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Post by bubble212 on May 15, 2010 21:49:46 GMT
Hi,
Some of you may know me, I have posted a lot already on this site and found it a complete godsend since I was diagnosed around 6 weeks ago. Will briefly go through my story as some of you will prob already know it, and don't want to bore!
I have a 2 yr old son and a 4 month old daughter. I had very mild depression after my son, but had a very straightfoward birth with him (despite him being 10lb 1!) I had quite a traumatic birth with my daughter and had a large haemorrage after so was very frightening for everyone. I came home from hospital and began to recover, noticed I was quite dizzy but the midwifes all put this down to the blood loss and subsequently being anaemic. The dizziness continued, I had many blood counts done and my iron had returned to above average at betwen 13 and 14, yet I was still dizzy?! The doctors put it down to an inner ear problem and tried me on all sorts of medication for this, which did nothing ofcourse. I thought I had a brain tumour and begged for investigative tests to be done, but the GP said this was unneccassary as he had conducted tests on me and all were fine, which they would not be if there was something wrong there. Also my only symptom was dizziness and neck pain/ache. After the first couple of months I began to slip into more anxiety and depression over my constant dizziness and complete lack of answers. Then, my first period since giving birth came and for those 5 whole days the dizziness completely dissappeared! I thought wow, its gone I'm free, then as soon as it finished the dizzys came back, I was mortified it was like I had been given back my life, then it had been snatched away again. The cycle continued and I finally saw a neurologist privately who diagnosed me. By this time I was a wreck, and felt I was living in my own world of fear, anxiety, dizziness and blurred vision. PNI, I thought? why had my GP never suggested this after so many visits? why had I never heard of physical symptoms of depression, I didn't believe it, I thought they were wasting time while something else awful could be going on in my body. I went onto the anti d's and after 4 weeks of the side effects I started to see improvement. The dizziness actuallty started to lift, amazing! Then if I had a late night/ stressed etc it would return and take a good few days to calm down. I had my longest period without the dizziness, around 8 days, then it returned? I think if the meds are working and making a difference why would it get better then relapse? my OH suggested I may need a higher dose, but I am not keen. My period id due next week and I have been dizzy again for about a week so I am pre-menstrual, could this be affecting recovery? will I be dizzy for certain times in the month forever more? it seems very uncertain at times. I am just praying that it goes away again, it is sooo wonderful when I don't have it. I have decided to write a diary on here so I can really see and document the changes I go through and see if there is any pattern to the recovery and lapses.
Sorry that wasn't very brief!! I didn't condense very well!
x
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Post by Weeble on May 15, 2010 22:53:17 GMT
Hi Bubble
Great to see you have moved to the diary section. There a great group of us that write on here. Sorry to hear you are dizzy again.
Kat
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Post by caterina on May 16, 2010 0:08:32 GMT
hi Bubble Nice to see you in the diary section. Lots of us post here - some every day, some just once in a while when we need to unload! You'll find a lot of support here also. Sorry to hear you're feeling dizzy again, i really hope this can get sorted out for you xxx
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Post by bubble212 on May 16, 2010 20:20:09 GMT
Hi Kat, How are you doing? yes being dizzy again is very pants! I don't understand why it goes and comes back?? Hi Caterina, Yes there is so much support on this site, its brillinat, thankyou for all of yours! How are you at the moment?
Had quite a good day today, still dizzy but trying to put it to the back of my mind. Been out all day with Hubby and Children so been quite busy but been nice. Feeling anxious about being dizzy on and off forever more but trying not to think too much as it can be a downward spiral doing that. OH goes back to work tomorrow, (he has been signed off for a few weeks to help look after me) I am feeling ok-ish about this but still a little apprehensive to think I am not going to have his support and love and attention all day, but I know I am gonna have to face it sooner or later. Would be so wonderful for the dizziness to go again, and if it went for good it would be amazing, this illness has so made me appreciate the wonderful people I have in my life and what a lovely life I have. x
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Post by Weeble on May 16, 2010 20:26:42 GMT
Hi Bubble
I am not great but continuing on. Great to see you on your diary and sounds like today have been positive. Have you tried any CBT on you dizziness. I find the CBT tools really useful to manage my anxiety and stop me spiralling. my OH was recommended a great book by his psychologist which I have nicked and keep by my bed to dip into it is called brilliant CBT. One idea could be to right a list of all the reasons why it is ok to feel dizzy and all the reasons why it is not something to worry about. I sometimes keep these lists with me, I have one of reasons why I am better than before christmas I read when I am really down and it works.
