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Post by monica on Oct 23, 2021 7:43:58 GMT
Hi
You talked of guilt - most mums experience this but it’s important to take your own needs into consideration especially with Pni - it can such an important part of the healing process. Your daughter will thrive at nursery - and you can do something for you. What did you do workwise before? Could you do that again ?
I’m sorry about the loss of your mum. I’m sure it’s never more acutely felt than after having your own child when you could do with that motherly love for you and advice. It sounds like maybe your father is struggling with the loss but his behaviour is hurting you.
Why does it feel it’s a battleground with your husband ? Is he still quite protective over your daughter?
It sounds as if you’re taking positive steps forward and that’s great x
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Post by justmommy on Oct 28, 2021 15:17:57 GMT
Hi Monica it’s been again hard week. It looks like ti will be always like this. My girl had a slight fever last week i though it was the teething and Friday night her back/bottom was full red, like a rash as well. We called 111 in order to be able to go A&E. it took long time to reach someone and then they asked to keep her awake and she kept falling back to sleep. They told a clinician will call back. Then luckily i called a baby doctor from Turkey i know, she told me its Roseola/6th disease which gave me some comfort . Clinician called back but helped nothing. Its like a battlefield with my husband because i guess he doesn’t have a relase/discharge opportunity or something, because he mostly works from home and these days his work is hard. I always tried to understand his situation and act accordingly but now i thi k i did wrong because he takes me as granted. These last few months it was extra hard on us for some reason i guess and i am questioning if it is worth working on it.
In Dec or January i hope that i can enroll her to a daycare. I used to work as a buyer with my mother in law but now things are slow ‘cos of covid so workwise i am not sure what i can do. I had some tests done, when i was back in Turkey, i spoke with a doctor so I have a leaky gut, i just started an elimation diet so hope if i can succeed after 3 week, i can have a better energy i hope. Its just everything is too much, my strength was my husband. He turned to be a I don’t know, not sth good. He doesn’t understand what i go through: he asked why i don’t have an energy in general although he knows/sees what i go through😔
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Post by justmommy on Oct 28, 2021 15:53:59 GMT
These k Last few weeks I have the urge to cry not sure why, maybe because of the pni. Its interesting
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Post by monica on Nov 1, 2021 7:45:24 GMT
Hi
So pleased your daughter is ok. Rashes are scary but it 's great the dr you know managed to reassure you.
Covid, having a child can be very demanding on any relationship. could you one evening have a chat with your husband - maybe ask him what would help him but also say how you're feeling? Often men can be a bit self centred and lack the empathy to try and work out how you must feel and just focus on themselves. Sometimes work out what you want and tell him - that worked with my ex who just couldn't give me emotional comfort at all but was better at doing practical stuff. Also the whole dynamic of working from home, lack of socialising.
Only you can decide whether the relationship is worth working on. I remember being told that pni can distort things and as you recover you might see life differently and that includes your relationship with your husband. Also I have no doubt the whole covid situation has put huge pressure on most relationships so maybe when you get to a routine where you husband maybe be out the house more and covid rules relax, things might naturally get easier. Saying that the opposite may be true, too. I remember when in the depths of pni, I hated my partner. It was only later when I was recovering that he actually told me he found me being ill difficult to cope with which is why he reacted the way he did. It's hard.
Do let me know how your elimination diet goes. I hope it gives you more energy though tiredness can be a sign of depression/anxiety. Have you had a blood test? it's always good to rule out things like anaemia.
Your job as a buyer sounds exciting. If you can't work in your old business, could you look for something similar? or maybe somehting different? A course? I have no doubt it'll be good for you. x
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Post by justmommy on Nov 5, 2021 13:14:45 GMT
Hi Monica. My husband think he understands what i go through like 50% ; bur sometines he says something and makes me think he onky gets 10% . With pni and covid and other stuff i can’t say i am acting all normal but i try and stick to a relaxed routine so i elimante possibilties of downfall. I am 38 and i believe if i was 10 years younger i would bave done physical things more easily. His working from home is kind of good, but if he goes to the office it might have been better-although it would be more physical work for me probably. My thoughts about him keep changing. He is also going through some stuff as first time dad and on-off work stress. But as you wrote, he’s being selfish; maybe as a mother or person i can prioritise my girl more easily. An hour ago, i got angry about somethjng, i went to him to speak calmly about it but i am very stressed now. We can’t talk he said, i just said to myself “leave it” not worth it ahhh it just becomes harder and harder to work on our rship
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Post by monica on Nov 9, 2021 18:39:38 GMT
Hi
How have the past few days been? It is a very difficult to find a happy place with everything. I hope things improve with your husband. Would you be willing to try relationship counselling? It can be very good if both parties are willing . Also it can help you see what you want more clearly .
