Sarahjanes diary

[sarahjane]

Hi everyone,i am now starting my own diary here so i can share my days with all of you who are supporting me so much :)x Heres a bit about my pregnancy and birth of my little angel Tamia.I fell pregnant when i was 19,me, my partner,my family was very happy and excited about this.My pregnancy was going well apart apart from the anxiety i was having all the time other than that me and my baby was fine until i was 35 weeks i was involved in a motorway accidect which resulted in a car in the middle lane crashing in to the slow lane we was in forcing us of the motorway completley on to the hard shoulder hitting a sos box! Well thankfully me,partner and unborn baby was in my partners big work van which was so strong it protected us from severe injuries.Never the less i was hysterical and my seat belt locked in to my tummy painfully.To cut a long story short i was taken in a ambulance were my baby was monitored over night.The police dealt with the driver causing the accident and our solicitors are taking them to court for liability of the accident as they could of killed us all and my parnter suffered whiplash injuries as well as the psychological effect on us and extreme stress on my pregnancy. After that my birth was terrible i was supposed to have a natural water birth and due to the midwifes not listening,sending me all the way home at 1am in the morning when i was in labour! Saying i had ages to go, my LO was delivered that morning at 10 to 10 am.I nearly gave birth at my flat as i had an extreme urge to push suddenly and as soon as the abulance got me to the hospital,my baby girl was born 20mins later! All i can say is THANKGOD for gas & air! I was completley out of it! pushing and shouting at the midwifes for ruining my birth!!. Despite all that i did love my baby straight away and breastfed until she was 3 months and had to stop due to her allergy!which was a very stressful experience and another long story! I suffered severe anxiety through the whole time,was offered antids after accident but refused as i worried about pregnancy. When my LO was 5 months old i became extremley ill with pni and was put on meds straight away which i am still on and are helping alot although i am still suffering the horrible effects of pni now and my LO is 9months. Thanks for reading the beggining of my diary of pni.x x x

[sarahjane]

I cant beleive the time!!!and im still unable to sleep,this is becoming such a regular thing now my partner is snoring his head of next to me lol! Do u think because of my insomnia i could be getting a bit manic?? Because i dont feel low at the moment i just feel really restless,im going to be so tired through the day i better really try to sleep now x

[winegirl]

Hey Sarahjane

You got anything you can take to help you sleep. I went through this stage too and would occasionaly take half a diazepam to get me off..

How are you feeling this morning?

You must be shattered!

WG x

[sarahjane]

Hi WG my psychiatrist offered me something called olanzapine to help me sleep but i refused because i was worried about side affects and not being able to her my LO at night but i feel absolutley shattered today so hopefully i will sleep well tonight.Today has been ok went to tecos got the shopping for the week,felt quite anxious in there though,i was pushing the trolly and i just felt like a robot in my own world and different from everyone else,i felt really scatty,was happy to leave and get back home started cleaning as soon as i got in for about an hour,now my LO's sleeping and im watching eastenders.The h/v is coming over tomorrow at 2.30pm so il let you know how my days is x

[winegirl]

Good luck with the HV tomorrow..

And you have just reminded me that I missed Eastenders so am now gonna have to stop up to watch the repeat! LOL x

Hope you sleep well mate x

WG

[sarahjane]

I got to sleep about 3am this morning which was still late but at least it wasnt as late as yesterday! Everything went fine when h/v visited she coming again next week to see us.My partner has gone out so am on my own with LO at the moment,feeling anxious aswell has having some scary thoughts:( he will be home in a couple hours.My LO has just started being a able to pull her self up to stand holding the sofa so she constantly on the move lol! So better go!be back laterx x

[winegirl]

Hi Sarah

How did the rest of your afternoon go? You feeling a bit better now your OH is home??

WG x

[sarahjane]

Hi WG my OH has been back since 5.30pm so he wasnt gone for to long.Im having another low day again i just dont feel motivated to do anything,i feel really irritable and depressed.My OH is just feeding LO her bottle for bed so hopefully she will settle soon! I love her so much i just feel so emotional at the moment i think im just having a blip,i havent hardly eaten or touched dinner because i dont feel hungry.I hope tomorrows a better day ive got to go in to town to pick up some proffesional pictures tamia had done so that will be nice,might go in to Newlook and get myself something nice to wear 3 things that cheer me up *clothes shopping *wine *chocolate .Hope you had a good day,il let you know how tomorrow is. x

[sarahjane]

Well yesterday i went to town got myself a few nice things i went with my LO and OH it was a nice day for all of us,it was good as we havent done anything like this in a while.I also saw my gp she wanted to put my dose up cos i been having alot of low days,but i said no as i dont want anymore side affects.It made me feel good to go shopping for the day i swear its like therapy lol:-D now im enjoying glass of wine watching music channel,hopefully i wont have a bad day tomorrow x

[sarahjane]

Hi,well im having another good day today been quite positive ever since i woke up which is a change i had a nice day at home with my LO and OH and we have all been really enjoying time together.I had a nice dinner earlier with my OH so now we are just going to settle baby so we can relax with a glass of wine and of course a beer for him lol ;D il see how my days goes tomorrow im aiming to get out early to visit a friend with my LO hopefully il be still positive in morning.x x

[winegirl]

Hi Sarah

Glad you are having a positive few days! Hope today is good for you too and you made it to see your friend! Long may the good days continue!! LOL x

Love

WG xx

[sarahjane]

Hi WG well i didnt go to visit my friend today the weather was crap its been raining alot so ive just been at home today trying to keep myself busy cleaning and cooking.Feeling bit depressed but not as bad as i usually feel,im just trying to settle my LO shes still awake bless her shes got 2 more teeth coming through at the top of her mouth so shes really grumpy.Hows your day been?x x

[winegirl]

Hi Hun

Teething sucks. You go through two years of all this pain for them to drop out a few years later! Whats the point?! I hope she settled well eventually x

I am ok thank you, just off to the land of nod shortly to gear up for a full day again tomorrow.

You are doing great mate, just keep yourself busy and you will do fine x

Take Care

WG x

[sarahjane]

Hi WG well i totally agree with you about the teething!lol :-D Today ive been building a shelf unit we got delivered from Homebase,Me and my OH did it together although i did most of it as he isnt very good at D.i.Y! Lol i dont know why im laughing actually it was really stressful but it was worth it now its completed it looks really nice.Ive been feeling anxious all evening but im learning that when i have intrusive thoughts not to dwell on them so my mind doesnt obsess over negitive horrible things and it seems to be helping so far but it is really hard.Hope you' ve had a great day x x

[winegirl]

Thats like my house too! I do all the DIY. I bought a book case on way home on fri night and had it built and up before hubby got back from work. I was swearing and stressing while doing it but really pleased when it was done. Thinking about it, I have done all the wardrobes, beds, shelves, chairs the lot in here! Ought to get a job with b&q.

You are right not to dwell on the thoughts tonight. I also found taht if i went to bed with my DS lite or something at night I would end up going to sleep much easier too.

Hope LO's does better with her teeth tonight!

WG xx