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Post by winegirl on Feb 29, 2008 16:09:35 GMT
Hi Rebecca
Sorry the doctors didnt go so great hun x Have they reffered you to some sort of mental health worker? They are normally better at these sort of things than gp's. The spaced feeling should ease as your body gets used to the meds hun, so try and stick with it for a bit longer.
Always here for you x
WG x
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Post by rebecca on Mar 3, 2008 13:09:36 GMT
Nope but when i go back im going to see another doctor to see if they have a little more intrest im so fustrated with it. Today im having the lowest of low days i feel completly exhausted, im hurting in ways i cant even and dont even have the words to describe i just sat in bed last night thinking about all of this that has happend and how it should never have happend and how i had to deal with it mostly on my own until i found you kind people who have helped me so much. I remember being in the hospital and the looks i got because i was a teenage mum people just assume that your careless and dont care about your body i was on the pill and the amount of times i had to say that its unbelievabul and i thought about all them people that judged me even the babys dad did. I wasnt a bad person i mean i did my GCSE'S and they where all A-C'S i worked so hard at college ye i did have a laff there and i wasnt a star pupil but i still did it. i don't get how my family could have jsut left me to deal with it and only one relative is actually taking a intrest and starting to help me now. Then is started thinking about Baby Alan and what sort of a life he would have had i would have been such a terrible mum i didnt even propley bond with him when he was born you know i mean im a horrible person that i didnt even bond propley its like im contradicting myslf going i loved him then other days thinking well how could i have loved him??? i just feel like screeming. i feel like someone has taken the old Beckie out of my body and put this horrible sad person back in and i hate it so much. All i do is sit and cry and feel sad all the time and no one gets it i just get told o come on girl pull yourslf together you have so much. i used to be this fun person full of energy who loved being with my friends having so much fun i loved having a laff even when things wasnt going good and trust me alot of things have happend in the last two years but even when those things happend we stook together made the best of it and got through it. You know i have this amazing job coming up and i still feel like i have nothing which sounds dramatic as there are people who are so much worse off then me so how selfish do i sound. I actually think im at my lowest now and can't get lower i just need to build myslf up, xxx
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Post by Scarlet on Mar 3, 2008 13:33:39 GMT
Hi Rebecca,
I promise you you'll get your old self back, the fun loving person that you were. It just takes time hun, and this job will help you get back on track, I'm confident of that. With PNI sadly it's normal to feel up one minute and down the next, and that's what's happening by the sounds of it, this is recovery hun...and it's slow, but you'll get there and little Alan would have been proud to have you as his mum. You are not a horrible sad person, you didn't bond because you were depressed and anxious, and this was out of your control. In time you wil learn to accept this and move on with your life, just take one day at a time for the moment and know it will get better.
Love and hugs
Scarlet xxxxx
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Post by winegirl on Mar 3, 2008 13:47:36 GMT
Hi Rebecca
I am so sorry you are so low right now, you are expected to have days like this. I am glad that one of your family members is supporting you now, but wish the rest of your family could do the same.
I know it is easier said than done right now but keep thinking about that new career and your rose bush for baby Alan. Of course you love him, you dont need the time to bond with your baby to love him.
Please know that we are always here for you babes xx
WG x
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Post by winegirl on Mar 9, 2008 22:10:17 GMT
Hi Rebecca
havent heard from you in a while and was wondering how you were doing? Always here babes xx
WG x
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Post by rebecca on Mar 11, 2008 13:54:57 GMT
Hello im really sorry i havnt been around ive had so much going on so many family problems erm im doing kind of ok im just getting on with it now to be honest just had so much thrown at me the last few days it just what i have to do if i make sense hope everyone else is ok luvs xxx
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Post by winegirl on Mar 11, 2008 13:57:51 GMT
Hi Rebecca
Lovely to hear from you x We are always here if you ever need to talk hun xx
WG x
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Post by Scarlet on Mar 11, 2008 16:27:19 GMT
Hi rebecca,
Glad to hear that you are doing OK hun. When are you due to start your new job?
Keep in touch when you get chance.
Love
Scarlet xxxx
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Post by rebecca on Mar 20, 2008 20:15:59 GMT
hello im really sorry i havnt been around much.. i have had the most hectic and emotionally exhausting days my nana passed away then my grandad got diagnosed with bowel cancer so ive been trying to do my part and helping out as much as i can........ hopefully i can start in may that is really my focus point at the moment xxxxx
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Post by winegirl on Mar 20, 2008 22:32:45 GMT
Hi Rebecca
So so sorry about your nana babes. And the bad news about your grandad too. How you bearing up with it all. It is so great that you are focusing on the new job in may hun. your baby and your nana will be looking down proud of you. you show em girl!
Always here for you xx
WG x
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Post by rebecca on Mar 20, 2008 23:44:15 GMT
to be quite honest with you im glad my nana isnt suffering no more although i feel soooooo sad about her there is a happyness in me that she is at peace now. thank you for saying that WG. Well my dad is being really supportive now one of his friends he commited suicide and my dad came to me and just hugged me and applogised for not being there for me i think loosing one of his friends had really made him realise i don't think he let what happend to baby alan sink in and hit him but on monday we just sat and we hugged for ages and had a little cry. and we are starting to build bricks again i mean no we are not as close as we was and it will take time and i think we have to almost get to know each other again. and as for my grandad he is a tough cookie and i know he is going to fight all the way xxxx
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Post by Scarlet on Mar 21, 2008 8:03:26 GMT
Hi Rebecca,
I am so sorry to hear about your Nan and Grandad, may your nan rest in peace hun. Glad to hear that your dad is being more supportive now, sometimes it takes a situation like this for people to realise what they have got, so take one step at a time and build up that relationship with your dad hun.
Hugs
Scarlet xxxx
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Post by rebecca on Mar 23, 2008 23:03:24 GMT
Thank you like i said im just happy she isnt suffering no more but i miss my nana so much. And as regards to my dad i think your right we have started talking alot more. I just hope it isnt just because of this and it continues becasue i do love my dad so much. Its Neils funeral on friday and im going with my dad he (Neil)played for bournville rugby club so all the boys and men are going and wearing the rugby ties and the girls are wearing a tie but as sort of a neckchief if that makes sense. Im dreading it to be honest but im determened to be there for my dad. I want to show him how importnant that support is. I'm not really making sense am i. I just think im mivering about Friday but im just going to have to use the copeing stratiges to get through it i guess. xxxxxx
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Post by winegirl on Mar 24, 2008 8:41:17 GMT
Hi Rebecca
Best of luck for Friday babes x You can get through it hun, well done for being so stron and being there for your Dad xx
Take Care
WG x
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