If you’ve been used to working becoming a full time mum can be hard. Would you think about getting a little job if your baby goes to nursery. Even a day a week might give you a huge distraction snd be something to get your teeth into x
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Post by justmommy on Nov 16, 2021 22:00:41 GMT
Hi Monica, We celebrated my girl’s birthday with our friend which was nice; because i didn”’t do baby shower or after she came any celebrations.
I always think couple therapy and he might be ok actually but i still feel not ready to relive-talk about what i have been througb and how it changes our rship. Also he is very good at answering things-always with good thinking; my better answers always come later hehe.
He is also depressed i think at these days. He is not happy at work and his carrer progression etc.
Although some people think early; i want to send her to a day care in the new year; so i can find some more me time; maybe as u said a work or something. My elimation diet is going little hard bit hopefully my leaky gut is getting better. I am losing weight very very slowly. Gluten, dairy, legumes, fruit, sweets are all on not to eat list; which leaves me not much; that”s also stresses me i guess. I love to eat especially when i am stressed etc heheh How is everything going with you?
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Post by monica on Nov 19, 2021 16:37:54 GMT
Hi
Happy 1st birthday to your little girl! Wow that’s whizzed but fast! Glad you celebrated with your friend. Covid has robbed most people of so many celebrations that’s it good to make up for it when you can. I’m sorry your husband is feeling low - that can make people behave in a bit so great way!
The relationship counselling can be good thing when you’re feeling ready. Having someone to guide you and help you rebuild or sometimes to guide a separation can be really good.
Glad to hear the diet is leading to results. Losing weight slowly is good and you’re much more likely to keep it off rather that losing weight quickly. I struggle in that department and love food too!
All ok here. I looked after my great nephew for 2 days (he’s nearly two) and I’m exhausted!! I take my hat off to you! X
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Post by justmommy on Nov 24, 2021 13:17:30 GMT
Hi Monica, Heheheh thank you. My girl is already very mobile althought not walking, can’t imagine whe she is 2 years old My worrying part is coming back i feel. Does ever pni goes away i wonder? Or somehow we learn to control it. I feel like i won’t be able to handle her when she is growing up. She already trying to push the limits, explore everything. Somewhat i am ok to control her now but even in 1-2 years i feel like she won’t be controllable.
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Post by monica on Nov 26, 2021 13:43:57 GMT
Hi there Justmommy
What you’re feeling is fear but you will cope. Somethings will become harder but many things will get one easier. Look how brilliantly you’ve coped so far and that’s with feeling low and anxious . You’re bringing up a beautiful independent daughter . Try to focus on how far you’ve come as a mum and have confidence in your abilities for the future .
What have you been up to over the past few days? X
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Post by justmommy on Dec 21, 2021 13:33:46 GMT
Hi Monica, It’s been good and bad days. I have been so tired; my girl start to wake up more and less males sleep everything little harder. Although i try to focus on good things my fear of having panic attacks is little bit more these days. Winter never helps i guess I lost 4kg - good news; hopefully i can continue I hope you are doing good and keeping safe
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Post by justmommy on Dec 24, 2021 13:36:03 GMT
Merry Christmas Monica🧡❤️💜wishing you all the best
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Post by monica on Dec 25, 2021 8:55:56 GMT
Merry Christmas to you too Justmommy! I hope you and your family have a great day! Xxx
I’m sorry for delayed reply. My mum is ill in hospital after gallbladder removal combined with work means I’ve had v little time.
Congratulations on the weight loss - that’s amazing news! You must tell me what you’ve been doing as it’s not happening with me!!
Each new stage with baby brings joys and challenges - somethings get easier others harder. I completely understand how that can ge anxiety provoking but look what an amazing job you’re doing and even if party’s are difficult, you ARE coping. Often the fear of something can be crippling . You’re right winter can make all these negative feels worse - I know I get that seasonal affective disorder though mildly nowadays. Have you tried those lamps? They’re supposed to be very good! X
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Post by monica on Jan 21, 2022 9:30:45 GMT
Hi Justmommy
Just thought I’d check in to see how you’re doing. How’s work? Baby? X
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Post by justmommy on Feb 7, 2022 13:38:24 GMT
Hi Monica, Sorry being not able to reply. My father was visiting us since christmas. Thankfully we found a short let for him few min away from us. He was able to have his own space so did we. My mood is having so up and downs these last month or so. I argued a lot with my husband, in some aspects we moved forward but in other i became more hopeless. The thing is he is also having hard time coping to fatherhOod and his work is not satisfying anymore for him, he is making interviews with other companies. He wasn’t applying new job but headhunter found him etc I am not feeling bad as much as i did last yeat but i am in different mood, not sure how to explain. I am jusy trying go with the flow but in the same time i kind of gave up that things can go in a good way I have give a break to my diet; i should go back to it. We got covid last month. We are all good now but an intense cough continues with me. I was planning get the booster and then got the covid. If it was previous years i would be ok; but with my girl etc i panicked and stressed a lot; who is going yo take care of her, what if she gets it etc I hope all is good with you. The weather has been shiny in here
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