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Post by bean guest on Dec 7, 2009 20:43:12 GMT
Thanks mate, you just made me cry again lol. Its not true though, im makng everyones life misery, just cant cope with everything or anything, as you know couldnt even look after martha today, had to ring mum to ship her out. Please dont worry about me, burn is ok, just did another. As for driving up here, dont be silly bint! You have enough on your plate I know you are all here and are my friends but i dont want to put on anyone. Off on f/b for some crappy distraction games, head feels fuzzy still and like im drunk but havent touched a drop since saturday and then only 2 glasses cause my friend turned up in crisis. Again, please dont worry about me, ill be ok. x luv bean x
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Post by monica on Dec 8, 2009 12:29:36 GMT
How ar eyou today?
You are a wonderful person. It the anxiety that's giving you these horrible symptoms incl the rock bottom self esteem. When I was in the depths of pni I felt so shit it was unbelievable. I was lucky as my mum came over for a couple of months as I couldn't do anything at all.
Love
Monica
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Post by winegirl on Dec 8, 2009 19:58:01 GMT
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Post by bean guest on Dec 8, 2009 22:07:48 GMT
Well i thnk i can safely say completely and utterly messed in the head. s/h thoughts again. FFS!!
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Post by monica on Dec 9, 2009 13:27:55 GMT
Don't be so hard on yourself! It's the illness that's making you feel so bad and has no relection on you as a person. having met you in the flesh, it just confirms what a bright, kind and hilarously funny person you are. Be kind to yourself
Monica
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Post by winegirl on Dec 9, 2009 19:00:28 GMT
we'll sort you out next week bird xxxx
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Post by bean on Jan 18, 2010 0:09:29 GMT
Well the mad cow's back, like the bad penny I am! Not good but I do want to say over the last few weeks of hell i was very proud to show my bezzy mate my arms, not one mark on them (or anywhere else wehre i could hide), but its soo bloody hard, i held a knfe agasint my arm and wrist and hand and hip, had he iron out, even tho not ironng its a nighmare, but i havent and that why im writing here tonght because the urge is strangling me, like voices telling me i should do it. Bugger im fighting so very hard but i dont know how long this duracell bunny is gonna last cause shes on her last unit of power. bean x
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Post by winegirl on Jan 18, 2010 12:50:03 GMT
Did you get through teh night ok pal??
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Post by bean on Jan 19, 2010 19:58:41 GMT
blooody just posted massibve message and t failed. fu\mk it mty gran may have to have her legs amputated xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx my head needs an overflowxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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Post by winegirl on Jan 20, 2010 10:25:56 GMT
Mate after all that last night you actually had to sit and listen to my crap and I never heard about you!!
I am about today (well I am for you anyway) so ring me if you need to talk??
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Post by bean guest on Jan 20, 2010 15:37:19 GMT
Thanks mate xx
God how drunk was i last nght, have you seen my typing, just off to check I didnt put any stupid status comments on f/book. Oh & by the way, all the times you've listened to me - so shut it ok. You are such a wonderful friend and always go the extra mile, you know that Im there for you too. Luv ya mate.
Very worried atm cause dont know whats happening, my auntie said my dad had just left and he would explain, mums just rang and hes not back yet so she does know either, but its gone from first thng this morning the hospital telling her not to ring again for a bed, just wait for a letter, to her maybe going in on sunday and apparently now the dr has got involved and they are admitting her tonight. Im worried sick, i know she wont survive this. So if that airhead of yours is still up for storage rent...
Hope you got some work done, dont think im gonna get to even look at mine. xxx beany xxx
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Post by monica on Jan 20, 2010 17:16:32 GMT
oh bean
Keeping my fingers crossed for your gran and for you. Hope you get some good news in all of this and i@m sure hospital is the best place for your gran.
Give me a buzz if you want to chat
Love
Monica
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Post by bean on Jan 23, 2010 21:28:30 GMT
Hi My Gran, the Matriach of the family passed away early this morning.
Lots gone on, think she was on the wrong drugs, her kidneys failed, then she was admitted and they started getting better, but obviously not. I went to see her in hospital on thursday and im so glad i did, she looked so frail, but i saw her do her daft little laugh when she was on about the old coot opposite who was a 'loony!' At least she hasnt had to go through the trauma of a double amputation or fester in the hospital for weeks like my grandad did, she was only in there three nights and she was getting fed up, wanting to come home and feeling a little better, in the end she was just too weak, and so tired. She was 93 for gods sake and a right tough old bird, she would call a spade a spade so to speak in her day and didnt give a shit - right on Gran! wish I was more like her.
She smoked plenty fags a day all her life and used to put her ash in her hand lol - I suppose thinking of it, she was a bit like Catherine Tate's nan! I remember the good times, when all of us, loads used to stay at New Year and all the females stayed upstairs, 4 in a bed and all the blokes and lads downstairs, stinking of farts, my grandad and dad used to black our faces up with boot polish (dont ask i dont have a f**king clue, a tradition of bringing in the new year), and we used to all go out in the street and go to the neighbours and have parties, in the middle of all this was my Gran, the leader of the pack, leading the barn dance, she used to put country and western on and all of us used to square dance in her living room, it was great! Sorry ive been drinking and listening to music and thinking about her and all these good memories are coming out, that is what she would have wanted, ive cried all day and now im just numb.
And thats before going into what happened with martha last night ! it was weird but the more i think about it and ive spoken to roy who is the biggest sceptic in the world, athiest none believer in anything but he totally agrees that martha saw something last night!
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Post by monica on Jan 23, 2010 21:37:03 GMT
oh petal - I am so sorry to hear your sad news about your gran. I now I'm an outsider and of course it's different for you but it sounds as if she had a top life and was the life and soul. It must leave a gaping hole for you. But iit sounds as if you're remembering all the good times and hopefully once the shock and initial pain has eased off a little you'll have the great and happy memories of her to cherish.
What did Martha see last night - was it your gran?
Sending you and yours all my love
Monica
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Post by winegirl on Jan 24, 2010 13:39:44 GMT
I love the fact you are thinking about all those fun things with your gran!! And I do believe martha did see something - but yu know what I am like with all my spiritualist stuff..
You know where I am mate and BIG hugs from me(())
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