sarahjane
Full member
I will get through this for my baby girl who is 2years old and baby im expecting :)
Posts: 131
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Post by sarahjane on Sept 21, 2009 17:47:14 GMT
hey,well heres an update on how i am,i went to my gp last week thursday ive been told i have postpartm ocd as well depression they have weaned me of citalopram and put me on fluoxetine prozac,havent really felt much of an effect yet as it has on been a few days,ive been blipping terribly the thoughts have been obsessive,disgusting,disturbing i have been analyizing everything and if i dont do the mental compultions i feel very frighted that the thoughts have meaning.I Love lo so much but feel anxious around her alot,been having thoughts of abuse,knives etc.... i know its just my mind playing tricks on me presenting the worst case scenario of all my worst fears but its so hard,i have these inapropriate thoughts when im around anyone or anywhere i have thoughts about people who walk by or in shops if they look at her i get paranoid that they are perverts or they want to hurt her.I no the thoughts are not real,but its getting rid of them thats the problem!! ive been referred to a womens centre just waiting on appointment so hopefully that will help x
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tears
Full member
Posts: 129
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Post by tears on Sept 21, 2009 18:29:32 GMT
Dear Sarah-Jane, Hope its not too long before your new meds start having effect. Thoughts can be so frightening and exhausting. Wish i could press the fast forward button for you Tears x
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Post by winegirl on Sept 26, 2009 16:40:45 GMT
Hi Hun I am so sorry you have been struggling The fluoxetine has quite a long half life and takes a few weeks to build up in your system, so stick with it. The benefits will come eventually! Yes, you know the thoughts are just your mind playing tricks on you, but it is horrible none the less and I am so sorry for you. Hopefully this women's centre may be able to help you? Is it a mental health centre? Here is you want to talk hun x WG xx
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sarahjane
Full member
I will get through this for my baby girl who is 2years old and baby im expecting :)
Posts: 131
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Post by sarahjane on Sept 28, 2009 18:25:52 GMT
Thanks tears & WG,ive got an appointment at the womens centre with councellor on thursday at 5.30pm i hope it helps im scared to describe the exact thoughts and images im having because they are so disgusting. Im so low at the mo because im exausted with fighting these thoughts in my mind i feel frightened around my lo im scared that the thoughts have meaning or i could get so crazy and act on them,because im having to ask myself such awful questions i feel sick and my self esteem is rock bottom.
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sarahjane
Full member
I will get through this for my baby girl who is 2years old and baby im expecting :)
Posts: 131
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Post by sarahjane on Sept 28, 2009 18:37:25 GMT
Also im concerned about the fact that certain thoughts i have do not make feel as sick as they used to ,do you think that is because i have repeated them in my mind so many times my body is used to having it? It freaks me out i love lo but feel horrible when im around her,the very fact i have to ask my self such awful questions and repeat such awful images in my head make me doubt my self even more! I need to stop these mental compultions i know they are marking it in my mind and making it a obsession x x
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Post by winegirl on Sept 29, 2009 16:18:30 GMT
Sarahjane,
The fact is that you recognise it as not being ok. It doesnt matter how repulsed you are by them, they worry and upset you, that, daft as it sounds, means you do not need to worry! This is your mind playing tricks on you, and you know it. You just need some help to get them to leave you alone!
I hope the appt on Thursday is productive for you and they can offer you some help? In the mean time we are all here for you and listening hun xxx
Love
WG x
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sarahjane
Full member
I will get through this for my baby girl who is 2years old and baby im expecting :)
Posts: 131
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Post by sarahjane on Oct 1, 2009 20:02:15 GMT
Well went to see councellor today she's a nice women i have to see her 5.30pm thursday everyweek. I talk about the thoughts and horrible things from my past it was upsetting i keep thinking maybe i didnt come across well when speaking to her i keep analyizing everything i said to her its so frustrating!! She told me to try and get some time away from baby,like going to cinema to give me a brake,she said when i get a bad thought replace it with a positive memory and remind my self that it isnt real.x x
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sarahjane
Full member
I will get through this for my baby girl who is 2years old and baby im expecting :)
Posts: 131
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Post by sarahjane on Oct 1, 2009 20:09:58 GMT
I saw something disgusting on the news about some woman who abused children in her nursery today its triggered me now i feel so ill did anyone else see it? How could she do that? I feel scared and sick
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Post by winegirl on Oct 3, 2009 9:51:39 GMT
Hi Hun
I think this story will trigger many ladies here. It is awful. But fortunately it is a VERY isolated incident. Its hard to escape this sort of story when its on every radio station, news paper and front cover. I know it upset me too...
How are you doing today hun??
WG xx
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sarahjane
Full member
I will get through this for my baby girl who is 2years old and baby im expecting :)
Posts: 131
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Post by sarahjane on Oct 9, 2009 22:38:47 GMT
Hiya chick sorry for my late reply im ill with a bad throat and cold ive lost my voice! Which isnt very good especially when im trying to communicate with my child lol! I spoke to my gp the other day they have increased dose on new meds to 40mg a day,still struggling with anxiety,intrusive thoughts heres example of the nature of it i kissed my lo good bye at the front door,my oh was taking her tesco with him and this intrusive thought said'i hope she dies before they get back home!' i felt so awful & scared
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sarahjane
Full member
I will get through this for my baby girl who is 2years old and baby im expecting :)
Posts: 131
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Post by sarahjane on Oct 9, 2009 22:47:31 GMT
Then i kept thinking that something would happen to them like a car accident,i felt awful like a evil mother i keep getting this thing i know it sounds crazy when i look in the mirror or at lo i get a thought that our eyes are evil looking i told my oh and he said our eyes look fine! x x
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Post by winegirl on Oct 10, 2009 7:46:39 GMT
So sorry you are still struggling mate. How long have you been on the 40mg for?? It can take a while...
Hang on in there, I now through experience it gets better, this is what is making me hang on through my own blip and return to the meds, the fact that I know there is a silver lining soon!
Always here if you want to talk - and hope your cold is better soon!!
Much Love
WG xx
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beckah
Senior Member
Posts: 350
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Post by beckah on Oct 10, 2009 13:45:41 GMT
Hi hun, your thoughts are very similar to mine, completely random and you wonder where they came from. I have had similar thoughts to the one about hoping LO dies before they get back, i quite often have "i wish matt would die" which is horrible because although he's not my favourite person in the world i certainly don't wish him dead.
And as for the evil eyes thing, i get thoughts like that quite often. Hope it's a reassurance to you that you're not alone and that it is the illness and not anything else making you think this way- but then you know that as you're clued up by now!
Always here to talk anytime xxxx
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sarahjane
Full member
I will get through this for my baby girl who is 2years old and baby im expecting :)
Posts: 131
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Post by sarahjane on Oct 10, 2009 19:34:17 GMT
Hiya chicks,thanx for support! Ive been on the 40mg five days now not really having much effect yet it takes so long i know how you feel WG!! I keep fighting but its so hard especially with obsessive thoughts ive had alot today aswell absolute nightmare! Its nice to know im not alone especially with these thoughts,beckah ive had ones about stabbing my oh,its awful i see images of it. I know its the illness but its seems real with the anxiety x x
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Post by winegirl on Oct 10, 2009 19:43:38 GMT
You are right it really isnt long at all.. I am on week 4 of being back on the meds and only just having slight improvements now.
When I was on meds before I had a couple of dose increases, and it did help eventually, so stick with it girl, we are right here behind you!
I will be about on and off tonight (subject to me staying awake!) if you need an ear xxx
Much Love
WG xx
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