Hope tomorrow goes well, just think how fantastic you are doing that your OH is able to go to work and leave you. That is a great sign
Keep well and thinking of you
Kat
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Post by bubble212 on May 18, 2010 21:06:17 GMT
Had quite a good day today, my OH had his first day away from me today, he was working from home Momday so still had his help.
Found it a little strange, and found my daughters crying difficult to deal with alone after being part of a team for so long, my sister had her most of the day to help out, which was great, and good for bubba to have a change of scenery too. My son is unwell at the moment with some kind of viral infection that is causing him to have a temp, he is fine on calpol but I still really worry and keep checking his temp constantly!
Thanks for your suggestion Kat, I will definitly have to look into some CBT, think it would help.I am still waiting fro counselling appt, these things seem to take so long to come through.
I am still dizzy and have been feeling nauseous, I came on today and I remember feeling like this last month just before and during my period. Will I forever experience these symptoms now, I never used to get PMT/S at all? it seems strange, I wasn't like this after my son was born. I am worrying that I will only have a few good days a month when I feel okay and not dizzy? I must try to think positive though. x
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Post by Weeble on May 18, 2010 21:13:03 GMT
well done on today Bubble, you made it through a hard day. Its a big shock to the system PNI and takes time to come to terms with I know. I went from never having had a single mental health problem prior to kids to be constantly watched by a pile of health professionals so I know its very disconcerting.
I believe the girls on this site who have recovered that we will get better, as I am sure you will. Try positive lists, I have fallen off the wagon recently but writing a list of positive things that have happened each day seems to be quite good.
Hope tomorrow goes well and look forward to hearing from you again
Kat
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Post by monica on May 18, 2010 21:18:26 GMT
Hi
Hope you don't mind me writing in your diary. I too was plagued with physical symptoms and to be honest they preceded my anxiety; in fact I started to plummet mentally with all the worry over my physical symptoms so we are very alike in that respect. With me it started off with probs with my eyes - pressure like sensation behind my right eye and blurred vision and I had a sort of dizziness too.
TBH it was only when I found this site and other women who had had physical symtoms similar to mine that I started to believe that perhaps it was PNI. No doctor I ever saw suggested the symptoms could be pni related. A cpn specialising in pnd suggested that they could be certainly with my anxiety symptoms. But this unfortunately is very common - the medical profession have much to learn about this illness.
It's also very common for PNI to turn into PMT. I found that over time my PMT got less severe but it did take some time and wasnt' a overnight recovery so hang on it nthere. What meds are you on? Sometimes the dose can be too low. i started off on citalopram 10mg - made great recvoery for a couple of months then had a melt down so my dr upped me. I since found out from several sources that the 10mg is this low dose and often not that effective.
Sorry I've gone on about me - just wanted to let you know you're not alone and you will get better.
Good luck for when oh goes back to work. you sound positive even if a bit scared (which is only natural)but I know you'll be fine.
Monica
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Post by bubble212 on May 19, 2010 17:33:35 GMT
Hi all, Had an okay day today, been quite dizzy still especially if I move my head quickly, it can be so disorientataing, but pushed on as much as I could. My son seems brighter today, so am a less anxious about that.
Monica, thankyou for your input, it really helps to find others who have suffered with simalar symptoms, tell me are u recovered now? or do you have bouts of blurred vision/dizziness? I had the blurred vision at the start too, it has calmed down a little, although was very scary, I even went to the opticians as I thought it could be just that I needed glasses! I am on fluoxetine, 20mg per day, is that a low dose? I did find that I felt better after the first 3-4 weeks of side effects and noticed a major improvement in physical symptoms, but now seem to have gone a bit down hill. Maybe I should see Doc about increasing, I do feel worried that the higher the dose the more I will depend on them long term? Thankyou again for your advice, I really appreciate it, can feel so alone with my symptoms at times.
Kat, Thankyou so much for all your encouragement, especially as you are going through such a tough time yourself. It does take a while to get your head round PNI then you think you are getting better and you can drop back out of the blue. Hope you have had a good day today and are feeling a little better.
Bubble x
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Post by Weeble on May 19, 2010 19:13:15 GMT
Hi Bubble
good to see today has been ok, pleased to hear your little boy is better.
I take fluoxetine too its s good drug. Dont worry about addiction, there is no evidence that antidepressants like fluoextine are addictive, when you come off them you will do so gradually and for most people the withdrawal symptoms are minor. I have had to do a crash stop with sertraline - allergy and paroxetine - pregnancy and the side effects were fine.
It is worth revisiting your GP and talking about your symptoms, I am a great believer in talking therapies and would recommend you give the counselling - hopefully you will get the appointment soon.
