in my pregnancy or birth was private like just between me and Alan so when Baby Alan was born i got my midwife to take private pics of me and Baby Alan just for him i send them i get nothing so im just giving up now i can't be the one who keeps trying i have so much more going on if that doesnt sound rude. And i don't know tbh me and my dad was so close even through my pregnancy we was then labour came and he was just distant hasnt hardley spoke to me since i expect that off my mum but not my dad. xxxxx
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Post by winegirl on Feb 16, 2008 18:23:13 GMT
HI Rebecca
Hi guess it would have been hard for your dad to see you go through that. Whether your are 17 or 37 you are still his little baby, and i guess it would have shocked and upset him to see his baby go through all this. Perhaps this is why he ia a bit distanced at the moment?
How are you feelin today hun?
WG x
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Post by gizmoracer on Feb 16, 2008 21:54:14 GMT
Hi Rebecca
I have been reading through your story and have to say a huge well done for coping as well as you have so far. Its an amazing amount you've had to go through and at such a young age too. I'm not sure I would have managed as well as you have even now.
I really don't know what to say to help you, its terrible what your friend did especially to Alans headstone, and without the support of your family you sound so lonely. Do you think your relationship with your Dad is repairable? I went through a breakdown with my Dad around the same age, basically as soon as I got involved with a proper boyfriend, I guess he found it hard to watch me grow up. After a heart to heart fairly recently we have now got a much better relationship, I hope you will find this too.
Keep at the counselling, it is very hard going and will at times feel a waste but believe me it will help and in the meantime keep posting we will all help as much as we can.
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Post by stevensmummy on Feb 17, 2008 12:26:06 GMT
Hi rebecca,
I'm sorry to hear about the problems with you and Alan. I do think that he may just need time to adjust. Like you say yourself, you have alot more going on. But more importantly you need to concentrate on yourself and getting better. If he comes back then thats a bonus, but just now you will have to learn to live without him.
As for your dad, I think thats something that can be sorted. As WG says you are his baby, and seeing you suffer will be hard for him. He too will be hurting and struggling with his emotions. Baby Alan was his grandson and he too has lost. May I suggest that you go to him and try to confide in him. I know from my own experience when my dad and I came to blows it was a long time we didnt talk. When I eventually opened up to him, we both ended in tears and he returned as my old dad again. I dont want you to wait as long as I did. Just go and talk to him. You havent lost anything by trying. If thats one thing I've learned from my journey its to make a go of it. Nothin ventured nothin gained.
You are coping amazingly well considering what you have been thro and the fact that you are so alone. As Giz says keep with the councelling, it will help with time.
Here if you need us Sarah xx
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Post by rebecca on Feb 17, 2008 19:47:25 GMT
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Post by winegirl on Feb 17, 2008 20:51:26 GMT
Oh Rebecca, I am so sorry that those pics have gone. It must be heartbreaking for you! If you know who has done it is there anything you can do to get them back?
It is natural for you to feel angry at this stage hun. You are likely to go through a rollercoaster of emotions. If there is antything we can do for you please just ask. You are not alone with it all, we are all here for you and will do our best to help you through this.
WG xxx
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Post by rebecca on Feb 17, 2008 21:19:56 GMT
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Post by winegirl on Feb 17, 2008 21:24:23 GMT
Oh rebecca i am sending you such a big hug ((())). I wish I could get them back for you. But you knw what, even without the pics he is a part of you forever. Every part of him is part of you and he will always be in your memory. I know you have your baby buried, but could you have somewhere private that only you know about where you could plant a little tree or bush for your baby?
He is a part of you, with or without those pics, and i know it is heartbreaking for you, but take comfort in that knowledge hun.
Here for you sweetie xx
WG x
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Post by rebecca on Feb 17, 2008 21:28:44 GMT
O my, that is a fantastic idea you know that is exactley what im going to do and im not telling any of my mates i might tell the father, im really going to do that. thank you so much a big hug to you and i am so greatful that you are all helping me and im glad ive found people that actually know how im feeling. and don't just think im putting it on and acting pathetic xxx
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