Kat
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Post by juppster on May 20, 2010 8:15:07 GMT
Hi bubble
I hope you don't mind my input!! Sorry I haven't written sooner but have been away and things have been a bit hectic since!!
The physical symptoms were also a huge issue for me, probably the main thing actually. They stopped me from doing a lot of things and the thing that really worked for me was finding myself an excellent Cognitive Behavioural Therapist. Unfortunately this wasn't on the NHS so was quite costly, but well worth it and I wouldn't be doing half the stuff I do now without it.
I agree with Kat about the counselling, that along with the medication seems to be the most effective form of treatment so I really hope you get yourself an appointment soon. Writing on here will hopefully help too though.
20mgs Fluoxetine is quite a low dose, I believe you can go up to either 60mgs or 80mgs?? Not sure which one for definite, and please don't worry about becoming addicted to them, this is very very unlikely and like Kat says, when you are ready to come off them again the withdrawal will be a slow process with minor side effects. I have done this on 3 different types of meds and each time has been absolutely fine.
Keep talking here hun, we are all here for you and know what you are going through xx
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Post by bubble212 on May 20, 2010 16:07:55 GMT
Hi all,
Have been okayish today, the dizziness has been quite bad however I did manage to get out to the park with my son and we met a friend there. I am just praying for the dizzness to ease off again now, it can be very exhausting.
Kat, thanks for the advice about the meds, I think I will go to see the GP tomorrow about going up, I am not so worried about the dependency now, its like a myth people always think that anti d's are addicitve, despite the evidence being to the contary!?
Juppster, Did you also suffer from dizziness in your physical symptoms, do u stilll have it? did it come and go during recovery? How long did it take u to recover? sorry for all the q's, I am just at a stage where I need constant reassurance that I am not the only one with what feels like quite a severe physical symptom. I am still waiting for my therapy appt to come through but I will definitly ask about the CBT and if not available would try to source it privately. I do have one question regarding this though, if this is teaching you a new way of thinking, is it suggesting the physical symptom is just being imagined? if so I sometimes worry that I have not got PNI and something else bad, as the physical symptom I have of dizziness is very real, especially in the way it seems to dissapear over a period of time, then out of the blue it returns. And it is not neccessarily brought on by stress. Thankyou so much for your input it all helps so much.
Hope everyone has had a good day today. xxxx
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Post by Weeble on May 20, 2010 19:14:55 GMT
Hi Bubble
Well done on going to the park, keeping going and seeing your friends is one of the best things you can do. I find it always lifts me. ON your physical symptom being imagined thats not what happens, I think most of us with PNI have lots of anxiety symptoms. with the anxiety we are worried and anxious about things and our bodies respond to this by keeping us over alert lots of hormoes rushing around etc, these create the physical symptoms, I get a horrible tickly feeling in my legs like insects on them which is similar. Then the physical symptoms worry us so we notice them more, get anxious about them. My and my husbands experience with CBT is that firstly it teaches you tools to manage that anxiety about the physical symptoms so you can control it more and then they work on the core beliefs that drive the anxiety and depression. It does seem to work, I see it less in myself but watch my OH change week on week as he goes through it.
I pay for my therapy, because the NHS stuff had a waiting list and the psychiatrist recommended someone, I am glad I did although it costs me, she is worth every penny. I am lucky I have a specialist infant parent mental health visitor as well, she is a qualified therapist, midwife and health visitor. I see her for 90 mins a week and she is really fantastic too, she has made amazing differences too - she is NHS.
Hope that helps
Kat
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Post by juppster on May 21, 2010 7:07:43 GMT
Hey bubble
No, the physical symptoms are certainly not imaginary, they are very real, but what the CBT does is teaches you how to deal with it and why it is happening and also that it is not going to harm you, it is just a feeling.
With regards to the length of time I had it its hard to remember exactly, but it did come and go and wasn't there constantly. For the most part it has now completely gone except for pre-menstrually which makes it easier to deal with as I know why it is happening....hormonally.
Please don't worry about wanting to be reassured...i was like this too and im sure i drove my hubby mad but I can totally relate to it and it is quite natural to need this reassurance. Please please please know that you will get better and your physical symptoms will gradually disappear over time but it does take time.
Sending you lots of hugs and strength xxx
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Post by Weeble on May 21, 2010 15:27:37 GMT
Hi Bubble
How has today been, reading Jo's comment, my anxiety symptoms have nearly totally gone now which is great, they only come when I get really scared. If you want a laugh my OH said one day over christmas I asked him over 20 times if T was a real baby and really mine. So you are not the only one who needs reassurance.
Hope you are looking forward to the weekend
Kat
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